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    • Andrew Ryan 89
    • By Andrew Ryan 89 12th Mar 17, 11:08 PM
    • 504Posts
    • 277Thanks
    Andrew Ryan 89
    Is it important to have a life of your own?
    • #1
    • 12th Mar 17, 11:08 PM
    Is it important to have a life of your own? 12th Mar 17 at 11:08 PM
    So I thought of this thread after a discussion with a friend of mine. Last year he came into some money as he was made redundant, something around £7k, and pledged to use it to start his own business as he was fed up working in the corporate environment.

    During that time, I was with him when another friend of his called and asked if he wanted to join them in Ibiza for the week to celebrate a birthday. In typical fashion, without thinking he said yes and literally got up, packed his bags and headed for the airport that evening. When he came back he was showing of all these pictures of him drinking stupidly expensive champagne and went on about how much of a good time he had.

    Not going into details, he's been through enough that he deserves to let his hair down whenever but I was scratching my head puzzled as the week before he was talking about using his money to help his struggling mum and start a business, but now he had blown all his money and had no job.

    Anytime someone ask him out somewhere he always says yes. Even when he has a prior arrangement he will somehow try to merge the two or go to both. He's a fantastic guy and every one loves him and his quirks.

    Broke and jobless, we are having a deep conversation about a number of things and I brought up the conversation about his spending in Ibiza. He felt no way about it, justifying that his friends also went and spent thousands on champagne. Paradoxically, he also was emotional by the fact he was not in a position to help his mum out and or start a business but mentioned a friend invited him to go to Thailand for 3 months and he was going.

    I told him that he needs to carve out a life for himself. All his friends that were in ibiza with him all went back to their jobs, wives and children and every time an opportunity comes up for him to do something with his life (relationship, money and family) he inevitably throws it down the drain, especially as he goes on about not having the aforementioned.

    It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth

    Sorry, I know it's a long post and I hope it makes sense. What are your thoughts?
Page 1
    • POPPYOSCAR
    • By POPPYOSCAR 12th Mar 17, 11:14 PM
    • 10,284 Posts
    • 21,246 Thanks
    POPPYOSCAR
    • #2
    • 12th Mar 17, 11:14 PM
    • #2
    • 12th Mar 17, 11:14 PM
    'You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink'
    comes to mind.
    • mgdavid
    • By mgdavid 13th Mar 17, 12:39 AM
    • 5,159 Posts
    • 4,331 Thanks
    mgdavid
    • #3
    • 13th Mar 17, 12:39 AM
    • #3
    • 13th Mar 17, 12:39 AM
    'You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink'
    comes to mind.
    Originally posted by POPPYOSCAR
    Spot on - or as my son says, you can try to help friends with advice but you cannot live their lives for them.
    If it were me I would make sure I wasn't around in 10 years time when he's likely to sponge off you.
    A salary slave no more.....
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 13th Mar 17, 6:41 AM
    • 15,502 Posts
    • 38,857 Thanks
    FBaby
    • #4
    • 13th Mar 17, 6:41 AM
    • #4
    • 13th Mar 17, 6:41 AM
    Some people invest in their future because the fear of being destitute, broken, lonely and depressed is not worth any immediate enjoyment. Some on the other end take the attitude that no-one knows what tomorrow will bring and rather make sure they make the best of any immediate opportunity.

    The problem is when the latter came to that stage when the immediate enjoyments are harder to gain, and the realisation that the future has become present can be tough to take. They are not victims though, they face the choices they made.

    You can talk to him in a non patronizing way, but you can't change his outlook on life though.
    • chesky
    • By chesky 13th Mar 17, 6:50 AM
    • 690 Posts
    • 928 Thanks
    chesky
    • #5
    • 13th Mar 17, 6:50 AM
    • #5
    • 13th Mar 17, 6:50 AM
    The title of this thread and its content bear no relationship to each other.
    • Pop Up Pirate
    • By Pop Up Pirate 13th Mar 17, 7:24 AM
    • 770 Posts
    • 1,810 Thanks
    Pop Up Pirate
    • #6
    • 13th Mar 17, 7:24 AM
    • #6
    • 13th Mar 17, 7:24 AM
    It's up to your friend how he lives his life. You shouldn't project your ideals onto him.
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 13th Mar 17, 7:48 AM
    • 6,387 Posts
    • 7,828 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    • #7
    • 13th Mar 17, 7:48 AM
    • #7
    • 13th Mar 17, 7:48 AM
    He has a life. Let him lead it.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Mar 17, 7:55 AM
    • 16,616 Posts
    • 41,668 Thanks
    Pollycat
    • #8
    • 13th Mar 17, 7:55 AM
    • #8
    • 13th Mar 17, 7:55 AM
    The title of this thread and its content bear no relationship to each other.
    Originally posted by chesky
    I thought that too.

    He does have a life.
    He appears to be living it as he wants.
    • Money maker
    • By Money maker 13th Mar 17, 8:01 AM
    • 4,762 Posts
    • 10,854 Thanks
    Money maker
    • #9
    • 13th Mar 17, 8:01 AM
    • #9
    • 13th Mar 17, 8:01 AM
    Good for him. He's definitely living it.


    More worried about the OP as his threads show he clearly isn't enjoying the life he's carved out for himself.
    Please do not quote spam as this enables it to 'live on' once the spam post is removed.

    If you quote me, don't forget the capital 'M'

    Declutterers of the world - unite!
    • Diary
    • By Diary 13th Mar 17, 9:09 AM
    • 531 Posts
    • 658 Thanks
    Diary
    I'm 51 and if I'd known what I know now at, say, 25 I'd have lived my life like your 'friend'.
    Master Apothecary Faranell replied, “I assure you, overseer, the Royal Apothecary Society dearly wishes to make up for the tragic misguidance which ended so many lives. We will cause you no trouble. We seek only to continue our research in peace".
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 13th Mar 17, 9:35 AM
    • 28,773 Posts
    • 17,208 Thanks
    getmore4less
    My first thought was fix your own mess before trying to fix others.

    why is it people with problems seem to be sure how others should fix/change their lives but are basket cases when it comes to fixing their own.


    The things you seem to be advocating for him are not making you happy.
    • Scorpio33
    • By Scorpio33 13th Mar 17, 9:38 AM
    • 435 Posts
    • 635 Thanks
    Scorpio33
    My thoughts: I would say to your friend the same thing I will be saying to my daughters. The most important thing in life is to ensure you are living your life how you want to and enjoying it long term.

    The key words there are long term.

    It is easy to enjoy your life in the short term (For example, by blowing your cash in Ibiza), but that is only a short term, quick fix. Long term enjoyment often means short term sacrifices. For example, studying a degree for 3/4 years will mean not having much money in that time and living cheaply, but in the long term, it should give you better earnings in the future to enjoy your life better long term.

    I accept it is difficult to understand what you would enjoy long term, but that is part of life we all go through. As long as you are doing things with a thought process and plan in place, then go for it.
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 13th Mar 17, 9:59 AM
    • 7,647 Posts
    • 24,920 Thanks
    fairy lights
    S
    It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties or getting on with a career. I just fear that 10 years from now all he's going to be over reliant on others for any ounce of happiness or self worth
    Originally posted by Andrew Ryan 89
    So? No one has to do any of those things. Why do you think that getting married, having kids and buying property is going to make you happier in the long run that travelling and partying?
    What's self worth got to do with any of it?
    • PeacefulWaters
    • By PeacefulWaters 13th Mar 17, 10:04 AM
    • 6,387 Posts
    • 7,828 Thanks
    PeacefulWaters
    When I was around his age when I got married. Dreadful decision!

    I'm now 49 and divorced and trying to live the life he's leading!
    • suejb2
    • By suejb2 13th Mar 17, 11:20 AM
    • 1,190 Posts
    • 1,811 Thanks
    suejb2
    Friend
    As my mum will say " you're big enough and daft enough to make your on mind ," He's a grown man , who's to say getting a house, married and children is a good life choice or dropping everything at the drop of a hat is in either.

    Horses for courses.
    Life is like a bath, the longer you are in it the more wrinkly you become.
    • JP08
    • By JP08 13th Mar 17, 11:45 AM
    • 817 Posts
    • 883 Thanks
    JP08
    For some reason, the famous quote of George Best springs to mind ...

    "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered."
    • Kayalana99
    • By Kayalana99 13th Mar 17, 11:57 AM
    • 3,245 Posts
    • 5,880 Thanks
    Kayalana99
    To be honest. If he really was going to start his own business squandering all his income wouldn't or shouldn't be a barrier. There are always ways to get money, and essentailly for a business it could even be classed as good debt rather then doing it over a hoilday or spending spree.

    All I'm saying is people talk a lot about what they want to do, but actually doing it is another matter.

    I'm a bit of a dreamer myself (although I'm not the sort of person to blow £7,000 on one week, that would have at least bought me 7 weeks away as a family) and often talk with my best friend how I'll do this in X years or planning on doing this but things change, or ideas get forgotten...etc.

    He had a good time and sounds like he has no regrets, so good on him and focus on your own life.
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 13th Mar 17, 1:44 PM
    • 2,304 Posts
    • 2,102 Thanks
    cjdavies
    You never know when you will go (a car accident for example) and may as well as enjoy it.


    I wish I was the same, and should book my trip to Las Vegas and LA and go alone if I must.


    It's getting to a point where everyone around him is getting married, having children, buying properties
    Originally posted by Andrew Ryan 89

    It's not for everyone, I'm 35, single no children and have my own property. I have no plans to change this and I'm happy.
    Last edited by cjdavies; 13-03-2017 at 1:48 PM.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 13th Mar 17, 3:31 PM
    • 7,472 Posts
    • 25,214 Thanks
    Primrose
    Horse for courses but in my view the guy is a drifter with no anchorage who will probably end up being a liability to himself and his friends He may think it's fun to do what he,s doing but there's always as price to be paid for the decisions we make. As somebody else has intimated I wouldn,t want to be around in ten years time when when he'a still broke, has no home and has probabky become an alcoholic.

    He might think his lifestyle is fun now but gradually as all his friends grow older and carve out solid lives for themselves he will find himself drifting on the margins . But that is his choice and he needs to figure out whether a life of selfish hedonism will still be worth it when he's old and grey, still has no permanent home or financial security. Sooner or later most people have to grow up!
    • maman
    • By maman 13th Mar 17, 5:47 PM
    • 16,090 Posts
    • 96,143 Thanks
    maman
    I wonder if you're a tiny bit jealous of the freedom he has to go out and enjoy himself OP.

    He may get fed up with the lifestyle eventually but provided he's paying his way then good luck to him.

    Incidentally if he blew all the £7000 on champagne in Ibiza, what's he living on?
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