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  • FIRST POST
    • MoodyMel
    • By MoodyMel 9th Mar 17, 1:36 PM
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    MoodyMel
    Both working - fairest way to split the finances.
    • #1
    • 9th Mar 17, 1:36 PM
    Both working - fairest way to split the finances. 9th Mar 17 at 1:36 PM
    Hi

    I am hoping to get some perspective on splitting finances from those that already do this.

    My husband and I have been together for 21 years and have never had 'our own' money, as we have never both worked full time, at the same time, in all the years we have been together. We Have been a complete mixture of full-time, part-time, unemployed & students.. all at different times, so we have just had all income from wages, benefits, student loans etc, paid into our joint account and paid all our bills from that account. There was never much left but any leftover money was just spent on whatever needed to be bought or on whoever wanted an item more iygwim.

    Anyway.. we are both about to start full-time work. My husband should be starting in 2 weeks and I am starting at the end of April.

    I would like us to have our own money for once. He is happy to just carry on as we are (with both wages paid into the same account and just paying bills from it then spending/saving what is left) I don't want to do this as we need to get a bit more a grip on our finances. We also have 9k of debt so this also needs to be paid off along the way. Plus I want to get a savings account started and get a holiday booked.

    I am proposing we have the joint account, but also have our own single accounts, I already have one but he would need to open one. The problem I am having is trying to work out the 'best' way to action this.

    Should we:
    A - Have our wages paid into the joint account and transfer a set amount each week or month into our own account.
    Or
    B - have our wages paid into our own account and transfer the bill money weekly/monthly into the joint account.

    I know it seems like it makes no difference, but it really does

    Just to add. My wage will be a fixed amount each month, his wage is weekly and may vary by up to £160 per week, depending on extra days/hours worked.

    Sorry it was so long. I am trying to get it clear in my head before I make the suggestion


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    Last edited by MSE Andrea; 29-03-2017 at 12:31 PM.
Page 2
    • clint_S
    • By clint_S 9th Mar 17, 4:48 PM
    • 357 Posts
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    clint_S
    If one of a couple is rubbish with money it helps to have 'mine', 'yours' and 'ours' clearly defined.

    My OH is absolutely hopeless with money and there would be no chance whatsoever of getting a grip on our finances if we only had one account between us.
    Originally posted by Izadora
    I would have thought allowing the person who was rubbish at finances the ability to dig themselves a deep hole with no checks and balances would have made the situation worse.


    Each to there own I suppose and this really is a trust issue, I know I wouldn't have trusted myself to keep out of debt before I met my wife. My wife is very prudent with money, I on the other hand lived via credit cards and overdraft, often paying bills late. On getting Married we combined our money, and her constant questioning of why I was doing stupid things with money and making sure bills were paid on time means we not only do we have savings and good credit ratings but I'm much better with money.
    • Madbags
    • By Madbags 9th Mar 17, 4:49 PM
    • 162 Posts
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    Madbags
    Me and my OH both have our own accounts which our salaries go into.


    We have a Standing order each for what is half of our total bills +£100 each for savings.


    Our bills and shopping etc. all come out of the joint account. Before the month is over we move the £200 we've saved plus any float left over into the joint savings which we used for our yearly insurances, car services, repairs that kind of thing.


    For anything else, say she wants a bar of chocolate, or I want beer then we buy it ourselves. If we go for a meal or order takeaway I tend to buy one month, she another.


    Works for us.
    • Sleazy
    • By Sleazy 9th Mar 17, 4:59 PM
    • 5,004 Posts
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    Sleazy
    "What's hers is hers and what's mine is hers"
    Signed Sleazy
    Otherwise known as the Lounge Lizard
    • getmore4less
    • By getmore4less 10th Mar 17, 10:57 AM
    • 28,406 Posts
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    getmore4less
    How does splitting your finances help to get a bit more of a grip on them?
    Originally posted by clint_S

    exactly.

    you are starting from the wrong point and carrying on as normal make it up as you go along and hope you don't run out.

    not worked you have £9k of debt.


    Start proper budgeting with a full plan of where you income will be going.


    Start with a 12 month period say April 17 to March 18 or any other 12months that fits. you could do Jan-dec and use the real data from Jan-March to kick start the plan.

    have some longer term goals that cover the next 5 years in mind as well.

    Do a budget for the year and work out how much "me money" you can each have from your pot after all the agreed joint plans are in place.

    if you don't want to use a full budgeting tool you could start with the SOA format or develop a spread sheet.

    http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php
    (add your own categories if they are not there)


    Where the money is does not matter when you have a plan(budget) of what you will be spending/saving as long as you keep track and adapt the plan when it goes wrong.

    edit 1:
    A category can me X's money(with a list of things it pays for that does not come from anywhere else)

    edit 2 : SPENDING DIARY without one you will fall off the wagon whatever you decide to do.
    Last edited by getmore4less; 10-03-2017 at 11:23 AM.
    • onlyroz
    • By onlyroz 10th Mar 17, 11:53 AM
    • 12,916 Posts
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    onlyroz
    I don't see how doing this will change your financial habits. If money is wasted on lunches then make packed lunches. Having a separate account won't stop this from happening.
    • Scorpio33
    • By Scorpio33 10th Mar 17, 11:55 AM
    • 433 Posts
    • 634 Thanks
    Scorpio33
    I don't see how doing this will change your financial habits. If money is wasted on lunches then make packed lunches. Having a separate account won't stop this from happening.
    Originally posted by onlyroz
    But if he doesn't have any money in his account to spend, then he can't spend it?

    He would realise how quickly he runs out of money and give him a nudge.

    Also, it would mean that his spending habits won't impact on her money, she will still have her own money to spare.
    • ratrace
    • By ratrace 10th Mar 17, 12:31 PM
    • 423 Posts
    • 292 Thanks
    ratrace
    Its about one's mindset that needs to change

    Ive gone from spending money like its water, to taking 5 mins to decide if i want to spend £5 on a burger and chips lol

    Most of the budget apps etc.. are really based on finances as a household not his and hers money, it can be very hard if one person is a spender and the other one is more savvy

    op, you need to work out a plan that works for you
    People are caught up in an egotistic artificial rat race to display a false image to society. We want the biggest house, fanciest car, and we don't mind paying the sky high mortgage to put up that show. We sacrifice our biggest assets our health and time, We feel happy when we see people look up to us and see how successful we are”

    Rat Race
    • clint_S
    • By clint_S 10th Mar 17, 1:34 PM
    • 357 Posts
    • 553 Thanks
    clint_S
    But if he doesn't have any money in his account to spend, then he can't spend it?

    He would realise how quickly he runs out of money and give him a nudge.

    Also, it would mean that his spending habits won't impact on her money, she will still have her own money to spare.
    Originally posted by Scorpio33

    Overdraft? Credit cards? payday loans? Surely this will simply allow him to hide his spending problems easier.


    It will impact on her when she has to bail him out of high interest rate loans he can't afford and he has a credit rating shot to pieces through not paying bills.
    • Kayalana99
    • By Kayalana99 10th Mar 17, 2:12 PM
    • 3,224 Posts
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    Kayalana99
    I would have thought allowing the person who was rubbish at finances the ability to dig themselves a deep hole with no checks and balances would have made the situation worse.


    Each to there own I suppose and this really is a trust issue, I know I wouldn't have trusted myself to keep out of debt before I met my wife. My wife is very prudent with money, I on the other hand lived via credit cards and overdraft, often paying bills late. On getting Married we combined our money, and her constant questioning of why I was doing stupid things with money and making sure bills were paid on time means we not only do we have savings and good credit ratings but I'm much better with money.
    Originally posted by clint_S
    I agree and disagree at the same time. Just because something worked one way for you, doesn't mean it will work one way for another. You can only do what is best for you as a couple.

    My Husband has come on leaps and bounds since he met me, he often takes me back when he suggests we do this to save costs because 'what's the point', but despite having access, he has no idea how much goes out our main account and perhaps a vague idea what is in our savings account because I tell him now and again. He just has no interest or desire other then to spend money.

    It's just how he has been brought up I'm afaird and yes he can change, but he doesn't really have much interest too. (although coming around to my way of thinking at least)

    We have all the money paid into the joint account, and we have two current accounts that have X amount paid in (and yes he has managed to use the overdraft on his account that isn't there but hey ho... ) but it works for us as we both have our own spending money.

    It's as someone said above, if your Husband is spending X on things you think are a waste of money or you spend Y amount on some other hobby that he thinks is a waste of money it can cause distress...so having those separate accounts gives you the freedom knowing that bills are paid, you've had some savings that month for holidays etc

    I know it works for some to have separate accounts, but I'm on the thought if you are married and live together everything should be joint. I don't disagree with people who keep money separate, but I think it's just fairer.
    People don't know what they want until you show them.
    • clint_S
    • By clint_S 10th Mar 17, 3:11 PM
    • 357 Posts
    • 553 Thanks
    clint_S
    I agree and disagree at the same time. Just because something worked one way for you, doesn't mean it will work one way for another. You can only do what is best for you as a couple.

    My Husband has come on leaps and bounds since he met me, he often takes me back when he suggests we do this to save costs because 'what's the point', but despite having access, he has no idea how much goes out our main account and perhaps a vague idea what is in our savings account because I tell him now and again. He just has no interest or desire other then to spend money.

    It's just how he has been brought up I'm afaird and yes he can change, but he doesn't really have much interest too. (although coming around to my way of thinking at least)

    We have all the money paid into the joint account, and we have two current accounts that have X amount paid in (and yes he has managed to use the overdraft on his account that isn't there but hey ho... ) but it works for us as we both have our own spending money.

    It's as someone said above, if your Husband is spending X on things you think are a waste of money or you spend Y amount on some other hobby that he thinks is a waste of money it can cause distress...so having those separate accounts gives you the freedom knowing that bills are paid, you've had some savings that month for holidays etc

    I know it works for some to have separate accounts, but I'm on the thought if you are married and live together everything should be joint. I don't disagree with people who keep money separate, but I think it's just fairer.
    Originally posted by Kayalana99
    I agree that each person is different. It's just my opinion that if someone is bad with money splitting finances increases the risk of things getting worse. It's completely a trust issue and knowing each other.
    • maman
    • By maman 10th Mar 17, 5:48 PM
    • 15,970 Posts
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    maman
    I definitely agree that you should have your own money for personal spending OP. You've waited long enough! So, your OH needs to open a bank account of his own and you each agree an amount per month to put in there.


    How does splitting your finances help to get a bit more of a grip on them?
    Originally posted by clint_S

    This is the bit that worries me. Do you plan to 'control' the joint account that has all the money but the personal spends in it? If it's your existing joint account is your OH likely to spend from there if his own money runs out? Not sure how you got into debt/why you need to get a grip but is OH likely to run up debt if his money runs out?


    For transparency I think that all the salaries should be paid into the joint/household account and then identical DDs set up to transfer your spending money to your personal accounts.


    If it feels tidier to you then you could set up savings pots for holidays etc but at the moment I think I'd work on clearing the debt.
    • Happier Me
    • By Happier Me 10th Mar 17, 6:21 PM
    • 361 Posts
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    Happier Me
    I would keep the joint account, have all wages and bills paid from this, set an amount for debt repayment and an emergency fund if you don't have one and then transfer an agreed amount into a seperate account each for personal spends. When the money's gone it's gone.

    It is difficult when one half of a couple is more likely to fritter money away than the other. We're both capable of doing this but I'm more likely to be the one that takes steps to put a stop to it. We do not have our own money but DH's spending from the current account was getting completely out of hand before Christmas. Gregg's everyday, two to three trips to the shops for rubbish. I had no idea where I was in terms of budgeting. His attitude to money was rubbing off on me too - why shouldn't I take the kids to Macdonald's when he's wasting all this money!

    He's now getting £30 a week in cash, debit card is banned. This is for lunches, badminton and anything else he needs. I take £10 with me but rarely spend. For us it not about having the same amount of money, but having enough to suit our needs within reason. And he's being far more sensible now he can see spending real money. We're not big spenders when it comes to haircuts, clothes etc so this would come from the joint account.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 10th Mar 17, 6:40 PM
    • 15,343 Posts
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    FBaby
    Anyway.. we are both about to start full-time work. My husband should be starting in 2 weeks and I am starting at the end of April.
    So does this mean that he will be able to continue to spend the same and you more? Or you more than before but him less?

    Plus I want to get a savings account started and get a holiday booked.
    That's what you want, but is it what he wants? This is something you both need to agree together, not him having to change his ways because it is what you want now.
    • trailingspouse
    • By trailingspouse 10th Mar 17, 7:06 PM
    • 1,932 Posts
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    trailingspouse
    Mr Spouse and me are in the slightly unusual position of earning precisely the same amount of money. We have a joint current account - everything goes into and out of this account. We also have separate savings accounts, but we think of the money in them as 'our' money.

    We've never really seen the point of 'you pay for this, I pay for that' - we both enjoy heating and hot water, we both eat food, it makes sense to us that everything should just come out of the one account. But that's what works for us. You have to talk to each other, and work out what works for both of you.
    • Spendless
    • By Spendless 10th Mar 17, 7:22 PM
    • 19,286 Posts
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    Spendless
    We have different spending habits. He spends small amounts constantly. He will buy cheap games on steam a few times a week, he plays squash once a week, runs and is often needing new gear, he plays snooker around once a week and he plays golf in the summer. He always wants to 'pop the shop' and buy pies and chocolate and crap... It just seems like it is constant spending.... even though it might only be a few pound at a time, it drives me insane!!

    I tend to by stuff for the home, days out for the family, clothes for the kids with very occasionally a new item of clothing for me.

    Thinking about it:

    Another reason for the change is that I want my own money. I have never, ever had my own money. We have been together since I was 15, lived together since I was 16 and bought a house, got a car on finance and had our first baby by the time I was 20/21. I want to be able to buy myself some nice clothes without feeling guilty. For many years I have yearned to have my nails done, but could never justify spending the money on myself when we have never had much spare... if it is in the joint account I view it as family money and can't bring myself to spend any of it on myself except on essentials.


    Wow - I didn't even realise I felt like that
    Originally posted by MoodyMel
    Is it possible you feel resentful about the way your OH has spent money on him/what he wants to do whereas you have deprived yourself of personal items in order to help the household income?

    I understand if it is, but is your OH on board with changing things?
    • MoodyMel
    • By MoodyMel 11th Mar 17, 7:07 PM
    • 138 Posts
    • 293 Thanks
    MoodyMel
    But if he doesn't have any money in his account to spend, then he can't spend it?

    He would realise how quickly he runs out of money and give him a nudge.

    Also, it would mean that his spending habits won't impact on her money, she will still have her own money to spare.
    Originally posted by Scorpio33
    This is what I am hoping. He isn't currently ever aware of how much is in the bank, he just asks me if he can spend it... or if small amounts (pounds and pence, not big purchases) he just spends it anyway.
    I'm hoping that by having to make sure the money lasts he will have to start being more aware of what he is buying. He often forgets what he has even bought and thinks he has spent less than he actually has.

    Overdraft? Credit cards? payday loans? Surely this will simply allow him to hide his spending problems easier.


    It will impact on her when she has to bail him out of high interest rate loans he can't afford and he has a credit rating shot to pieces through not paying bills.
    Originally posted by clint_S
    Nah... He isn't sneaky like that. He is completely against credit cards and payday loans. The majority of the debt we have is because of student overdrafts, or overpayments from student loans... We don't have credit cards and as soon as the catalogues are paid off they will be going too. He was annoyed when I opened them, but they served a purpose at the time.

    I definitely agree that you should have your own money for personal spending OP. You've waited long enough! So, your OH needs to open a bank account of his own and you each agree an amount per month to put in there.

    This is the bit that worries me. Do you plan to 'control' the joint account that has all the money but the personal spends in it? If it's your existing joint account is your OH likely to spend from there if his own money runs out? Not sure how you got into debt/why you need to get a grip but is OH likely to run up debt if his money runs out?

    For transparency I think that all the salaries should be paid into the joint/household account and then identical DDs set up to transfer your spending money to your personal accounts.

    If it feels tidier to you then you could set up savings pots for holidays etc but at the moment I think I'd work on clearing the debt.
    Originally posted by maman
    Yeah wages will be paid into the joint account with standing order going to our own accounts, his weekly and mine monthly, as that is how we get paid....and no he wouldn't spend from the joint account.
    My aim is to have the 2 savings accounts that are linked to it as 'pots' one will be for MOT's/Car repairs and the gas bill. The other will be for kids Christmas and Birthday presents. I have a credit union account that will be for the dog's vet bills. and I am planning on opening a Stocks and shares ISA that will be for long term savings. The holiday I have booked at the moment is on monthly DD, so I will probably just continue to do that for future holidays.
    Last edited by MoodyMel; 11-03-2017 at 7:32 PM.
    • MoodyMel
    • By MoodyMel 11th Mar 17, 7:17 PM
    • 138 Posts
    • 293 Thanks
    MoodyMel
    Is it possible you feel resentful about the way your OH has spent money on him/what he wants to do whereas you have deprived yourself of personal items in order to help the household income?

    I understand if it is, but is your OH on board with changing things?
    Originally posted by Spendless
    Definitely! I definitely feel resentful.

    When I initially mentioned it he wasn't happy. It turned into a huge row about me not trusting him and me thinking he was going to waste every penny blah blah.. We didn't get very far.

    I left it a few days, apologised for coming across as though I didn't trust him, and tried a slightly different tact. In actual fact I do trust him. He never really spends sneakily and without me knowing.

    I said the reason I want it like this is because neither of us will have any time to keep a check on bills and finances once we are both at work. By doing it this way we know that absolutely all the bills are covered and whatever we are spending from our accounts has no impact on the bills.

    Anyway, that worked. He agreed and said that sounds perfectly reasonable.

    Since then, I have done us a really comprehensive budget which I think covers everything. I have worked out all the figures annually/monthly/weekly and split it in half. It works out ok and we are both happy with the money we will have.

    The only thing I haven't yet mentioned, but know he will be on board with, is the ISA savings. I want us to each put £100 a month in there, if we have that left at the end of the month. It might be a case that we can't do the full amount one month or maybe another month we can do more... but this will be our 'moving' fund. As we hope to one day get out of this town.
    Last edited by MoodyMel; 11-03-2017 at 7:26 PM.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Mar 17, 7:19 PM
    • 27,307 Posts
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    Mojisola
    I'm hoping that by having to make sure the money lasts he will have to start being more aware of what he is buying. He often forgets what he has even bought and thinks he has spent less than he actually has.
    Originally posted by MoodyMel
    People can be brought up short if they make a note, for a month, of every single penny they spend. At the end of the month, work out how much has been spent on coffees, snacks, etc - it's usually a shock. If you multiply it up and see how much is being spent in a year on the different things, it really hits home.

    Another option to make yourself more aware is the 'cash diet' - draw out cash and only pay for things with that. There is something much more visceral about handing over real money and seeing the amount in your wallet reducing compared to swiping a card.

    If you suggest either of the above, make sure you both do it so that he doesn't feel you're getting at him.
    • thewoodgnome
    • By thewoodgnome 29th Mar 17, 8:36 AM
    • 3 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    thewoodgnome
    Keep it simple - and separate
    Personally we prefer to keep things separate. Own bank accounts, own houses, pay our own bills, and just visit each other once in a while!
    We tend to go approximately 60/40 on incidentals (meals out, tickets etc.). By which I mean I tend to pay around 60% of the time and she pays the other times. We don't keep close tabs on it, we've just developed a feeling of whose turn it is to pick up the next bill.
    I have no idea (or interest) in what my OH earns - she seems to be fairly sensible with finances - we are both debt-free with savings.
    Our relationship may be a bit unconventional, (and I'm aware some of our married - or divorced friends seem to feel we're doing something "wrong" by not living together and getting wed), but I'll return to the point several others have already made - there is no right or wrong, no rules except those we make for ourselves. Just find something that works for you both and keeps you both happy.
    bw
    thewoodgnome
    • TeamPlum
    • By TeamPlum 29th Mar 17, 8:55 AM
    • 171 Posts
    • 413 Thanks
    TeamPlum
    After 21 years you're now deciding it's time to split the finances.


    I must admit that I can't understand the mind-set of "Yes, I'll share my life, hopes, wishes, kids and experiences with you, but hands off my money".

    Ours goes into the joint account, and that's it. It doesn't matter who's earned more/less because we've supported each other over the years as the circumstances changed. When she was at uni, I earned more, now we're in our late 20's she earns more.


    I don't begrudge her anything, but if it's a big purchase, we discuss it, rather than just halving the pile and running off with our own share.


    I wouldn't have got married if I was terrified that she was going to get her hands on my cash pile and squander it.
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