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  • FIRST POST
    • swingaloo
    • By swingaloo 7th Mar 17, 2:01 PM
    • 1,713Posts
    • 3,064Thanks
    swingaloo
    Is this a lousy comment or am I overthinking it?
    • #1
    • 7th Mar 17, 2:01 PM
    Is this a lousy comment or am I overthinking it? 7th Mar 17 at 2:01 PM
    Feeling quite niggled! Hubby and I have ha a mutual friend for a few years, lovely bloke and we think the world of him. He met a woman about 3 years ago and she moved in with him.

    Lets just say that if she was not his girlfriend we would not bother with her at all. He has regretted letting her move in but thats another story!
    Last week it was her birthday and as it was a 'special' one we decided to send her flowers. Then I decided to do them myself as I am a qualified florist so I went out and bought flowers and also a vase thinking hat when the flowers were gone the vase would still be a pressie. I made a gorgeous spring bouquet and on her birthday she called at our house on her way home from her morning job so I gave them to her. We got an 'Oh thanks' but nothing more, no 'they are lovely' or anything like that but that didnt really matter.

    Today she calls again and I asked if she had enjoyed her birthday. She told me her son had got her a handbag, her daughter has got her some leather gloves and some flowers and the company she works for had given her a voucher and some flowers.

    I said 'Ah thats nice' and got back 'Huh, not really, Im sick of the sight of flaming flowers'.

    Now is it me or was that a horrible thoughtless thing to say? Hubby didnt hear it as we were in the kitchen and when I told him he said I should have said something but as we go away for weekends with them as a couple I dont want to spoil hubbys friendship with his mate.
Page 3
    • Fireflyaway
    • By Fireflyaway 8th Mar 17, 8:50 PM
    • 1,023 Posts
    • 1,033 Thanks
    Fireflyaway
    Maybe she was trying to be sarcastically funny? Or maybe she is just a bit rude and ungrateful?!
    Don't let it bother you. Some people don't have much tact and don't censor what they say. Its not like she is a family member or work colleague you have to spend every day with.
    You made a really kind gesture but unfortunately some people are just ungrateful.
    • Doody
    • By Doody 9th Mar 17, 9:14 AM
    • 65 Posts
    • 140 Thanks
    Doody
    It sounds like your issue with this woman is far deeper than this remark about the flowers. If you are thrown together so much by circumstances then perhaps it is time to try and find ways of distancing yourself.

    For example, these trips away. You said your partner's friend likes to take his partner. How would it be if you didn't go? Had some other even that happened at the same time? It isn't a holiday for you and the more you get involved with this woman the more she will consider you her greatest friend.

    There might be other ways of distancing yourself. When they come round, do you have to be there? Does your own partner know how you feel? Talk the situation over with him. It's really not fair to be spending time with some one you don't really like, worse for them to consider you their best friend.

    I've got into a similar situation with the mother of a friend of one of my children. When children are young, the mothers are thrown together. I am kind of an open, chatty person and this other mother thought that because of that we were great friends. From my point of view, we weren't. It became quite difficult later.
    • catkins
    • By catkins 10th Mar 17, 4:14 PM
    • 5,380 Posts
    • 11,214 Thanks
    catkins
    I think it was very rude and I would have been both upset and annoyed.

    I love getting flowers and appreciate any gift I am given. Personally I would not be buying her a present next year
    The world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 11th Mar 17, 1:29 PM
    • 7,502 Posts
    • 25,288 Thanks
    Primrose
    Next year just send her a card, and say "I was going to send you flowers but after last year I remembered you complaining we all gave you too many so decided not to repeat the same mistake this year".
    • gizwal
    • By gizwal 12th Mar 17, 12:39 PM
    • 1,386 Posts
    • 2,233 Thanks
    gizwal
    She probably said it without thinking and is kicking herself now. I wouldn`t worry too much about it
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