Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • swhite91
    • By swhite91 5th Mar 17, 12:28 PM
    • 9Posts
    • 1Thanks
    swhite91
    clearly didnt learn the first time. i hate myself for being in this situation again!
    • #1
    • 5th Mar 17, 12:28 PM
    clearly didnt learn the first time. i hate myself for being in this situation again! 5th Mar 17 at 12:28 PM
    as the title says. i hate myself right now.
    bit of back ground.
    back in 2010-2012 i was young and stupid with money long story short ended up with 8 defaults and 1 ccj totalling £3000 in total for all of them. most of the defaults have now "fallen" off my file with just 2 left and the ccj to "fall" off in Feb 2018. I managed to pay all the debts off by end of 2015 and i was successfully managing 4 credit cards, a loan and a couple of catologue accounts with no issues in 3 years i had the accounts.

    this is where ive messed up after doing so so well!
    my partner left me in feb 2016 and it broke me and put me into depression. i never got help for this which i know i should have done. to make myelf feel "better" i started to spend more on the credit cards and catologue accounts on just pointless items, with my credit still not being "good" my TV broke and i made the worse mistake ive ever made even when i knew at the time i was crazy i still did it anyway. i got a TV from Perfect Home. I could afford the payments at the time but after about 2 months of having it. i started stop paying it. in fact. i stopped paying everything except 2 of my credit cards. i have no idea what was going on inside my head. my income had reduced a fair amount since my partner left but i was able just about make all the payments.

    fast forward a few months... i was still sleeping with my ex partner i found out i was pregnant in May 2016 so me and my partner got back together.

    i had my baby 7 weeks ago and i am currently on maternity leave and maternity pay, my partner got a claim for PPI an got £5000 back which we are saving for a deposit on house.

    this is where is gets painful for me to talk about... my partner knows about my previous debts back in 2010-2012 and he thinks my credit file will be clear by feb 2018 so we can apply for a mortgage. he does not know anything about the further... 10 defaults that now sit on my file from not paying anything at begining of last year after he left me... most recent default is 31st Jan 2017...

    my current debt is so much worse than it was years ago...

    i totalled it all up from my credit file and... £7500... i feel sick....

    i know i need to tell him because he think we are going to apply for a mortgage next year and no chance i can do that with 10 defaults on my credit file, im scared to death of what hes gonna say!

    i know its my own fault and i feel so sick and terrible i just want to burst into tears and tell him everything

    i have now contacted all the DCA and set up payment plans with them all although it will take me another 3 years to pay all this off im determined this time not to mess up again!

    so i guess... here i go again...
    LBM 1st March 2017
    Debt at LBM £7500 😭
    Current Debt Total £6227.50
    "Didn't learn the first time, hopefully second time lucky!"
Page 2
    • swhite91
    • By swhite91 8th Mar 17, 11:00 AM
    • 9 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    swhite91
    well that all happened fast! i rang my partner on his break at work at 10am and i told him over the phone and he took it surprisingly well!

    he did have a little swear word when i mentioned "perfect home" but as soon as i told him they offered to take the tv back and wipe the debt he said "right ring them up now and do it and il order a new tv tonight i wanted a new one anyway" hes always moaned about the picture quality not being right when he played on the xbox (men lol) so he wasnt overly bothered about it which is a big relief!

    i phoned perfect home as soon as i got off the phone to my partner and they said they would be at my home address within the hour, only took them 20 mins and they were here and took the TV back and told me right debt is clear and account closed!

    i feel like i can breathe a bit now!

    so a few days ago i owed £7500 in total and now its down to £6272.50 thats a saving of £1227.50 and i havent spent a penny!

    hopefully that figure will go down even further if any of my offers to the DCAs are accepted
    LBM 1st March 2017
    Debt at LBM £7500 😭
    Current Debt Total £6227.50
    "Didn't learn the first time, hopefully second time lucky!"
    • angelpye
    • By angelpye 8th Mar 17, 11:29 AM
    • 995 Posts
    • 3,547 Thanks
    angelpye
    Thats great news! Communicating with OH will hopefully get easier now your worst fears have not been fulfilled. Amazing how once you got your head into it you have been able to drive down the debt so much.
    Happiness is wanting what you have...
    Debt Jan 2017: £2589.22 DFD: Sept 2022 April 2022 but this Marching Minimalist can beat that!
    Use it or Loose it gym target: Feb'17 5/6 Mar 4/6
    EF £0/£4200
    • allthe7s
    • By allthe7s 8th Mar 17, 11:32 AM
    • 69 Posts
    • 269 Thanks
    allthe7s
    Im very pleased hes taken it well
    Next £615 £495 £436.23 Santander1 £297 £279 £261.95 Santander2 £84 £79 £75.11

    Savings Goal £163.67/£3000 by Dec 17
    • swhite91
    • By swhite91 10th Mar 17, 5:36 PM
    • 9 Posts
    • 1 Thanks
    swhite91
    well... it didnt last long with my partner being understanding about my situation.

    yesterday he offered to pay off my highest debt of £1980 to my catologue account as they are the only one still adding interest and charges, i have a payemt plan of £100 a month but then they add £60 interest and £12 charge so it would take me years and loads of interest to pay that off, i told my partner i was very grateful and i will pay him back £100 a month till all my debt is paid off and then il up it to £200 till its all paid back, (hes using the money for the deposit for the house to lend me)

    that was yesterday... comes to today and we were supose to phoning up the catologue to pay it off but since hes got home from work all he has done is have a go at me! i got paid my maternity pay today (£484) and ive paid some of it to debt collection companys i still have £300 left but i have a few direct debits totaling £100 coming out on monday

    he asked me why i havent transfered the full £484 to him and asked why ive only got £300 left! i told him what ive paid today and he didnt believe me! i had to show him my online banking!

    then he had another go at me about lending me this money for the catologue so ive told him not to bother then if hes just gonna be using it against me for the next year i would rather not bother to be honest

    im stressed out enough as it is looking after a 8 week old baby plus my older two 8 and 6 years old and worrying about this debt ive got! i feel so down about it all and all he is doing is making me feel 10x worse

    i dont know what to do, im trying to sort this mess out and hes just putting me down even further about it
    LBM 1st March 2017
    Debt at LBM £7500 😭
    Current Debt Total £6227.50
    "Didn't learn the first time, hopefully second time lucky!"
    • nkkingston
    • By nkkingston 13th Mar 17, 1:03 PM
    • 410 Posts
    • 437 Thanks
    nkkingston
    I think it's best not to accept money from him for the debts, especially if he's going to run hot and cold about it. The interest is a pain, but it's better than the fighting with him about it. At the end of the day, he needs to back off and let you handle this, while he handles himself - it's clear he's still got a lot of issues around money he needs to work through as well (if you've never been in debt, it's easy to pretend your issues are just 'good habits', but if you're checking your partner's bank account because you don't understand what's going on with their money, you have to accept you've got issues too). He needs to work on supporting you emotionally - that's what will ultimately help you beat the debt, not financial support.
    Mortgage
    June 2016: £93,295
    April 2017: £82,961
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 13th Mar 17, 2:35 PM
    • 3,215 Posts
    • 5,316 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Was your partner paying child support for the 2 children you already had between February 2016 and when you got back together in May? It just strikes me he might be much better with money because he still presumably works full time and and you have children to look after so probably have reduced income. Do you work (after your maternity leave finishes)and how do you distribute bills etc?

    He obviously does not trust you with money, hence the conversation today about your maternity pay but I am guessing the catalogue and credit card debts are undoubtedly things for the children? Have you calculated and done a full Soa?
    Debt and mortgage free and saving for early retirement
    • StopIt
    • By StopIt 13th Mar 17, 3:10 PM
    • 215 Posts
    • 182 Thanks
    StopIt
    well... it didnt last long with my partner being understanding about my situation.

    yesterday he offered to pay off my highest debt of £1980 to my catologue account as they are the only one still adding interest and charges, i have a payemt plan of £100 a month but then they add £60 interest and £12 charge so it would take me years and loads of interest to pay that off, i told my partner i was very grateful and i will pay him back £100 a month till all my debt is paid off and then il up it to £200 till its all paid back, (hes using the money for the deposit for the house to lend me)

    that was yesterday... comes to today and we were supose to phoning up the catologue to pay it off but since hes got home from work all he has done is have a go at me! i got paid my maternity pay today (£484) and ive paid some of it to debt collection companys i still have £300 left but i have a few direct debits totaling £100 coming out on monday

    he asked me why i havent transfered the full £484 to him and asked why ive only got £300 left! i told him what ive paid today and he didnt believe me! i had to show him my online banking!

    then he had another go at me about lending me this money for the catologue so ive told him not to bother then if hes just gonna be using it against me for the next year i would rather not bother to be honest

    im stressed out enough as it is looking after a 8 week old baby plus my older two 8 and 6 years old and worrying about this debt ive got! i feel so down about it all and all he is doing is making me feel 10x worse

    i dont know what to do, im trying to sort this mess out and hes just putting me down even further about it
    Originally posted by swhite91

    I know this forum is meant to be "Non-Judgemental" but my god, how can people in relationships be so callous?


    Bully for him that he's so "Good" with money, but if that's the case, who is paying for all of the baby equipment, clothes, let alone factoring in the value of your time looking after your children while he is at work?


    If it wasn't for the fact that it would only cause an argument, I'd be asking "How much is our baby worth" and if the answer is "More than anything" reply with "then value that, instead of trying to destroy me over debts that I am already feeling horrible about".


    A relationship should be about working together at everything, including financially. This guy is not "good" with money if he lets the mother of his children struggle while pretending he doesn't need to be a part of the solution, instead of part of the problem.


    You shouldn't be facing this debt alone, nor should your partner be taking such a tone. You should be forming a plan to get yourself debt free together, but I would not blame you for going it alone. And no, that doesn't mean him pretending that sorting out the household finances involves "lending" you anything.


    *rant mode off*
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 13th Mar 17, 3:21 PM
    • 3,215 Posts
    • 5,316 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    I agree with stopit. Unless you have been out buying yourself designer handbags etc I would wager a good proportion of the recent debt you incurred was for things for the children and general living. As you seem to have separate finances even though you have 3 children together it is important to make sure you have sufficient income for general household and expenditure on the children and yourself. Does he pay the bills and give you a certain amount for food etc? Do you not have a joint account?
    Debt and mortgage free and saving for early retirement
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

403Posts Today

2,802Users online

Martin's Twitter