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    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 25th Feb 17, 8:39 AM
    • 174Posts
    • 267Thanks
    coastalchick
    2017 - moving life forwards
    • #1
    • 25th Feb 17, 8:39 AM
    2017 - moving life forwards 25th Feb 17 at 8:39 AM
    Hi

    New diary for a (hopefully!) new period in life. About me: 38, co-habiting (partner shall henceforth be referred to as "BD"), 1 cat.

    Currently living with BD in my house (or flouse as my friend calls it as it is not really a flat but not really a house!). It's under offer and we are hoping to sell this and buy our new house mid aprill. BD's flat has been on market for a while but little interest due to colossal service charges so that is rented out until Feb 2018. But our house purchase has hit a few problems, mainly due to boundary issues (which are solvable but which may be impacting on timetable!) and we are not certain it is all going to go through in time.

    Once in the new house, we are going to actively start trying for a family. If it happens before then, it happens but we are not actively trying right now due to house stress.

    Why am I here? Well, I used to have NO clue about money (I really think they should teach you what the heck an interest rate is at school and what credit cards and store cards actually mean and charge!) and was in a LOT of debt through university and my early to mid-20's. I had no clue what an interest rate was and instead just saw credit and store cards as "free" money. Often missed payments, not cos I couldn't pay (though this did become more of the case towards the end of the bad spell!) but just cos I wasn't organised and didn't realise what impact they had! Makes me sick to the stomach when I think of all the money I wasted over the years.

    I bought a maisonette in tooting in Nov 2003 (got a 100% mortgage - you could in those days!), then in April 2004, lost my job. Luckily I had income protection but of course, they don't tell you that doesn't kick in for a certain period. Also, I seem to recall that back then I also couldn't claim benefits for a period. Sadly, a few weeks before I lost my job I signed on the dotted line for a new kitchen (got royal ripped off there too) which cost me 10k (it probably should have cost 2-3 but I was so naive in those days) so had to max out the credit cards to pay for it.

    My parents offered to help but I felt I had got myself into that mess (basically it was partially my fault I got the boot as I wasn't really taking my job seriously) so declined as wanted to get self out of it. So moved, got a new job, towed the line, consolidated debt. Rented out the tooting flat and eventually bought the place I live in now. BD moved in mid June 2015 so mortgage and bills split.

    Fast forward to now and I am pretty comfortable. Luckily I had a job where I earned big bucks which enabled me to pay off all my debt, and save loads and buy the place we live in now. However, that came at a price and I was so overworked and stressed (and underpaid actually compared to others in the market and for the hours I worked) that my hair started falling out and I suffered from anxiety, panic attacks, IBS, acid reflux and regularly wanted to have a non-fatal accident so I could be admitted to hospital and not have to go to work). Eventually I couldn't take any more so quit at start of last year, and took some time off to recharge the batteries.

    Mid last year I started a new job in a much less stressful role and for only 4 days a week. Took a pay cut because of the 4 day week but worked out if I scaled the package up to 5 days, I was actually earning the same as I had been in the stressful job (which shows that decision to leave was def right!)

    Now we are about to embark (hopefully) on the next chapter in life, but feel I need to be here to try to keep myself on straight and narrow spend-wise, particularly as I now physically have less cash coming in each month and our mortgage is going to double with new house (and bills will be more too). I also need to save for maternity leave.

    I constantly worry about money (which BD doesn't understand) and the future and whether we will have enough in retirement. It's silly because on paper we are comfortable, but I think it's because I've been in serious debt before that I am constantly doing sums in my head. The tooting flat was bought for 160k (plus 48k for extension of leasehold recently) and is now worth around 450k. It has around 100k left on the mortgage and is rented out. I will own it outright by age 50, after which the rental will provide pure income. Have only just started a pension as my old job didn't have one (surprise surprise) which 630 per month goes into. BD's flat has around 75k of equity in it and he has a work pension too. We have a lot in savings at the moment but that will be left at minimal when we buy the new house as we are putting down 20% deposit plus fees, stamp duty etc. Other than our 3 mortgages on the 3 properties, we have no debt.

    So, probably most people will think I have nothing to moan about but I still worry because I know how easy it is to get into debt as I have been there previously. I also worry because children are expensive and we might have to pay for private school if the school they are allocated isn't very good. BD is a semi professional photographer and used to do weddings which he can charge up to 3k for, but he quit doing them as he found them quite stressful, but I guess could do a couple if we needed school fees (but wouldn't want him to if he found it stressful).

    So, apologies for the brain dump but I'm here to try to rein in the spending!

    Today is food shop and I have a list - we have budgeted £150 (which I know is a lot) as BD wants me to bake a cake today so quite a lot needed for that, plus this week we need coffee, loo roll, dishwasher tablets etc etc. Once we've done that, think we will have lunch at home (it's rubbish weather out there today) from what we've bought, then maybe reading this afternoon and bake the cake. BD is out at his friends tonight so I will be cooking a nice chicken dish from stores and watching a pre-recorded movie with the cat.

    Tomorrow BD will probably work in the morning, then we are at his mum's for lunch (so free lunch) and will cook a roast from the weekly shop tomorrow evening
    Last edited by coastalchick; 25-02-2017 at 9:37 AM.
Page 8
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 30th Aug 17, 10:09 AM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Thanks guys. Been told procedure will be started at 230 tomorrow then all day Saturday so at least it will be over quickly.

    Have cancelled trip to see friend this weekend and B has cancelled his trip to watch the cricket with his mates. Am gutted he's had to do that and I did tell him not to, but he won't leave me alone.

    We are going to try again though - we cannot let this define us or beat us.

    We are also potentially going to just tie the knot when we are in London on 21st Sept (also happens to be my birthday). Otherwise, we will never do it as there is so much uncertainty re baby and that is our priority. We just want to be married to each other.
    • Kittychick
    • By Kittychick 30th Aug 17, 1:46 PM
    • 154 Posts
    • 383 Thanks
    Kittychick
    Aaw Coastal, big hugs from me, I had a couple of miscarriages between my two and my daughter had same experience you are having now... You are right, you cannot let this define you but please don't try to be so strong you don't grieve xx
    Whatever you decide to do re wedding will be the right thing to do, the wedding is just a day... Xx
    • sauceoclock
    • By sauceoclock 30th Aug 17, 2:10 PM
    • 761 Posts
    • 694 Thanks
    sauceoclock
    Hello sweet, I am so so sorry to hear of what’s happened, it’s so difficult in that first trimester and know you were being sensible and healthy, thinking of you and big hugs from me over in Norfolk! I’m really pleased to hear it hasn’t deterred you from trying again. Have you in my thoughts and very sweet to hear B is by your side, love conquers all (even the cricket!). You sound very similar to my older sister and she now has two healthy girls after going through what sounds like the same ordeal as you have, I find solace in her story and so have many of her friends. <3 Xxxx

    I’ve enjoyed reading all of your updates about the wedding. I have always been a firm believer that if I get married I want to elope but whenever I have mentioned that to my parents they absolutely hit the roof and go on a huge rant about how my hypothetical wedding would be so selfish and devastate them…. People do lose sight that it isn’t THEIR day! In terms of the bar I recently went to a ridiculously lavish and expensive wedding (it was in a castle atop a hill in Kent) and the bar was free up to a certain threshold and then after that it was a cash bar, nobody complained about it or turned their noses up even though it was a bit of a snotty event (in my opinion anyway!), at the end of the day it's your wedding so have whatever you want and feel comfortable with financially.


    Big hugs again xxxxx
    Loan (overpaying): £3,600 £3,093.60
    Car Insurance: £550.82 £410.82
    Credit Card: £781
    Car PCP: £11,450 £10,665.54
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 30th Aug 17, 6:03 PM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Hello sweet, I am so so sorry to hear of whatís happened, itís so difficult in that first trimester and know you were being sensible and healthy, thinking of you and big hugs from me over in Norfolk! Iím really pleased to hear it hasnít deterred you from trying again. Have you in my thoughts and very sweet to hear B is by your side, love conquers all (even the cricket!). You sound very similar to my older sister and she now has two healthy girls after going through what sounds like the same ordeal as you have, I find solace in her story and so have many of her friends. <3 Xxxx

    Iíve enjoyed reading all of your updates about the wedding. I have always been a firm believer that if I get married I want to elope but whenever I have mentioned that to my parents they absolutely hit the roof and go on a huge rant about how my hypothetical wedding would be so selfish and devastate themÖ. People do lose sight that it isnít THEIR day! In terms of the bar I recently went to a ridiculously lavish and expensive wedding (it was in a castle atop a hill in Kent) and the bar was free up to a certain threshold and then after that it was a cash bar, nobody complained about it or turned their noses up even though it was a bit of a snotty event (in my opinion anyway!), at the end of the day it's your wedding so have whatever you want and feel comfortable with financially.


    Big hugs again xxxxx
    Originally posted by sauceoclock
    Thanks Sauce! Yes, it is pretty !!!! but we will deal with it and hopefully be ok. B is being brilliant, as are his family (mine live miles away) who have brought us flowers and food!

    Yeah, both sets of parents are being great on this front now. Think they realise we can't put life on hold to have the big white wedding and are supportive of whatever we decide. Think we will get through next few days and take stock of what we want
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 5th Sep 17, 2:28 PM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    So, the last few days have been pretty damn !!!!!!!! But we are going to move on.

    So, back to MSE! Have just done a shop at WR. B and I decided that we are going to try and eat more healthily so bought loads of fresh fruit and vegetables and have a meal plan for next 3 nights which is healthy incl healthy puddings. Spent £95.50/2 which is a lot I know but also included toilet roll, kitchen roll, tea and coffee. Hoping once get better into it we can reduce the food bill.

    Going round to a friends at 3. She is currently 16 weeks pregnant but has had 2 miscarriages so totally understands what I've just been through. It will be good to chat to someone face to face. Bought mini vanilla cupcakes at WR to take round with me.

    Have got £832.81 left in spending budget to last until 20th. Not really much happening over next couple of weeks so probably just food bill. We might go out with friends at the weekend as feel we need a night with good friends. I'm currently off work, going to docs tomorrow to get certificate for this week which am sure they will give me in circumstances. Today was first day I actually got in the shower since my day in hospital on saturday. Been exhausted and crying. But think I'll be ready to go back next week. We then go away to Sicily on 21st until 5th or something.

    Might need some clothes for that as pretty fat at the moment. Had bought some maternity dresses a few weeks ago which would probably fit given how fat I am(!) but obv wouldn't want to wear those now.
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 5th Sep 17, 2:37 PM
    • 490 Posts
    • 1,279 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    Hope those good friends of yours you mentioned on another thread are being kind to you . Look after yourself , look to the future, you will know when the time is right to try for another baby.

    Enjoy your cake .
    Aug 2017 CC1 £3549 CC 2 £1000

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • Kittychick
    • By Kittychick 5th Sep 17, 4:22 PM
    • 154 Posts
    • 383 Thanks
    Kittychick
    Glad to hear you are bearing up...keep being kind to yourself-healthy eating is a great start.. Take care x
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 5th Sep 17, 6:49 PM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Cake and tea were wonderful. And friend is 20 weeks and just had her anomaly scan and all is fine - so so pleased for her.

    It's weird as she was a girl on the periphery of my friendship group I liked but wasn't particularly close to. And feel like we might become firm friends. My good friends have messaged to make sure I'm ok. Screw the rest. And funnily enough, this girl said she had experienced the same thing.

    B is currently making miso salmon and rice noodles - a rick stein recipe. I was supposed to be making it but got out of it by doing pudding. So I've made pudding which is now chilling - pureed some mango, then mixed low fat greek yoghurt with a teaspoon of caster sugar and half a teaspoon of vanilla extract. Added a third of the mango puree then layered the yoghurt mix and mango puree in a glass, topped with passion fruit. Should make up for the bottle of red am tucking into and the cake I had earlier - ha ha!!!

    In all seriousness, I am trying to eat at least more fruit as when I was actually pregnant, the midwife said I was at risk of a small baby as I didn't eat fruit pre-pregnancy. So at least I can try to right that now for the next one by having a couple of portions of fruit a day. Plus I do actually LOVE certain fruit, I just am lazy and don't like preparing it! If I saw strawberries out at a breakfast buffet I'd choose those over bacon and eggs, but I like them washed and cut in half!!! I am honestly NOT a princess!!!
    • Happierdays
    • By Happierdays 5th Sep 17, 8:09 PM
    • 74 Posts
    • 157 Thanks
    Happierdays
    Hi just dropping by (and read your last few posts..sorry to hear of your loss x)
    Loving the sound of your homemade layered mango Greek yoG! It has given me some ideas- thank you
    All the best to you in moving forwards... and hooray for cupcakes too!
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Sep 17, 7:54 AM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Another £9.75/2 last night on a bottle of wine and some hairdo strawberries! The wine was needed as it was bake off and dr foster! 2 of my favourites! Plus we are coming into september so red wine is the way forwards

    Have got a dr's appointment this morning to get a certificate and to get a couple of moles checked then nothing all day. B is out for a curry with his best mate tonight - my suggestion - think he needs some boy time with someone he loves and trusts. I have a friend coming over - the lovely girl I have recently got back in touch with who I lived with for a few months. She had a miscarriage once so not only does she get me usually, but now even more so.

    Other than that, going to rest up today as didn't sleep very well last night
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 6th Sep 17, 8:02 AM
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    Poor_Single_lady
    Bake off and Doctor Foster for me too. Bit annoyed about Bake Off moving to Tuesday.
    Think you're right to send BD out for some man time. Will do him good. And you also catching up with friend will do you good too. Hard times for you both. xxx
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Sep 17, 8:34 AM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    We will get there. Most frustrating thing is we want to try again asap but can't until I've stopped bleeding (could be a couple of weeks) and we've had a scan to check everything is clear (not until 19th). Then god knows if I'll be ovulating as not sure how the whole thing has affected my cycle!

    Turn 39 on 21st - we are in London for the day (going to some BBQ restaurant as we both love BBQ food and want something casual) and then fly to Sicily at stupid o clock on 22nd. Just looking forward to getting away. Its at times like this I just want to run away tbh. Said to B I wanted to just sell up and move to France and live off the land! Won't be happening, well at least not until we've retired!!
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Sep 17, 10:05 AM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    been signed off until 18th though can go back earlier if I want to. Suspect I'll go back mon or tues.

    Forgot had registered with Cow and Gate and their back with a free toy cow for baby came through door just now. A bit upsetting but will save it for the (hopefully) next one, or give it to the cat!
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 6th Sep 17, 5:52 PM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    NSD today, unless you count the petrol cost to get to and from docs. Had an egg and wholemeal toast for lunch, then kiwi, strawberries, blackberries and raspberries with a bit of natural yoghurt sweetened with vanilla extract for dessert. All from stores.

    Having a Charlie Bigham lasagne for 1 for tea as B is out and friend coming over later. May bake some cookies for when she comes over so have something to offer her. Not sure if she'll partake in a vino though we have plenty in (though only white and rose).

    Though am looking forward to seeing her, part of me just wants to go to bed. Didn't sleep great last night so pretty exhausted.

    HR lady called me and was so nice. She basically said only come back when you're ready and not just because you feel you have a job to do. So different to the last place I worked!!!
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 7th Sep 17, 9:44 AM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Today won't be NSD as need dijon mustard for a dish am making tonight (squash, chicken and tarragon traybake) plus milk. But should be minimal spend.

    Going up to B's mum's today to see the kids - feel I need some cuddles from them

    Saw friend last night which helped - we got through quite a bit of wine - whoops!!!!
    • doingitanyway
    • By doingitanyway 7th Sep 17, 9:50 AM
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    doingitanyway
    Unfortunately I don't have an oven, but your chicken, tarragon and squash traybake sounds totally yum.
    JANUARY 2016/SECURED DEBT=24,822/September 2017=5,500
    MORTGAGE FREE 25/07/16
    • sauceoclock
    • By sauceoclock 7th Sep 17, 10:58 AM
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    sauceoclock
    Good to hear your work are being nice, I was actually going to leave a comment yesterday to say that perhaps taking until the 18th may not be such a bad thing…. Going back too soon has really left me unwell recently so I say take the time if you want to!

    Dinner sounds delicious. Whilst I’m vegetarian and have been for a very long time I do sometimes crave chicken and am yet to find a veggie alternative that hits the spot.. I’m currently seeking some inspiration for dinner tonight as BF is meeting his ex to discuss visitation with his little one and I’m coming up with nothing – maybe butternut squash soup as it’s so chilly where we live!
    Loan (overpaying): £3,600 £3,093.60
    Car Insurance: £550.82 £410.82
    Credit Card: £781
    Car PCP: £11,450 £10,665.54
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 7th Sep 17, 5:01 PM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    Good to hear your work are being nice, I was actually going to leave a comment yesterday to say that perhaps taking until the 18th may not be such a bad thingÖ. Going back too soon has really left me unwell recently so I say take the time if you want to!

    Dinner sounds delicious. Whilst Iím vegetarian and have been for a very long time I do sometimes crave chicken and am yet to find a veggie alternative that hits the spot.. Iím currently seeking some inspiration for dinner tonight as BF is meeting his ex to discuss visitation with his little one and Iím coming up with nothing Ė maybe butternut squash soup as itís so chilly where we live!
    Originally posted by sauceoclock
    Try Gino d'campo's butternut squash risotto but add one of those very small bottles of white wine after you've coated the rice in the oil then wait until all absorbed until next step - absolutely amazing dish - friends rave about it.

    Think I just feel guilty at going back on 18th as then only in work for 3 days before a 2.5 week holiday. I'd also organised a drinks/canapes event for our work and B's work on 14th (as we are trying to get work for them) so feel I can't miss that. I'll see how I go though. Maybe I'll go back next weds.

    Spent £6.29 in WR. My portion was £4 something as bought a salad for tomorrow's lunch. Got shower gel, milk and dijon mustard, all needed.

    Spent this afternoon with B's mum and the kids - was so lovely. The little boy (4.5) made me cakes and just sat on my knee most of afternoon, then wanted me to make a den with him. I can't wait to have my own and just hope we can. I remember in 2015 when I was having a really horrid time at work with the stress and it was bonfire night. I was so stressed out when I arrived at B's mum's that night but then the little boy wanted to sit on my knee inside to watch the fireworks and I just felt immediately relaxed. B and kids are really THE most important thing in life - I love his niece and nephew so much but cannot wait to have our own. Fingers crossed.
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 8th Sep 17, 9:19 AM
    • 174 Posts
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    coastalchick
    The traybake was a success!!!! Very tasty and very healthy. It was supposed to feed 4 but of course B had 2 portions! There is one leftover for his lunch today which he has forgotten to take to work so am going to drop it off for him in a bit.

    Tonight we are having slow cooker masaman curry - week, if the lamb ever defrosts! That is all from stores as bought stuff to make it a few weeks ago and didn't end up doing it, though just realised I need bloody ginger as B used it all for something else! So will have to nip out and get that even though can't be arsed to get ready and look horrendous!!!!

    Hopefully should be NSD other than the ginger.
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 9th Sep 17, 11:11 AM
    • 174 Posts
    • 267 Thanks
    coastalchick
    So spent around another £14/2 in supermarket as got ginger, then realised we needed jasmine rice and B had eaten all the bloody lentil crisps!!! So got 2 packs of those as well. Picked B up from work as raining and he went and got a bottle of red. He's also bought fence stain but not sure how much that was and will come out of house account.

    Had our curry which was nice but a little oily and watched a film then went to bed at 930!

    This morning I've slathered self in fake tan as we are out tonight so I can't do any housework. B is outside painting the oil tank. I will put some laundry on and hang it when I can wash tan off. Might hoover though and washed a load of wine glasses this am. Going to make a cake for B's niece and nephew this pm to take round tomorrow. Its a piŮata cake so when you cut it, loads of smarties come out! Can't wait to see their little faces!!!

    Ordered some tea spoons and knives as ours seem to have depleted! £7.90/2 so not too bad and my half will come out of house account.

    Tonight we are to dinner with good friends of ours which is what we need after the awful week or so we've had. Also celebrating our engagement tonight as we didn't really do that properly as I was pregnant. So guess that might be around £60 a head.

    Probs won't go back to work monday - not sure I can face it yet - signed off until 18th but will aim to go back weds
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