Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Lostformoney
    • By Lostformoney 25th Feb 17, 2:00 AM
    • 13Posts
    • 2Thanks
    Lostformoney
    Can't afford to stay in a relationship
    • #1
    • 25th Feb 17, 2:00 AM
    Can't afford to stay in a relationship 25th Feb 17 at 2:00 AM
    This is a long post so please bare with me. I'd also like to point out I suffer anxiety and depression, please be kind as I am under immense pressure.

    Basically....I cannot afford to stay in a relationship with my partner due to benefit cuts and I need help.

    I used to get higher care and mobility DLA. This paid for my home help to keep me living at home and helped me get around, I also had a Motability car. During assesment for PIP I was awarded standard for mobility and care. I lost my Motability car, because of that I was left unable to get my kids to school, unable to get to doctors or hospital appointments. I also lost my homehelp, the situation became terrible as with my partner away often with work - I had no support and social work are over run and unable to see me anytime soon.

    I spoke to a benefits advisor and they realised the mobility side of PIP was wrong and appealed to get this fixed. By the time this happened I'd used the transitional package to pay for my home help and taxis, the rest I put towards finance deposit for a car that could fit my family, but I can't drive as it doesn't have my adaptations - I therefore couldn't get a mobility car. The care assesment is correct, but under the PIP system, I don't get enough points to cover the costs of my care needs.

    Because care has went down I have been told I am no longer eligible for certain tax credits benefits and to top it off, tax credits have been overpaid as a result.

    To this end, what is coming in from OHs wage and my benefits isn't even covering the basics. We live in a wheelchair accessible home and the rent is just over half my partners wage, council tax has been reduced due to disability but it's due to go up for everyone, the cost of where we live is high but due to OH work we have no option, we are tied into phone/broadband contracts from when we were financially stable and can't reduce or get out of them. We get tax credits, but due to my PIP care being reduced, unbeknown to me I stopped being eligible for a disabled element and I've been told we have been overpaid and the amounts will stop until next year then be significantly reduced.

    We have just worked out that because of all of this, we are in the negative of over £600 a month now and that's without my homehelp. We will have absolutely nothing left over for savings or car repairs.

    CAB looked at our income and explained we are not entitled to anymore help and tax credits have said no to Paying back over payments in smaller amounts. The bottom line is, we can't afford to be in a relationship together.

    We have just worked out our only current options are to split up (because our system says I'll get all sorts of benefits!), go homeless or wait for the debt collectors when we don't pay anything.

    Can anyone come up with some ideas?

    We can't switch providers due to the special meter & boiler we have
    We can't move as there are no suitable properties for cheaper
    We are paying the minimum to our debts that we can
    We can't get out our phone and broadband contracts
    I am very good with food budget, I normally cook most things from scratch when I can (though this is less now I don't have home help)
    We do not socialise or do anything now we could cut back on :-(
    We have tried selling things to make up the gap but we have ran out
    As our daughter is two weeks old, I can't go to work but even if I could, I need my home help to help me get kids to nursery to go

    Any suggestions would be gratefully welcomed and again, please be kind and consider the mental health issues I suffer from
Page 6
    • NYM
    • By NYM 19th Mar 17, 10:10 AM
    • 3,358 Posts
    • 5,873 Thanks
    NYM

    Going for a roll on the prom doesn't have quite the same ring to it
    Originally posted by SingleSue

    Maybe not...but it sounds like it could be such fun!
    • w06
    • By w06 19th Mar 17, 11:51 AM
    • 351 Posts
    • 502 Thanks
    w06
    and so much better than a shove on the prom1
    • MHOWARD
    • By MHOWARD 19th Mar 17, 1:11 PM
    • 57 Posts
    • 69 Thanks
    MHOWARD
    Deleted, thought better of it!
    Last edited by MHOWARD; 19-03-2017 at 1:13 PM.
    • Rejast
    • By Rejast 19th Mar 17, 2:12 PM
    • 44 Posts
    • 78 Thanks
    Rejast
    I've read through this and I think the outcome was predictable from the first post. I don't think the OP wanted anything other than confirmation that splitting was the way to go. they failed to give any information which would enable anyone to give any specific advice to help them cope together.
    I do however think that it is so unfair that there is a situation where people are better off apart than together.
    I've done the sums myself a few times (as I thought that some people's assessments of what I would get were exaggerated) my partner and I living together get no help and pay back some child benefit. If we were to split and for arguments sake we both lived in a house each with the bills the same as the joint one I would have double ish my current income and he would only be down about a £1000 pounds a year and that's with him paying me maintenance.
    • latest flame
    • By latest flame 19th Mar 17, 3:36 PM
    • 856 Posts
    • 1,646 Thanks
    latest flame
    Think it was quite clear, your ignorant saying you couldn't understand.
    Originally posted by just trying
    Irony.
    Well done.
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 19th Mar 17, 7:47 PM
    • 1,451 Posts
    • 3,163 Thanks
    Loz01
    So what happens now, you wait a few months in a new place then get back together??? Sorry but thats a swindle IMO.
    More people have been slaughtered in the name of religion than for any other single reason. That, my friends, is a true perversion - Harvey Milk
    • Cakeguts
    • By Cakeguts 19th Mar 17, 8:22 PM
    • 3,058 Posts
    • 4,238 Thanks
    Cakeguts
    Splitting up so that one partner usually the wife gets all the benefits and the husband doesn't have to contribute is quite common where I live. It is all a big fiddle on the benefits. Been going on for years.
    • latest flame
    • By latest flame 19th Mar 17, 11:15 PM
    • 856 Posts
    • 1,646 Thanks
    latest flame
    Splitting up so that one partner usually the wife gets all the benefits and the husband doesn't have to contribute is quite common where I live. It is all a big fiddle on the benefits. Been going on for years.
    Originally posted by Cakeguts
    I assume you mean "the UK" its all over, one huge con.
    • just trying
    • By just trying 26th Mar 17, 2:35 AM
    • 755 Posts
    • 2,727 Thanks
    just trying
    Irony.
    Well done.
    Originally posted by latest flame
    Whatever, think I was clear. With regards to what had been said.
    SEALED POT CHALLENGE MEMBER 098
    WILL SAVE ATLEAST £500!.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 26th Mar 17, 1:01 PM
    • 926 Posts
    • 1,981 Thanks
    annandale
    What struck me about this thread was that it was all about you. Not once have you mentioned how your partner feels.

    You are in a council house, he's homeless, he's taken on the debt.

    He'll presumably be going into a private let.

    The comments you made about him not being able to support you! He was working 45 hours a week. The main problem was that your rent was half of his income.

    You love someone so much you split up with them for financial reasons leaving them homeless!

    And he'll now have to pay maintenance for the kids now you've split. Plus rent on a new flat and the debt!

    Words fail me. You're better off but he won't be will he?
    • Tommo1980
    • By Tommo1980 26th Mar 17, 3:21 PM
    • 301 Posts
    • 390 Thanks
    Tommo1980
    Probably better off without the OP! Plenty more fish in the sea.
    • annandale
    • By annandale 26th Mar 17, 3:58 PM
    • 926 Posts
    • 1,981 Thanks
    annandale
    I bet the op didn't tell the council that she deliberately ended her relationship to claim benefits and get a council house

    Just shocking. And if the op is better off financially now the very least she should be doing is paying some of the debt back.

    I have no issue with people claiming their benefit entitlement.

    As for playing the I have anxiety and depression card so do many people. Myself included. I still wouldn't treat another human being like this.

    Talk about selfish..
    • catz1ct
    • By catz1ct 27th Mar 17, 1:35 PM
    • 735 Posts
    • 456 Thanks
    catz1ct
    I'm guessing OP will be asking for child maintenance as well.

    • Charis
    • By Charis 27th Mar 17, 9:22 PM
    • 1,249 Posts
    • 12,945 Thanks
    Charis
    I don't understand how you were put into Council housing so quickly. It's been less than a month since your first post, it sounded like you were up to date with your rent, yet you've now been evicted by your landlord?
    Originally posted by Penitent
    This stood out like a neon light, along with the claim to have already moved house, with four children, despite having not a penny in the pot. Where in this green and pleasant land is the local council that can move with such speed and sympathy?
    • annandale
    • By annandale 27th Mar 17, 11:08 PM
    • 926 Posts
    • 1,981 Thanks
    annandale
    Three weeks from posting the first post to being rehoused. Split up. Left the old house. And rehoused.
    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 28th Mar 17, 12:20 PM
    • 7,187 Posts
    • 10,078 Thanks
    KxMx
    Not only rehoused in a temporary house (and nothing about it being unsuitable for a wheelchair) but allocated a forthcoming brand new adapted build.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

104Posts Today

2,922Users online

Martin's Twitter