Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Zola.
    • By Zola. 22nd Feb 17, 3:00 PM
    • 848Posts
    • 295Thanks
    Zola.
    Wedding Invites & Gifts, the quagmire
    • #1
    • 22nd Feb 17, 3:00 PM
    Wedding Invites & Gifts, the quagmire 22nd Feb 17 at 3:00 PM
    Hello folks

    I am in the process of making up wedding invites. One thing that is a bit awkward is what to put for gifts.

    The good lady and I have a house already that's reasonably well kitted out, don't need much at all really. Money is always welcome (the day is going to cost a fortune!).

    However, I want to keep the invite classy, and I dont want to directly suggest attendees gives us money as a gift. I know any weddings I go to I generally just give cash as its easy.

    I was thinking of not mentioning anything about gifts on the invite. Is this stupid?
Page 2
    • Fuzzy_Duck
    • By Fuzzy_Duck 8th Mar 17, 9:47 AM
    • 1,545 Posts
    • 1,553 Thanks
    Fuzzy_Duck
    Honestly I think the only classy thing to do in this situation is not mention gifts at all, and that's exactly what I did for my wedding. One of my bridesmaids did say at the time that it was madness and I'd get a load of toasters, but as we were inviting immediate family and close friends who know we've lived together for years, I thought it was extremely unlikely that anyone would think we needed a toaster. We did get some well thought out gifts (no toasters!) but most people gave us money. Chances are you'll get money anyway as it's easier for your guests to carry.
    • DD265
    • By DD265 8th Mar 17, 2:35 PM
    • 1,216 Posts
    • 3,140 Thanks
    DD265
    My plan is to create a wish list on Amazon or similar which has a range from physical gifts, to charitable causes, to money for our honeymoon. I'll then give the details to close family who might be asked, so they can pass it on as appropriate.

    I know that some people prefer to give physical gifts over cash, but I don't want to risk ending up with a load of pretty vases that we can't use because the cats would eat the flowers/smash the vase.

    I don't intend to add anything at all to the invite about it. We may or may not do a wedding website with all the info such as local accommodation, directions, menu etc. They aren't really a thing over here and I'd have to work out how much info there actually is to provide to see whether it's worth doing.
    Barclaycard: £900.00/£2907.26 - 70% paid
    MBNA: £2781.22/£3866.92 - 28% paid
    • firebird082
    • By firebird082 8th Mar 17, 3:38 PM
    • 457 Posts
    • 394 Thanks
    firebird082
    I'll then give the details to close family who might be asked, so they can pass it on as appropriate.

    I don't intend to add anything at all to the invite about it. We may or may not do a wedding website with all the info such as local accommodation, directions, menu etc.
    Originally posted by DD265
    This is pretty much what we did - anyone who actually *asked* about presents, we said 'if you would like to give something, then x and y would be really useful as we're doing the house up'. No mention on the invite, but I did add it on the FAQ page of the website (linked from the invitations, because the wedding was multiple venue, and we wanted to add addititional useful information for those coming). Worked a treat - we got quite a lot of what we asked for, plus a number of other very well-thought through physical presents, which were very much appreciated. But most of all we have the memories of spending the time with those people.
    • sweetbabu
    • By sweetbabu 12th Mar 17, 12:57 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 57 Thanks
    sweetbabu
    Funnily enough, I was talking to my mum about this last night.

    A cousin was having her engagement party last night and an aunt said she'd just bought a cheap bottle of prosecco as the cousin wouldnt appreciate a gift that would have cost £5.

    My exact words to my mum were that this is a worry if OH and I ever get married. We had a house each, so we've already downsized as much as we could (which really stuck in my craw as I hate waste - we gave away as much as we could, but had to dump so much stuff ) and still have a loft full to the brim of stuff. And neither of us are drinkers - we recently had to throw out a crate of beers that were so far out of date that they were flat and off. While I really appreciate the thought that goes into presents, we genuinely don't have the room for anything. And I don't want money, as long as people come and enjoy the day.

    But, having read this thread, I don't want to seem rude!

    I think I would have to go along the lines of that used by Chris n tj.
    • bellaboo86
    • By bellaboo86 12th Mar 17, 2:10 PM
    • 234 Posts
    • 304 Thanks
    bellaboo86
    Whatever you do, please don't do what friends of mine did. They asked for cash and put bank account and sort code information on invite.
    Not so much as a thank you after the event.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 12th Mar 17, 4:53 PM
    • 16,403 Posts
    • 39,358 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Whatever you do, please don't do what friends of mine did. They asked for cash and put bank account and sort code information on invite.
    Not so much as a thank you after the event.
    Originally posted by bellaboo86
    Now this ^^^^ is - imho - rude.
    Not to mention incredibly stupid to share financial information with other people.

    But, having read this thread, I don't want to seem rude!

    I think I would have to go along the lines of that used by Chris n tj.
    Originally posted by sweetbabu
    • svain
    • By svain 12th Mar 17, 6:43 PM
    • 89 Posts
    • 184 Thanks
    svain
    Now this ^^^^ is - imho - rude.
    Not to mention incredibly stupid to share financial information with other people.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    If people are giving me me money they are welcome to my sort code and account number .... On a serious note its no more information than whats written on a cheque
    Last edited by svain; 12-03-2017 at 8:29 PM.
    • Sjc1973
    • By Sjc1973 12th Mar 17, 8:07 PM
    • 78 Posts
    • 184 Thanks
    Sjc1973
    I really don't like presumptious wedding invitations with their specified wedding lists and money requests. I am far more genenorous and/or thoughtful when you don't give me your wedding gift expectations! If I attend your weddings it is because I generally like/care about you so I am going to take the time to research what you might want/need and if I summise that is cash then so be it!
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 13th Mar 17, 6:51 AM
    • 16,403 Posts
    • 39,358 Thanks
    Pollycat
    If people are giving me me money they are welcome to my sort code and account number .... On a serious note its no more information than whats written on a cheque
    Originally posted by svain
    Errr......what's a cheque?
    • sweetbabu
    • By sweetbabu 16th Mar 17, 10:24 PM
    • 84 Posts
    • 57 Thanks
    sweetbabu
    Now this ^^^^ is - imho - rude.
    Not to mention incredibly stupid to share financial information with other people.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Well that's one way to put it!

    I really do think weddings bring out the worst in people. I'd elope, if I had the deciding vote
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 17th Mar 17, 9:12 AM
    • 16,403 Posts
    • 39,358 Thanks
    Pollycat
    A friends daughter organised their independent honeymoon travelling around Japan. They were going anyway.

    She then broke down each element into a list, a meal at a restaurant, a boat trip, a sightseeing bus ride, a hotel night etc with a cost and a date. There were multiple items at Avery carried cost. She set up a website with pictures, costs etc.

    Grifters could choose the which item they would like to give. The lovely things was that the couple who are keen photographers sent individual thank you cards after the honeymoon which included pictures of them with what you have given eg at the hotel, eating the meal etc.

    I think it was a lot of work for them but they are a lovely quirky couple and even though I really hate wedding lists it really worked.

    They were of course going anyway.
    Originally posted by ognum
    Now this ^^^^ is a fab way of asking for money towards the honeymoon.
    • ani*fan
    • By ani*fan 18th Mar 17, 3:59 AM
    • 1,384 Posts
    • 3,253 Thanks
    ani*fan
    When I get invited to a wedding I want to give a gift. It's traditional, and it shows your good will as a guest. The couple have thought about me in their wedding planning and invited me to support their marriage. I want to do that.

    It's always a help to have some idea of what the happy couple would like or need. I don't think the act of gift giving, or some indication of ideas for the gift, is tacky or bad form in any kind of way. I find it useful.

    What I do object to is lists full of very expensive things. That looks greedy.

    I have had reservations about asking for money as a gift for our wedding, but we're quite minimalist and definitely don't want stuff. We just want our loved ones to be there. After a quick round of calls to a few family and friends, the thought of no gifts at all was quite offensive to some. (Oops. ) Everyone seemed to think that a contribution to an experience on our honeymoon was a fine compromise.

    So we did as mentioned above and registered with a site. It says where we're going and there are then choices of different experiences we would enjoy. Coffee and cake by the harbour, £10, a meal for 2, £30, and things like that. There is also a section for a random amount. The link to this site is on our wedding website. The wedding website address is on the invites.

    I agree that asking for presents on the invite is bad form. It could easily look as if that was why you were inviting them. Our website also has hotel and taxi info, hairdressers info and other things our guests might need. We have thought about them a lot and I hope they get a sense of that.
    Debt at its highest £18,780
    Debt today £8,715
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

3,170Posts Today

7,992Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • RT @jaihy: @MartinSLewis thank you! Like so many, I hadn't claimed ppi. During the last series I filled in the form...£2,700 cheque in the?

  • Check if you're owed, totally free tool to help here... https://t.co/2Oto4B86tq https://t.co/vOpsYU6b3g

  • Today's twitter poll: If they made a rule to standardise chips in the UK - which of these four (I only get 4 options) would u want it to be?

  • Follow Martin