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  • FIRST POST
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 13th Feb 17, 1:23 PM
    • 250Posts
    • 301Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    Starting again at 27!
    • #1
    • 13th Feb 17, 1:23 PM
    Starting again at 27! 13th Feb 17 at 1:23 PM
    Hi Everyone,


    Some of you may remember I started a diary a few months ago called '6 years to a better future'. Well my life has gone completely pete tong and now i am having to completely start over!


    Bit of a history:
    I am 27 and recently just left a very turbulent relationship which lasted 3 years, a lot of verbal and physical abuse. This has meant that I have had to find new rented accomodation which allows pets. I have found somewhere and am moving at the end of the month so thats all sorted


    However, i was doing really well on the CC dept repayment front (having got down to a balance of 1k) but am having to put on just under £1500 in moving costs/new appliances etc.


    I am a avid user of a spreadsheet and calculating all new bills/living costs now i am on my own. Here is my totals so far:


    Household bills (inc rent) 750
    petrol 100
    food 100
    car (finance) 160
    CC 100
    mobile phone 10
    All comes to 1220 (i think i may have missed something off but will check when i get home from work!)
    I get paid a monthly wage of around 1650 so i will have quite a bit 'spare'.


    My aim is to put more towards the CC and get that back down again. I really don't want a car on finance anymore, so i will probably buy the rest of my car when it comes to the end of the finance deal which is April 18.


    At the moment i can't even think of entering a new relationship however i am worried that my clock is 'ticking' and i would really like to have a family etc and settle down. I would like to take a year at the latest to get used to being alone and doing some personal 'growth' (cringe!) but i definately need it as that relationship really ruined my self esteem and confidence!


    To make a little bit more cash i have tried selling a few household bits, I have a sofa in the conservatory which i put on FB and gumtree for 50 but no one seems to want it! which i find really strange, its in great condition just needs the covers washing! gonna have to go lower i think a couple of wall canvas which i put for a tenner each (25 cost new from next) haven't sold either!. I see some right tat being sold and i think why aren't mine selling haha!


    Sorry for the ramblings! I will update soon
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
Page 3
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 16th Mar 17, 9:00 AM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    Thanks Angelpye, I hope you are doing well!


    I feel quite sad at the moment, just so lonely me and the ex were sort of getting back together over the last couple of weeks but i have decided now this isn't right as i just don't feel the same anymore.


    Plus in the short time we were seperated he managed to find another woman and start to become close to her, although he stated she wasn't me and didnt interest him, it was more for the attention/comfort it still quite hurt me. I haven't even looked at another man in that way.


    But now i feel totally alone and miss him! but i know its not right.


    And i weighed myself this morning and i have been over eating so much i have put on 5kg!!


    Argh feeling so !!!!! today
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
    • monz
    • By monz 16th Mar 17, 9:31 AM
    • 2,724 Posts
    • 7,644 Thanks
    monz
    When you know its not right you know!

    And knowing he met someone else shows what that means that him!! Keep strong mail anytime <3 xx
    Debt (1/9/14) £6,702.11 Debt free (30/11/2016)
    house deposit £5,781.18/10,000
    mums xmas vouchers boots (surveys ) 50/50
    sisters xmas vouchers topshop (surveys ) 0/30
    Dads xmas voucher amazon (surveys) 0/25
    Australia 2019 - /5000
    • HoneyBee83
    • By HoneyBee83 16th Mar 17, 10:09 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 3,474 Thanks
    HoneyBee83
    Good Morning,
    Just had a read of your thread...loving the signature!
    I'm 33 and single, nothing wrong with that at all. Myself and DD are more than happy plodding through.
    I won't pretend it is easy especially financially and it does get lonely but you just need to keep busy and focused.
    We have a dog and she really helps me stay sane lol I took up long, long walks with her and then got into hiking and more recently mountain biking, just getting out in the fresh air does wonders.
    It takes time to settle into a new life but it'll be the best thing you've done!
    You won't reconize yourself in a couple of months...in a positive way that is.
    SPC #050 £250.00
    Emergency Savings #73 = £800.00/£1,000
    House Savings = £13,000/£15,000 + £250.00 Furniture
    Morrisons= £55.00/£100.00 Xmas 2017=£150/£200
    Holiday Fund, Greece = £0.00/£2,000
    • monz
    • By monz 16th Mar 17, 11:06 AM
    • 2,724 Posts
    • 7,644 Thanks
    monz
    Good Morning,
    Just had a read of your thread...loving the signature!
    I'm 33 and single, nothing wrong with that at all. Myself and DD are more than happy plodding through.
    I won't pretend it is easy especially financially and it does get lonely but you just need to keep busy and focused.
    We have a dog and she really helps me stay sane lol I took up long, long walks with her and then got into hiking and more recently mountain biking, just getting out in the fresh air does wonders.
    It takes time to settle into a new life but it'll be the best thing you've done!
    You won't reconize yourself in a couple of months...in a positive way that is.
    Originally posted by HoneyBee83

    Very true !

    PS love the house deposit but furniture saving next to that... never thought of that xx
    Debt (1/9/14) £6,702.11 Debt free (30/11/2016)
    house deposit £5,781.18/10,000
    mums xmas vouchers boots (surveys ) 50/50
    sisters xmas vouchers topshop (surveys ) 0/30
    Dads xmas voucher amazon (surveys) 0/25
    Australia 2019 - /5000
    • HoneyBee83
    • By HoneyBee83 16th Mar 17, 11:12 AM
    • 331 Posts
    • 3,474 Thanks
    HoneyBee83
    Very true !

    PS love the house deposit but furniture saving next to that... never thought of that xx
    Originally posted by monz
    Thanks Monz!

    I figure a new house should have a few new bits and bobs to help with a new start ...Already have my eye on some Ikea bedroom furniture!
    Note to self 'Must rein in the spending for now!' xx
    SPC #050 £250.00
    Emergency Savings #73 = £800.00/£1,000
    House Savings = £13,000/£15,000 + £250.00 Furniture
    Morrisons= £55.00/£100.00 Xmas 2017=£150/£200
    Holiday Fund, Greece = £0.00/£2,000
    • angelpye
    • By angelpye 16th Mar 17, 12:03 PM
    • 988 Posts
    • 3,666 Thanks
    angelpye
    Thanks Angelpye, I hope you are doing well!


    I feel quite sad at the moment, just so lonely me and the ex were sort of getting back together over the last couple of weeks but i have decided now this isn't right as i just don't feel the same anymore.


    Plus in the short time we were seperated he managed to find another woman and start to become close to her, although he stated she wasn't me and didnt interest him, it was more for the attention/comfort it still quite hurt me. I haven't even looked at another man in that way.


    But now i feel totally alone and miss him! but i know its not right.


    And i weighed myself this morning and i have been over eating so much i have put on 5kg!!


    Argh feeling so !!!!! today
    Originally posted by Jacko_amz
    Oh JA, that sounds tough. It sounds like time to think of something to keep you busy. Have you thought about some kind of exercise class - maybe low impact like aqua aerobics or yoga? When I joined my local gym I tried out different classes until I found the ones I hated less (exercise is not my favourite thing), I had a blip and didn't go for some time but have been going again for a couple of months and feeling so much better. Gives me something to do and there are other people there even if I don't really talk to them. The first few classes are always the worst as I am terribly unfit but great for my mental health. I use an app at the moment just to control my overeating and lost 1lb this week...not much but in the right direction and I am no good with diets although friends swear by slimming world etc.

    The loneliness will pass, and I know you know feeling lonely isn't a good enough reason to be with someone. Try to be kind to yourself. Loss is a process. Sending hugs
    Happiness is wanting what you have...
    Debt Jan 2017: £2589.22 DFD: Sept 2022 April 2022 but this Marching Minimalist can beat that!
    Use it or Loose it gym target: Feb'17 5/6 Mar 4/6
    EF £0/£4200
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 16th Mar 17, 5:28 PM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    Thank you everyone!! I got home and a good ole cry lol, feel bit better now walked the pooch and mowed half the lawn (bloody didn't realise the cable wasn't long enough haha need an extention lead!)

    Well today was a small spend day - spent 80p on a can of diet coke so i am not to worried about this.

    I think i may be also emotional as its a week before coming on period which is when i usually feel quite low.

    Hope everyone is doing well!
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
    • angelpye
    • By angelpye 16th Mar 17, 5:53 PM
    • 988 Posts
    • 3,666 Thanks
    angelpye
    That could be it - I often have a meltdown and then go, ohhhhh!!!!

    I am good, I think I am through the LBM panic stage now and just falling into a rhythm of 'normal' life but a more frugal one. I am trying to bring an orderly routine into my life but being a grown up can be a bit dull at times - I just want to stay in my pjs eating M&Ms watching trash telly! Ha!
    Happiness is wanting what you have...
    Debt Jan 2017: £2589.22 DFD: Sept 2022 April 2022 but this Marching Minimalist can beat that!
    Use it or Loose it gym target: Feb'17 5/6 Mar 4/6
    EF £0/£4200
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 16th Mar 17, 6:29 PM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    OMG angelpye you sound just like me!! I have been binge eating so much lately.
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
    • angelpye
    • By angelpye 16th Mar 17, 9:31 PM
    • 988 Posts
    • 3,666 Thanks
    angelpye
    So easy to do though isn't it - I have had to resort to an app to watch my eating. I am not too overweight but the clothes I like wearing look awful - of course that could justify the need to just wear pjs at all times
    Happiness is wanting what you have...
    Debt Jan 2017: £2589.22 DFD: Sept 2022 April 2022 but this Marching Minimalist can beat that!
    Use it or Loose it gym target: Feb'17 5/6 Mar 4/6
    EF £0/£4200
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 16th Mar 17, 10:52 PM
    • 10,467 Posts
    • 69,397 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Glad you are feeling a bit happier Jacko. It must be tough what you've gone through.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Happier Me
    • By Happier Me 17th Mar 17, 6:42 AM
    • 369 Posts
    • 794 Thanks
    Happier Me
    Hi Jacko_amz

    I have just read your thread and wanted to post about your feelings towards your ex. You split up for a reason and it didn't sound like healthy relationship at all. The feelings of loneliness will pass, believe me, so please stay strong and don't go back there. The relationship will be no better second time round.

    From the age of 17 to 20 I was in an emotionally abusive relationship with a man in his mid 20's. He stripped me of my confidence, my self esteem, my friends and almost my family. It took alot of guts to finish it and I felt very lonely for months and months afterwards. I considered getting back together with him several times, almost did at one point, but I knew it wasn't right for me long term. I rekindled friendships, went on a few disastrous dates and eventually started to enjoy being carefree and single. Exactly a year after I separated from my ex I met my now husband, who is the complete opposite and an absolute keeper (so I've kept him for 21 years and counting).

    I don't regret the relationship with my ex at all because it taught me the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship from a very young age. And I didn't make the same mistake again. The last three years will have taught you so much about what you do and don't want in a partner. Use this information wisely and find yourself a keeper when the time is right!
    Last edited by Happier Me; 17-03-2017 at 6:59 AM.
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 17th Mar 17, 5:24 PM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    Thank you Happier Me that was such a thoughtful post. It will take me a while and i know i will have my good/bad days.

    Today has flown by - a super busy day at work so that helped

    I have spent £3 today on lunch. i ran out of bread and didn't have any food for lunch in. I had it already in my purse though.

    I have the family round tonight for a Chinese so that'll be nice. I have zilch plans for the weekend so not overly looking forward to it.

    Took my pooch on the field when i got home, i have had to go back to using the long line as he's being a little !!!!!! and not coming back to me when its time to go home. People really stare though, its just a very long lead nothing to out of the ordinary lol!

    Happy friday everyone!
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 18th Mar 17, 10:11 AM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    Woke up early today even though its my day off - I find because during the week I get up at 06:30 that when it comes to the weekend I just automatically wake up early again.

    Cleaned the house this morning, changed the bedding and put a washing load on - its quite blustery outside so may chance putting it on the line, however also looks quite grey so it might be short lived!

    Gotta do a food shop today also and i have written a list - hoping to spend around £20-£30 to get me through until payday which is next friday.

    Other than that i have no plans for the weekend - everyone is busy! might do some baking.

    I signed up to a dating site last night, however i have hidden my profile. I have done this for various reasons:
    1. because of my job the students i work with can be in their 19's/20's and i would hate for them to come across me on a dating site.
    2. I don't feel quite ready yet to have it open for men to contact me (not that i think any will lol), so by having it hidden i can message ones i like the look of without the pressure of everyone seeing me etc.
    3. There is people on their who know my ex and seem to tell them every detail about what i am doing - even the dull stuff like what i am selling on a FB page. I don't need the hassle and abuse from him - even though he has already shacked up with someone he has double standards like that.

    One thing i have found on these sites is i am extremely picky and i think i may be only going for guys who are way to attractive for me if that makes sense.

    I have low self-esteem when it comes to my looks, i have an ugly bump on my nose and not the straightest of teeth. My nose looks normal from the front but from the side its hideous. I have thought about having a nose job but there so expensive!

    This has been a long post sorry!!

    Have a nice weekend everyone xx
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 18th Mar 17, 10:41 AM
    • 10,467 Posts
    • 69,397 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Well that sounds positive to be looking at dating again. Good idea to keep your personal life separate from your students, in an internet and finding stuff out about you way.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • XRAT
    • By XRAT 22nd Mar 17, 11:05 AM
    • 183 Posts
    • 161 Thanks
    XRAT
    Hi Jacko_amz,
    Oh to be 27 again! You're just into your prime believe me. I've recently retired (early) from a profession notorious for marrying nurses, with a professional of knowledge of domestic violence and with a daughter almost your age.
    I would like to say,
    1. Never go back, it's seldom a good place or you wouldn't have left.
    2. Being alone is definitely better than a bad relationship.
    3. You are in a target rich environment plenty of victims (potential boyfriends) pass through the health service for one reason or another.
    4. Decent guys will pass you by if you are already in a relationship.
    5. You have certain qualities that others find attractive..,
    you're young, caring (by profession) and careful with money! What's not to like!!
    Dad advice; Take your time choose a partner carefully. There is plenty of choice, but lots of rejects to avoid, get the RIGHT one and be happy for ever after, or be content browsing. NEVER settle, you already know what that's like, and you may be putting off your perfect partner. (My advice to my daughter, "I'll only walk you down the aisle if he will take better care of you than I can.")
    Best Wishes.
    • kittykatneedscash
    • By kittykatneedscash 23rd Mar 17, 3:04 PM
    • 47 Posts
    • 107 Thanks
    kittykatneedscash
    Hi Jack-amz just started reading your diary I'll read through it all soon. I'm 34 and single for really the first time in my life, I seem to have gone from serious relationship to serious relationship in the past. My ex was quite controlling and emotionally abusive but in a very clever way. Anyway I kicked him out of my house in Nov as it was seriously effecting my mental health at first I hated it but slowly I am actually starting to love it, don't mind living on my own now and starting to build a new life for 'me'.

    I have recently discovered a website and app called 'Meetup' where I have made lots of new friends have a look I think it's great and really opened up new doors for me. I've been going out socialising quite a lot now I'm single which isn't great money saving but I feel it's allowed and I need to enjoy life at the same time.

    In regards to your clock is ticking I used to feel this way and suppose I still do to some extend but I'm very much of the opinion now of what will be will be and not to worry. My younger sister lives next door and is happily married with 3 kids I feel a failure in comparison but everyone's path isn't the same some of us have a few more hurdles to jump over in life than others but that's what makes us 'us'. Take time to be a little selfish and do things for yourself. I'm not actively looking for a new relationship yet but suppose I'm open to the idea a few months ago even the thought of it scared the hell out of me but sometimes the best things in life turn up when you're least expecting it. Going to carry on reading your diary now just wanted to say hi
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 25th Mar 17, 5:24 PM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    Thanks guys that's so lovely.

    I haven't updated for a while, mainly because I was waiting for payday and i haven't been up to much.

    Payday was yesterday (yay!) and there was an extra £60 in this month! think it's because of the 1% payrise, can't grumble though.

    I have decided to put an extra 50 on to CC payments so making it 250pm off instead of 200, will just make it a bit quicker. Dad still has the CC and i haven't needed it at all.

    My BT £100 rewards card has arrived just waiting for the pin to come through now

    Got my petrol and food money out for the month, dropped my petrol down to £80 from £100 as wasn't using that much. Food shop came to £32 and will last the week.

    Went out today for mothers day high tea and paid for my mum so that was £20. I had already bought her present out of the birthday/christmas fund last month so that was already taken care of.

    No plans for tonight/tomorrow so the rest of the weekend will be spend free!

    I have just upgraded my phone to the iphone 7, i know that's not very MSE but i haven't had a new phone for over 3 years, that's going to be £35 a month - but i can afford this, and i do keep them for a long time. a little treat to myself

    Happy weekend everyone!
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 25th Mar 17, 5:25 PM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    I forgot to add, i joined Match.com the other day and instantly regretted it and deleted the account, now i am trying to get my money back but its proven bit difficult.

    I am not over my ex and just can't face talking to anyone just yet, got a bit to carried away!
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
    • Jacko_amz
    • By Jacko_amz 27th Mar 17, 5:53 PM
    • 250 Posts
    • 301 Thanks
    Jacko_amz
    Well today has been a NSD so i am happy about that!

    This clocks going forward an hour has completely thrown me, got up later this morning so couldn't walk the pooch. I walked him when got home but i usually do it before work too.

    I am so exhausted with work at the moment, I have some annual leave coming up in may which can't come soon enough, i work in education but i work all year round - so i don't get school holidays off and because I work in mental health its just so exhausting! the weekends just aren't enough lol.

    Hope everyone has monday has been good! I am going to bed early tonight to catch up on some sleep , I say that then end up sat on the laptop til 10 lol!
    Learning to be alone and that its ok!


    Tesco Loan - 10600
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