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  • FIRST POST
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 10th Feb 17, 11:12 PM
    • 186Posts
    • 548Thanks
    worriedDan
    I don't think it gets much worse than this. Feel totally beaten
    • #1
    • 10th Feb 17, 11:12 PM
    I don't think it gets much worse than this. Feel totally beaten 10th Feb 17 at 11:12 PM
    After many years of denial, I/we have to face up to our debt situation. I am sitting here feeling like the end of out world is about to come. I feel like I have let everyone down. SOA below

    We have always had some debt but an expensive few years have seen it really spike. Most of it is in my name although some is in my wife's name. She knows that we have loads of debt but I haven't shown her the bottom line and I am not going to. Not yet anyway. Things are difficult at the moment so I want to get on top of payments etc before sharing the true extent with her. I hope that this does not make me deceitful, but I think it's the best way for now.

    Household Information[/b]
    Number of adults in household........... 2
    Number of children in household......... 1
    Number of cars owned.................... 2

    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 3378
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 1010
    Benefits................................ 82.8
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 4470.8


    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 497
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
    Rent.................................... 0
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 103
    Electricity............................. 40
    Gas..................................... 82
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 35
    Telephone (land line)................... 10
    Mobile phone............................ 60
    TV Licence.............................. 14
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 10
    Internet Services....................... 10
    Groceries etc. ......................... 200
    Clothing................................ 50
    Petrol/diesel........................... 160
    Road tax................................ 5
    Car Insurance........................... 60
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 0
    Childcare/nursery....................... 0
    Other child related expenses............ 0
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
    Buildings insurance..................... 23
    Contents insurance...................... 0
    Life assurance ......................... 40
    Other insurance......................... 0
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50
    Haircuts................................ 20
    Entertainment........................... 50
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1519



    Assets

    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 150000
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 8000
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 158000



    Secured & HP Debts

    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    Mortgage...................... 75000....(497)......1.5
    Total secured & HP debts...... 75000.....-.........-


    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    cc1............................15900.....304...... .0
    cc2............................6600......200...... .18.9
    cc3............................4500......45....... .0
    hsbc...........................2700......75....... .18.9
    creation.......................4500......45....... .0
    creation.......................4600......100...... .18
    cc2 wife.......................4500......45........45
    cc1 wife.......................7000......165.......6.9
    cc4............................5000......100...... .0
    Total unsecured debts..........55300.....1079......-



    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 4,470.8
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,519
    Available for debt repayments........... 2,951.8
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,079
    Amount left after debt repayments....... 1,872.8


    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 158,000
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -75,000
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -55,300
    Net Assets.............................. 27,700
Page 6
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 2nd Mar 17, 6:55 PM
    • 1,557 Posts
    • 17,919 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    It's important to find a level which is both possible for the level of debt and to allow a long repayment slog without giving up. This will be different for different people and perhaps different for the same people at different times of their debt payment journey. It needs to be doable for the long term. Dan has a good income with plenty of wiggle room and I'm sure sometimes he'll be paying off more than at others. He needs some slack perhaps to enable him to continue in the long term. He doesn't have to wear a hair shirt!
    Originally posted by Verbatim
    I agree. That was my thinking exactly. If you don't retain a little wiggle room it is much harder to maintain the journey.

    Hey Dan, I just wanted to question your HMRC debt? If this is owed for any time previous to April 2016 I suggest you prioritise this a bit higher - most of your unsecured debt is now stoozed on to 0% CC - look at the interest and penalty rate HMRC are going to charge you and if necessary, prioritise it to take that £1200 pm above minimum payments to get rid of it by May
    MFiT T4 #2 update 42.67% after Q7 £5,465 behind where I should be
    Save £12k in 2017 #64 - £9,260.94 saved (84.19%) after October - my annual target is £11,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2017 budget of £3,600 £3000 (reduced from Apr) - 78.56% including stores after October
    My DFD is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5593594
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 2nd Mar 17, 7:24 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 548 Thanks
    worriedDan
    Hi, the tax debt is in on a payment plan so there is no interest. It relates to tax from a few years ago
    • Wimbrel
    • By Wimbrel 2nd Mar 17, 9:07 PM
    • 53 Posts
    • 153 Thanks
    Wimbrel
    Just popping in to offer congratulations and support. As you can see from my sig, been there, done that, got the T shirt and I cannot believe the peace of mind which comes from getting in control and watching those numbers come down.

    One tip, if you haven't already done so, do check PPI, I would have sworn that I didn't have any but made a few calls, filled in a few forms and found that between my partner and I we had had a couple of insurances added ti loans an on which we could never have claimed ( he was self employed, my work terms and conditions meant that the insurance wouldn't pay out, Not huge payouts but they wiped a very satisfying chunk off the debt,

    Actually two tips. I started saving £2 and 20p coins in little pots, had a count up at the weekend and there's over £200 in there! These things are painless and really give a boost!

    As you'll see we still have some debt on paper but savings would more than cover it however since the debt is at 0% and I have become addicted to saving I'm happy to postpone our official debt free day and keep paying monthly chunks to clear the last bit off over a few more months,

    And if you'd told me on the day when I finally took a deep breath and worked out what we owed that a few years of really buckling down to it would have changed my life and outlook so radically for the better I really wouldn't have believed it possible,
    Last edited by Wimbrel; 02-03-2017 at 9:11 PM. Reason: typo
    Jan 2012 debts £43,237 . Feb 2017 debts £1270 Jan 2012 emergency fund £0.00 2017 June 2017 savings £14,456. . Getting there!
    • ZarZar1990
    • By ZarZar1990 2nd Mar 17, 10:25 PM
    • 290 Posts
    • 475 Thanks
    ZarZar1990
    Actually two tips. I started saving £2 and 20p coins in little pots, had a count up at the weekend and there's over £200 in there! These things are painless and really give a boost!
    Originally posted by Wimbrel
    I can vouch for this so much- we use a pot that you have to break into (either smash or use a tin opener), and me and my OH joke it's the only way we've ever successfully saved any money

    Good luck, sounds like you've made a great start
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 19th Mar 17, 3:50 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 548 Thanks
    worriedDan
    Just sat and read through the whole of my thread. I can't believe that its been 5 weeks since I first posted. I would say that the last 5 weeks have been probably the most difficult weeks I have ever had. In some ways they have also been really positive as it has enabled us to start to deal with a problem that had been building for many years.

    One of the best things has been the improved communication between my wife and I. I no longer feel like the debt is elephant in the room. For years I have worried that my wife would react badly if she knew the full extent of our debt, and actually she has dealt with it far better than me! Just yesterday she told me that she wasn't at all bothered about the total balance as she knew that we could sort it and that if it took a bit longer than planned, then so be it. I really can't ask for any more support than that.

    I have also discovered a couple of other debts - she has a few store card accounts and a small overdraft. I have decided not to include these in my figures for now. I have just got my head in a good place so my wife will sort out these additional debts.

    Since the start of this thread I have lost around a stone in weight, due to stress, worry and shame of the debt that I am in. I have had to take some time off work as I felt so awful. I am taking anti-depressants every day and have been referred for counselling. I never imagined that I would react so badly to what is a self inflicted situation. My main focus for the next 6 months is to stick to budget, clear around 10K of debt, but also to be a bot kinder to myself and get my health back on track.

    One of the things that I struggled with was the thought of "what would everyone think if they knew". I still struggle with this to some extent. I worry that my friends who aren't in debt would judge me and view me differently. I spoke to an online counsellolr regarding these feelings and she asked me why I felt people had the right to know. My dad, sister and a close colleague know about the debt I gave rough figures) and none of them were particularly shocked or interested. They were more bothered about the state I was in. I have also found out that some people who I assumed were debt free actually have significant debts of their own.

    I am so very grateful for this site and for everyone who has posted and supported me. It really has seen me through a very black period.
    • moneyfacts
    • By moneyfacts 19th Mar 17, 4:41 PM
    • 67 Posts
    • 117 Thanks
    moneyfacts
    You have come such a long way. Without doubt, you should feel a sense of achievement.

    But of course the money saving journey is never ending. Don't ever stop thinking of ways to save money and make the odd additional payment
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 19th Mar 17, 6:23 PM
    • 1,557 Posts
    • 17,919 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    Well said, money facts, and well done worriedDan. Facing the scale of things is so important.

    When my husband and I first got together we jointly owed four times as much as his mortgage (£80k and £20k). We cleared the £80k over a four year period but for reasons known only to ourselves, (smug sort of complacency really) we stopped before clearing the mortgage. I felt really ashamed of our spending but on one level we did not really address this for another twenty years as we carried on being absurdly reckless. Only now, within sight of retirement, have we really got a bit of a grip. If you can keep going, you will really benefit, and you really will feel better.

    An amazing number of people who you think are quite competent have no financial sense at all so don't be thinking it is only you and the people you know! If you want to feel better, watch "Shop well for less" - I promise you will!
    MFiT T4 #2 update 42.67% after Q7 £5,465 behind where I should be
    Save £12k in 2017 #64 - £9,260.94 saved (84.19%) after October - my annual target is £11,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2017 budget of £3,600 £3000 (reduced from Apr) - 78.56% including stores after October
    My DFD is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5593594
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 20th Mar 17, 6:38 AM
    • 186 Posts
    • 548 Thanks
    worriedDan
    I have watched it and you're right, overspending is a problem for so many of us. I dread to think how bad our situation could have become had I not had my LBM! At least we are still at the stage where we can claw it back a bit. I desperately want to get the debts into the 40k's asap. There is something about owing more than 50k that makes me panic.
    • Puddylove
    • By Puddylove 20th Mar 17, 2:55 PM
    • 440 Posts
    • 719 Thanks
    Puddylove
    I have watched it and you're right, overspending is a problem for so many of us. I dread to think how bad our situation could have become had I not had my LBM! At least we are still at the stage where we can claw it back a bit. I desperately want to get the debts into the 40k's asap. There is something about owing more than 50k that makes me panic.
    Originally posted by worriedDan
    Hi Dan
    NOTHING is more important than your health, and being with those you love. Debt is nothing in comparison. The sun will still rise in the morning, the tides will still ebb and flow.

    You need to start valuing your health, and stop obsessing about debt.
    • GoodSon
    • By GoodSon 20th Mar 17, 3:47 PM
    • 15 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    GoodSon
    Hi Dan
    NOTHING is more important than your health, and being with those you love. Debt is nothing in comparison. The sun will still rise in the morning, the tides will still ebb and flow.

    You need to start valuing your health, and stop obsessing about debt.
    Originally posted by Puddylove
    ^^^
    This.
    Also remember that we all have bad days and so far you have a 100% record of getting through them.
    Keep it up.
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 20th Mar 17, 4:10 PM
    • 1,557 Posts
    • 17,919 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    Hi Dan
    NOTHING is more important than your health, and being with those you love. Debt is nothing in comparison. The sun will still rise in the morning, the tides will still ebb and flow.

    You need to start valuing your health, and stop obsessing about debt.
    Originally posted by Puddylove
    I absolutely agree. Your health is paramount. Any of my suggestions are intended to be ways to help you manage those stress peaks - I am not telling you you must get a grip. You have faced the worst demon of all, everything else is a positive step away.

    I have watched it and you're right, overspending is a problem for so many of us. I dread to think how bad our situation could have become had I not had my LBM! At least we are still at the stage where we can claw it back a bit. I desperately want to get the debts into the 40k's asap. There is something about owing more than 50k that makes me panic.
    Originally posted by worriedDan
    I do understand your panic. My tip for addressing it is to log in to our bank accounts at least twice a week (once after payments have gone, and once after the weekend to see things clear) and I sweep all the odd bits into an instant saver account to build up our £10k emergency cash fund. I have been doing this since July and have saved over £6,000 since then in this way. For me, it helps to reduce the sometimes overwhelming sensation that I have left it too late and bogged up our finances.

    It is often worse at this stage of the month (I get paid on the last working day) - where I have "tidied" our accounts to the bone and we still have almost two working weeks to go. I am freezer and cupboard diving and using only cash this week and next, to stop me being stupid. I know you are not at that point (and neither am I, if I cut myself some slack) but it is a good discipline for me so I do it.
    Last edited by Suffolk lass; 20-03-2017 at 4:11 PM. Reason: auto-text correct
    MFiT T4 #2 update 42.67% after Q7 £5,465 behind where I should be
    Save £12k in 2017 #64 - £9,260.94 saved (84.19%) after October - my annual target is £11,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2017 budget of £3,600 £3000 (reduced from Apr) - 78.56% including stores after October
    My DFD is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5593594
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 20th Mar 17, 5:45 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 548 Thanks
    worriedDan
    Thanks for posts. I do need a better routine for checking accounts etc. I seem to be logging in several times a day. Today has been much better though. My coping mechanism is to remember that my wife's small store card/ overdraft debts are not my concern at the moment AND that we do have 12k in my wife's isa. This means I can mentally wipe the 12k from the scary total, making it more mentally manageable.
    • parkrunner
    • By parkrunner 21st Mar 17, 1:25 PM
    • 769 Posts
    • 1,135 Thanks
    parkrunner

    Since the start of this thread I have lost around a stone in weight, due to stress, worry and shame of the debt that I am in. I have had to take some time off work as I felt so awful. I am taking anti-depressants every day and have been referred for counselling. I never imagined that I would react so badly to what is a self inflicted situation. My main focus for the next 6 months is to stick to budget, clear around 10K of debt, but also to be a bot kinder to myself and get my health back on track.

    One of the things that I struggled with was the thought of "what would everyone think if they knew". I still struggle with this to some extent. I worry that my friends who aren't in debt would judge me and view me differently. I spoke to an online counsellolr regarding these feelings and she asked me why I felt people had the right to know. My dad, sister and a close colleague know about the debt I gave rough figures) and none of them were particularly shocked or interested. They were more bothered about the state I was in. I have also found out that some people who I assumed were debt free actually have significant debts of their own.

    I am so very grateful for this site and for everyone who has posted and supported me. It really has seen me through a very black period.
    Originally posted by worriedDan
    Great to see you are going to have counselling for the depression, the pills are good but counselling is even better.

    As for others not being shocked or interested, it's probably because they also have debts but more importantly you have the income to quite easily overcome yours. So glad you told your wife
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 21st Mar 17, 2:54 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 548 Thanks
    worriedDan
    Great to see you are going to have counselling for the depression, the pills are good but counselling is even better.

    As for others not being shocked or interested, it's probably because they also have debts but more importantly you have the income to quite easily overcome yours. So glad you told your wife
    Originally posted by parkrunner

    Thanks Parkrunner. I think you are right about others having debts. I really thought that our situation was the worst ever - I had catastrophised it to such a level that I really couldn't imagine anyone being in more debt.
    • Mofette
    • By Mofette 22nd Mar 17, 4:41 PM
    • 15 Posts
    • 73 Thanks
    Mofette
    Since the start of this thread I have lost around a stone in weight, due to stress, worry and shame of the debt that I am in. I have had to take some time off work as I felt so awful. I am taking anti-depressants every day and have been referred for counselling. I never imagined that I would react so badly to what is a self inflicted situation. My main focus for the next 6 months is to stick to budget, clear around 10K of debt, but also to be a bot kinder to myself and get my health back on track.
    Originally posted by worriedDan

    I just replied to you in another thread, but I want to reiterate - you're doing amazing, you're an inspiration and your debt isn't at all that unusual tbh.


    As people have said, your health is really important - you have stuck your head out and seen what's there and that is a major first step.

    To make sure you don't end up in a further spiral, think about things you can do (staycation, stay with friends?) that would be as fun as going on holiday?
    I take the time to go on little road trips to see people I miss out on. A lot of people have a spare room, you can pick up a bottle of wine and cook food together for not much cost, and see friends instead of soaking up sun somewhere else We only go on holiday every other year, the rest of the time we are planning little road trips - you only pay for petrol and booze then!


    And if you fancy a trip to Derby, we have a spare room and a wonderful local and I love to cook
    1 Credit Card: PAYDBX 2017 - #131 £1,692.94/£ 6.928,94
    Next Targets: Grow Pension, Reduce Student Loans, Reduce Mortgage
    • Suffolk lass
    • By Suffolk lass 24th Mar 17, 5:08 PM
    • 1,557 Posts
    • 17,919 Thanks
    Suffolk lass
    You should add a link to your DF diary in here - maybe edit the first post? - It makes a good read Dan
    MFiT T4 #2 update 42.67% after Q7 £5,465 behind where I should be
    Save £12k in 2017 #64 - £9,260.94 saved (84.19%) after October - my annual target is £11,000
    OS Grocery Challenge 2017 budget of £3,600 £3000 (reduced from Apr) - 78.56% including stores after October
    My DFD is http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5593594
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 26th Mar 17, 10:00 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 548 Thanks
    worriedDan
    I just replied to you in another thread, but I want to reiterate - you're doing amazing, you're an inspiration and your debt isn't at all that unusual tbh.


    As people have said, your health is really important - you have stuck your head out and seen what's there and that is a major first step.

    To make sure you don't end up in a further spiral, think about things you can do (staycation, stay with friends?) that would be as fun as going on holiday?
    I take the time to go on little road trips to see people I miss out on. A lot of people have a spare room, you can pick up a bottle of wine and cook food together for not much cost, and see friends instead of soaking up sun somewhere else We only go on holiday every other year, the rest of the time we are planning little road trips - you only pay for petrol and booze then!


    And if you fancy a trip to Derby, we have a spare room and a wonderful local and I love to cook
    Originally posted by Mofette

    Thanks Mofette! Might take you up on that offer one day!!!!
    • worriedDan
    • By worriedDan 26th Mar 17, 10:01 PM
    • 186 Posts
    • 548 Thanks
    worriedDan
    You should add a link to your DF diary in here - maybe edit the first post? - It makes a good read Dan
    Originally posted by Suffolk lass
    Thanks SL, I will try and edit it.
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