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    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 28th Jan 17, 11:54 AM
    • 245Posts
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    my-user-name
    14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope
    • #1
    • 28th Jan 17, 11:54 AM
    14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope 28th Jan 17 at 11:54 AM
    Things always seemed fine in our relationship,he told me he loved me everyday,told everyone hes happy,I thought he was happy.
    But at times he could be hard work,never actually opening up if anything was bothering him but I thought everything was fine
    We had a row beginning of January and things went downhill from then.
    Last week after 14 years he finally did open up....to tell me he no longer loves me and our relationship has reached the end of the road.
    This morning he left,he even slipped out of the home while I was in another room,no good byes,no nothing.
    I'm in shock, Im hurt,I m angry and cant believe this is happening.If this has happened to you,how did you cope in the early days,just looking for advice if possible please.
Page 24
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 3rd Apr 17, 11:02 PM
    • 245 Posts
    • 901 Thanks
    my-user-name
    All I can say is spend it wisely
    Originally posted by kelpie35
    I wont be spending it kelpie,I,ll be saving it,x
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 3rd Apr 17, 11:07 PM
    • 245 Posts
    • 901 Thanks
    my-user-name
    Tell him that you realised he was crap at finance, but surely he must know the difference between a number 6 and 7 LOL
    Originally posted by spirit

    Im crap at finance too but even I know the difference between 6 and 7
    Oh well I,ll just count my blessings.
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 3rd Apr 17, 11:10 PM
    • 245 Posts
    • 901 Thanks
    my-user-name
    Six grand more than you had a week ago. You could put some of it towards a pension plan and treat yourself with the rest
    Originally posted by annandale
    I will probably do this annadale but I wont be spending any of it,I,ll never get this amount in a long time to come so I'm going to save it or put it towards a pension plan of some sort.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 4th Apr 17, 7:03 AM
    • 16,646 Posts
    • 40,108 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I'd say he's trying to provoke you in to contacting him. He knows how much you agreed, he knows sending less will annoy you, he thinks you'll phone him up demanding more, all so he can have a bit of a go at you again.

    Remember, you showed him that you're perfectly capable of living without him, and he doesn't like that.

    Just leave it. It's disappointing, even heartbreaking, but you're much better than he is. No texts, no emails, no calls. If he contacts you asking "did my payment arrive?" then you say "Yes thank you", if he contacts you saying "Did my £7000 arrive?" you just say "Money received, thank you" without confirming any kind of number that actually showed up. Ignore any message after that.

    Tonight I think you need a hot bath or shower and a good watch of something on TV or DVD. No doctor around so this is Historian's orders!
    Originally posted by VintageHistorian
    I'm leaving it Vintage,Id rather walk away with my head held high and with £6,000 that I didn't know I had a week ago than ranting to him about welching on his deal.
    I,ll count my blessings and save it for a rainy day,besides I don't wish to commumicate with him anyway.I think Ive made the right decision.
    Originally posted by my-user-name
    I think that's the best thing to do.

    I too think he's done it on purpose with some ulterior motive in mind.
    And is waiting for you to bite.
    So - don't.
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 4th Apr 17, 7:09 AM
    • 245 Posts
    • 901 Thanks
    my-user-name
    I think that's the best thing to do.

    I too think he's done it on purpose with some ulterior motive in mind.
    And is waiting for you to bite.
    So - don't.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Whatever his motives its not worked for him Pollycat,I should be grateful I got the 6,000 in the first place so I,ll count my blessings and hope I never hear from him again.
    Thinking about it his move from me must be costing so much,moving into a new place(rent money each month) new things like bed furniture etc,paying for his own food etc and finally giving up £6,000.I think if he could have his time over again I don't think he would of sat me down to tell me he dosent love me etc but for me anyway I'm glad he did.x
    • calicocat
    • By calicocat 5th Apr 17, 6:52 PM
    • 4,858 Posts
    • 22,006 Thanks
    calicocat
    Hi, been MIA due to work, have read catch-up but not every post to be honest so apologies if I have missed things and got something wrong.



    😂😂😂😂😂😂. Widows pension, he's lucky you aren't collecting it right now, although straight out murder tends to skrew that bit up in general. .

    . What a horrid person to be thinking about how much he may have to pay looking after you when he paid nothing into the 14yrs. I can't actually type what I want to on this board as will be barred or have some ritual crusifiction on this board.

    How upsetting also having someone do that when you have made such steps in your head and have someone write that off in a conversation.

    Grab the money , he owes you that anyhow, that isn't a bonus. The bonus is that it is yours so treat it as you say as savings......always a positive somewhere kiddo.

    If he contacts you again, ask him what he has in assets, in a pension, what area does he live, what doesn't he have to bring to the table to a relationship ( not yours..you just ask these things), what is he good at, how does he contribute to a relationship.....etc. He will fail epic style .

    And just don't wait for an answer, put the phone on the floor and go and make yourself a cuppa leaving him telling fresh air how good he is.

    Jeeze. ..what a ddddick-head.
    Yep...still at it, working out how to retire early..
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 5th Apr 17, 7:27 PM
    • 7,353 Posts
    • 24,949 Thanks
    Primrose
    I'm sure that he is now well into the journey of discovering he knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. And he's probably experiencing some wry moments of realisation along the way. It's the old story that you never know the value of what you have until you lose it.
    I think in your case though the opposite applies and you never knew the worthlessness of what you had until you found you weren't,t having to financially support it any more!
    • EdwardB
    • By EdwardB 12th Apr 17, 12:29 PM
    • 392 Posts
    • 297 Thanks
    EdwardB
    Hi, been MIA due to work, have read catch-up but not every post to be honest so apologies if I have missed things and got something wrong.

    😂😂😂😂😂😂. Widows pension, he's lucky you aren't collecting it right now, although straight out murder tends to skrew that bit up in general. .

    What a horrid person to be thinking about how much he may have to pay looking after you when he paid nothing into the 14yrs. I can't actually type what I want to on this board as will be barred or have some ritual crusifiction on this board.

    How upsetting also having someone do that when you have made such steps in your head and have someone write that off in a conversation.

    Grab the money , he owes you that anyhow, that isn't a bonus. The bonus is that it is yours so treat it as you say as savings......always a positive somewhere kiddo.

    If he contacts you again, ask him what he has in assets, in a pension, what area does he live, what doesn't he have to bring to the table to a relationship ( not yours..you just ask these things), what is he good at, how does he contribute to a relationship.....etc. He will fail epic style .

    And just don't wait for an answer, put the phone on the floor and go and make yourself a cuppa leaving him telling fresh air how good he is.

    Jeeze. ..what a ddddick-head.
    Originally posted by calicocat
    Ditto! Just catching up.

    Murder? Stranger on a train website forum

    Whilst MUN deserves the money I can't help but wonder if he has been given legal advice that this is in his own interest.

    If he contacts again, do not engage, not a word, done is done, just resets the emotional healing.
    Please be nice to all MoneySavers. That’s the forum motto. Remember, the prime aim is to help provide info and resources. If you don’t like someone, their situation, their question or feel they’re intruding on ‘your board’ then please bite the bullet and think of the bigger issue.
    • EdwardB
    • By EdwardB 12th Apr 17, 3:01 PM
    • 392 Posts
    • 297 Thanks
    EdwardB
    Guntashunt
    Jeeze. ..what a ddddick-head.
    Originally posted by calicocat
    BTW you can't use that language, watch the video and consider one of the examples below






































    Badgey
    Groger
    Guntsmith
    Shlunt
    Schluntster
    Shuckfunt
    Shafter
    Bumfunter
    Scroteling
    Shuckface
    Grogerjack
    Cockashunt
    Shuntbreath
    Guntashunt
    Shuntagunt
    Shuntface
    Funtsucker
    Ballgunter
    Slitwippper
    Scrote-toker
    Captain Shunt
    Captain Shuntfunter
    Rectanuggie
    Rectabreath
    Felchbreath
    Little Felchface
    Guntaclunt
    Scroteyshucker
    Cockawaft
    Slittycheese
    Shuntcheese
    Guntcheese
    Wangcheese
    Grogancheese
    Snagcheese
    Slit-slapper
    Gunt-slapper
    Grogan-sponge
    Shuckfunter
    Dogfelcher
    Thundergunt
    Chunt
    Chunt-magnet
    Chunt-cheese
    Chunt-face
    Bum-chunt
    !!!!-chunt
    Chunt-cheeks
    Chunt-jacker
    Chunt-breath
    Ejacu-gunt
    Recto-gunt
    Mister Chuntspread
    Funt-hole
    Chunt-hole
    Chunt lips
    Gunt-a-chunt
    Snag-chunt
    Chunt-snag
    Chunt-spit
    Chunt-head
    Chunt-wiper
    Chunt-rooter
    Ball-rooter
    Chunt-skid
    Gunt-skull
    Sticky-sticky chunt-mason
    Please be nice to all MoneySavers. That’s the forum motto. Remember, the prime aim is to help provide info and resources. If you don’t like someone, their situation, their question or feel they’re intruding on ‘your board’ then please bite the bullet and think of the bigger issue.
    • EdwardB
    • By EdwardB 12th Apr 17, 3:08 PM
    • 392 Posts
    • 297 Thanks
    EdwardB
    Look on the bright side, he was cold, callous and calculating, but he wasn't one of my exes.

    I mentioned in passing that my new job gave me £200,000 Accidental Death in Service benefit from the first day I started there.

    After he traded me in for a newer model, I got somebody in to fix a light switch he'd fitted 'for me' because it was buzzing and he'd always said there was nothing wrong with it, he was deemed A Competent Person for the installation of electrical items (he trained and assessed electricals ervice engineers for his job).

    Turned out that the live wire was carefully stripped of its protective coating and was laying just 2mm short of the metal housing of the switch, completely loose. As was the immersion heater's and every socket he'd replaced that I used regularly. The only one that was done properly was the one where he plugged in his phone charger.

    It could be a coincidence...but the electrician went white and insisted on doing every socket and switch in the place for me and refused to charge a penny for doing it.
    Originally posted by Jojo the Tightfisted
    On first reading you would imagine not possible that someone could do such a thing.

    Would he benefit from your will?

    First thing, make sure you have done a will that excludes him or leaves him the value of his relationship, 1p.

    Next have your gas or any other fire risk checked, along with your car brake fluid line!
    Please be nice to all MoneySavers. That’s the forum motto. Remember, the prime aim is to help provide info and resources. If you don’t like someone, their situation, their question or feel they’re intruding on ‘your board’ then please bite the bullet and think of the bigger issue.
    • Jojo the Tightfisted
    • By Jojo the Tightfisted 12th Apr 17, 7:07 PM
    • 21,801 Posts
    • 83,652 Thanks
    Jojo the Tightfisted
    On first reading you would imagine not possible that someone could do such a thing.

    Would he benefit from your will?

    First thing, make sure you have done a will that excludes him or leaves him the value of his relationship, 1p.

    Next have your gas or any other fire risk checked, along with your car brake fluid line!
    Originally posted by EdwardB
    He assumed he would. Pity the old guy at the firm had made certain I'd decided already where it should go in the event of my demise, strongly recommending that it didn't go to 'somebody who isn't prepared to marry you, unless, um, er, if you have something in common with some of our gents who nominated a Special Male Friend as beneficiary [polite cough]' - so it wasn't ever going anywhere near his pocket and I'd just forgotten to mention that bit to him .

    I'd already replaced all the appliances and the boiler by six weeks after he'd left, too, including the vacuum cleaner that had inexplicably given me a jolt when switching it on and picking up the (metal) hose.
    I could dream to wide extremes, I could do or die: I could yawn and be withdrawn and watch the world go by.

    Yup you are officially Rock n Roll
    Originally posted by colinw
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 12th Apr 17, 11:20 PM
    • 245 Posts
    • 901 Thanks
    my-user-name
    Without doubt this video is going to the top of my Facebook page Edward,I haven't laughed so much in ages lol
    (Sent you a message but not sure if you received it or its still floating around the universe)
    You crack me up lol
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 18th Apr 17, 9:43 PM
    • 7,353 Posts
    • 24,949 Thanks
    Primrose
    I hope things are starting to feel better for you now and you're gradually feeling you've turned a corner. I should think that by now your Ex is starting to feel the financial pinch with all his new expenses kicking in! Just look around your newly decorated room and enjoy the results of your efforts.
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 19th Apr 17, 12:01 AM
    • 245 Posts
    • 901 Thanks
    my-user-name
    I hope things are starting to feel better for you now and you're gradually feeling you've turned a corner. I should think that by now your Ex is starting to feel the financial pinch with all his new expenses kicking in! Just look around your newly decorated room and enjoy the results of your efforts.
    Originally posted by Primrose
    Hi Primrose,
    I'm still stripping,painting and decorating...........I'm on to the bathroom now lol
    I mentioned the money he put into my bank account(one grand less that he agreed on but hey ho),well the other day I received a letter from him,through my door,no stamp on it.
    It was a weird one stupid things to begin with like "I have just the best nights sleep ive had in months because I now know you can no longer get under my skin"then he said " I now realise I am completely over you and if you want to be cold then I can be colder"
    He finished off by saying "there will be no more money today or any other day.I ma going to concentrate on my family,my home,my life"His final words were "so leave me in peace to get on with it.Goodbye"
    Havent got a bloody clue what he was on about??? I could of contacted him but I didn't.
    However a neighbour who I know seen him coming away from my flat and spoke to him.He said to him"neither of you look happy since you split up" and he replied "well it was her choice" erm no it bloody wasn't
    Men I,ll never understand them
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 19th Apr 17, 7:48 AM
    • 7,353 Posts
    • 24,949 Thanks
    Primrose
    Sounds as if he might possibly have been drinking or at best is under some serious disillusions. In either case you're better off moving forward on your own. It has obviously got under his skin that you never contacted him to query the missing £1,000 from the payment he made and I see the letter as a spiteful response to try and even out the temperature. Your not responding to that either has probably ruffled his feathers even more because he now knows, despite his disillusions, that he has no way of permeating your armour.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 19th Apr 17, 9:49 AM
    • 27,037 Posts
    • 68,951 Thanks
    Mojisola
    the other day I received a letter from him,through my door,no stamp on it.

    It was a weird one stupid things to begin with like "I have just the best nights sleep ive had in months because I now know you can no longer get under my skin"then he said "I now realise I am completely over you and if you want to be cold then I can be colder"

    He finished off by saying "there will be no more money today or any other day.I ma going to concentrate on my family,my home,my life"

    His final words were "so leave me in peace to get on with it.Goodbye"

    Havent got a bloody clue what he was on about???
    Originally posted by my-user-name
    I think he's feeling the complete opposite of everything he said in the letter.

    You were 'leaving him in peace'; you haven't asked him for any more money; he is so not 'over you'!

    Sending you less money than agreed was obviously meant to get you contacting him again. You called his bluff and didn't.

    He's struggling to come to terms that he has got himself in this situation and can't understand why you aren't chasing him and pleading for him to come back.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 19th Apr 17, 10:49 AM
    • 16,646 Posts
    • 40,108 Thanks
    Pollycat
    I think he's feeling the complete opposite of everything he said in the letter.

    You were 'leaving him in peace'; you haven't asked him for any more money; he is so not 'over you'!

    Sending you less money than agreed was obviously meant to get you contacting him again. You called his bluff and didn't.

    He's struggling to come to terms that he has got himself in this situation and can't understand why you aren't chasing him and pleading for him to come back.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    My thoughts exactly ^^^^.
    I think that's the best thing to do.

    I too think he's done it on purpose with some ulterior motive in mind.
    And is waiting for you to bite.
    So - don't.
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    You've double-sixed him by acting totally opposite to the way he expected.
    The joke is most definitely on him.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 19th Apr 17, 2:24 PM
    • 7,353 Posts
    • 24,949 Thanks
    Primrose
    He could have posted the letter. I can,t help wondering if he hand delivered it half hoping that he might have bumped into you and been able to heldge his bets on how he would play things if that happened. He's obviously not anxious for your neighbours to know the truth that it was he who actually quit of his own volition.
    • VintageHistorian
    • By VintageHistorian 19th Apr 17, 9:24 PM
    • 88 Posts
    • 425 Thanks
    VintageHistorian
    Aaah, I was right on the money, he really doesn't like that you're living fine without him.

    Don't get in contact again, but I'd keep the letter just in case you start getting more of them, it'll be useful if you ever need to get a friendly PCSO to have a chat with him about harassment.
    "You won't bloom until you're planted" - Graffiti spotted in Newcastle.

    Make £2 a Day in March 2017 - £71.66/£62 (2017 total - £41.32) | Womble #03 - £4.32 | Overpayments - £155.12 | Emergency Savings - £0.00/£1000
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 19th Apr 17, 9:39 PM
    • 7,353 Posts
    • 24,949 Thanks
    Primrose
    He's either going to run out of steam now or the pent up frustration of you not acting in the way he had anticipated could cause him to flip and really start acting out of character. I suspect he's very frustrated that you seem to be getting on with your life whilst perhaps the financial pressures are now starting to creep up on him, with the realisation that the grass was not necessarily greener on the other side and he may finally have burnt his boats.


    If he was "completely over you" he wouldn't even be wasting his time writing a letter to you and coming over to your place to hand deliver it.
    Last edited by Primrose; 19-04-2017 at 9:42 PM.
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