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    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 28th Jan 17, 11:54 AM
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    my-user-name
    14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope
    • #1
    • 28th Jan 17, 11:54 AM
    14 years I feel Ive wasted,not sure how to cope 28th Jan 17 at 11:54 AM
    Things always seemed fine in our relationship,he told me he loved me everyday,told everyone hes happy,I thought he was happy.
    But at times he could be hard work,never actually opening up if anything was bothering him but I thought everything was fine
    We had a row beginning of January and things went downhill from then.
    Last week after 14 years he finally did open up....to tell me he no longer loves me and our relationship has reached the end of the road.
    This morning he left,he even slipped out of the home while I was in another room,no good byes,no nothing.
    I'm in shock, Im hurt,I m angry and cant believe this is happening.If this has happened to you,how did you cope in the early days,just looking for advice if possible please.
Page 19
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 10th Mar 17, 11:54 PM
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    my-user-name
    Some alarm apps will wake you while you are in this stage. It means that sometimes you get woken up a bit earlier than the time you set but, because you're not deeply asleep, it's easier to wake up.
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Hi Mojisola,when I say I'm dead to the world I really do mean that.I know I have to do a major overhaul and change so many bad habits to ensure things get back to normal so I'm willing to try anything.
    Him waking me up and literally kicking me out of bed is probably the only thing I miss about him right now,he did serve his purposes sometimes lol
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 11th Mar 17, 12:04 AM
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    my-user-name
    I would say having the wobbly days is perfectly normal , you won't be able to wipe out 14 yrs of your life and feelings in a few weeks. So don't beat yourself up about that, but the frequency, and intensity will lessen in time. Then one day , you will suddenly think ...hey....that doesn't happen anymore and you won't have any clear day when it happened, it just did.

    To the person who thinks it's only weirdos that post at 4.30 am..........I work night shift so am often up at stupid o'clock posting or reading....... Also I guess there are probably more people out there with insomnia than we reolise , or have physical problems with pain that would have someone awake at odd hours........ you never know..

    I would deffo decorate before building the furniture. People are right about building it yourself, it gets very frustrating, you will swear a lot, want to cry if you haven't done it before, want to throw it off the balcony too............then hours later....you have done it. And everything in the world seems alright again. Once you have built one thing, it gets easier, so start off with something smaller you know you can physically manage on your own from a size point of view.

    I'll wager nice mr housing/council/ hugs guy would have a drill, he may be an excellent choice to ask for a bit of help with fixing to walls ? Another time if you shop there again and don't want to build, they do a building service, which costs obviously, but maybe worth it if you were doing a whole room full of stuff in one go...especially if big stuff as you will need decent amount of floor space to build.

    Can't remember my first Ikea build, but I did want to smash it up , but felt seriously smug once I'd done it. It may be time for you to buy your first power tool, chicks with power tools always rock.

    Sleeping...could you put an alarm under your pillow, would that work ?...or all of them under your pillow. I think you can also buy siren alarm clocks..that should wake you. Re : the anxiety / sickly feeling, if it is at night anxiety and sleep Hypnos apps may help a bit.

    A friend of mine has just been told by her bloke they will give it until the end of next month to see if they are working out, if not then it's over. ( to me that translates as.....it Is over and you have a month to sort what you are doing next). She is in a right pickle, went part time at work (mutual decision) a few months ago, it's his house, she has no savings or assets etc....a right mess. So you and I can at least think ourselves lucky that we have our own place that no-one can touch, we haven't been up-rooted, and are financially stable ( well in as much as anyone can be in these times, jobs disappear all the time). We can plan nice things like how to redecorate, and have our own little castle to feel safe in.

    When is the decorating starting ? .
    Originally posted by calicocat
    Who said "it's only weirdos that post at 4.30 am"?? cheeky !!!!!!s,thats when the best conversations come on to the forum board lol
    I really hope your right when you say once you've made the first flat pack then the rest is easier,oh I do hope your right lol

    I'm sure Mr Housing.Council,hugs guy could possibly help but stupidly I never ask for help,its my downfall
    So many times Ive needed help but end up doing it myself,why??I,ll never know?
    I have a pipe which is leaking,has done for about a week now so I asked on our residents page if anyone knows what is causing this as I need to get it sorted.
    A lovely resident suggested it could just be a new valve which is needed(think he said the toilet sistern) and he offered to come around in the morning to take a look.
    Did I say "oh yes please!!" hell no I just thanked him for his kindness and said I would have a go at fixing it myself.This man only offered his help and I turned him down,I bet he wont offer next time I ask a question.
    Sometimes I could kick myself for trying to do things on my own.I class it as my bad habit and I wish I could accept help when needed.Now if he would of said "I might be able to fix it but it will cost you my time in money" then I would of said yes I'm happy with that,Im screwed up arnt I ??
    • calicocat
    • By calicocat 11th Mar 17, 5:19 AM
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    calicocat
    Who said "it's only weirdos that post at 4.30 am"?? cheeky !!!!!!s,thats when the best conversations come on to the forum board lol
    I really hope your right when you say once you've made the first flat pack then the rest is easier,oh I do hope your right lol

    I'm sure Mr Housing.Council,hugs guy could possibly help but stupidly I never ask for help,its my downfall
    So many times Ive needed help but end up doing it myself,why??I,ll never know?
    I have a pipe which is leaking,has done for about a week now so I asked on our residents page if anyone knows what is causing this as I need to get it sorted.
    A lovely resident suggested it could just be a new valve which is needed(think he said the toilet sistern) and he offered to come around in the morning to take a look.
    Did I say "oh yes please!!" hell no I just thanked him for his kindness and said I would have a go at fixing it myself.This man only offered his help and I turned him down,I bet he wont offer next time I ask a question.
    Sometimes I could kick myself for trying to do things on my own.I class it as my bad habit and I wish I could accept help when needed.Now if he would of said "I might be able to fix it but it will cost you my time in money" then I would of said yes I'm happy with that,Im screwed up arnt I ??
    Originally posted by my-user-name

    It's not screwed up, you just maybe need to change your reaction to help. Loads of us don't accept it, and it is silly really when offered. So that's easily fixed, next time someone offers, just do the opposite to what you would normally do and say yes. What you could do , is have a bottle of wine handy to give as a thank you, then it will feel more 'equal' if that makes sense .

    You could also ask envelope friend if she has ever done flat pack before, ask her if she would help you with it, and you cook a nice meal after.....and look at glitter. .

    Next time you see the bloke who said he would fix the leak, say you have had a look, and may as well be reading Chinese, and you would love him to come take a look at it..........see.....it's easy. Watch what he does don't just leave him to it, then another time you may be able to do it yourself.
    Yep...still at it, working out how to retire early..
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 11th Mar 17, 9:55 AM
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    Mojisola
    Him waking me up and literally kicking me out of bed is probably the only thing I miss about him right now, he did serve his purposes sometimes lol
    Originally posted by my-user-name
    He thought he had such a hold over you and now you're replacing him with an app!

    I once worked with a guy who also slept very soundly - he had three alarms clocks, set a few minutes apart. The first one was by his bed and the next on top of the wardrobe so that he had to get out of bed to turn it off.

    If he slept through both of those, the third one was an old-fashioned big clock with two bells on the top, kept in a metal bucket to amplify the sound on the other side of his room - if that didn't wake him up and get him out of bed, another family member made sure he was turfed out of bed because, by then, everyone else in the house was wide awake!
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 11th Mar 17, 2:40 PM
    • 245 Posts
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    my-user-name
    It's not screwed up, you just maybe need to change your reaction to help. Loads of us don't accept it, and it is silly really when offered. So that's easily fixed, next time someone offers, just do the opposite to what you would normally do and say yes. What you could do , is have a bottle of wine handy to give as a thank you, then it will feel more 'equal' if that makes sense .

    You could also ask envelope friend if she has ever done flat pack before, ask her if she would help you with it, and you cook a nice meal after.....and look at glitter. .

    Next time you see the bloke who said he would fix the leak, say you have had a look, and may as well be reading Chinese, and you would love him to come take a look at it..........see.....it's easy. Watch what he does don't just leave him to it, then another time you may be able to do it yourself.
    Originally posted by calicocat
    Its doing the opposite what I normally do which is the hardest thing to change calicocat,maybe it was all those years of bringing my daughter up on my own which has made me too bloody independent for my own good.
    Ive already mentioned the flat packs to Miss Envelope,she said she dosent have a clue how flat pack works but it would be fun to try............no it wouldn't be considering how much I paid for it lol I think I,ll be taking the phone off the hook and not have a trace of alcohol in my blood stream on the day it all comes out of the box lol
    I'm actually itching to have a go at them but will hang on until the painting and decorating has been done in the living room.As for this weekend .....I'm doing absolutely nothing and enjoying every second of it,yay!
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 11th Mar 17, 2:47 PM
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    my-user-name
    He thought he had such a hold over you and now you're replacing him with an app!

    I once worked with a guy who also slept very soundly - he had three alarms clocks, set a few minutes apart. The first one was by his bed and the next on top of the wardrobe so that he had to get out of bed to turn it off.

    If he slept through both of those, the third one was an old-fashioned big clock with two bells on the top, kept in a metal bucket to amplify the sound on the other side of his room - if that didn't wake him up and get him out of bed, another family member made sure he was turfed out of bed because, by then, everyone else in the house was wide awake!
    Originally posted by Mojisola
    Replacing him for a app,I never thought of that,brilliant Mojisola lol
    It used to annoy him so much when the alarms woke him up and I was still in my own little sleep world,to be honest I don't blame him getting annoyed with me on that count,I bet he has good sleeps now

    Maybe you should introduce me to this 3 alarms man,together with 6 clocks we might actually get up in time for work...or maybe not lol
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 11th Mar 17, 3:28 PM
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    Primrose
    Ive already mentioned the flat packs to Miss Envelope,she said she dosent have a clue how flat pack works but it would be fun to try............no it wouldn't be considering how much I paid for it lol I think I,ll be taking the phone off the hook and not have a trace of alcohol in my blood stream on the day it all comes out of the box lol
    I'm actually itching to have a go at them but will hang on until the painting and decorating has been done in the living room.As for this weekend .....I'm doing absolutely nothing and enjoying every second of it,yay!
    Originally posted by my-user-name
    Understand your desire not to build the flat packs until you've finished decorating but it might be wise to open them and check all the component part are there, especially small items like the appropriate number of screws, brackets, etc in case you need to make a complaint.

    We once left a flatpak kit unopened for so long (not from Ikea) that when we finally opened it and got round to trying to assemble it the supplying company would take no responsibility for missing parts.
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 11th Mar 17, 4:24 PM
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    my-user-name
    Understand your desire not to build the flat packs until you've finished decorating but it might be wise to open them and check all the component part are there, especially small items like the appropriate number of screws, brackets, etc in case you need to make a complaint.

    We once left a flatpak kit unopened for so long (not from Ikea) that when we finally opened it and got round to trying to assemble it the supplying company would take no responsibility for missing parts.
    Originally posted by Primrose
    Hells bells Primrose I didn't think of that.
    Into the spare room I go
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 11th Mar 17, 4:29 PM
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    Primrose
    And check that the instructions are not written in Chinese or Korean !!
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 11th Mar 17, 5:46 PM
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    my-user-name
    And check that the instructions are not written in Chinese or Korean !!
    Originally posted by Primrose
    Its all there Primrose and its in English too,yay!!!!
    Looking at the amount of wood and the huge amount of stuff which has to be put together I'm not going to have a go myself,its way too daunting.I know many will say have a go at it but I'm not going to mess it up by trying to do it myself,Im going to get experts in.Considering the price I paid I don't want to mess it up.
    I'm not feeling disappointed about it though,I thought I would have a go but I'm not going to.Ive managed the painting and decorating myself so I should be proud of that achievement and I'm happy with that.
    However I will watch the expert very closely so that next time I buy flat packs I will have a better idea on what to do.
    I know if I did manage it myself I would be elated but to get it done properly will make me even happier.Theres tons of fiddly little bits
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 11th Mar 17, 6:14 PM
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    Primrose
    Think you have made a wise decision.
    We nearly had a divorce when we tried to put our first flat pack together and it didn,t help that the miserable little accompanying leaflet was in a foreign language!
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 11th Mar 17, 7:00 PM
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    my-user-name
    Think you have made a wise decision.
    We nearly had a divorce when we tried to put our first flat pack together and it didn,t help that the miserable little accompanying leaflet was in a foreign language!
    Originally posted by Primrose
    Oh dear Primrose lol
    The only saving grace would be the fact I would only be arguing with myself lol
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 12th Mar 17, 12:07 PM
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    my-user-name
    Found myself a Mr Flat Pack Man,yay!!!!
    He,s doing it for me and putting one of the cabinets on the wall.........all for £50 !!
    I consider it a bargain,yes I failed because I didn't try it myself but at least it will be done properly
    I'm happy today,just got a few days to finish off painting and decorating the living room which I know I will manage.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 12th Mar 17, 12:39 PM
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    Primrose
    Well done on finding the Flat Pack man. I,m sure it's worth paying £50 to eliminate any more stress in your life. I think yiu have to choose your battles and the redecorating is probably quite enough on your plate at the moment. Getting everything done more speedily will allow you to move on with your new regime more quickly too, so count it a double investment.
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 12th Mar 17, 1:14 PM
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    kelpie35
    I am sure it will be £50 well spent. Hope you will be very happy with your new room.
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 12th Mar 17, 1:34 PM
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    my-user-name
    Well done on finding the Flat Pack man. I,m sure it's worth paying £50 to eliminate any more stress in your life. I think yiu have to choose your battles and the redecorating is probably quite enough on your plate at the moment. Getting everything done more speedily will allow you to move on with your new regime more quickly too, so count it a double investment.
    Originally posted by Primrose
    Thanks Primrose.Its true,the painting and decorating has been a battle but a battle that ive won,once it is finished I,ll be so pleased that I did it.
    Theres still more rooms to do,bedroom especially,I really do need to make that inviting for myself.I have new bedroom furniture so all I now need is decorating it and making it more personal for me.(I can see a tad amount of glitter going in there too) lol
    After that I will be concentrating on myself,not sure if I should of concentrated on it firstly but at the time I felt I had to remove every trace of him in my home,Im pretty sure Ive managed it.
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 12th Mar 17, 1:38 PM
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    my-user-name
    I am sure it will be £50 well spent. Hope you will be very happy with your new room.
    Originally posted by kelpie35
    I was shocked when he offered to do it all for £50 kelpie,I had no clue how much it would be.However that must be the average price because a few more contacted me and quoted the same price.
    For £50 it will mean I have to do some overtime at work this week but I'm happy with that but it means I will be on a countdown in getting my living room painted and decorated in time for the weekend when Mr Flat Pack Man visit
    .I will however watch how he assembles it so that my next flat pack stuff I will have a go myself,I promise!! lol

    Oh I cant wait!! I will definatly invite my friends around once its finished!!
    Last edited by my-user-name; 12-03-2017 at 1:42 PM.
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 12th Mar 17, 1:44 PM
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    Primrose
    Well it's nice to have goals where the end is imminently in sight and am sure when you sit back and admire the end result it will be infinitely satisfying.
    • calicocat
    • By calicocat 12th Mar 17, 4:56 PM
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    calicocat
    So are you doing the wallpapering yourself MUN ?..or have I missed that bit of info on the thread ?. I'm impressed if you are, that is one thing I would be getting help with or paying for as don't think I would be very good at that. Painting is probably my limit decorating wise . I can't even do gloss painting, what a ruddy chore that is, and I am absolutely pants at it the one time I tried it.

    Good job on the flat pack builder finding,it does take the headache out of it, especially if it is something big. I wanted to slit my wrists doing a load of stuff I had bought for one room, I did feel smug after, but to be fair, having someone else do it I would have felt just as happy. . The smug bit came from a mates hubby who came to put the doors on the first bit, then assumed he would be asked back to do the rest........ not, as I watched like a hawk.

    I totally get the being too independent bit, I am told that by friends hubbys all the time . Sometimes you just have to accept help though, and take it in the way it is meant. Everyone is good at doing different things. It would be a boring world otherwise.
    Yep...still at it, working out how to retire early..
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 12th Mar 17, 7:36 PM
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    my-user-name
    So are you doing the wallpapering yourself MUN ?..or have I missed that bit of info on the thread ?. I'm impressed if you are, that is one thing I would be getting help with or paying for as don't think I would be very good at that. Painting is probably my limit decorating wise . I can't even do gloss painting, what a ruddy chore that is, and I am absolutely pants at it the one time I tried it.

    Good job on the flat pack builder finding,it does take the headache out of it, especially if it is something big. I wanted to slit my wrists doing a load of stuff I had bought for one room, I did feel smug after, but to be fair, having someone else do it I would have felt just as happy. . The smug bit came from a mates hubby who came to put the doors on the first bit, then assumed he would be asked back to do the rest........ not, as I watched like a hawk.

    I totally get the being too independent bit, I am told that by friends hubbys all the time . Sometimes you just have to accept help though, and take it in the way it is meant. Everyone is good at doing different things. It would be a boring world otherwise.
    Originally posted by calicocat
    Yep I'm doing all the painting and decorating in the living room,Ive already done the hallway!
    Today I did all of the painting,well the undercoat anyway,once I get home from work tomorrow I,ll be able to gloss it all.Im aiming to get it all painted by tomorrow night then on Tuesday I will start the wallpapering
    .I spent years doing my own painting and decorating but when he came into my life we shared this chore.Dont get me wrong I loathe painting and decorating with a passion but I know I can do it so I didn't bother looking for a decorator.
    My wallpaper is ace!! I saw some lovely stuff for half price at The Range so I took a bit away to check in my home.When I went back it had gone (lesson learned) so I ended up getting a nice one again with sprinkles of glitter and a really expensive one for my main wall.
    He would hate my choice,that I know for sure but it dosent matter because I love it so to hell with him.As for my new furniture,he would hate that too.lol
    How the heck did Edward put that picci on his post??Id love to show my stuff to you.
    Last edited by my-user-name; 12-03-2017 at 7:38 PM.
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