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  • FIRST POST
    • Litchielou
    • By Litchielou 21st Jan 17, 4:35 PM
    • 81Posts
    • 577Thanks
    Litchielou
    Other thread opened my eyes
    • #1
    • 21st Jan 17, 4:35 PM
    Other thread opened my eyes 21st Jan 17 at 4:35 PM
    I have just read a thread 'don't like my kids' this has made me realise that I dislike my
    Mother, she always seems to make more of an effort with my 2 brothers children and grandchildren yet my brother's don't visit. It may seem as though I'm only thinking of money
    But when she buys mine a present its usually second hand or if new either cheap and or unsuitable for there ages. The others get the most beautiful gifts or money.
    I visit every week, can only manage 2-3 hours. When I'm there she is not interested in anything I do or she criticizes what I say. Never visits my house asked her to come for Xmas dinner and turned me down. Funny enough she loves my husband. And the number of friends she has is unbelievable.
    I had a very difficult relationship with my late dad. She stood by and watched a lot of unpleasant
    Events happen.
    She is now ill and it's me that is the running around no sign of brothers or even their wifes taking her to the hospital.
    I will carry on going I don't know why but feel as though I should.
    My husband the love of my life thinks that I should stop seeing her as we don't need her negativety in our lives. He says I'm too soft hearted.
    Sorry for the rant but this was my lightbulb moment.
    I know families are all different.
    PS I get on so well with my brothers and families. They don't like her either so that's why they don't visit.
    This post I'm sure is a rambling mix up but don't want to start again or might not repost.
    Thanks for reading
Page 16
    • Litchielou
    • By Litchielou 9th Mar 17, 9:06 PM
    • 81 Posts
    • 577 Thanks
    Litchielou
    When I started this thread I in my ignorance thought it way just me that felt this way, I now realise that I am not alone, this has been like therapy (something I would never have gone too).

    Ladies/Gentlemen please don't worry the sparkling wine will be flowing tomorrow ( don't like or can't afford Champagne). DH has just given me a lovely card which invites me to join in the fun of retirement and inside was a diamond necklace. I only got him a card. Better get up early and make him breakfast for his last day. He is my Bessie mate and rock.

    Take care xx
    • PinkMonster
    • By PinkMonster 10th Mar 17, 4:13 AM
    • 6 Posts
    • 44 Thanks
    PinkMonster
    Lessonlearned, I learned that a long time ago. I've been in the UK for 15 years, and that was the main reason I stayed, not having to deal with them day-to-day.

    My mother was a bully and like all bullies, when you tell them they aren't getting their own way, they don't know what to do about it. The only reason my mother listened to me even a little, was because she knew I meant it when I told her she wouldn't hear from us again if she didn't apologise to me.

    My sisters are so conditioned to listen to her and let her have her own way, that it actually was part of her decline in health. When we were there the last time, she took off 3 days before we left to drive 8 hours away (if no breaks!, and back again in 3 days) with my sister and her husband's family, even though she had DVT and had developed it during the same trip the previous year - and had only just recovered from it. She ended up with it permanently and on warfarin til she died. She 'didn't want to disappoint' someone she met up there the previous year, so went instead of staying home to see her grandson for 3 more days. Then whined at us that 'she had the right to see him' on the day we spent with her, but refused lots of opportunities to come to my godmother's house where we were staying (they had the room) for meals/evenings with us.

    The sister she went with was perfectly capable of telling her she should only go if her doctor OK'd the trip, my mother wouldn't ask her doc otherwise but my sister wouldn't do it. Then looked after her for the next 6 years, hand and foot, out of guilt.
    Last edited by PinkMonster; 10-03-2017 at 4:16 AM.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 10th Mar 17, 7:10 AM
    • 14,829 Posts
    • 59,542 Thanks
    Judi
    It would have been my daughter's 37th birthday in a few days time. She died when she was just a baby but I think of her a lot, especially around her birthday. but one of my memories of losing my daughter was comforting Mother. To hear her weep and wail anyone would have thought she had lost the baby she gave birth to.

    My grief didn't matter because I was only young but my body ached for the baby I'd given birth to.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • spirit
    • By spirit 10th Mar 17, 7:27 AM
    • 2,570 Posts
    • 5,535 Thanks
    spirit
    It would have been my daughter's 37th birthday in a few days time. She died when she was just a baby but I think of her a lot, especially around her birthday. but one of my memories of losing my daughter was comforting Mother. To hear her weep and wail anyone would have thought she had lost the baby she gave birth to.

    My grief didn't matter because I was only young but my body ached for the baby I'd given birth to.
    Originally posted by Judi


    no words Judi ((hugs))
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee.
    • Litchielou
    • By Litchielou 10th Mar 17, 7:44 AM
    • 81 Posts
    • 577 Thanks
    Litchielou
    Judi lots of love to you at this sad time. xx
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 10th Mar 17, 12:18 PM
    • 9,696 Posts
    • 54,434 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Sending you hugs and love. X
    • PinkMonster
    • By PinkMonster 10th Mar 17, 2:14 PM
    • 6 Posts
    • 44 Thanks
    PinkMonster
    ((hugs))) Judy
    • allie23
    • By allie23 11th Mar 17, 1:50 PM
    • 1,239 Posts
    • 13,490 Thanks
    allie23
    It would have been my daughter's 37th birthday in a few days time. She died when she was just a baby but I think of her a lot, especially around her birthday. but one of my memories of losing my daughter was comforting Mother. To hear her weep and wail anyone would have thought she had lost the baby she gave birth to.

    My grief didn't matter because I was only young but my body ached for the baby I'd given birth to.
    Originally posted by Judi
    Your grief does matter. Sending hugs xx
    Save £12k in 2017 - Challenger 11 - £13,620/£24,000
    • JIL
    • By JIL 19th Mar 17, 3:06 AM
    • 2,610 Posts
    • 17,981 Thanks
    JIL
    My sil is one of four children, there is her and her sister and two brothers. The brothers live overseas and rarely come home. The sisters help out with their mother as they have always done. Their father died a couple of years ago and all his money went to the mother.
    The sons are divorced, the sisters both married.

    The mother has changed her will to leave everything to her son's, her reason being that the daughters have husbands to provide for them.
    It is very sad.
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 19th Mar 17, 7:21 AM
    • 12,787 Posts
    • 35,144 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    One sometimes gets the suspicion that mothers will look for any excuse to favour their sons - but there is never the counterbalance of fathers looking for any excuse to favour their daughters.

    Presumably because it's the mothers that tend to live the longest...

    Yes it is sad indeed..and how old-fashioned to regard daughters as "being provided for by husbands". I could have understood more if the mother had said "Well the daughters are half of a couple and the sons are not half of a couple - and single people are worse off than married people basically" - as singles are a lot worse off (all else being equal).
    Last edited by moneyistooshorttomention; 19-03-2017 at 7:24 AM.
    ploughing my own furrow...the rain begins with a single drop...

    #I'mWithNoel
    • spirit
    • By spirit 19th Mar 17, 9:01 AM
    • 2,570 Posts
    • 5,535 Thanks
    spirit
    As a mother of a son and daughter - I don't favour one over the other at all.

    I found the appeal court judgement odd, on the daughter who was still awarded 50k by them when it was clear the mother didn't bequeath her anything ((shrugs))
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee.
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 19th Mar 17, 9:35 AM
    • 12,787 Posts
    • 35,144 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    I just read that appeal court judgement as being "How can I judge either way? As we arent being told the full facts to work it out for ourselves".

    - To me - I'd be working it out on the basis of any child born 1970s onwards is one the mother chose to have (rather than couldnt avoid...courtesy of not having modern-day contraception etc). Therefore the mother has a level of continuing responsibility in a sorta sense - as the (now adult) child "didnt ask to be born" - but the mother did ask for it iyswim

    - Maybe the daughter is a perfectly normal decent human being, but the mother isnt and the daughter shouldnt suffer for the fact the mother isnt (if that's the case).

    - Maybe the mother didnt spend an adequate amount of money raising the daughter (despite having it available to spend) and instead "scrimped and scraped" at the daughters expense - whilst blowing money on luxuries for themselves and the money is compensation for inadequate diet/heating/etc that they had as a child.

    Who knows? and without us being told the full facts we can't judge whether she should have had nothing/more/all one would expect an adult "child" to inherit/etc.
    ploughing my own furrow...the rain begins with a single drop...

    #I'mWithNoel
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 19th Mar 17, 10:26 AM
    • 16,980 Posts
    • 42,789 Thanks
    Pollycat
    My sil is one of four children, there is her and her sister and two brothers. The brothers live overseas and rarely come home. The sisters help out with their mother as they have always done. Their father died a couple of years ago and all his money went to the mother.
    The sons are divorced, the sisters both married.

    The mother has changed her will to leave everything to her son's, her reason being that the daughters have husbands to provide for them.
    It is very sad.
    Originally posted by JIL
    Were I one of the daughters I might find myself spending more time on the chap who is 'providing for me' instead of helping out the Mother.
    • grandma247
    • By grandma247 19th Mar 17, 10:57 AM
    • 2,370 Posts
    • 33,038 Thanks
    grandma247

    But I have been happily married for 30 years - well apart from when I contemplate burying him under the patio.
    Originally posted by maryb
    Haha we call them "spade at the back of the head" moments. Have you ever watched the film keeping mum. Very funny film. That was when we started using the phrase.
    • ariba10
    • By ariba10 20th Mar 17, 4:09 PM
    • 5,134 Posts
    • 5,558 Thanks
    ariba10
    [QUOTE=spirit;72274042]As a mother of a son and daughter - I don't favour one over the other at all.

    /QUOTE]

    My wife's the same. She claims she treats the boy and the girl equally .

    As Robby Burnes put it.

    "Oh our God the gift to give us is to see ourselves as others see us."
    I used to be indecisive but now I am not sure.
    • lessonlearned
    • By lessonlearned 26th Mar 17, 6:48 PM
    • 9,696 Posts
    • 54,434 Thanks
    lessonlearned
    Sistergate
    Today I met with my sister to scatter dads ashes. It's finished, my last "daughter duty" is complete. The atmosphere was strained but polite. It was the first time we have met since dads funeral. I shall be perfectly happy if it's the last.

    Onwards and upwards....my new stress free life, free from family discord and turmoil, starts today.

    Free at last.
    • allie23
    • By allie23 26th Mar 17, 7:02 PM
    • 1,239 Posts
    • 13,490 Thanks
    allie23
    Well done LL. Enjoy
    Save £12k in 2017 - Challenger 11 - £13,620/£24,000
    • spirit
    • By spirit 26th Mar 17, 7:11 PM
    • 2,570 Posts
    • 5,535 Thanks
    spirit
    Today I met with my sister to scatter dads ashes. It's finished, my last "daughter duty" is complete. The atmosphere was strained but polite. It was the first time we have met since dads funeral. I shall be perfectly happy if it's the last.

    Onwards and upwards....my new stress free life, free from family discord and turmoil, starts today.

    Free at last.
    Originally posted by lessonlearned
    today is the first day of the rest of your life LL
    Mortgage free as of 10/02/2015. Every brick and blade of grass belongs to meeeee.
    • maryb
    • By maryb 27th Mar 17, 1:24 PM
    • 3,284 Posts
    • 38,760 Thanks
    maryb
    Be happy!

    (That goes for everyone. )
    It doesn't matter if you are a glass half full or half empty sort of person. Keep it topped up! Cheers!
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