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  • FIRST POST
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 2nd Jan 17, 10:55 PM
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    sashybo
    Sashybo - Back Again
    • #1
    • 2nd Jan 17, 10:55 PM
    Sashybo - Back Again 2nd Jan 17 at 10:55 PM
    Hi all, has been a good long while this time since I've had a diary, think this is number 4 overall. My last diary can be found HERE.

    Current debt now under 10K. This is mostly made up of loans we had to take out to cover the negative equity of the flat we sold a couple of years ago.

    I must admit we have slipped occasionally and had to do a couple of BT's etc as got into a bit more debt when we bought a new house & wanted shiny new things to go in it.

    Overall, things are headed in the right direction but now we have a new challenge as DH & I are expecting a baby in May.

    I only get 3 months full pay then 3 months half pay on maternity leave in my job & won't be able to go back full time as we both do shift work and there's no way to work childcare around the shifts we do (7 days in a row & many unsociable hours to boot). So we'll have to reduce the spending & batter the debt as will have a smaller income.

    So I've come crawling back - I find having a diary here does help to keep me focused and stop so much silly spending.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
Page 17
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 16th Jun 17, 10:30 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Sling meet might be worth a look into? If baby wearing is something you'd consider of course.

    They will help with all the different types and how best to wear etc etc and you can borrow from them and try them out before you decide. It took me months to find the 'one' Before my youngest I would never have considered it but with her it was a life saver. It means you can have both hands free and still a happy baby

    We still do the wrapped up blanket under the bed sheet for youngest too and she's 3! it was first done on a hospital stay at a few weeks old and even now it must make her feel safe being 'held' in. We do similar to what a sleepyhead would do, but only upto under her arms (feet to foot still)

    sorry if this is unwanted tips just tell me to go away

    Lovely that you have homegrown food, it always tastes so much better x

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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £30 Amazon
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 16th Jun 17, 10:50 PM
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    sashybo
    Thanks Hidden, any tips are always welcome. I was thinking about a sling as it sounds ideal but my back is still really sore and I'm worried that it might make it worse. I'm back at the chiropractor next week so may ask her about it.

    The homegrown veg is lovely, we've got radish, runner beans, lettuce, spring onions & tomatoes growing as well so fingers crossed they do well. My in-laws are big gardeners so DH has their experience to fall back on as well.

    Speaking of the PIL, they're arriving tomorrow for a few days visit (NOT staying with us) to see the baby. I fully expect not to get a hold of the child all weekend. Fingers crossed I can sneak away for naps so that I a) don't lose my temper when the PIL say something stupid/tactless (fully expecting to be accused of "spoiling" the baby by picking him up when he cries) & b) can catch up on my sleep.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 16th Jun 17, 10:55 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Take full advantage of the extra hands to do the holding catch up on sleep where you can

    I'd def try a sling meet if there's one local rather than buying one then, that way they can give their advice on whats best for your back too and check its at the correct height/position etc for both of you x

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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £30 Amazon
    • swimminginaseaofdebt
    • By swimminginaseaofdebt 16th Jun 17, 11:03 PM
    • 503 Posts
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    swimminginaseaofdebt
    Hi Sashybo,

    Just popping in to say a belated congratulations! Hope you manage to catch up on some sleep and pick the little one up as much as you feel he needs it They grow so fast he'll soon be on the move and the cuddles will be missed (mines is nearly one and got held a lot when he was younger - to much criticism - but he's now a wriggly worm and I can't get him to sit still unless he's eating lol). Also I've heard baby massage can be helpful for colic, not sure how true this is but might be worth investigating x
    Pay all debt off by Christmas 2017 #150 - £1868.05/£3729.05
    ,
    SPC10 #564
    • Treadingonplaymobil
    • By Treadingonplaymobil 17th Jun 17, 6:43 AM
    • 672 Posts
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    Treadingonplaymobil
    Slings were a life saver for us too. I tried a few but DH and I both found a wrap sling the solution, as you can support the weight on your hips as they get heavier, and tie it according to their size when they are teeny. Baby Bjorns and similar were dire for my back and are thought by many not to be great for baby's hips/pelvis. Also had varying degrees of success with a ring sling (too crooked for me, could never get used to the one-sidedness), and a Manduka carrier (backpack type thing with a hip belt, was really useful when they were older and could go on the back).
    £67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed... The debt free diary of one family and their enormous debt
    LBM debt on 12th Feb 2017/DFD: £58,608.13/1st Dec 2026
    debt on 6th June 17/DFD: £56,025.55/1st March 2025
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 17th Jun 17, 8:07 AM
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    Eager_Elephant
    Have a read about cranial osteopathy for babies - it is recommended for babies who have had a traumatic or fast birth.

    It's basically all linked to the skull and how in a traumatic or fast birth the skull doesn't prepare itself properly and so the head ends up squished and out of shape and so that presses on nerves etc and causes issues like no sleeping and crying when not being held.

    I took my daughter when she was 18mths old as that was when I first heard about it but wish someone had mentioned it when she was a newborn. My labour with my daughter was 3.5 hours so really fast - she never slept through the night and would wake up to 10 times a night. It was exhausting but you just cope.
    Then when she was 18mths someone suggested cranial osteopathy and I took her and it was fab. The only downside was that by then she moved a lot so wouldn't lay nicely for them to massage her head and do whatever they did but they did there best. When we left she slept for 10hrs straight (a miracle) and from then on she only woke 4 -5 times a night which I was more than happy with.
    I assume if I had gone back for more sessions it may have got even better but she just wouldn't sit still enough for them to do anything after the first session.

    I just googled cranial osteopathy and my nearest town and found a really lovely practice.
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 6 for June
    NSD - 3/15
    (up to 6/6/17)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 18th Jun 17, 3:00 PM
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    sashybo
    Hidden I'm taking advantage of the PIL being here to hold the baby so I can get things done around the house - the problem is getting him back again!

    I seriously think I would have to wrestle him off my MIL. I know they live far away & won't see him as much as they'd like but I feel like I'm not allowed to hold my own baby when they're here. As soon as MIL walks in the door it's "Oh will I take the baby for you?" I feel like saying no because I won't get him back again until they leave! They were at our house from 7pm until half past midnight last night! To be fair that was more FIL drinking whiskey & watching the rugby on catch up, I could tell that MIL felt awkward about it but she still hogged the baby anyway.

    Today baby was whisked off me within 2 seconds (over 3 hours ago now) & I haven't had a look in since. Went off in a huff to clean my bathrooms so at least got something useful done but DH didn't even notice I was gone! They were all sitting outside in the garden with my baby but without me!

    DH then let MIL take the baby for a walk in the pram without asking or even telling me! I was raging as we've not even taken him a walk yet (rubbish weather, then lack of a sunshade for the pram yesterday). He doesn't think he's done anything wrong & obviously didn't even occur to MIL to ask me if I 'd mind her taking my baby out. So went to lie down for a nap & had a cry, still hiding in my room. DH did come up and talk to me and said just to take the baby off her but it's not really that easy is it? They already think I'm moody & hysterical because I don't always do what they want.

    That turned into a bit of a rant there.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 18th Jun 17, 3:10 PM
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    sashybo
    Hi swimming thanks. Will definitely be picking the baby up when he cries as he works himself into a right state otherwise. To be honest I'm not getting the chance at the moment due to overbearing in-laws anyway - see ranty post above.

    I've also heard that about baby massage- the health visitor gave me a booklet which has some of the basics so may try it out.

    TOPM thanks for the sling info, will definitely look into it.

    EE thanks for the suggestion - my chiropractor has said she wants to check the baby in a few weeks to make sure that his neck is properly aligned after his forceps birth. Will see how he's doing at that point but would definitely consider the cranial osteopathy as well.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 21st Jun 17, 11:08 AM
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    sashybo
    PIL went home yesterday afternoon thankfully. I'm SO glad I put my foot down about them not staying with us. I really wouldn't have been able to cope with that. MIL was making me feel so anxious & down with her behaviour and didn't seem to notice or care.

    I'm really dreading their next visit now, which I don't want to do as obviously it's good for the baby to have lots of people that love him. MIL just wants to take over though - I just wanted to tell her "He's not your baby, he's mine. Back off & stop hovering over him all the time!"

    I've never felt included when we spend time with the PIL - they're only interested in their son. Now it's worse because their laser focus is on my poor baby & I was feeling even more pushed out in my own house.

    My poor DH tries to include me but as I've mentioned before they emotionally manipulate & bully him a lot. They don't listen to what he says or don't believe him when he tells them things he knows more about than them. MIL kept hovering over him & trying to take the baby off him as though he couldn't be trusted with him.

    I'm also still in a lot of pain with my back/pelvis and it makes getting up & sitting down very sore. Plus if I sit too long it makes the pain worse. MIL kept making comments/digs about how FIL didn't have any time off work when DH was born & she was in lots of pain for months with her stitches but just had to get on with it.

    All that stress on top of the lack of sleep with the baby's colic was not helpful. I'm just glad they don't live too close if that's the way MIL is going to carry on. Maybe she'll calm down as times goes on but I wouldn't bet on it.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • kirtsypoos
    • By kirtsypoos 21st Jun 17, 12:01 PM
    • 2,826 Posts
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    kirtsypoos
    They sound difficult to cope with at the best of times Sashy, I don't envy you there.

    At least you, DH and little'un can get back to your routine again now
    £960/3000 OH BC(68% PAID)
    PAID VERY, Barclaycard x2, Vanquis, Natwest, O/D, Tesco & MBNA x2 PAID LBM 24/07/15 - Debt: £960/31010.23 (96.90% paid)
    Mortgage - £163,450.00 (2017 O/P £1213.91) PAYDBX 17 #006 - £14789.69/14,539.71Make £10 Apr £194.58 Make £10 May £159.75 Make £10 June £245.11
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 23rd Jun 17, 12:40 PM
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    sashybo
    Hi Kirsty, yes PIL are hard work even without a grandchild being involved. They also basically told me I've not to have any more children because they're too expensive! Aye right cos it's their decision if DH & I have another child in the future.

    Went to chiropractor the other day & need to go back again next week, still very sore. She checked the baby as well & did a bit of work on his hips & neck and will check him again at my next appointment. She said it might help his colic as well.

    Colic is still hurting poor DS but we are trying a few different things like baby massage & tilting his moses basket at a slight angle and he has been a bit better the last few nights. Hopefully his chiropractor appointment helped a bit as well.

    Heard from my workmates that big changes are being implemented in our department & that my job is being moved to another office (which is a lot further away) & away from everyone I've worked with for nearly 7 years.

    I'm looking to go job share as can't work the shifts I used to with a small baby & don't want to move office so will probably have to apply for another job. Have yet to hear any of this officially though so will speak to my manager about it once he informs me.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 23rd Jun 17, 12:47 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Have you spoken to the gp/hv? Are you sure its colic and not silent reflux/reflux? It took 3 weeks and some scary incidents before youngests reflux was diagnosed. I think if it hadn't had been so severe it would have taken a lot longer!

    Boo to the job Hope you get something sorted x

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    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 23rd Jun 17, 9:52 PM
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    sashybo
    Hi Hidden, yes spoke to midwife & HV re the colic but my mum actually said to me today that it could be reflux as well as/rather than colic. So if he's still struggling I'll speak to the HV again.

    My baby niece had really bad reflux until fairly recently but she kept throwing up after feeds whereas my DS is only sick if he takes his bottle too quickly or if we lie him down too soon after a feed.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 23rd Jun 17, 10:36 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    Hi Hidden, yes spoke to midwife & HV re the colic but my mum actually said to me today that it could be reflux as well as/rather than colic. So if he's still struggling I'll speak to the HV again.

    My baby niece had really bad reflux until fairly recently but she kept throwing up after feeds whereas my DS is only sick if he takes his bottle too quickly or if we lie him down too soon after a feed.
    Originally posted by sashybo
    Definitely push if you feel its more than colic, like I say our experience wasn't nice but there where other things going on too. Although O was never sick, if you look at silent relux on nhs it will have the symptoms. Honestly despite her other issues once we had got it under control she was like a whole different baby. Even now if she's unwell and it causes a flare she turns into a devil until it's back under control x

    Hope he settles soon be that colic or something else, nothing worse than feeling like you can't fix the discomfort instantly x

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    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 24th Jun 17, 1:21 PM
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    sashybo
    Thanks Hidden, will do. Had a bad night again last night, longest DS slept was 2 hours & then he was only taking an oz of his bottle before falling asleep again. So of course he was waking up more & more often. Poor wee soul was really sore.

    DH took over fully from around 8am as I was so tired (he had been getting up & making the bottles during the night as well). He got DS dressed & changed and gave him his morning bottle while I got a bit of sleep.

    We've been giving the baby colic drops but are trying a different brand now to see if it helps more, unsure if it will make a difference. Will try a warm bath & baby massage later and hope it helps.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 24th Jun 17, 1:59 PM
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    Hiddenidenity
    I don't want to be over bearing with my replies so please do tell me to back off if I come across too much.

    Sorry to hear you had such a bad night If there is SR there we found infacol made it worse, colief worked okay but not perfectly as obviously the SR was there.

    Is he sleeping with his head higher than his feet? You can wedges for under their mattress or blocks that stand under the feet when he goes into a cot. We still use her wedge now in her toddler bed. Keeping him upright for at least 30 mins after a feed, little and often feeds etc etc.
    We also found the car seat made her more uncomfortable but being in the carrycot of the pram with the Moses basket wedge made her settle well.

    Remember you're doing everything you can and there is light at the end of the tunnel it will pass eventually xx

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    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 24th Jun 17, 11:32 PM
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    sashybo
    Thanks Hidden, your replies are very helpful.

    We have propped the moses basket feet up at an angle using some books so that his head is higher than his feet - started doing this 3 nights ago & think it has helped a bit. Will look into a wedge for under his mattress as we could then use it when we move him into his cot (if necessary).

    Have learned to keep him upright after feeds after a couple of projectile vomit incidents. He generally likes to graze with feeds so only takes a couple of oz at a time then has a break before having the rest.

    DH & I gave him a bath earlier which he seemed to enjoy & then I tried some baby massage on his stomach & chest. Hopefully it has helped a bit.

    Got some more info about my job role from a workmate - it's not just being moved, it's being done away with altogether & replaced with another job in the further away office.

    The new role will have more responsibilities but the same money & in the further away office where the culture is one where you're expected to take breaks at your desk I.e. you don't get your break. So I'll not be applying for that job - they probably wouldn't be willing to give me a job share there anyway.

    They're cutting at least 20 jobs from our office. Really not good, especially as I want to go part-time/job share. We can't afford for me not to go back to work. Trying not to panic but have no idea what I'll be going back to next year as it now appears that I won't have a job to go back to.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 25th Jun 17, 12:13 AM
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    Hiddenidenity
    I know it's easy for me to say but please don't worry too much about the job. It's something you can't change, especially right now and what will be will be. Everything happen's for a reason even if we can't see the reason at the time.

    Everything will work out x

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    June 17 PA £121.25 + £70 Cash + £30 Amazon
    • Treadingonplaymobil
    • By Treadingonplaymobil 25th Jun 17, 8:11 AM
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    Treadingonplaymobil
    You are very well protected from redundancy while on mat leave, but it doesn't sound like that's the concern, more that your job will have changed beyond all recognition. I hope you get some more info soon.

    All my babies have been truly, spectacularly, terrible sleepers. You have my sympathy! No physical reason with any of them, but it's always worth investigating reflux/silent reflux.
    £67,031.92 is a frightening number indeed... The debt free diary of one family and their enormous debt
    LBM debt on 12th Feb 2017/DFD: £58,608.13/1st Dec 2026
    debt on 6th June 17/DFD: £56,025.55/1st March 2025
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 25th Jun 17, 11:34 PM
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    • 17,991 Thanks
    sashybo
    Thanks Hidden, I'm a terrible worrier & can worry about the most stupid things so something more concrete really gets me wound up even when I try not to get into a state. Had a good cry on DH last night & then had a really sore stomach (again with the worrying).

    TOP I think you're right - I have no idea what they will offer me in place of my own job & that's what is really getting to me. I like my job, where I work & most of the people I work with, plus the office is really handy for me. I'm also worried because I won't be able to go back full time & will need part time hours so that will affect what they offer as well. They're saying there won't be any compulsory redundancies but if they offer me a job I don't want to do or can't do due to the baby I don't know how that works. We do have a union so will have to speak to them as well.

    DS slept better last night - 2 hours then over 4 hours which was quite good but he was sore again in the afternoon.

    Had the first night out with DH and without the baby tonight since the baby was born. Had a nice dinner & good to spend time with DH but we both felt a bit weird without DS! Had a few drinks, just hope baby has a decent night tonight.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £8223 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £41,928.84
    Loans 1 & 2 £6014.79, Car loans £25,815.54
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