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  • FIRST POST
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 2nd Jan 17, 11:49 AM
    • 4,058Posts
    • 16,631Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Rock bottom, but the only way is up
    • #1
    • 2nd Jan 17, 11:49 AM
    Rock bottom, but the only way is up 2nd Jan 17 at 11:49 AM
    Hi all,

    Those who remember me from previously (last on MFW) I'm back again after getting sidetracked. I met my soulmate or so I thought and everything was rosy. Well now those specs are off and I'm Miss Single again, I can see what a mess I've made of the finances and my SE job nose dived with it. Not really any going back there - it drained all my energy ultimately and I got into a bad place with it.

    I have hit rock bottom over the Christmas/New Year break and just starting to lift my head out of the fog now. My outgoings are now bigger than my incomings and I'll need to do a new SOA. I'm trying to drag myself out of the mire.

    There are some good things and I need to focus on those.

    - I've been offered a 30 hr job, just waiting on DBS to come through. Pay is poor but it's better than nothing.

    - I've got 3 new SE strands that I've got courses booked for - I'm going to be busy and working hard. 2 are online, 1 is in person.

    - I'm doing new stuff to get over the ex (well, it's on hold, he isn't sure) - meditation group and back to my old stuff of exercise - gym classes and swimming.

    - I've got some savings still so bills will be paid for January and February.

    I stupidly (in hindisght) bought another second car - a sports one - a deja vu moment that I'm probably going to have to sell that.

    Reading that, it doesn't look too bad I guess. Just tackling it all alone and trying to work it out whilst hanging on to hope with ex/worrying about money/not being able to concentrate on money, courses or anything, I feel isolated and lost.

    I am grateful for lots in my life...I just can't genuinely believe yet.

    I hope the wonderful community here will support, offer suggestions, share thoughts and lift my spirits too.

    Phew! Glad to get it out of my head. I have to turn 2017 into a successful year somehow

    Thanks for reading x
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
Page 4
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 7th Jan 18, 10:11 PM
    • 4,058 Posts
    • 16,631 Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Thanks Alex.

    A big part of me would like to get back to being an employee to have a regular income, I think it'd help me get a stable base back and regain some confidence.

    Thanks for the suggestions, when I get to that stage then that's a good route to take. I don't have the energy to face it yet.

    DS will have to do things at home (like eat) and he forgets to do that. If I can get a Mon-Fri 9-5 type job it'll be ok. Uni thoughts make me panic - if he wants £55k of debt, he can do it, rather him than me. Debt has blighted much of my adult life, I hate it, having had a taste of freedom without it. I've worked my socks off full time for 34 years and could end up with very little to show for it. Feel sick to the core.

    There are 2 CCs and both on 0%, the minimum wouldn't change if I combined on a new deal and they'd be a charge to do it as well. I think they're best left as is for the time being? The loan is the killer at £295 a month.

    Pension at £263 a month - loath to stop it as running out of years to save for it.

    Mortgage is £223 a month. Trying not to stop as it'll just create a bigger pile of pooh to sort.

    And bigger than money, it's all revealed how unhappy I am, have been and probably will be. I'm destined to be alone and I hate that too.
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 7th Jan 18, 10:20 PM
    • 4,058 Posts
    • 16,631 Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Ali, just wanted to say although it's looking scary for you at least you're taking the first steps of getting your figures sorted so you know what you're dealing with.

    As Alex said you've done well to do what you've done so far re making cuts/savings on your outgoings and applying for jobs etc.

    You will do it Ali.
    Originally posted by sashybo
    Thank you

    Your sig 'failure isn't fatal, courage to continue...' that's what I need to find, courage. I'm living in fear of everything 24/7 and I have to break through it bit by bit.
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 7th Jan 18, 10:47 PM
    • 2,523 Posts
    • 19,217 Thanks
    sashybo
    Ahh Ali, itís so hard isnít it? I have struggled with depression, as has almost everyone close to me but not to the extent that youíre experiencing it & itís different for everyone.

    You are facing it head on so try not to be so hard on yourself. You have that courage - bags of it.
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £9575 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £48,575.28
    Loan £3334.75, CC 0% BT £892, Car loans £22,879.88

    Have a Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • Buffythedebtslayer
    • By Buffythedebtslayer 7th Jan 18, 11:00 PM
    • 14,988 Posts
    • 48,629 Thanks
    Buffythedebtslayer
    Hi Ali,
    I wrote a long rambling post. It was rambling and pointless. Just wanted you to know you aren't alone.

    Hugs, Buffy XXXX
    Penny a day Challenge, Frugal living challenge, £1 a day challenge, VSP challenge, Sealed Pot Challenge.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 7th Jan 18, 11:11 PM
    • 5,919 Posts
    • 31,012 Thanks
    AlexLK
    Sounds good re. being employed rather than self employed. I didn't think I could do it but seem to have found the right opportunity and am settling in so at the moment would recommend it. Choose opportunities and industries wisely though. Some industries are inherently horrible to work in I've found previously.

    Mrs. K. doesn't eat unless a meal is provided for her and she's managed to survive nearly 35 years so far. Seriously, chances are he will be OK.

    From what I know about student loans, it is not a loan in the traditional sense of the word and more an additional tax in the manner it is collected. However, I also know we differ with our opinions on university study. Debt can be horrible. I suppose I've started to understand I am in a somewhat privileged position and why many MSE'ers have become frustrated with me over the years. I don't know what it's like to be in the position of having worked so hard and have the potential to have little to show for it. Not going to patronise you by pretending I understand what that must be like.

    Not sure what I'd do re. the pension but agree with the other commitments. Have you spoken to your family?

    I'm so sorry to hear of your unhappiness. I want to be able to say tomorrow is another day and it will all get better. That's what everyone told me and it was so far from the truth for such a long time. However, please try to maintain hope things will get better. The thing I find most difficult to read is believing you will be alone. You have such a lot to give, Ali and are a kind, generous and caring person.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 7th Jan 18, 11:18 PM
    • 5,919 Posts
    • 31,012 Thanks
    AlexLK
    Ahh Ali, itís so hard isnít it? I have struggled with depression, as has almost everyone close to me but not to the extent that youíre experiencing it & itís different for everyone.

    You are facing it head on so try not to be so hard on yourself. You have that courage - bags of it.
    Originally posted by sashybo
    Absolutely brilliant post, sashy.

    Will second depression and anxiety being different for everyone and Ali having a lot of courage.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 8th Jan 18, 9:59 AM
    • 4,799 Posts
    • 27,287 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Maybe I'm stating the obvious as you were always so much more money organised than I but have you thought about doing your outgoings in priority order? I'm still without income from my business but have been shocked at how much outgoings can be reduced by stripping the wants from the needs. I'd love to have a regular pension contribution but I don't actually need it right now iykwim.
    Also, I'd hold fire on the house move thoughts right now. If you can hold things as they are for another 18 months, I'm sure DS would benefit from the stability. Also, and sorry if this comes across as harsh but, are you really in a place to make good decisions and to cope with the upheaval?

    Take care.
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £78,892.61, target £65,000 by 31/12/18 Offset fund today £4,075.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/18
    Emergency fund £355.5k & £200/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 9/32 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • Ali-OK
    • By Ali-OK 8th Jan 18, 4:45 PM
    • 4,058 Posts
    • 16,631 Thanks
    Ali-OK
    Thank you, I'm truly grateful

    Sashybo, I'm so sorry to hear you and those close to you have suffered too - it is hard. Somehow things will get better.

    Buffy, thank you, means a lot and especially hugs.

    Alex, I'm so glad you're settling in, I'm pleased things are going well for you. I'm probably catastrophising regarding DS, all my worries have become worst case scenarios A life long habit to break, but that's anxiety for us.

    I'll put Uni to one side if that's OK - it's not something we need to think about just yet.

    Yes, my family are aware. They ask how they can help but I don't know what they can do.

    INOD - I hadn't thought about priority order for the outgoings - that's a good idea. Aside bills, there's just pension and optician at £5 (which I need as checks due to visual migraines and weird vision from inflammation behind would cost per visit otherwise). He's been very good to me keeping that all free and includes contact lens checks and sight tests too.

    I think if I can get any full time job, I could probably gets the debts onto a plan and pension would have to stop too I guess. I need to speak to CAB but forgot to phone this morning, am so forgetful and disorganised these days. I also forgot to phone the heating engineer.

    I fluctuate on the house, DS's stability is important yet so is security of roof over our head. I definitely struggle to make decisions, these big ones are even worse.

    Had an assessment for CBT this morning, now on waiting list that is at 2 months. I've got a book anyhow, so will start re-reading that see if I can make some headway myself too.

    Need to pay out £220 for remainder of DS's trip soon as part of one of his courses - information evening tonight for it. And then buy the few bits he needs.

    It's good to get others' perspectives, I struggle to trust my own judgement at the moment.

    Thank you for helping, you are all very special ((hugs)) xx
    Back on the DFW Wagon:

    CC - £3,300 on 0% til 04/2020
    CC - £4,500 on 0% til 02/2019
    Loan - £12,063.84 as at 4/1/18
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 8th Jan 18, 8:46 PM
    • 49,466 Posts
    • 185,986 Thanks
    beanielou
    No advive other than to keep plodding.
    Take care of you.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • AlexLK
    • By AlexLK 9th Jan 18, 10:44 PM
    • 5,919 Posts
    • 31,012 Thanks
    AlexLK
    Yes, I think it's the anxiety speaking re. your son. However, it is a very difficult habit to break. I found myself instantly going to the worst case scenario today myself. Turns out it was not a bit deal at all but when I first saw the correspondence I jumped to the worst possible case imaginable. Also find I try to avoid things which I know aren't going to have the absolute best outcome. Have been forcing myself to deal with things by using the "Reminders" app on my phone which links to my ipad, so cannot avoid it.

    I would try to avoid getting your debts onto a formal plan if you can as it won't make things easy in the future. I feel you'd be better to pay the minimum allowable and top up when you get work rather than go onto a plan. However, someone with more knowledge on this may be able to tell you otherwise. I'd speak to an IFA re. pensions and a tax advisor re. matters relating to tax which could be applicable.
    Saved £11,000 in 2015, £9,800 in 2016.
    From a £32,000 debt on 2/9/2013 to debt free on 12/1/2015.
    • sashybo
    • By sashybo 13th Jan 18, 12:21 PM
    • 2,523 Posts
    • 19,217 Thanks
    sashybo
    Hi Ali, hope youíre ok & looking after yourself. *hugs*
    Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

    PAD started 27/01/09 - £9575 extra paid off debt. Total Debt paid off £48,575.28
    Loan £3334.75, CC 0% BT £892, Car loans £22,879.88

    Have a Debt Free Diary to try & keep spending in check.
    • hiddenshadow
    • By hiddenshadow 13th Jan 18, 7:16 PM
    • 2,393 Posts
    • 10,857 Thanks
    hiddenshadow
    Echoing sashybo, hope you're doing ok.
    MFW: £197,100 (2013) to £103,848 (Jan '18)
    2018 MFW #56: £798/£105,000 0% / MFiT-T4 #15: £55,652/£90,000 61%
    • in need of direction
    • By in need of direction 14th Jan 18, 11:33 AM
    • 4,799 Posts
    • 27,287 Thanks
    in need of direction
    Not as subtle as the others, where are you and why aren't you posting?
    Mortgage at 01.01.14 £119,481.83 today £78,892.61, target £65,000 by 31/12/18 Offset fund today £4,075.43 target £5,500 by 31/12/18
    Emergency fund £355.5k & £200/200 cash.
    Current weight loss 9/32 by 28 feb 2018
    determined to stop defining myself by my mistakes.
    Progress not perfection.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 14th Jan 18, 8:16 PM
    • 49,466 Posts
    • 185,986 Thanks
    beanielou
    Hope you are ok.
    Please just pop on & let us know.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
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