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  • FIRST POST
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 2nd Jan 17, 11:05 AM
    • 656Posts
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    bobobski
    Doing it on my own: bobobski's house deposit diary
    • #1
    • 2nd Jan 17, 11:05 AM
    Doing it on my own: bobobski's house deposit diary 2nd Jan 17 at 11:05 AM
    Spending my Christmas break reading further around the forums is becoming a yearly tradition for me, and this year it's brought me to this forum (I usually stick to the essential money section). I'm in a very up-y down-y part of my life and thought keeping a quasi-public diary would help keep me accountable.

    So, to start with my current savings... (I update my signature at the end of the month so sorry for any confusion!):
    • First Direct regular saver: £3,600 (matures in February) (final £300 due to go in soon)
    • Flexclusive regular saver: £3,450 (matures in February)
    • TSB monthly saver: £1,250 (matures later in January)
    • FlexDirect: £200
    • TSB current account: £140.44
    • Halifax help to buy ISA: £3,000
    Making my current deposit fund £11,640.44. To clarify, I had expected a chunky bonus in July, hence leaving room in the two high interest current accounts, but it never materialised, so sadly I wasted the FlexDirect...

    Looking back through my YNAB, at the end of December 2015 I had £3,266.33 saved, and that was basically from opening the First Direct regular saver that February. This relatively massive jump in savings is largely attributable to the Save 12k challenge, for which I am extremely grateful.

    Separately, I am building an emergency fund, which current stands at £517.48. To have a fund of 6 months' expenditure - comfortably - would be about £12k but my plan is to have this fund at a minimum of £5k when I start my house purchase and continue to build it during the purchase process, which I'm aware can take months.

    As for my goals: I want to buy a house. I have done the maths with my maths-y friend and we have concluded that it doesn't make sense for me to go for a "starter" home on the basis that I should be able to afford my "dream" house within the next 5 years. I'm going to keep this under review because our maths was based on a number of assumptions about my ability to save and house price rises, so time may prove us wrong, but for now I'm sticking with Plan A. To clarify: the dream house is simply a house in the least bad cheap area in my town. Nothing big or fancy, not town centre, not even a particularly nice part of town really, but there are three cheap little regions and this is the least dodgy.

    What this translates into: £60,000 deposit + £15,000 "ancillaries" fund (SDLT, legal fees, surveys, furniture etc). Then we have to assume certain pay rises by my target mid-2021 to get a big enough mortgage... Oh it's all so difficult. It basically comes down to me trying to save as much as possible in a relatively short period of time, completely on my own! No inheritance, no gifts, nada. All the money I have now I earned myself.

    Aaaanyhow, I mentioned that this is a turbulent time for me. The company I work for has gone bust and is about to be wound up. Thankfully my team has found somewhere to go and this new place is keeping our salaries at their current level, but since they are a step-down from my current employer I don't envisage as good pay rises going forwards. So, having spent the last year doing all of my sums over and over again, that's all now in the bin and we need to wait and see what will happen. For example, this could well alter the assumptions that we made regarding "starter" homes!

    I have also been quite naughty over the last few weeks, largely around eating out and drinking... lots to mask the pain of everything happening at work. I've been so good financially all year but I kind of blew it in December - leaving me with no budgeted money for the weekly shop! Sadly I am into unbudgeted credit card spending now, as I really do not want to dip into my savings (and indeed I want to continue to save, even if it's less), and I do pay my card off in full every month. In practice all this means is that my savings for the first couple of months of 2017 will be less than hoped.

    So, I think that gives you a good picture of where I am. Wish me luck in pulling my socks up and continuing to save through 2017 no matter what life throws at me!

    Update end of March April:
    • First Direct regular saver: £600 £900
    • Flexclusive regular saver: £1,000 £1,500
    • TSB monthly saver: £0
    • FlexDirect: £1
    • Nationwide loyalty saver: £1.02
    • TSB current account: £1,086.68 £1,500
    • Halifax help to buy ISA: £3,887.53 £4,087.53
    • NEW BOS Vantage: £5,5000
    • NEW Tesco account 1 (used for emergency fund but now capturing overspill): £2,250.92 £2,128.76 (gone down as making room for emergency funds)
    • NEW Tesco account 2 (used for annual expenses but now capturing overspill): £253.68 £339.71

    Making my current deposit fund £14,079.81 £15,458.02 with £300 set aside for my First Direct regular saver in a couple of weeks. The emergency fund (including money I have allocated for next month) now stands at £863.76 £981.24
    Last edited by bobobski; 28-04-2017 at 6:08 AM.
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
Page 4
    • savingwannabe
    • By savingwannabe 9th Mar 17, 7:36 PM
    • 12,908 Posts
    • 46,472 Thanks
    savingwannabe
    I hope you are rested. Take it easy. There are so many bugs around I'm not surprised you picked one up with your condition. It's ok to eat mcd's as you craved it and it made you happy. Get well soon. swx
    Happiness Fund (Dec 1st 2017)
    Reminder: I HAVE EVERYTHING I COULD WANT so SAVE!!!!
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 10th Mar 17, 7:03 AM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    SYA yes it's feed a cold but what happens when you have a cold and a fever?? My excuse for the McDonald's is that I got a McFlurry and that helped to soothe my throat

    SW the weird thing is that I've been deliberately avoiding friends who are ill so I don't pick anything up! Unfortunately that's not how bugs work

    I'm back at work now because my big project has come in but I'm definitely not 100% better - hopefully a restful weekend will knock this thing on the head x
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 11th Mar 17, 6:48 PM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Big project is slow to start and we're working towards it kicking off properly on Monday, so this is likely to be my last proper weekend for a while. I've spent it not doing very much so far I've done a lot of researching houses in my local area (my motivation...) and went to the big Tesco this week as I needed to buy brake fluid. I've never done any car maintenance myself before as I'm highly likely to break things but for £4 I thought I'd give this one a try - how hard can pouring something be?? Low brake fluid was one of the advisories on my MOT and no doubt the garage would have charged me £30 to do the same thing so I thought I'd try being a grown up for once

    I spent slightly too much in Tesco so I have £90 left for the rest of the month, thus reducing my budget for weekly shops from £70 per week to £45 per week. I might be able to do it, but if not and I overspend it's likely to be the lowest amount I've overspent by for a while! Baby steps...

    I'm mostly feeling better although my glands are still very inflamed and sore to touch. I need not to act like I'm better when I'm not - that always catches me out - so I'm going to have a restful evening and a restful day tomorrow

    I hope everyone's having a lovely weekend.
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • savingwannabe
    • By savingwannabe 12th Mar 17, 9:10 AM
    • 12,908 Posts
    • 46,472 Thanks
    savingwannabe
    Well done on buying brake fluid. You are saving yourself money. Cars are so expensive. You will gain confidence from this.

    Well done on project. Your job sounds exciting.

    I hope you can rest the rest of the weekend and your bug goes. Have a chill out day
    Happiness Fund (Dec 1st 2017)
    Reminder: I HAVE EVERYTHING I COULD WANT so SAVE!!!!
    • Skint yet Again
    • By Skint yet Again 12th Mar 17, 9:14 AM
    • 2,993 Posts
    • 18,290 Thanks
    Skint yet Again
    Hope you are feeling better x Well done on the car maintenance. I'm sure £45 a week is doable but as you say not worth beating yourself up about it.
    Good luck with the new work project, sounds exciting but make sure you look after yourself too x
    Aims for 2017 -
    1. save as much as possible. spend as little as possible but still have a social life !
    2. no takeaways !
    3. shop once a week - no "top-up" shops - no unnecessary spending !!
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 18th Mar 17, 6:45 AM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Quick update from me today: now that my big project has started I've been super busy as expected. When I get busy at work I stop sleeping properly (caring too much about work really isn't always a good thing - I literally dream about my work!) so I've been getting up at 5am every day - even today (Saturday) - because I can't sleep. I'm going to spend the day in the office today and maybe tomorrow too, as there just isn't enough time during the week to do everything I need to do. I'd rather do that than work late into the night.

    I'm aware that my drinking has shot up. My routine is something like this: wake up at 5 --> work by 7.30/8 (after doing some surveys and things, or sorting out my holiday next weekend) --> work through the day and sometimes forget to have lunch --> leave work at sometime between 6.30 and 8 --> neck a bottle of wine when I get home --> repeat. This isn't healthy or sustainable. BUT it's only for a month or so, and if this project goes well I will have a very good case for a decent bonus, fingers crossed.

    Because of this my shopping (if I find time to do it!) will definitely be over my £45 budget this weekend, but that's ok. I haven't spent any money in the last week except £20 on a pair of headphones because my old ones broke and I cannot work without music, and £10 on three pairs of under-dress-over-tights-my-thighs-hate-the-summer shorts, both from Amazon.

    Right, it's 6.45 and I've already been up for 1 hr 45 and haven't got enough done. I'm gonna go shower and cook dinner at the same time like some kind of cooking/showing ninja then head to work.

    Happy weekend all!
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 18th Mar 17, 6:47 AM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Dinner, breakfast, what's the difference! I am tired.
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • Skint yet Again
    • By Skint yet Again 18th Mar 17, 6:59 AM
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    • 18,290 Thanks
    Skint yet Again
    It sounds very stressful, I would just say try to eat something even if its only a snack like fruit and try to stay hydrated drink lots of water if you can. At least its only for a short time

    I know what you mean about the sleep pattern I have been awake since 5.30 my normal getting up for work time - but at least I am still in bed no rush to go anywhere today. Have a good day x
    Aims for 2017 -
    1. save as much as possible. spend as little as possible but still have a social life !
    2. no takeaways !
    3. shop once a week - no "top-up" shops - no unnecessary spending !!
    • savingwannabe
    • By savingwannabe 18th Mar 17, 8:24 AM
    • 12,908 Posts
    • 46,472 Thanks
    savingwannabe
    Maybe make sandwiches at the weekend and take them to work with you. If you can take some fruit in too that is good so you don't get burned out as you are doing so much. Force yourself to do this as you have to look after yourself. I had a breakdown in my twenties as I lived and worked like you. Please learn from my mistakes.

    Also cut back on the wine. One glass less every day. Gradually then try to have no alcohol but drink soft drinks instead. Slowly, slowly as you are pickling your liver. You want your liver in the future when you are rich and going on holiday and having posh meals and champagne all round the world. Think of it that way. It is hard.

    Maybe once you are eating properly swap the wine time for some exercise. Walking or cross training for 20 mins that will release the same endorphins and make you happy and healthy but only if you are eating proper food.

    Hark at me. I sound like I know it all. I am remembering me. I still make mistakes now but we are all helping each other together and writing this down has given me ideas of what I can do to improve my diabetes which is up the spout.

    Don't beat yourself up just make one change at a time and look forward. Your life is going to get better and you want your health to live it to the full Bobobski. You are part of our MSE family now and we have got to help each other along. You all help me so much
    Last edited by savingwannabe; 18-03-2017 at 8:31 AM.
    Happiness Fund (Dec 1st 2017)
    Reminder: I HAVE EVERYTHING I COULD WANT so SAVE!!!!
    • savingwannabe
    • By savingwannabe 27th Mar 17, 4:15 PM
    • 12,908 Posts
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    savingwannabe
    Bobobski are you ok? I hope you are enjoying the weather.
    Happiness Fund (Dec 1st 2017)
    Reminder: I HAVE EVERYTHING I COULD WANT so SAVE!!!!
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 29th Mar 17, 7:05 AM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Bless you SW, yes I'm fine, I've just been extremely busy at work and then was on holiday this weekend just gone. I'll catch up on your diary and update mine properly this weekend if I can but I hope all's well with you x
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 2nd Apr 17, 8:35 AM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Helloooo I'm back!

    The last couple of weeks have been crazy. I've been working very hard indeed, and for me that means 7-8am to 7-8pm every day (with maybe cumulative 30-60 minute breaks over the day) + some weekend work. Actually I need to do some work today, boo! And then I had my trip abroad last weekend, which was more expensive than I'd hoped (due to my rubbish friends being rubbish, largely). I've been to a reunion thing for the company I worked for that self-destructed over Christmas. And payday!

    Apart from the headlines, I don't really have much to report. I've managed to save £940-odd in March, which is below what I wanted, but due to how YNAB does things I've saved an additional £100 into April already (usually it's just the £300 for one of my regular savers that I allocate "forwards"). And given that I had an over-budget holiday, it's not bad at all. Onwards and upwards for April! I've *just* hit £40 on Onepoll - it took me 15 months to get there, but it's hardly been a bad thing to do so I think I'll do it again.

    So, I have my annual performance review this coming week. Most of my colleagues have had theirs already and report back that our boss is gearing us up for no payrises and no bonuses. My house buying plan only works if I get a certain percentage payrise annually (in my line of work, pay freezes are so rare they're headline news in our industry's press when they happen). And given how hard I've been working, I'll be very peed off indeed if we're excluded from the company-wide bunce. Having said that, I think I reported months ago on here that I was worried this would happen, so I'm not really surprised. Will have to see how my review goes I guess.

    I'm pretty knackered at the moment and I was out and about yesterday so I'm going to have a really easy day today (with a bit of work). My house hasn't been cleaned for weeks due to holiday and work () so I'll do that and also cook meals for the week. I also need to catch up on everyone else's diaries and see how you're all doing!! I feel so out of the loop at the moment...
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • Skint yet Again
    • By Skint yet Again 2nd Apr 17, 9:54 AM
    • 2,993 Posts
    • 18,290 Thanks
    Skint yet Again
    Hi bobobski good to see you ! Wow you have been seriously busy but well done on managing to still save

    I would advice you have all your evidence with you when you go into your annual appraisal, especially if you have done work over and above your colleagues. If you don't "sing your own praises" no one else will ! and you're worth it as the Geordie one would say ! (Cheryl what's her name) Good luck for a payrise.

    House cleaning is always last on my list I mean who cares, as long as the kitchen and bathroom are clean enough things like hoovering & dusting can wait


    I hope you have some sunshine today in your part of the country and get chance to get out and enjoy it. You don't want to end up Vit D deficient like me with those long working hours indoors My office has no natural light and in the winter I go from home to work to home with not enough daylight


    Have a good sunday x
    Last edited by Skint yet Again; 02-04-2017 at 9:58 AM.
    Aims for 2017 -
    1. save as much as possible. spend as little as possible but still have a social life !
    2. no takeaways !
    3. shop once a week - no "top-up" shops - no unnecessary spending !!
    • savingwannabe
    • By savingwannabe 2nd Apr 17, 10:14 AM
    • 12,908 Posts
    • 46,472 Thanks
    savingwannabe
    Hello Bobobski, I completely agree with Skint Yet Again. Sod the cleaning. Just make sure you have great healthy food in and go and lie in the garden. The washing up etc is not urgent at all, rest and sustenance is.

    OMG you sound so busy. It will be worth it in the end though. In fact you have done so well already in such a busy month with your savings. Hurray. I hope you get your bonus, you have certainly earned it.

    Now go and order some fruit and veg, get a nice cup of tea or orange juice or something and sleep in garden as weather is lovely- cos you deserve it.
    Happiness Fund (Dec 1st 2017)
    Reminder: I HAVE EVERYTHING I COULD WANT so SAVE!!!!
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 7th Apr 17, 3:23 PM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Hi guys

    So sorry I still haven't got round to reading your diaries - I plan to do so over the weekend. I'm very low on energy right now but thought it would be good for me to post.

    I'm going through a pretty bad depressed phase right now and I have been for weeks. I've been hiding it as best as I can at work but once the mask fell off and I acted out of character, after being let down again by someone I really hoped wouldn't let me down again. And today I found out that someone at work has been messaging my boss, telling him that I've been behaving really badly, and telling everyone that he said he hopes I quit so he can get someone he prefers to join the company. Which completely flies in the face of everything he said in my review yesterday.

    Today was the first day I'd started to feel better (e.g. I didn't cry when I woke up this morning) and this has completely knocked me back down. Rather than dwell on it, I decided to go right to the source and ask my boss if it's true. He said absolutely not, and he's really angry at whoever's saying these things. In the hope that it's a misunderstanding rather than malice I didn't say who it is or who told me. But I do feel that it's malice. This has happened before, that someone didn't like me at work and took it upon themselves to drive a wedge between me and my boss in the hope that I'd quit or get fired - last time I found out about it because I was hauled in front of HR accusing me of various things I hadn't done or had been grossly exaggerated, and was later told that the people who had said these things about me had done it to someone before too. And when you're struggling to believe you have any worth as a human being and actually are struggling with low level paranoia, this really doesn't help.

    So I had a good cry for a couple of hours and saw my friend for lunch who talked me down. So I feel calmer now, but still rubbish. I am really struggling to find motivation to go to work at the moment and now I really don't want to go in on Monday and face this person.

    In the wake of various people, directly and indirectly, calling me selfish lately I've decided to tell my boss that I don't want a pay rise or bonus this year. Maybe I don't deserve either of them anyway, but I really can't stand being called selfish, especially when I've actually been fighting for other people and not myself when so called. We'll see how that goes.

    Oh, and I told my boss the other day that I've been quite depressed lately, and his response was "oh ok" and he went back to work.

    I can't remember the last time I felt so little support from my friends and colleagues, especially when I really need it.

    I just want to leave and never come back.
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • Skint yet Again
    • By Skint yet Again 7th Apr 17, 3:46 PM
    • 2,993 Posts
    • 18,290 Thanks
    Skint yet Again
    Oh lovey, I am rubbish at expressing myself but couldn't read and run...


    DO NOT for one minute believe any of the carp these vicious vindictive jealous bullies are saying. They want your job / bonus / payrise and it is probably because you are so GOOD at your job that they are trying to belittle you.


    DO NOT tell your boss that you don't want a pay rise or bonus this year YOU HAVE WORKED HARD AND YOU DESERVE IT . That's what they want you to do, do not give the bullies the satisfaction.

    As for your bosses behaviour when you told him you've been quite depressed lately, I am not surprised as many bosses men and women still have no empathy when it comes to mental health issues. I am not excusing his behaviour just saying I understand how you feel. I've been having some problems at work too and little support from my boss and have gone to my union rep. Some things are improving. It must be really hard if your boss is not taking any action over this person who is spreading vicious gossip around.


    I have come to realise that the people at work are not my friends. I go to work, do my job to the best of my ability and go home. Its not great, but if I were you and were fit enough to leave I would start looking for something else.


    Chin up hon, you are a nice caring person and worth ten (hundred) times more than them. Don't let them bully you into feeling bad about yourself x Hope you don't mind me suggesting maybe a visit to your doc would help with your low mood too. x
    Last edited by Skint yet Again; 07-04-2017 at 3:54 PM.
    Aims for 2017 -
    1. save as much as possible. spend as little as possible but still have a social life !
    2. no takeaways !
    3. shop once a week - no "top-up" shops - no unnecessary spending !!
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 7th Apr 17, 4:03 PM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Thank you sweetie. The problem is I'm usually up for a fight if necessary when I'm well, but when I'm down - especially when it's been dragging on - I'm so exhausted that I just want to roll over and let them have their way.

    I'm sorry to hear that you've been having issues at work too, but it's a good thing you have a union rep you can speak to. Why is it you can't leave if you are unhappy? For me it's location - there's nothing else around here in the same field so I'd either have to move or commute to London (= massive increase in stress and costs) or move elsewhere in the regions (= know no one, would be starting again).
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • Skint yet Again
    • By Skint yet Again 7th Apr 17, 4:19 PM
    • 2,993 Posts
    • 18,290 Thanks
    Skint yet Again
    Similar reasons for not leaving- location, disabilities, pay. Worried that I can't do anything else after being there a long time.


    I know you are exhausted and its hard to keep going and believing in yourself but you are not alone. They are bullies and there are sadly some in every work place. If you've been down for weeks this is maybe just the tipping point ?


    Perhaps your GP could help, maybe counselling if you don't want medical help ? Does your employer offer any counselling service or Occ Health to help with your depression ?


    I hope you got some time off coming up over Easter so you can take a break x
    Aims for 2017 -
    1. save as much as possible. spend as little as possible but still have a social life !
    2. no takeaways !
    3. shop once a week - no "top-up" shops - no unnecessary spending !!
    • bobobski
    • By bobobski 8th Apr 17, 9:38 AM
    • 656 Posts
    • 1,505 Thanks
    bobobski
    Sorry for the slow reply SYA, after my last post I just crashed on the sofa and was in bed by 9 and then had trouble getting to sleep. I am so exhausted. I was awake before 5am and couldn't go back to sleep so I just got up. Cried a lot again this morning. Crying is exhausting - I think that's why I went to bed so early last night. I am tired of being tired. I am tired of being miserable.

    The idea of moving jobs is scary, especially when you have complications like a disability. Funnily enough after posting yesterday somebody I used to work for emailed me asking me to come join them at their new job, but it's in London and the pay "rise" would be 100% eaten up by tax and a train ticket, so literally no point as it would be 3 hours of commuting a day, probably longer working hours and £0 more per year. Great opportunity but just not for right now - I will tell this person no thank you but possibly in future as I don't want to burn any bridges. Stress is not good for me and my life is stressful enough even living so close to work so not really having a commute.

    I'm sure you could do other things, but for me at least the fear is what compromise that would come with, e.g. pay cut or lost important benefits. How many more years do you think you'll be in work? There is such a balance to be struck between having a good job and being happy in life. I'm still trying to work that one out.

    I was thinking about what you said yesterday: "I have come to realise that the people at work are not my friends. I go to work, do my job to the best of my ability and go home". I think you're absolutely right. I am so used to having friends at work and when the friends left I started treating other colleagues as friends but they are not and they will stab you in the back when you're not looking. I think the time has come for me to grow up at work and treat it as a job rather than a place to see people I care about. Unless I chicken out, I intend to have a long talk with my boss on Monday. We are in a very weird place and strangely I think this gossip may have helped as it's made him jump to my side in a way he hasn't done for a long time. I think I will explain to him that he is likely to see a personality shift at work but it's intentional and not malicious, just me treating my job differently to how I have done before as it was treating non-friend-colleagues as friends that started this gossip in the first place. I also need to tell him how bad my depression has been lately. He told me recently that he doesn't believe bipolar is real - not sure whether he believes that suicidal feelings are real but I'll find out soon I suppose.

    When I woke up this morning it was (a) dark and (b) very foggy. It's not even 10am but it's already sunny and warmer. I love summer and I definitely suffer from SAD so usually I'd be thrilled, but right now I just want to hide indoors. I need to go to the supermarket but otherwise I think I'm going to stay inside this weekend and skip the summery weather. Hopefully it'll still be nice next weekend.

    I have spent far too much already this month but I'm finding it difficult to care. I'm not going completely crazy with it though - I was looking at holidays yesterday as when I get like this the only thing I want to do is physically go as far away as I can, but the prices made me stop and think so I didn't book anything. A year or two ago I would have booked something and worried about the money later, so that's progress at least.

    Our big project was quiet this past week but I found out yesterday that we're full steam ahead next week. It's my project and I refuse to hand it to anyone else but I also don't have the energy. It'll be a good two-three weeks at least before the foot comes off the pedal, but once it's done (or at least once I know when it will be done) I am going to book two weeks off work. I need to be anywhere but there right now.
    #18: Save 12k in 2017: £10,032.12 / £12,000 (83.6%) | #86: Save £12k in 2016: £8,476.09 / £10,000 (84.76%)
    House deposit by 31/12/2020: £20,221.41 / £60,000 (33.7%) | Emergency fund by 31/12/2020: £1,553.13 / £5,000 (31.0%)
    • Skint yet Again
    • By Skint yet Again 8th Apr 17, 10:13 AM
    • 2,993 Posts
    • 18,290 Thanks
    Skint yet Again
    Try to be good to yourself this weekend, there will be lots of sunny weekends to come. Get some rest, try to relax and eat some good food. Do something you enjoy to try and take your mind off work for a bit otherwise you are like me and over analyse everything. Try not to drink as that can make things worse. Sorry if I sound like I'm trying to lecture you that is not my intention I'm just worried about you.


    Maybe you can try and prepare yourself for the busy period coming up so you have some easy pre-prepared food on hand so you can eat on the go. Sandwiches can be pre made and frozen. Try and have some fruit and veg. Maybe make a big pot of mince and tomato sauce with some veg for quick evening meals, if you could then freeze it in individual portions you could microwave from frozen just adding herbs and spices or chilli powder on the night. Or maybe a big pot of stew. I tend to use aldi pouches of microwave rice for 49p which are quick and easy when you don't feel up to cooking.


    If you've spent too much money this month its not too bad in the grand scheme of things. You have been doing so well with your savings you can always catch up later.


    Please, if you are feeling suicidal don't suffer in silence. Get some support whether from your GP or MIND or make sure there are plenty of friends and/or relatives you can turn to, or call the Samaritans. If you are going to speak to your manager he is just going to have to grow a pair and deal with it.


    Take care of yourself and make yourself the number one priority sod the rest x
    Aims for 2017 -
    1. save as much as possible. spend as little as possible but still have a social life !
    2. no takeaways !
    3. shop once a week - no "top-up" shops - no unnecessary spending !!
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