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    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 1st Jan 17, 2:18 PM
    • 9,294Posts
    • 45,079Thanks
    Mooloo
    Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017
    • #1
    • 1st Jan 17, 2:18 PM
    Mooloo's Joining up the dots in 2017 1st Jan 17 at 2:18 PM
    Welcome to another year in the life of Mooloo.
    I have been posting for many years now and have shared all the ins and outs of life, love, families and work.
    I started when I was struggling to bring up my children and their new babies under quite difficult circumstances.
    I am happy to say that I am in a much better stage of my life than all those years ago.
    I live with my 9 year old granddaughter with a Guardianship order for the past seven years.
    I have my own business running a sewing shop, and I have a rather tenuous relationship with my chap for 12 years plus.
    We are moving into 2017 with the new challenges of joining up the dots and hopefully moving forward to a single home in a couple of years.

    So while I attempt to get things done I will continue to keep my life on track by being accountable for my actions by committing what is going on here.
    I will see if I can remember how to post a link from one thread to another.
    Last edited by Mooloo; 02-01-2017 at 6:54 PM. Reason: Change title
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
Page 63
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 6th Dec 17, 4:29 PM
    • 49,035 Posts
    • 182,045 Thanks
    beanielou
    It never rains but it pours.
    Hope DGD is on the mend soon.
    EEk to DS & the GF situation.
    Not what you want. Sigh.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 6th Dec 17, 6:38 PM
    • 9,294 Posts
    • 45,079 Thanks
    Mooloo
    DS came to see me this afternoon. ( wish he’d arrived 5 minutes earlier. I was up in the loft getting the decorations down!) he is so tired looking and so thin and weary. He said he was lonely. My heart plummeted.
    The baby due is a boy he said about two weeks left. Christmas baby then.

    Dgd brightened up a little and helped me decorate the Christmas tree. We moved the front room around to fit everything in, which meant that I had to deal with some clutter. Still a lot more to deal with, but I now have a headache and a sore throat. So paracetamol and probably an early night.

    Why are we all feeling so depressed at the moment?
    Biggest and her husband, me, DS ?

    Bf messaged me earlier and we have cancelled him coming over tonight.
    He also mentioned that his daughter and the baby may be moving back in with him and asked me if I could give any advice!
    Erm? Usual one, go see the council, citizens advise and see if they can help.
    Warned him if she moves in with him she may not get help as they would not be classed as over crowded. Remember when we all lived in my two bedroom flat the council thought it was acceptable for me to live in the sitting room and the twins to share the room with two babies! Nightmare
    Anyway the tree is up, the front room is changed, dinner is in the oven, and I plan to put my feet back up.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 6th Dec 17, 6:50 PM
    • 49,035 Posts
    • 182,045 Thanks
    beanielou
    Think that you deserve to put your feet up!
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Savvy_Sue
    • By Savvy_Sue 6th Dec 17, 7:13 PM
    • 37,849 Posts
    • 34,240 Thanks
    Savvy_Sue
    Well, if it comes to it, DS may not have to pay for a DNA test if he disputes that he's the father. https://www.gov.uk/get-dna-test
    Still knitting!
    Completed: 1 adult cardigan, 3 baby jumpers, 2 shawls, 3 pairs baby bootees,
    1 Wise Man Knitivity figure + 1 sheep, 2 pairs socks, 1 seaman's hat ...
    Current projects: 1 shawl, another seaman's hat
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 6th Dec 17, 8:28 PM
    • 9,294 Posts
    • 45,079 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Thanks Sue. I think that he probably is the father, but I am wishing that he wasn’t. She certainly is not in a relationship with anyone else at the moment. She appears to have disowned her family or the other way around, and is relying on DS too much.
    I am worried about him being so low, tired and thin.
    He does not eat properly or sleep properly by the looks of him.

    I am going to sleep now and try and visualise a better future for all.
    Who knows I might have a brain wave!
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Dec 17, 7:22 AM
    • 9,294 Posts
    • 45,079 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Apart from weird dreams of mud, holes in the ground, lack of toilets? And poverty nothing inspiring in my dreams.
    The wind and rain woke me a few times.
    Headache gone, throat not too bad.
    Dgd is willing to go to school “even though I don’t feel 100% I don’t want to be bored at work” she said.
    My plan is to get into work as near to 9am as I can so that I can vaccum before I open up. Threads and pins scattered everywhere is not a good look.
    Hopefully I will finish all the sewing needed for tomorrow. Only me sewing for the rest of the week.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 7th Dec 17, 7:36 AM
    • 5,503 Posts
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    thorsoak
    Love Dgd's comment, Mooloo - it's obvious that the way you treat her when she is "ill" is the right way .....don't make staying off school a "comfy" option ....I always used to say "oh, if you are ill, you have to stay in bed - no telly etc, and no sweets - they won't make you better"!

    I think that all of them had almost 100% attendance at school once they cottoned on to the fact that being off school "sick" was boring :-D
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 7th Dec 17, 9:26 PM
    • 9,294 Posts
    • 45,079 Thanks
    Mooloo
    The dreaded cushion covers are finished. I worked late today to get them done.
    I have 40 jobs to do, as fast as I am sewing them another is coming through the door.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 8th Dec 17, 6:39 AM
    • 9,294 Posts
    • 45,079 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Dgd was still complaining that she was ill last night. So this morning will be interesting. She didn’t have a temperature but said she had a headache again. I said that she was on her technology too much! Gave her paracetamol and made her go to bed early. Cruel granny that I am.
    Biggest is going to be watching her daughters assembly today as she is star of the week in her class. So I will probably be doing more serving then sewing this morning. But I can do prepping for jobs etc if it is quiet.
    Not sure who kept who awake last night, both Bf and I were tossing around like a limp salad last night! I did sleep because I dreamt about the twins, except they were about 4 or 5. I dreamt about my brother, and his children being in the house, and about being in an apartment with a balcony. In between noughts of a ear worm going around in my head!
    “With millions of toys all under one roof etc “ Jeffery has a lot to answer for disrupting my sleep!!!
    Tea before I do anything more.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • Mooloo
    • By Mooloo 9th Dec 17, 5:20 PM
    • 9,294 Posts
    • 45,079 Thanks
    Mooloo
    Deflated Moo here.
    Every thing seems like a lot of effort at the moment.
    BF broke the news that his daughter and granddaughter are moving in, not applying to housing, as she wants to save up for her own place! So he has to find a cover for his classic car so it can be left outside so her stuff can be stored in the garage.
    We cannot go over tonight as he is once again babysitting, and if we go over his daughter would not be able to come home as Dgd would be in the bed. Needless to say, I felt obliged to say we will stay here.
    I am feeling very deflated as once again we are pushed out while his children move back in. ( I say we, but actually it’s Dgd who gets displaced), but I am not prepared to have her feeling 2nd best!).
    My thoughts are low, and I feel even more disjointed in the relationship.
    When I die I will know that I have lived, loved, mattered and made a difference, even if in a small way.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 9th Dec 17, 6:15 PM
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    thorsoak
    Mooloo - BF is doing for his family what you have done for your family ..I do understand that you feel edged out atm - but I'm pretty sure that you would think less of him, were he to shrug his shoulders and tell his daughter and baby to "get on with it".

    Maybe he's learned from you that at times, family has to take first place. xx
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 9th Dec 17, 6:58 PM
    • 49,035 Posts
    • 182,045 Thanks
    beanielou
    Sorry to hear your latest news.
    Not ideal on so many levels.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • grey_lady
    • By grey_lady 9th Dec 17, 7:24 PM
    • 1,015 Posts
    • 1,178 Thanks
    grey_lady
    Sounds like BF needs a bigger house, perhaps one with a double garage so there's room for his classic car and daughters things.
    Snootchie Bootchies!
    • ognum
    • By ognum 9th Dec 17, 8:52 PM
    • 4,500 Posts
    • 6,789 Thanks
    ognum
    Deflated Moo here.
    Every thing seems like a lot of effort at the moment.
    BF broke the news that his daughter and granddaughter are moving in, not applying to housing, as she wants to save up for her own place! So he has to find a cover for his classic car so it can be left outside so her stuff can be stored in the garage.
    We cannot go over tonight as he is once again babysitting, and if we go over his daughter would not be able to come home as Dgd would be in the bed. Needless to say, I felt obliged to say we will stay here.
    I am feeling very deflated as once again we are pushed out while his children move back in. ( I say we, but actually itís Dgd who gets displaced), but I am not prepared to have her feeling 2nd best!).
    My thoughts are low, and I feel even more disjointed in the relationship.
    Originally posted by Mooloo

    Mooloo

    It appears from what you say your BF is an intelligent, thinking man who holds down a responsible job. He is therefore fully aware of the consequences of everything he does and agrees to do for others.

    So, he understands that if his daughter and grand-daughter move in then you cannot stay over. It is a choice he has made, maybe he will come to you more often?

    He is doing what you have done many times over, caring for his family. Maybe his daughter is making the right choice, maybe she feels you are there too often and she needs to stake her claim on her father and his home.

    Maybe, maybe, maybe, sometimes we need to let life evolve not push it one way or another, that way we get to understand the rhythms of life without interference. The future may be with boyfriend but maybe it wonít be, just let it happen!
    • *max*
    • By *max* 9th Dec 17, 9:12 PM
    • 2,817 Posts
    • 13,228 Thanks
    *max*
    Deflated Moo here.
    Every thing seems like a lot of effort at the moment.
    BF broke the news that his daughter and granddaughter are moving in, not applying to housing, as she wants to save up for her own place! So he has to find a cover for his classic car so it can be left outside so her stuff can be stored in the garage.
    We cannot go over tonight as he is once again babysitting, and if we go over his daughter would not be able to come home as Dgd would be in the bed. Needless to say, I felt obliged to say we will stay here.
    I am feeling very deflated as once again we are pushed out while his children move back in. ( I say we, but actually itís Dgd who gets displaced), but I am not prepared to have her feeling 2nd best!).
    My thoughts are low, and I feel even more disjointed in the relationship.
    Originally posted by Mooloo
    I think you are being very unfair. I understand you are disappointed at not being put first, but he is only doing for his daughter what you have been doing countless times for your own children. You would not put him before your children, would you?

    He can do whatever he likes in his own home, and so can you. His home is not your home too - you only visit, you don't live there.

    I also think regarding DGD, I am sure she is not feeling "displaced" at all, and you are projecting your own feelings onto her. Why would she? It's not her home! You have to be really careful not to instill in her that BF is her granddad in any way, and that she (or indeed you!) has certain "rights" over staying at his or you will create issues for her that should not be there at all (as in, feeling somewhat rejected in favour of someone else - when you say you don't want her feeling "second-best", you really don't want to put that into her mind!)

    She IS being second best, I'm afraid, but that is only natural - she is NOT your BF's granddaughter! And what's more, it is not being done intentionally to reject her, so please don't make her think it is, even lightly. Kids pick up on things like that.
    • just trying
    • By just trying 9th Dec 17, 10:41 PM
    • 767 Posts
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    just trying
    I don't think moo has ever implied dgd thinks of him as grandad. I think reading the post was dgd wouldn't have a room to sleep in.

    Yes, she's helped her children out loads, as she's said, but if you're having a difficult time feeling down, it doesn't help reading posts which aren't NICE.
    SEALED POT CHALLENGE MEMBER 098
    WILL SAVE ATLEAST £500!.
    • thorsoak
    • By thorsoak 10th Dec 17, 6:13 AM
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    thorsoak
    I am hurt to think that my post could be perceived as "not nice". I was pointing out to Mooloo just how much BF has changed over the years, when at first he said she should not involve herself with her children so much, and how she herself has influenced these changes.

    Supporting someone else often means showing them another point of view.
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 10th Dec 17, 7:12 AM
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    Eager_Elephant
    I have known Mooloo a long time and her diary is a place for her to vent her feelings, of course she is going to feel out of sorts with this going on and if she wants to moan about that she can.

    I don't think Mooloo thinks her OH should not have his daughter to stay just that it will affect their relationship.

    I believe earlier this year Mooloo had talked about moving in with her OH but of course if the daughter and grand-daughter are there that wont happen any time soon as saving for a deposit to buy a house will take longer than getting one off the housing register.

    I, too would feel the same. Mooloo is not young any longer and she has hopes and dreams she still wants to fulfil and those hopes have now changed and I can understand why she feels so deflated at the moment.

    ((Mooloo)) Things will work out for you eventually but right now if you cant see the wood for the trees that is fine because you will work your way through this issue.
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 15 for November
    NSD - 1/15
    (up to 01/11/17)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • whiteguineapig
    • By whiteguineapig 10th Dec 17, 7:53 AM
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    whiteguineapig
    I'm really hoping that next year is a peaceful one for you moo loo, you really deserve a drama free year
    • ognum
    • By ognum 10th Dec 17, 9:30 AM
    • 4,500 Posts
    • 6,789 Thanks
    ognum
    I also would not wish my post to be hurtful.

    I agree Mooloo vents her feelings here but this is a public forum so some people will respond and sometimes having other opinions is useful to balance your thoughts and feelings.

    None of us know what the future is for Mooloo, but many people read along and are aware her future is in the balance with BF and maybe her future is in Portugal or where she is or with BF. So it definitely wasn’t a question of moving in soon was it Mooloo?

    Anyway good luck Moo, your commitment to DGD is outstanding and the future will work out.

    As said in the Marigold Hotel ‘Everything will work out in the end, it it’s not alright it’s not the end’!
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