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  • FIRST POST
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 27th Dec 16, 7:03 PM
    • 9,990Posts
    • 25,509Thanks
    benbenandme
    Ready to do it all over again ...
    • #1
    • 27th Dec 16, 7:03 PM
    Ready to do it all over again ... 27th Dec 16 at 7:03 PM
    Hello, thank you for popping by

    I have been a regular on the debt free diaries board for years as well as dipping in here at times. I did join in Tallgirls Mortgage Free in 3 Challenge several years ago and have had several diaries over the years. This is the first time I've had one here though despite never actually being in debt I always felt it could happen oh so easily so treated myself as if I was a dfw.

    So, 2017 and my new diary here ...

    I have lived in my lovely flat with my ds (13) for the last 9 years and finally it looks as though we will be moving in the new year. I have sold my flat to a cash buyer and have had an offer accepted on a 2 bed little house. I will probably put stuff into storage and stay with my Mum for a few weeks while the house goes through as my buyers are very keen to complete asap and I don't want to risk losing them as I have already had one sale fall through due to brexit.

    Normally at this point between Christmas and New Year I begin planning my aims for the coming year, setting goals - usually financial related, and generally getting everything organised ready to tackle whatever I have planned. This normally is a £££ goal to knock off the mortgage etc.

    This year however everything is a bit unknown as I can't predict how much I can save etc at this point. But what I can do is take stock of exactly where I'm at now and make lists, I do like lists , of things I need to do to make as many pennies as possible / minimise spends where possible.
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £74,160 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £1879 / £30,000
Page 23
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 10th Jul 17, 8:51 PM
    • 9,990 Posts
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    benbenandme
    Thank you all So today I have been quite tearful, friends at school have been fab They rang Camhs and they have agreed to see ds within a month (quite quick for this area). I also called the gp and was promised a phonecall back but haven't heard anything, I will call again tomorrow The ELSA at school has also given ds an emergency appointment and seen him today.

    I had a long day at work as we had an awards evening tonight so I am now thoroughly shattered but feel calmer than I did yesterday. I'm going to have an early night as I feel knackered and it will help. Ds is in a fairly calm, relaxed mood tonight which is nice.

    Let's see what tomorrow brings
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £74,160 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £1879 / £30,000
    • amber03
    • By amber03 10th Jul 17, 9:35 PM
    • 770 Posts
    • 4,487 Thanks
    amber03
    So sorry you are going through this , basically you have to take one day at a time. My eldest DS suffered from depression from when he was about 17, he still has his "moments" and sometimes he is best left alone. Thirteen years down the line I still don't relax and am always watchful of him. Being a parent you would do anything to take these feelings away. As I work at a school I know there are many children suffering and sadly many parents are going through the same thing as yourself. I hope you soon get the help for your DS needs, please come and vent on here, there are a lot of us that have been in a similar situation that you are in.xxx
    Debtfree and and staying that way.
    £1000 Emergency fund No.112 £326.00


    WOMBLER 2017 NO. 5 £7.20
    • dingaling
    • By dingaling 10th Jul 17, 10:51 PM
    • 52 Posts
    • 90 Thanks
    dingaling
    This is so awful, I'm so sorry this is happening to you and DS. I had the police turn up one day out of the blue about two years ago. One of my ds's had been texting a friend and the friend contacted police worried about him. My son had told his friend that he didn't see the point in living. The friend called the police as they didn't know what else to do, my son was about 16 at the time. I deal with some mental health in my job as a midwife but my mind went blank and I didn't know what to do. The police just said take him to a&e which I did. They got the crisis team involved and everything escalated from there. It was a rapid response and very very good. They gave him medication and were in contact with him regularly. They only contacted me if they had his permission to update me or if he didn't answer his phone. He had counselling for about a year. Most of it was about his dad who he stated during our wait in a&e that he hated his dad and had done for years. My ex husband is an almighty !!!! and DS hated what his dad did to our family. My son is now 19 and in USA working in a kids camp. The year of counselling helped him as well as time and the medication.

    Maybe seeing the crisis team is an option for you if he says these things again. It is so difficult at his age, difficult to give a young man adult wisdom. I would definitely take him to a&e if he does this again.

    My heart goes out to you. Being told to hide knives and medication from your child is alarming and very scary.
    • MeandO
    • By MeandO 11th Jul 17, 9:30 AM
    • 1,007 Posts
    • 5,022 Thanks
    MeandO
    De-lurking to say there's nothing I can really add to help, but am thinking of you and hoping things get better for you both very, very soon. I am a single Mum to my DS and I can't imagine what you are going through. Sending hugs your way BenBen. Xx
    Debt: CC @ 0%: £990.82
    Mortgage at 24/11/2016: £97,000
    Mortgage now: £79,700

    "Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" - Anais Nin
    • Florence J
    • By Florence J 11th Jul 17, 9:55 AM
    • 1,516 Posts
    • 8,479 Thanks
    Florence J
    Oh BenBen, I'm so sorry.

    I have no experience of your personal situation, but I do have experience of being the person suffering with a mental health crisis. I don't know if you know this but four weeks ago I was signed off work for 28 days due to stress, anxiety and depression. I return to work tomorrow.

    Yes, I am 28, not a teenager, but I have been suffering with mental health difficulties since the age of 10 when my friend passed away from leukaemia. I was offered no grief counselling and my dad made me feel that my grief was unnatural. I had no one to turn to and as a result I suffered all throughout my teenage years and into adulthood and had to reach some pretty desperate points before I went to the doctors to be prescribed medication or be taken seriously.

    In the last four weeks I have explored every avenue regarding my mental health - looking at diet, exercise, mindfulness, cognitive behavioural therapy, counselling and an increase in medication. I would still say I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, but I am no longer making myself ill with anxiety about it.

    The way my OH describes what has happened in the last four weeks is that he is glad it happened because I am finally getting the help I need, and at least at this moment in time my steps seem to be working.

    What I want to say is as horrible this situation must be for you, and it is horrible, I want to try and give you a bit of hope that this may be a way for DS to get the help he needs to stop it getting worse.

    I am so sorry for what you are going through and I hope it all works out for you and DS soon.
    Sealed Pot Challenge 10 #553 (£90) Wombling free 2017 = £1226.22 Pay off all your debts by Xmas 2017 #53 (£2313.43/£3000) Debt to OH paid back £851.75/£1001.75
    July 2017 Credit Card Debt: £4567.40
    • Kittenkirst
    • By Kittenkirst 11th Jul 17, 10:33 AM
    • 1,439 Posts
    • 7,132 Thanks
    Kittenkirst
    Ben Ben, so sorry to hear what your family are going through.

    My older brother has mental Heath issues since a young teen, a lot has gone on (too much to bore you with), but, I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in this. Glad to hear you are getting a little more support now for him.

    I'm not sure if it's your cup of tea but it may be worth you reaching out for support for yourself too as this is a very difficult thing you are experiencing x
    Emergency savings- £3550.96 /£4000
    Mortgage Oct '16- £170.995 LTV- 90% end date Nov 2041
    2016 OPs £255.50/£150
    2017 MFW #20 - OP £1444.02/ £2150. 67%
    Jan- £68.21, Feb- £306.67, March- £272.01 April-£324.05 May £120.33 June £279.15 July: £73.98
    • Florence J
    • By Florence J 11th Jul 17, 10:37 AM
    • 1,516 Posts
    • 8,479 Thanks
    Florence J
    Ben Ben, so sorry to hear what your family are going through.

    My older brother has mental Heath issues since a young teen, a lot has gone on (too much to bore you with), but, I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in this. Glad to hear you are getting a little more support now for him.

    I'm not sure if it's your cup of tea but it may be worth you reaching out for support for yourself too as this is a very difficult thing you are experiencing x
    Originally posted by Kittenkirst
    I second this, you should look for support for yourself too, it won't be easy for you, I make sure my long suffering OH has plenty of time to off load with his friends without me there so that he can de-stress. I'm not sure how helpful they will be but you could maybe look for a mental health support group, there is a website/app called Meet Ups where you can find local groups in your area for various things, there may be one on there.
    Sealed Pot Challenge 10 #553 (£90) Wombling free 2017 = £1226.22 Pay off all your debts by Xmas 2017 #53 (£2313.43/£3000) Debt to OH paid back £851.75/£1001.75
    July 2017 Credit Card Debt: £4567.40
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 11th Jul 17, 4:09 PM
    • 46,575 Posts
    • 165,612 Thanks
    beanielou
    Florence J~~Thank you for sharing.
    I hope all goes well on your return to work.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 12th Jul 17, 7:44 AM
    • 9,990 Posts
    • 25,509 Thanks
    benbenandme
    Thank you all for your support, yesterday a youth worker came round and spoke to ds- he didn't engage particularly, he's not good with people he doesn't know.
    He has been talking a lot more over the last couple of days and seems in a better way than at the weekend. I think on Sunday he was so so tired and that was behind some of the tears. It is going to be a battle but I will keep fighting
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £74,160 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £1879 / £30,000
    • amber03
    • By amber03 12th Jul 17, 8:48 PM
    • 770 Posts
    • 4,487 Thanks
    amber03
    I have three DS's and have encouraged everyone of them to open up and talk as much about problems than keep it to themselves. At times I can have the three of them texting me about issues at the same time and feel like a counsellor myself. It's heartbreaking at times when they "are down" and I would give anything for them to be five years old again and the only thing upsetting them is one of their toys has broken. Big hugs to you both you are both doing brilliantly .xx
    Debtfree and and staying that way.
    £1000 Emergency fund No.112 £326.00


    WOMBLER 2017 NO. 5 £7.20
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 15th Jul 17, 4:53 PM
    • 9,990 Posts
    • 25,509 Thanks
    benbenandme
    It's definitely been a more positive week and ds has made it to the end of the school year (he's not going in for mon-thurs as it's all off-timetable unstructured stuff that he won't cope with).

    He's at his Dads this weekend so I have finally got a bit of a brek from it, I needed it this week.

    Yesterday we found a hedgehog toddling across the path as we were leaving school. We took him to the vet to be checked and they called this morning to say I could collect him and re-release him. Anyway, when I went in the receptionist has given her to someone else I'm a bit sad as I wanted to encourage her in the garden, but hey ho, at least I know she's healthy

    So, the rest of the weekend is going to be spent chilling. Maybe planning a list for the summer, or I may even leave that until next weekend in Cornwall to do.
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £74,160 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £1879 / £30,000
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 15th Jul 17, 7:06 PM
    • 9,990 Posts
    • 25,509 Thanks
    benbenandme
    So I've stuck some music on, put my pj's on and am alternating between some housework and updating playlists / mooching on here. So far I have collected all the washing from ds bedroom and made his room look almost presentable again. It still needs a damn good clean but it now has visible carpet and an open window

    The rest of upstairs is tidy too, all needs a good clean through later.

    Downstairs isn't too bad, the kitchen is clean, the lounge / conservatory are tidy but need a clean.

    I do feel tired though so it may well be an early night with an early morning clean tomorrow I do need to do some online shopping to get ds some birthday bits to open. He has no ideas what he wants, I have no ideas either so it will probably end up being generic trainers / trackies kinda stuff.
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £74,160 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £1879 / £30,000
    • blackcatsx2
    • By blackcatsx2 15th Jul 17, 8:01 PM
    • 57 Posts
    • 523 Thanks
    blackcatsx2
    So glad the week has been more positive. PJs and music is a good way to spend the evening. Time for you to relax and unwind.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 15th Jul 17, 8:13 PM
    • 46,575 Posts
    • 165,612 Thanks
    beanielou
    So glad the week has been more positive. PJs and music is a good way to spend the evening. Time for you to relax and unwind.
    Originally posted by blackcatsx2
    Echoed by me
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 15th Jul 17, 8:18 PM
    • 46,575 Posts
    • 165,612 Thanks
    beanielou
    So glad the week has been more positive. PJs and music is a good way to spend the evening. Time for you to relax and unwind.
    Originally posted by blackcatsx2
    From me too.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Florence J
    • By Florence J 15th Jul 17, 9:45 PM
    • 1,516 Posts
    • 8,479 Thanks
    Florence J
    Glad to hear things have improved, or at the least you have some unwinding time ahead of you.
    Sealed Pot Challenge 10 #553 (£90) Wombling free 2017 = £1226.22 Pay off all your debts by Xmas 2017 #53 (£2313.43/£3000) Debt to OH paid back £851.75/£1001.75
    July 2017 Credit Card Debt: £4567.40
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 16th Jul 17, 8:45 AM
    • 9,990 Posts
    • 25,509 Thanks
    benbenandme
    When I dropped ds off yesterday to his Dad I asked him if he could have him longer today as he's not at school tomorrow. He had planned to meet to return him at 12. He said it shouldn't be a problem and he'd text me to let me know what time. Just received the text ... can we meet at 1pm Bearing in mind he hasn't seen ds for 6 weeks silly old me thought he might want to spend some more time with him
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £74,160 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £1879 / £30,000
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 16th Jul 17, 6:46 PM
    • 9,990 Posts
    • 25,509 Thanks
    benbenandme
    So I have a quiet ds back - when I finally got him to explain what was wrong he said his Dad had forgotten his birthday So, ds knew his grandparents would be at his dads this weekend (rare) so assumed that as it's his birthday in 10 days they would be celebrating it this weekend (he's not seeing his Dad again until mid August). But no - they had been invited for a baby shower for new girlfriend. Ds is pretty gutted. Bearing in mind I said to his Dad that he could come back late today it would have been nice to include him in the shower, but no, he dropped ds off to get home so they could then start the shower .... is there a more incompetent father out there??? Any child would feel rejected by all that but knowing how fragile ds mental state is right now it beggars belief
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £74,160 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £1879 / £30,000
    • blackcatsx2
    • By blackcatsx2 16th Jul 17, 7:53 PM
    • 57 Posts
    • 523 Thanks
    blackcatsx2
    I wholeheartedly agree - it really does beggar belief. It's a good job DS has got you!
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 16th Jul 17, 9:00 PM
    • 46,575 Posts
    • 165,612 Thanks
    beanielou
    That's not good
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
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