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  • FIRST POST
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 27th Dec 16, 7:03 PM
    • 10,245Posts
    • 26,299Thanks
    benbenandme
    Ready to do it all over again ...
    • #1
    • 27th Dec 16, 7:03 PM
    Ready to do it all over again ... 27th Dec 16 at 7:03 PM
    Hello, thank you for popping by

    I have been a regular on the debt free diaries board for years as well as dipping in here at times. I did join in Tallgirls Mortgage Free in 3 Challenge several years ago and have had several diaries over the years. This is the first time I've had one here though despite never actually being in debt I always felt it could happen oh so easily so treated myself as if I was a dfw.

    So, 2017 and my new diary here ...

    I have lived in my lovely flat with my ds (13) for the last 9 years and finally it looks as though we will be moving in the new year. I have sold my flat to a cash buyer and have had an offer accepted on a 2 bed little house. I will probably put stuff into storage and stay with my Mum for a few weeks while the house goes through as my buyers are very keen to complete asap and I don't want to risk losing them as I have already had one sale fall through due to brexit.

    Normally at this point between Christmas and New Year I begin planning my aims for the coming year, setting goals - usually financial related, and generally getting everything organised ready to tackle whatever I have planned. This normally is a £££ goal to knock off the mortgage etc.

    This year however everything is a bit unknown as I can't predict how much I can save etc at this point. But what I can do is take stock of exactly where I'm at now and make lists, I do like lists , of things I need to do to make as many pennies as possible / minimise spends where possible.
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
Page 22
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 1st Jul 17, 6:12 PM
    • 10,245 Posts
    • 26,299 Thanks
    benbenandme
    A perfectly pleasant day so far today, we have tidied the garage and done a tip run with various bits and pieces including the gardening waste from last weekend.

    I've also got three loads of washing done, picked up my prescription and dropped off the previous owners post. Tesco shopping has been ordered, ready to be delivered tomorrow. Dinner is done and I'm about to tackle the homework battle ...

    Spends today = £10 on some new sandals from tesco and £1.80 on 2 buns
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 1st Jul 17, 7:44 PM
    • 48,510 Posts
    • 178,511 Thanks
    beanielou
    WEll done to your DS
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 2nd Jul 17, 9:58 AM
    • 10,245 Posts
    • 26,299 Thanks
    benbenandme
    Homework got done last night without too much of a fight, we then took the dog to the park and played football for a bit, then watched some telly together and chilled. Today ds wants another chilling day, he has various bits on his computer he wants to do and some videos to edit, so I will have a pottering day, perhaps do some bits in the garden, the ironing needs doing and a few other bits and pieces. The washing basket is finally empty and the place is pretty tidy, I have watered the plants this morning and am now sat in the conservatory with a cup of tea The Tesco man should be here between 11-12.

    I also want to start making some plans for the summer holidays too
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 2nd Jul 17, 11:25 AM
    • 10,245 Posts
    • 26,299 Thanks
    benbenandme
    Tescos has been, a couple of substitutions but all fine, and my delivery also included someone else's sea bass - I didn't realise until the guy had gone and I was putting it all away, so a very nice extra surprise this week

    This afternoon I'm going to make some cakes and gingerbread and do a roast dinner as we haven't had one for a few weeks.

    Food shopping came to £60 and *should* last the week, as long as ds stops raiding the fridge every time he comes down the stairs
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
    • redcurlypanda
    • By redcurlypanda 2nd Jul 17, 12:30 PM
    • 109 Posts
    • 163 Thanks
    redcurlypanda
    Another well done to DS!

    & as for him raiding the fridge every time he walks downstairs, he's just not used to burning all that energy from using the stairs so much!

    Finally a very belated congratulations on the house purchase - I am so pleased for you.

    RCP x
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 3rd Jul 17, 7:59 PM
    • 10,245 Posts
    • 26,299 Thanks
    benbenandme
    A straight forward day at work today, I came home and for some bizarre reason got the cleaning bug again, so have cleaned the downstairs loo, the kitchen floor, the inside of the oven , the cupboard fronts, put the rubbish out and watered the garden.

    Dinner is done, now it's laptop then bath and bed.

    Today has been a nsd
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 3rd Jul 17, 9:25 PM
    • 48,510 Posts
    • 178,511 Thanks
    beanielou
    Could you come to my house please?
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • shangaijimmy
    • By shangaijimmy 3rd Jul 17, 9:54 PM
    • 2,227 Posts
    • 10,251 Thanks
    shangaijimmy
    Could you come to my house please?
    Originally posted by beanielou
    ... via our house please...
    MFW: Turning June 2036 into March 2023... 32//120 Payments Challenge, Diary Reduction £34,271.00
    Aug 2009: £163,051 // Current: £101,729.00 // Avg Daily Interest £4.57
    MFiT-T4 #8 - 56.74% of £41,000
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 8th Jul 17, 9:33 AM
    • 10,245 Posts
    • 26,299 Thanks
    benbenandme
    Another week done, pretty much all went okay this week, the odd wobbly from ds but generally not too bad. Today is a housework / pottering kinda day, tomorrow we're going on a longer journey for some trainspotting.

    So I've got one more week of lessons and then 3.5 days of 'activities' to get through, then it's the summer

    Moneywise nothing much to report, I do need to make some payments and check on the accounts but otherwise all ticking along. I also have quite a few surveys to plough through in my inbox.
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 8th Jul 17, 3:51 PM
    • 10,245 Posts
    • 26,299 Thanks
    benbenandme
    And for the second time recently he has had a phonecall from his new *friend* and walked out the house, announcing he's never coming back. He has been told categorically that he is not to see this person outside of school but ultimately I can't physically stop him walking out the door. This new friend has 2 other friends they hang out with, and I am fairly sure there is weed smoking going on at one of their houses. I am absolutely at my wits end, I am crying most days, I just don't know what to do to stop him going totally off the rails I had the police out last time and he came home at 9pm, I am sure he will come back later as he has his paper-round tomorrow morning and needs the bike. He doesn't have any money or keys with him, he has switched his phone off. I am fairly sure he will be at one of their houses, he just seems to want to self-destruct constantly and I don't know how much more of this I can cope with There has been lots that I haven't written about on here but basically it is a daily battle to get through each day, to try and keep him on track. I really don't know how much longer I can do it for. I have tried to get help, there is none out there. The counsellor is having pretty much no effect - last time was all about mediating about this friendship - I agreed that he could see this friend if, for example, I took them to / from the cinema or trampolining etc. The friend has no intentions whatsoever of doing anything like that, thy just want to hang out or sit round one of the other friends houses ... He agredd at the counsellors that this was a reasonable compromise but now because the friend has no interest in doing those things then the pull of the friend is stronger than me.

    A local youth worker was in touch but just suggested he join the local youth club (where even more drug issues are happening - I know through school stuff). I'm reaching a point where I may even tell him to go and live with his Dad because this is making me ill
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
    • blackcatsx2
    • By blackcatsx2 8th Jul 17, 5:02 PM
    • 63 Posts
    • 569 Thanks
    blackcatsx2
    I'm so sorry to read your post - it's so worrying for you. I don't have any words of wisdom at the moment but didn't want to read and not reply.
    • Eager_Elephant
    • By Eager_Elephant 9th Jul 17, 7:56 AM
    • 4,078 Posts
    • 22,479 Thanks
    Eager_Elephant
    Also just wanted to post to say I have read this and am thinking of you and your son.

    I assume its because he doesn't have many friends that when someone shows an interest in him he thinks they are his friend and goes along with what they want?
    The potential weed smoking is a huge worry - is he aware of the dangers?

    Is there anyone from his school who also likes train spotting etc who he could start meeting up with instead?

    Hope DS returned home safe and sound
    Ninja Saving Turtle No. 15 for November
    NSD - 1/15
    (up to 01/11/17)
    My Diary is here - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=2175629 (Eager Elephants Effective Everyday Excursion)
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 9th Jul 17, 3:01 PM
    • 48,510 Posts
    • 178,511 Thanks
    beanielou
    Sad to read this.
    All I can say is that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
    It d oes get better.

    Hope your DS has been home.
    Try to look after yourself too.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • benbenandme
    • By benbenandme 10th Jul 17, 7:29 AM
    • 10,245 Posts
    • 26,299 Thanks
    benbenandme
    Thanks guys, unfortunately he didn't return so I ended up calling the police and they found him at one of the "friends" houses at 2.30am - there were 4 of them there and the parents thought that they had permission to stay The police brought him back, he was in a foul mood. Yesterday he spent the majority of the day in tears, sobbing his heart out, I am 100% sure he is depressed but last time we went to the gp all they did was refer to camhs who said they couldn't help I confiscated his phone and checked it and found messages to this new friend asking whether he should hang himself or electricute himself. I just feel sick constantly and keep crying. I am so scared for him, so fed up at the non-existant support out there. I will call the gp for another appointment this morning and I want antidepressants for him. Last time they said they can't do that but having googled it appears that they do. I am so woried about him, he doesn't care what happens to him. He has been told he can't see these friends again (admitted others were drinking etc) and he is devastated, he says they are the only friends he has and if I take them away then there really is no point I'm exhausted, I just can't keep going like this I have to make it through the next 10 days at school and then at least get a break but I just don't know how to keep going.
    Mortgage Total: £75,000 £73,315 Mortgage End Date: May 2040
    Brother's loan: £3972 / £25,000
    Holiday Fund: £495 / £1800
    • Pooky
    • By Pooky 10th Jul 17, 8:36 AM
    • 6,725 Posts
    • 41,561 Thanks
    Pooky
    Is his dad aware of the situation and providing any help and support? I think I'd be asking the school and the GP for emergency help. If he's having suicidal thoughts then action needs to happen now. Is there any other family members that can support you with this too, make phone calls or back you up with appointments. This is a lot to deal with on your own.

    Sending huge hugs x
    "Start every day off with a smile and get it over with" - W. C. Field.
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 10th Jul 17, 9:41 AM
    • 48,510 Posts
    • 178,511 Thanks
    beanielou
    I can only echo Pooky.
    Take his phone & show the texts to GP.
    Today would be good.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • Southern-Girl
    • By Southern-Girl 10th Jul 17, 9:45 AM
    • 62 Posts
    • 495 Thanks
    Southern-Girl
    Blimey BenBen - I just don't know what to say. I hope you know that any of us on here would help you in a heartbeat if we could.

    I also had problems with youngest DS. ADHD, Dyspraxia, Mental Health issues. was under the CAMHS was put on Prozac at 14/15 and this helped massively.

    Sending you a huge hug, as I too felt like you did (and I had really nasty / bad thoughts).

    Lots of love xxxxxx

    • maggiem
    • By maggiem 10th Jul 17, 10:54 AM
    • 310 Posts
    • 1,955 Thanks
    maggiem
    Might be worth contacting CAMHS directly as he had previously been referred, telling them of the text messages and his response on Sunday.

    Thinking of you too, have you contacted NAS re support or asked them if there are any support groups locally or nearby? Hope school goes well today.
    • Alisonpennypincher
    • By Alisonpennypincher 10th Jul 17, 3:43 PM
    • 380 Posts
    • 1,907 Thanks
    Alisonpennypincher
    Oh I'm so sorry to read the trouble you are having. I hope that you managed to see a GP today and that they listened to your concerns and took action. I do not have any words of advice that others have not already said, but didn't want to read and run!
    • polki
    • By polki 10th Jul 17, 7:32 PM
    • 495 Posts
    • 454 Thanks
    polki
    Thinking of you both. I do hope support is soon forthcoming.
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