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  • FIRST POST
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 13th Dec 16, 7:03 PM
    • 219Posts
    • 1,102Thanks
    JWPopps
    Flush by 30?
    • #1
    • 13th Dec 16, 7:03 PM
    Flush by 30? 13th Dec 16 at 7:03 PM
    Hello!

    I'm fairly new to MSE and have become totally obsessed with reading everyone else's diaries, so I thought I'd do one of my own! Even if no one else ever reads it, I'm hoping it will be somewhere I can rant my rants and think my thoughts without a) boring my friends and family and b) embarrassing myself in front of friends and family!

    I'm 26 (27 in March) and have had a bit of a slog to get to where I am today which I will likely go into later... basically, money has always been something other people have. So, while my debts might not seem huge, making the payments every month is stopping me from really appreciating how far I've come and how nice it is to be earning a relatively good wage.

    The above paragraph sounds a bit up myself, actually. Oh well!

    Debts:
    Barclaycard: £1465.49 (19%)
    Sainsburys card: £75 (0%)
    Barclayloan: £6,673.36 (4.9%)
    Overdraft: £485.09 (I get charges as well but not sure of the %)
    Mortgage: £88,163.97 (34 years left on it, at 3.99%)

    I'm not stressing about getting my mortgage paid off at the moment; it would be nice to be debt free and have a nice emergency fund, and maybe even a fun fund, and to be making mortgage overpayments.

    Total debt I'm worried about then: £8,698.94

    Goals for 2017:
    Pay off Barclaycard and close
    Get Sainsbury's card to 0 every month (i.e. use only for groceries)
    Pay off overdraft
    Get loan down to £3,500
    Start an Emergency Fund
    Start a Fun Fund
    Start making mortgage OPs
    Chill the heck out about my finances for the first time in 11 years!!
Page 8
    • jvr
    • By jvr 19th Apr 17, 3:49 PM
    • 320 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    jvr
    The other way to look at it is that anything you are able to do as a host is more than they would have without you. It has to fit in with your own goals and life as well or you will become unhappy and burnt out and then not able to do it anymore. I think you should be hugely proud of how much you do and not put pressure on yourself to do too much just because they are short of places. You never know, by demonstrating that you can make it fit around you, you might inspire someone else to do it....
    10 month debt free challenge + trip to South Africa starting on the 21st of July 2017!

    Starting point: £9000 needed to clear debt and pay for the holiday
    Now: £900£9000 paid......... £8100 to go!
    10%PAYED
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 19th Apr 17, 7:05 PM
    • 10,465 Posts
    • 69,321 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Wow JWPopps I'm another that is thinking you are amazing! I think you must have way more compassion than the average person!

    In terms of practical advice, I was thinking of the newborn, and just thinking what can I say to help? I can't imagine what it must be like to have a baby and not come home to your partner's help. From my own situation only I can say that the coping will come down to things like how difficult the birth is, if she has to have a c section, she will need more help initially, as it's a major op. Most people I know that had them took a lot longer than me to be up and about, and doing things.
    Feeding will be another big part to it. If she can breastfeed that will be a different set up at night than if the baby needs bottles.
    The rest comes down to what kind of baby it is, some are very easy going and some might get colic etc.
    I'd be willing to guess that the first three to four months she will need help overnight. Is there anything in place for support other than you during that time? I am worried that you will be tired out and have your day job to do as well.
    I'm not trying to be negative, I just think taking on a newborn is hard for anyone.

    I really do think you are amazing.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 24th Apr 17, 1:17 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Phew!
    Hello everyone

    Weekly update time!

    My expenses to pay off my credit card are rolling in slowly - and it occurs to me that I've hit one of the first targets I set myself, which was to have an active credit card that then gets paid off every month. I'm managing that! It's happening!

    I'm still in Manic Month - the charity are being slow about letting me know when my lodger is moving in, and I'm away for this work thing from Thursday-Thursday so it's not really an ideal time. But hey, that's all fine - we'll get there in the end.

    It's been an expensive start to my financial month (I get paid on the 21st of the month) as I had to buy 2 new bras... I'd been wearing a rotation of about 4 for 2 years and two of them tried to stab me in the heart last week. So, £60 down but at least I know I haven't changed sizing at all, so I can't have piled on as much weight as I thought!

    Hope everyone else is doing well
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 24th Apr 17, 10:35 PM
    • 10,465 Posts
    • 69,321 Thanks
    Bobarella
    I shouldn't laugh at your heart stabbing bras, but, I did
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 1st Jun 17, 10:05 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Hello everyone,

    I took a few weeks off updating here not because I've given up, but because I've had so much on I felt like I was constantly chasing my tail. However, things have moved on nicely!

    Update
    • My Mum is currently in the process of moving out, she will be officially 'moved in' this evening
    • My long-term lodger from the charity will be moving immediately into my mum's vacated room tomorrow at 2pm (and I've wangled a half day off work)
    • I've done 2 out of 3 of my modules in Coventry for this year. One more in a couple of weeks and then I'm intending to write all three assignments in the week off I have in June.

    So, I think those were my biggest three stresses, and I feel a bit like they're less stressful now. My house already looks so much less cluttered with my mum's stuff all packed away in boxes or in the boot of her car, so I'm excited to really be able to make the house feel like mine.

    I've met my lodger and she's a delightful young woman. It's been a bit of a drawn-out process getting her moved out of her current (less than ideal) situation, but it's perfect timing really with Mum's move. I've told the charity I won't be doing any of the short-term places for at least a couple of months until she gets settled, so I have time to finish off a few bits that need doing in the house as well (like painting skirtings etc)

    I had an amazing time at my friends' wedding in Holland as well, so that's the last major expense from this year all done and dusted. There have been a few backwards steps finance-wise, but nothing I can't sort out fairly soon I hope!

    Right, now to catch up on everyone else's diaries!!
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 1st Jun 17, 1:43 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Goals from Now to Christmas!
    To really, really prove I'm back and committed to sorting my finances, I've developed some goals which I'm hoping to re-visit at the end of each month between now and the end of November. Then, I want to give myself a month off from worrying in December for Christmas (which also coincides with when my lodger will likely be moving out), so I can do a proper review on 1st January 2018

    By the end of June:
    • Reduce credit card debt to £680
    • Reduce loan to £6,820
    • Begin a (modest) savings pot with £30
    • Paint my bedroom (already got the paint)
    • Paint skirting boards (already got the paint)
    • Get the last of Mum's stuff moved
    • Get new lodger settled in

    By the end of July:
    • Reduce credit card debt to £360
    • Reduce loan to £6,500
    • Increase savings pot to £80
    • Buy a single bed for the box room
    • Buy a new television to replace the one Mum is taking

    By the end of August:
    • Clear credit card
    • Reduce loan to £6,000
    • Increase savings pot to £130
    • Decorate 'main' spare room (it just needs a coat of paint)

    By the end of September:
    • Reduce loan to £5,500
    • Increase savings pot to £230
    • ASSIGNMENT ONE DUE IN

    By the end of October:
    • Reduce loan to £5,000
    • Increase savings pot to £330
    • ASSIGNMENT TWO DUE IN

    By the end of November:
    • Reduce loan to £4,500
    • Increase savings pot to £500
    • ASSIGNMENT THREE DUE IN

    Goodness me this feels like a challenge!!
    But hopefully a positive one...
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 1st Jun 17, 8:55 PM
    • 4,115 Posts
    • 22,165 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Glad to see you back Sometimes real life just gets in the way ...

    Pleased your mum is sorted out, your lodger sounds promising and you have two modules under your belt

    Your goals for the rest of the year look good and achievable
    Virtual Sealed Pot £547.82
    Weight loss 0/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 3rd Jun 17, 5:24 PM
    • 10,465 Posts
    • 69,321 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Great to read your update. Glad your Mum is almost there with her new place. When is the lodgers baby due?
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 5th Jun 17, 12:09 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Hello everyone!

    SA I think I had put a lot of undue pressure on myself, but it's amazing how different my mindset is purely from having some 'milestone events' (like my mum moving out and my lodger moving in) out of the way. It's as though because I knew both of those things were happening I couldn't move forward with anything else until they'd actually happened... if that makes sense!!

    Bob she's having a 16 week scan in 2 weeks - I don't know if 16 week scans are normal? Does that put her due date at late-November? Something like that I think. Honestly, I have never been pregnant in my life so I feel a bit under-informed. She told me her baby is currently the size of a nectarine according to some app she has, and I know what a nectarine looks like but I don't think that makes me an expert...
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 6th Jun 17, 11:36 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Highs............... and lows.
    If I thought it was even remotely appropriate, this post would just be a long list of expletives.

    Anyone who has read this thread will know that I love my Mum deeply, but we don't always get along. Temperamentally we're too similar, and we've then had very different life experiences on top of that, which means sometimes we don't see eye to eye.

    One thing we both agreed on very much was that we wanted her to have her own place as soon as possible, because we both like our own space, we hadn't lived together since 1994, etc etc.

    Well, on Thursday last week, she signed a tenancy agreement for a really cute little place not far from me. It's been a long road for her to get there, involving a year out of work, a knee operation, my discovery she is currently on a DMP and then, finally: this. She did it. She's already brightened up because she loves the place, and I've got a long-term lodger through the charity I work with. These are the highs.

    As for the lows?

    My mum got sacked this morning.

    She went into work as normal and was bundled into a meeting with HR in which they told her some pretty unpleasant things, for example complaints have been made against her, to which she said 'well why has no one brought this up with me so I could improve?' and they said that everything was in the letter.

    We've just read the letter, and they've given a very different reason for getting rid of her (which I won't detail for not wanting to identify anyone). The letter is much nicer, or at least as nice as a dismissal letter gets, and gives a much more benign reason for her dismissal. Also, because she's worked there less than 2 years she doesn't have an automatic right to unfair dismissal. Lows. All the lows.

    She called me as soon as she got home, and obviously she's crushed. She feels like she's right back at square one, and frankly from everything they've said to her the whole thing seems super unfair. I'm not just saying this because she's my mum - there have been management changes and all sorts going on that I think have contributed to this.

    I don't know what's going to happen, if she'll need to move back in with me, if she'll need to move around the country for work or what. I just want to go home and give her an enormous hug, and incidentally I'd like her former workplace to be consistently rained on for the next twelve years.
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • jvr
    • By jvr 6th Jun 17, 12:44 PM
    • 320 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    jvr
    Why can things never just go right for a little bit??? I'm really sorry neither of you needed this stress or all the emotions that go along with losing a job.
    You can't magic away her problems, which is really hard but just being there for her to talk to is still so important.... I hope she finds something soon and things look up for you both!
    And can I add what a horrid workplace to dismiss with no warning and lead up review meetings or anything.... may they have thunder with the rain!!
    10 month debt free challenge + trip to South Africa starting on the 21st of July 2017!

    Starting point: £9000 needed to clear debt and pay for the holiday
    Now: £900£9000 paid......... £8100 to go!
    10%PAYED
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 6th Jun 17, 1:37 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Why can things never just go right for a little bit??? I'm really sorry neither of you needed this stress or all the emotions that go along with losing a job.
    You can't magic away her problems, which is really hard but just being there for her to talk to is still so important.... I hope she finds something soon and things look up for you both!
    And can I add what a horrid workplace to dismiss with no warning and lead up review meetings or anything.... may they have thunder with the rain!!
    Originally posted by jvr
    Thank you JVR. This is genuinely helpful, and I really appreciate that you took the time to comment.

    This is the 2nd time my mum has had this happen. It could be that she's genuinely difficult to work with, in which case I would expect a good employer to give her some opportunities to improve - my employers certainly don't fire people without plenty of paperwork to explain their decisions.

    It could also be that my mum has tended to take roles around compliance and quality assessment, which means she is very often the person who says 'no, you're not doing that right,' and therefore some people might take that to mean she's consistently negative when actually she's just doing her job.

    It could be because she's an older worker, or it could be because she's a woman challenging a new (suddenly all male) leadership.

    It is probably because she disagrees with the way that new leadership are dealing with things - BUT from everything she's said at home, she was happy to work to support that new leadership even though she disagreed with it.

    So I don't know. There's nothing I can practically do except help her with job applications - I mean, I am a Careers Adviser after all.

    I want the best for her. I was feeling so positive, and my mood has just plummeted today. i can't even imagine how she's feeling I might send her some flowers to her house to cheer her up...
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 7th Jun 17, 12:21 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Eep!

    Mother-update! (Mupdate?)

    So guess who woke up to e-mails from three different recruiters offering her job interviews?! There's hope yet!!
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 7th Jun 17, 12:50 PM
    • 4,949 Posts
    • 16,045 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Eep!

    Mother-update! (Mupdate?)

    So guess who woke up to e-mails from three different recruiters offering her job interviews?! There's hope yet!!
    Originally posted by JWPopps
    Excellent news, wishing her loads of luck x
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £7550.00 Cap 1: £557.64 BC: £4040.00 Overdraft: £2750.00



    20p Savers 2017 £2 Savers 2017 50p Savers 2017 SPC 10 2017 #003
    • jvr
    • By jvr 8th Jun 17, 11:59 AM
    • 320 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    jvr
    Fingers Crossed!!
    10 month debt free challenge + trip to South Africa starting on the 21st of July 2017!

    Starting point: £9000 needed to clear debt and pay for the holiday
    Now: £900£9000 paid......... £8100 to go!
    10%PAYED
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 9th Jun 17, 10:14 PM
    • 4,115 Posts
    • 22,165 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    Surely your mum should've had verbal/written warnings before being dismissed? Seems very unfair, could she take them to tribunal for unfair dismissal? Glad she's had offers of interviews though, fingers crossed for her. Just as she was getting sorted ....
    Virtual Sealed Pot £547.82
    Weight loss 0/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 12th Jun 17, 10:35 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Phew! Time for a quick update

    My mum is still in limbo, obviously, but I'm delighted to report she is handling things quite well and is more angry than upset, which I personally think is absolutely the right attitude towards her former workplace. We've worked out that if she's careful she's probably ok financially for the next 6 months, so I am determined not to worry about it unduly until that 6 months (and her tenancy) is nearing.

    She may well end up living back with me, and if that happens, well - it will happen. We'll just have to make it work.

    In other news, I got a new fridge on Saturday with a light and fully functional electrics, so that's exciting. And then yesterday I got a new shed for the rabbits to move into. So, not a relaxing weekend or even a MSE weekend, but these are things I've been meaning to get for months and months, so at least I have them now.

    The balance that out, I am not buying a new telly next month, because I've found one in the back of my wardrobe, it's a bit small for my living room but I don't really want TV enough for that to matter. I was a bit annoyed at my boyfriend, because when I told him (proudly!) I'd discovered this way to not have to spend £360 he got really grumpy and said 'oh that telly's so small I'll never be able to see it' and I just thought... you are not being supportive right now.

    Aside from that, all is good
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 13th Jun 17, 11:06 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Hello everyone!

    I am feeling awful today, I had a migraine last night so today I'm all woozy and washed out. Still at work though, because if I took a day off after every migraine I had I might as well go part time!!

    Anyway, coffee will get me through!

    Sometimes when I have a migraine I struggle to sleep, and sometimes when that happens I end up having ~ideas~ - not sure how good those ideas are because they emerge from the fog, but all the same, I have them. This happened last night, and I'm just going to lay it out here so I can maybe get some opinions or at the very least read it again tomorrow when I have my fully-functional brain back.

    The Idea

    I'm considering opening a joint savings account with my boyfriend, into which we would both put £20 a month.

    There are a few reasons I'm thinking about this, which boil down to:
    1. It's a reasonably small amount each, but will fairly quickly lead to a couple of hundred pounds we can use towards holidays or date nights, or even just towards our joint future
    2. I want to help him get into a savings habit if he ever wants to save for a deposit for his own place
    3. I kind of want to test our 'future commitment' to each other...

    That last one is probably the most important one. I think I've mentioned before that we live in different cities, and we see each other about twice a month, but we talk every day. We are rapidly nearing our 3 year anniversary, and I always feel kind of itchy around those milestones.

    I think the problem is that I know he would happily continue as we are for five, ten, twenty more years - and in theory, I'm fine with that too. We're happy as we are and since I don't really want to get married and definitely don't feel the need to have kids, there's no time pressure on us to move things forward. But.

    It's a Big But.

    I want to foster, probably starting when I hit 32/33. That's 5 years from now, so there's time yet to work out what's going to happen, but I'm already thinking about how I can't be a foster carer and maintain a long-distance relationship. I can't just nip off one weekend every month like I can now, it wouldn't be fair to the young person living with me. So, before I apply to become a foster carer (a process that can take up to a year), I need to know what my family unit looks like. I need to either be living with my boyfriend, and have been for at least a year to be confident we're not going to break up mid-foster placement. So that means I feel like I only have 3 years to know what's going to happen...

    Ok, so 3 years is still a long time. But. It's been 3 years now, and he doesn't even like talking about the potential fact of us maybe living together in the future. I broached a suggestion last week, after we found out about my mum, that maybe if she moves back into mine I could live there in the week for work and live with him at the weekends as a trial thing and he FREAKED out, saying how much he needs his own space and how he'd never have a weekend to himself.

    And... I'm hurt by that. And I feel like, if I leave it up to him nothing will ever happen, and then I might find myself in 10 years having not followed my aspirations to foster and resenting him, and resenting spending so much money on visiting him when our future together just seems blurry and uncertain.

    I feel like I'm refusing to fully commit to him at the moment because he isn't committing to me, and so I'm building walls between us to make sure I don't get hurt.

    And so, I am kind of hoping that having a joint savings account, maybe with a bank neither of us already banks with, might help us think about being a partnership, instead of what we currently are which still after 3 years feels super ad hoc and casual.

    And, if we split up, we can just split the savings down the middle. See? I'm always thinking 'if we break up...' when I think about doing anything together with him. Bleurgh, I hope this is just the migraine/anniversary talking.
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • JWPopps
    • By JWPopps 25th Jun 17, 10:49 PM
    • 219 Posts
    • 1,102 Thanks
    JWPopps
    Hmmm...

    I've had the last of my 3 weeks away for work this year, which is a good feeling, however finances aren't exactly brilliant since I need to wait to get expenses back.

    Also, my lodger has decided to move in with her boyfriend (was bound to happen when he got his own place, if we're honest) so she's moved out. She was very apologetic as it's only been 3 weeks, but I told her she needs to make the best decision for her, and privately I'm just hoping it works out with her fella. I don't have high hopes for him.

    Anyway, I'll be getting a new lodger next week, but it will be easier now I've done it once and also I'm not going away any more this year so that's some breathing room.

    3rd anniversary came and went with zero fanfare, my boyfriend forgot to bring my present over with him so I guess it wasn't really on his mind. After some long discussions (and a bit of emotion on my part) he has agreed to the bank account idea, but only after I basically pointed out to him that if after 3 years he isn't comfortable starting something that small with me then I don't see us having much of a future. I really hate feeling like I'm giving ultimatums, but I wasn't trying to. I was more trying to let him know it's ok to say '3 years is a good shot, let's part civilly if we're not going to move forward together'...

    ...he doesn't want to break up, but we haven't really left it with me feeling like there's any real solution. We'll see how that goes.

    Anyway, all else seems ok!
    Credit Card Debt: £875
    Loan Debt: £6,454.65
    Savings: £130



    [B]PAYDBX 2017 - #19 : 41% paid 3445/8280[/
    • Sun Addict
    • By Sun Addict 26th Jun 17, 8:37 PM
    • 4,115 Posts
    • 22,165 Thanks
    Sun Addict
    He's got the best of both worlds - he's got you but only a part time commitment - although same for you really. Depends what you want out of it, if you want more then maybe it's time to move on if he's not willing.

    Re the fostering - my mum fostered 31 children over the years, she loved it, hard work but very rewarding. It's a wonderful thing to do if you can do it.
    Virtual Sealed Pot £547.82
    Weight loss 0/7lbs
    Mr SA finally in remission December 2013
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