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  • FIRST POST
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 18th Nov 16, 9:52 AM
    • 71Posts
    • 29Thanks
    fittaedae
    Finally admitted my problems... onward and upward!
    • #1
    • 18th Nov 16, 9:52 AM
    Finally admitted my problems... onward and upward! 18th Nov 16 at 9:52 AM
    Good morning everyone

    I have finally admitted that I have a problem with buying stuff off of the internet and through online catalogue companies. I have admitted it to my lovely other half and he admits he did wonder where all the clothes were coming from but he has said that he will give me support and slap my fingers if I go into ASDA and pick up a top while shopping... trust me I need him to do that!

    Lots and lots I have not worn so I am about to start selling it on Ebay, tried a tester last week and sold a skirt so that gave me a massive boost. Incidentally I am taking part in the online Living Life To The Full programme, its a form of CBT to help with depression, anxiety etc as I refuse to take anti depressants, I want to sort my head out with a little human help.

    I will divulge amounts soon but I need to get my figures in order first. I work for my partner in our home office so one of the first things I am going to do is get him to put some sort of block on the internet and block ALL the shopping sites and catalogue sites I use and hide the password so that I cannot shop! Would appreciate any recommendations of free programmes or secure ways to block a shopaholic off of sites

    I am not in a debt crisis but will be if the £2 here and there constantly on Ebay and Amazon and the £10 top x 4 different colours from Very does not stop... I lost a wee part time job I had this month too so that gave me the big slap in face to wise up!

    One MASSIVE problem I have is the catalogues send emails (I have now blocked these) and I can receive their paper catalogues perhaps 3 of the same in one week, I have called them and asked them to stop not only to take the temptation away but also to stop wasting paper as I just take off the name bit and shred it and put them straight into the recycling. Being a bit of a tree hugger it really grinds my gears .... but the catalogues still keep coming, in fact I am getting even more!!!

    Has anyone successfully stopped these damned things arriving? I wrote on them "gone away" or "remove from mailing list" but I got a call from their "debt" department asking how I was going to make payment seeing as I had done a runner basically, even though I pay by direct debit so I had to continue getting the mailings

    Any help would be appreciated!
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
Page 1
    • brandysnap47
    • By brandysnap47 20th Nov 16, 8:29 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    brandysnap47
    • #2
    • 20th Nov 16, 8:29 AM
    • #2
    • 20th Nov 16, 8:29 AM
    Hi Fittadae,

    Well done for having the courage to face up to your situation and the potential problems it could cause if you continue. One of the biggest hurdles will have been discussing it with your OH and it sounds like he'sthere to support you. Well done on using CBT you should find it benefical in loads of situations.

    As for the catalogues you need to think of them as an abusive relationship you are no longer in. If this was an ex partner who was harrasing you, beeging you to come back, you would entertain it. you need to make a clean break from them. Find out what the interest rate on what you owe them, if you do, and move the debt to something lower and cut all contact off. Chrstmas is coming and after that will be the sales!! They and their friends will try and " get you back". Remember these companies have studied psychology, had loads of sales training and done loads of research to find out how to get that sale.
    You are doing the right thing by looking at your triggers and avoiding them. Just like you would do with an ex, there are places you know you would be more vunerable, avoid these and use your support network, friends for guidance. You will at some point need to buy something, neve impulse buy, buy mindfully, if you see something you might like, walk away, sleep on it, if you still need it, then go back.

    good luck Brandysnap47
    Last edited by brandysnap47; 20-11-2016 at 8:32 AM.
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 20th Nov 16, 5:49 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    • #3
    • 20th Nov 16, 5:49 PM
    • #3
    • 20th Nov 16, 5:49 PM
    Hi Brandysnap47. Thank you for your reply, I was hoping I had not posted in the wrong place!

    I am unable to move any debt to lower rates unfortunately as my credit history seems to cause problems, I have never defaulted on credit but perhaps the amount I have is the problem

    I just have to keep trying to raise funds by Ebay etc and slowly pay these people off. I just really wanted them to stop bombarding me with paper catalogues!! It is ridiculous how many they send I had a telephone call on Friday evening from one of these Catalogues trying to sell me "special offers" this is new as I have never had this problem, so I asked they remove me and never call again, which they said they would... I also blocked their number!

    I have also been looking at You tube and there are some hypnosis things for overspending and compulsive shopping, maybe worth a try, nothing to lose anyway!

    On the plus side I have just done my first grocery shop online as I got a free delivery code and I bought just what we needed and nothing more and it came in well under budget. It looks like that may be the way to go, either that or go to Aldi and Lidl as they don't have all the "pretty things" to buy that Asda and Tesco do haha!

    I have to do this and I am determined, I am fed up of hiding bags with clothes from my wonderful partner and feeling guilty. I returned everything that I possibly could and have blocked all the sites (my partner has now locked the password he thought up away) I am embarrassed and dismayed at how much we could have done with the money I have wasted, but I do feel I have turned a corner in my life!

    Instead of sitting on my phone or tablet online shopping I have started doing free online courses (Alison & Google) and reading more. I have a stash of colouring in books (bought online and in a sale lol) but I am doing more of that too, I do have cross stitch kits in the house from years back so going to dig these out and do that too!

    Thanks for your advice and support, its appreciated
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • mfmaybe
    • By mfmaybe 20th Nov 16, 7:24 PM
    • 1,006 Posts
    • 3,207 Thanks
    mfmaybe
    • #4
    • 20th Nov 16, 7:24 PM
    • #4
    • 20th Nov 16, 7:24 PM
    Hi Fittaedae

    Your username caught my eye (originally from NE Scotland ) so I thought I'd drop in for some support. One of the things I read on here a lot, and it's so true, is that stopping INCREASING the debt is a massive first step. So every time you don't buy something, it's still a step in the right direction.

    Others will be along soon to encourage you to add up the debt, post a SOA, and take the necessary steps. The thought I had about the internet is, don't you have a smartphone? So if you manage to get the websites blocked, won't you just switch temptation to 4G?

    I don't say this to discourage, but to point out that there would always still be a way to spend money; and much like an addict giving up drink or cigs or drugs, you can't do it if you don't want to. It's a good idea to make it as hard as possible, but it won't be the magic bullet.

    Best of luck, I will subscribe and cheer you along the way. You can do it

    (Edit - ah ok I see you have the same thought about the phone, so you know how easy it can be to get tempted. So I just repeat. YOU CAN DO THIS!!)
    Last edited by mfmaybe; 20-11-2016 at 7:26 PM.
    Create credit card buffer fund £12.93/£1000 1.4%paid. Pay by Christmas 17

    Other debts paid since 1/1/14: £17,005
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 20th Nov 16, 7:55 PM
    • 5,553 Posts
    • 20,247 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    • #5
    • 20th Nov 16, 7:55 PM
    • #5
    • 20th Nov 16, 7:55 PM
    Hey,

    Welcome to the boards, good luck on your journey

    Pmo2
    X
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £6900.00 Cap 1: £467.97 BC: £6900.00

    AFD 4/14 NSD 9/17 LTW 10/17
    POAMAYC 2018 #041 PD £878.17/£4000
    20p Savers 2018 £2 Savers 2018 50p Savers 2018 SPC 11 2018 #003
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 24th Nov 16, 6:51 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    • #6
    • 24th Nov 16, 6:51 PM
    • #6
    • 24th Nov 16, 6:51 PM
    Well that's my first catalogue paid off. Only had a wee amount on it but it felt good to go into my spreadsheet and mark £0.00 and put CLOSED beside it. Will now divert that payment to another debt and continue that way. Managed to get Christmas presents sorted out as we as a family always seem to end up with tons of parcels and half the stuff never gets used So this year we (OH, Mum, Dad, Dogs and Myself) had a sit down and discussed what we would LIKE at a sensible amount this year. So useful presents at a low cost have been organised. I am going to this year send some money from my main bank account to a savings account each month so by the time it comes around next year I will have enough saved up, well that's the hope anyway! CBT is going well and as my work is very busy just now its keeping my wandering fingers and mind away from the internet! I have now sold two items on eBay so I will continue and see how much I can make and use it to pay off some debt! Thanks for all your support, it is very much appreciated
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 11th Dec 16, 10:17 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    • #7
    • 11th Dec 16, 10:17 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Dec 16, 10:17 PM
    Wee update. I got a call from a company saying they were working for Barclaycard at the start of November and they were in fact a PPI claims company who wanted 40% of any money I got! I called Barclaycard and it turns out I do have PPI which I didn't know about. So now I have been paid out two claims on cards that I didn't know about and I have another on its way )had to get the FSA involved for one as they were not going to pay out!) so I just wonder what the best way to use this money is. Do I double up my payments, use it to pay off the worst debt I have or pay off a few small debt I have? I don't know yet what the figure for the last payout will be as they are refunding all my PPI I paid and adding 8%, the card was taken out in 2008. Currently I am listing all my debts, interest rates and balances, so going to look over this over Christmas holidays... onwards and upwards ����
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 11th Dec 16, 10:46 PM
    • 10,450 Posts
    • 69,709 Thanks
    Bobarella
    • #8
    • 11th Dec 16, 10:46 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Dec 16, 10:46 PM
    Great about the PPI! Good luck to you with the catalogue thing. You will probably find like any habit once you have stopped for a certain amount of time you will give up for good because you forget the original motivation.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • beanielou
    • By beanielou 12th Dec 16, 7:59 PM
    • 49,496 Posts
    • 186,163 Thanks
    beanielou
    • #9
    • 12th Dec 16, 7:59 PM
    • #9
    • 12th Dec 16, 7:59 PM
    Pay the money to your highest APR debt.
    Lou~ Debt free Wanabe No 55 DF 03/03/14.
    **Credit card debt free 30/06/10~** **Weight loss 2 stone 2 lbs **

    "A large income is the best recipe for happiness I ever heard of" Jane Austen in Mansfield Park.
    ***Fall down seven times,stand up eight*** ~~Japanese proverb.
    It starts with you, it starts from now. *** It is ok to be me.*** ***Keep plodding***
    • sistafromanothermista
    • By sistafromanothermista 12th Dec 16, 8:01 PM
    • 2,161 Posts
    • 2,600 Thanks
    sistafromanothermista
    Beanielou long time no see! Great advice as ever 100% agree with that.
    DEBT FREE AND PROUD

    'Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt'
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 11th Jan 18, 11:27 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    Well its been nearly a year past and I apologise for going missing, there has been health problems and stress from our business and I admit I went into hiding. I need to find a way to block shopping sites and can only find USA ones? My wee pup has not been keeping well so the doggy credit card has been well used! On a plus my OH cut up his credit cards and although I had to drop the payments due to loss of earnings due to me changing a job and also having to give up an extra carers job due to illness the balance is coming down. I REALLY need to find some way to totally block sites on my PC and internet generally. Im way too generous and I take it off my mum, I will buy folk things and not think about the money. My neighbour has been a willing recipient of rugs, crockery, home decoration etc etc for at least 3 years and she was/is in debt and now she AND hubby gone and "hired" Audi's

    So i guess I am the mug eh? Any advice appreciated... and gladly welcome. The black dog has reappeared also so gotta get myself together and act on this. Thanks in advance, much love xx
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • Bella2007
    • By Bella2007 18th Jan 18, 10:31 AM
    • 12 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    Bella2007
    Hi there fittaedae,

    I don't know how you can stop shopping sites but as an ex shopaholic I can tell you what worked for me. I used to spend fortunes on clothes, handbags & beauty products, getting into debt and making my life a misery. My main priority was always acquiring these new possessions so I never had money for holidays or even gigs or the theatre. I'd spend £200 on a handbag and then go and see some free movie or play that wasn't that good, when I could have been having a wonderful time.

    The only thing that stopped me from shopping was going to 'debtors anonymous' meetings. It was very scary to tell a group of people about my shopping addiction, but something magical happened and all of a sudden I stopped shopping. I think I started by giving it up for a month and then I just didn't have these cravings any more. Before that, I would see something and it would torture me & obsess me until I bought it. Since about 2010 I haven't shopped obsessively and find it much easier to resist something.

    Cold turkey is the only way!

    Good luck!
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 18th Jan 18, 10:54 AM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    Hi Bella2007, thanks for that. I have had a look at their site but the nearest meeting is Glasgow and that is a 6 hour round trip for me so would incur more money being spent and time off work. I see they do online stuff too so I will have a look!

    I work from home I have an option to block certain websites on the business internet so I have blocked as many sites I visit as possible and got my fiance to enter a password that only he knows so I cannot visit. Just wish they would add a category "shopping" as they do for alcohol, violence, gambling etc
    Have done this on the home internet also.

    I found out that all the mini magazine things that catalogue companies continually send you (even though the remove you from mailing list) that if you take a nice big black marker and write on them "gone away" "not at this address" they will eventually not send you any orders of goods even if you do order as they don't have your "current" address. They will continue to take payments by direct debit but it means I know that I wont receive the goods anyway, so hopefully will be less tempted. I have a room full of clothes and shoes that I cannot access because I have so much!! So my mission is to get it sorted out and sell what I can on eBay and gift some to the local charity shop set up by a local guy who witnessed and now helps poor souls who find themselves trafficked into the area because of the sex trade, they will even collect and are ever so grateful for donations, so no big CEO making a mint off of the donations!
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • Bella2007
    • By Bella2007 18th Jan 18, 11:36 AM
    • 12 Posts
    • 5 Thanks
    Bella2007
    The charity shop sounds good - great cause! Ebay is great, I use it all the time to resell stuff.
    Good that you managed to stop the catalogue companies delivering to you!

    I hope the companies are not charging you interest. Otherwise debt management companies like CCCS & Payplan can help with that.
    • mfmaybe
    • By mfmaybe 18th Jan 18, 1:01 PM
    • 1,006 Posts
    • 3,207 Thanks
    mfmaybe
    Good to see you posting again, sorry there have been hiccups along the way. I think try to focus on selling and clearing out stuff. It will take time that prevents you idly browsing online; and will soon become your new addiction! How about setting some targets of items to sell/declutter?
    Create credit card buffer fund £12.93/£1000 1.4%paid. Pay by Christmas 17

    Other debts paid since 1/1/14: £17,005
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 18th Jan 18, 1:36 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    Bella2007 I have never tried CCCS or Payplan etc after they left me in tears when I contacted them many years ago, they point blank told me I had to stop paying for insurance for my two dogs (one who has arthritis and scoliosis) and consider re-homing them or feeding them less and buy the cheapest food possible! I don't have children (not by choice but due to nature), my dogs were rehomed as pups from a family member so they did not cost us to buy them and they our only companions most days, they are our kids! They argued that I had to halt my sky subscription and mobile contract, it was not possible to change as we are on the lowest subscription and would have had to pay the full years costs to get out of the contract, I did not have the money available to do this! Never had any faith in them since as the lady I got was utterly horrible, truly nasty, I had depression at the time and she made me feel completely worthless! I felt like ending it all and would have if my debt would have gone with me!

    mfmaybe - I already have a pile ready to photograph and get onto eBay, only wee issue I now have is we live in the biggest housing estate in Europe and the blooming local post office I used (walking distance less than half a mile) has been closed leaving only one post office for thousands of people which to be honest I could walk to but could only do it once a week, its over a mile each way uphill and although I want to get fitter and walk more I am wary with being a type 1 diabetic (since 6 so 41 years) and being on my own walking.

    As long as the buyers are happy to get items posted once a week my partner can take me at the weekend, although you have to cue for at least half an hour due to it being so busy, its literally out the door!

    Is there any other way to send eBay items? I do not drive you see.
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 19th Jan 18, 11:28 AM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    Hi folks, Happy Friday! I've managed to get most of my paperwork together and its looking like around £46K of credit card and catalogue debt... I am TOTALLY ashamed, how the hell did I get here!!

    Anyway its work in progress but I must ask, should I shred my credit cards or lock them in the house safe (only OH has key) I need to keep one handy for vet fees for my pups medications which most of I get back through insurance but use this specific card only for this. Any advice once again gratefully received! Thank you! x
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • anna_1977
    • By anna_1977 19th Jan 18, 11:45 AM
    • 607 Posts
    • 858 Thanks
    anna_1977
    I would shred all but one for potential vet fees but give to OH to look after.

    Can you post an SOA and people will give advice

    Good luck
    • fittaedae
    • By fittaedae 19th Jan 18, 1:58 PM
    • 71 Posts
    • 29 Thanks
    fittaedae
    I have my SOA partly finished, just need to find some more paperwork but its not accessible at the moment. Ill endeavour to get my hands on it this weekend though! Thank you
    ....taking one day at a time, its all we can do!
    • theroamingnomad
    • By theroamingnomad 19th Jan 18, 2:10 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 89 Thanks
    theroamingnomad
    Good luck with your SOA and getting everything organised. Try to be as honest as possible and stuff will start to fall into place
    Debt-free by August 1st, 2018 - hopefully!
    £4945.54/£5124 - as of 18/01/18
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