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  • FIRST POST
    • zombie1387
    • By zombie1387 14th Oct 16, 8:46 PM
    • 13Posts
    • 2Thanks
    zombie1387
    Funeral help
    • #1
    • 14th Oct 16, 8:46 PM
    Funeral help 14th Oct 16 at 8:46 PM
    my mother died last week and my brother took it upon himself to arrange the funeral. which is next week, he has already advised me that i need to pay half of the 5K towards the funeral which is being dealt with on a repayment plan basis by the funeral director.

    but i was told today that my brother need £500 from me tomorrow to pay for half of the deposit. i wont sugar coat things i was on benefits technically i still am, but i sign a work contract today and start next week, after mums funeral. but now i'm kinda stuck on what to do i dont have £500 nor can i get it, my wife is pregnant due in 4 weeks, i have a 2 year old, and i just dont know what to do, i tried to get various loans today but i knew that wouldn't work, i also set up a gofundme page but so far i have had one donation of £5. the DWP wont help as my brother works.

    does anyone have any advice please, i'm extremely stressed right now and worried.

    thank you

    Neil
Page 1
    • zx81
    • By zx81 14th Oct 16, 8:56 PM
    • 9,325 Posts
    • 9,147 Thanks
    zx81
    • #2
    • 14th Oct 16, 8:56 PM
    • #2
    • 14th Oct 16, 8:56 PM
    Speak to your brother. Can he pay the deposit and you reimburse him later?
    • Robin9
    • By Robin9 14th Oct 16, 8:57 PM
    • 1,083 Posts
    • 653 Thanks
    Robin9
    • #3
    • 14th Oct 16, 8:57 PM
    • #3
    • 14th Oct 16, 8:57 PM
    My condolences.

    Is there likely to be enough money in your Mum's estate ? If so the Bank will pay the funeral costs direct from the account.

    Is there a will ?
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 14th Oct 16, 9:01 PM
    • 1,585 Posts
    • 1,347 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    • #4
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:01 PM
    • #4
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:01 PM
    my mother died last week and my brother took it upon himself to arrange the funeral. which is next week, he has already advised me that i need to pay half of the 5K towards the funeral which is being dealt with on a repayment plan basis by the funeral director.

    but i was told today that my brother need £500 from me tomorrow to pay for half of the deposit. i wont sugar coat things i was on benefits technically i still am, but i sign a work contract today and start next week, after mums funeral. but now i'm kinda stuck on what to do i dont have £500 nor can i get it, my wife is pregnant due in 4 weeks, i have a 2 year old, and i just dont know what to do, i tried to get various loans today but i knew that wouldn't work, i also set up a gofundme page but so far i have had one donation of £5. the DWP wont help as my brother works.

    does anyone have any advice please, i'm extremely stressed right now and worried.

    thank you

    Neil
    Originally posted by zombie1387
    Your brother has contracted to pay for the funeral and is liable for the cost. He could have got is done for less than half the figure quoted, You have no legal obligation to pay. The local council or the hospital would have paid if your brother had said there was no money.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 14th Oct 16, 9:01 PM
    • 13,656 Posts
    • 33,124 Thanks
    elsien
    • #5
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:01 PM
    • #5
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:01 PM
    I'm sorry for your loss.

    Technically, as your brother has arranged the funeral, he is responsible for paying for it. If you don't have the money, then you don't have the money - that's his problem not yours. If you didn't agree or sign anything then you have no liability in law - whether you want to pay towards it or not is a separate matter.
    Don't put yourself in debt for something you didn't agree to - you have enough on your plate. And if necessary, your brother can tell the funeral director he can't afford it and look for a less expensive package. He's not paid the deposit so I'm sure it can still be changed.
    However, the costs should come out of your mum's estate if there is one. Do you know if there is enough money/assets to cover it in due course?
    Last edited by elsien; 14-10-2016 at 9:04 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • zombie1387
    • By zombie1387 14th Oct 16, 9:11 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    zombie1387
    • #6
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:11 PM
    • #6
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:11 PM
    thank you for the replies, she had no will, she was on benifits living in a council house, as far as i'm aware there is not much money in her account maybe £700 or so, the only reason the funeral was 5K is because she wanted to be buried in a family plot which she owned.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 14th Oct 16, 9:14 PM
    • 13,656 Posts
    • 33,124 Thanks
    elsien
    • #7
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:14 PM
    • #7
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:14 PM
    If she already owned it, I'm struggling to see why the bill is so high as the plot should already be paid for. Have you seen a breakdown of the costs? Has your brother added things you can manage without, such as a more expensive coffin, or funeral cars?
    Without wanting to sound insensitive, could your mum be cremated and have her ashes out in the plot? Would she have wanted to see you both in debt to cover the costs?
    Last edited by elsien; 14-10-2016 at 9:18 PM.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 14th Oct 16, 9:17 PM
    • 1,585 Posts
    • 1,347 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    • #8
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:17 PM
    • #8
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:17 PM
    thank you for the replies, she had no will, she was on benifits living in a council house, as far as i'm aware there is not much money in her account maybe £700 or so, the only reason the funeral was 5K is because she wanted to be buried in a family plot which she owned.
    Originally posted by zombie1387
    The £700 should go towards the funeral costs.
    • zombie1387
    • By zombie1387 14th Oct 16, 9:29 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    zombie1387
    • #9
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:29 PM
    • #9
    • 14th Oct 16, 9:29 PM
    If she already owned it, I'm struggling to see why the bill is so high as the plot should already be paid for. Have you seen a breakdown of the costs? Has your brother added things you can manage without, such as a more expensive coffin, or funeral cars?
    Without wanting to sound insensitive, could your mum be cremated and have her ashes out in the plot? Would she have wanted to see you both in debt to cover the costs?
    Originally posted by elsien
    apparently the funeral director said there was a £1000 charge for the grave to be dug, also there is 2 cars booked, some flowers and the burial, we did speak about burial or cremation and burial was decided, but now i think cremation would be a better financially.
    • McKneff
    • By McKneff 14th Oct 16, 9:50 PM
    • 34,735 Posts
    • 44,721 Thanks
    McKneff
    Apart from the hearse, you dont need any cars at all, just go in your own vehicles or on public transport.

    I think your brother could still ask DWP for help with the costs, dont ask, dont get x
    No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
    • zombie1387
    • By zombie1387 14th Oct 16, 10:03 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    zombie1387
    Apart from the hearse, you dont need any cars at all, just go in your own vehicles or on public transport.

    I think your brother could still ask DWP for help with the costs, dont ask, dont get x
    Originally posted by McKneff
    I asked the DWP as i was claiming JSA they told me they can't help because my brother needs to be claiming aswell, the only way i could do it is if i say i dont have a brother which for obvious reason wont work, as they have to pay the funeral directors directly.
    • elsien
    • By elsien 14th Oct 16, 10:10 PM
    • 13,656 Posts
    • 33,124 Thanks
    elsien
    Even if your brother were eligible, it wouldn't cover the expenses planned so far.
    https://www.gov.uk/funeral-payments/what-youll-get

    I think you and your brother need to have another conversation about what you're both willing or able to pay, and review the plans accordingly. If you want flowers, it's easy and cheaper to make a simple spray yourself, for example. If your brother wants the extras and you don't have the money, he has the option of paying for it himself. You need to be upfront about your curcumstances.
    It's the memories of your mum that's important, not the couple of hours if the formal send off.
    All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

    Pedant alert - it's could have, not could of.
    • SevenOfNine
    • By SevenOfNine 14th Oct 16, 10:29 PM
    • 977 Posts
    • 871 Thanks
    SevenOfNine
    You really should ask your brother to show you a complete breakdown of costs BEFORE trying to pay a deposit with money you can ill afford/don't have, & committing yourself to half the rest of the costs as well.

    Depends where you live of course, but £1000 is about right to reopen a grave ready for another burial. For ashes it's about £320. Had your Mum ever indicated a preference?

    Usually up to 7 mourners can travel in a funeral car, do you really need 2? The cost for both will be about £250.

    Flowers, hmmm, yes they look beautiful, & can cost an arm & a leg. Fine if you can afford it, not fine if you cannot! Cheaper options or expensive from a florist, they'll have dried up & died in a week either way.

    When my time comes I want a whacking 5' display of lillies on my coffin, cost about £350. If my husband or son have precious little money I want a single red rose from Tesco with a beautiful poem off the internet.

    Sometimes people forget that first & foremost this is about LOVE not money. You don't love your Mum any less by needing to budget, don't make the mistake of thinking she would want you to struggle financially just to give her what might look to others to be a 'good send off'.

    Get the cost breakdown & make changes.

    My sympathies.
    Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
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