Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • snowball2
    • By snowball2 13th Oct 16, 3:42 PM
    • 192Posts
    • 120Thanks
    snowball2
    Student daughter & boyfriend whats fair to ask in housekeeping?
    • #1
    • 13th Oct 16, 3:42 PM
    Student daughter & boyfriend whats fair to ask in housekeeping? 13th Oct 16 at 3:42 PM
    Me & DH have discussed it and think we should speak to them soon about making a contribution but im not sure how to approach it and what would seem fair/ground rules.

    My daughters boyfriend spends at least 75% of his time at our home, eating, showering ect (no laundry he still takes it back to his parents). He had just finished college but now has a job with an income of around £1200 a month.

    Also keeping in mind that my daughter will be finishing her A levels in July, and starting Uni in September (but living at home) and we will receive a drop in CTC and CB combined of around £300 a month, we still have 3 other children living at home so we will find it very difficult to manage financially with just the 3 school aged children never mind two extra adults in the house.

    My daughter has started a part time job which will pay around £300 a month which she will continue and she will get a a student grant/loan of around £6000 a year according to the online calculator.

    I hope this makes sense, thanks
    Trying to do it the OS way

    Gave up smoking 1 April 2006
Page 3
    • GwylimT
    • By GwylimT 16th Oct 16, 1:58 PM
    • 5,437 Posts
    • 10,123 Thanks
    GwylimT
    food - she lives at home, so no need to buy food
    utilities - ditto, still living with parents so no bills (unless mum chooses to bill her, or effectively the SLC/the taxpayer)
    transport can be paid for out of a part time job, as can a £5 per month giffgaff phone allowance. Clothes and toiletries, too.

    The only possible expense would be textbooks and equipment (depending on what course she's doing) but there's no way she'd need £6000 per year for that!! And you can get 2nd hand textbooks quite easily online.
    Originally posted by effervescing elephant
    Oh do uni students get free food tokens then?
    Do uni students get free tokens for utilities?
    Depending on the course part time work isn't possible and in many cases doesn't cover the basics.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 16th Oct 16, 3:50 PM
    • 34,052 Posts
    • 142,351 Thanks
    silvercar
    I think that's fair enough of your children don't get the full loan based on your income but if you're on a low enough income for them to get the full loan then I think they should contribute out of it.
    Originally posted by Jackieboy
    So for students whose parents don't contribute to their continued education, you think the student should pay them board, but parents who do give money to their offspring to help support them as students, they shouldn't receive anything!
    • Jackieboy
    • By Jackieboy 16th Oct 16, 4:02 PM
    • 251 Posts
    • 396 Thanks
    Jackieboy
    So for students whose parents don't contribute to their continued education, you think the student should pay them board, but parents who do give money to their offspring to help support them as students, they shouldn't receive anything!
    Originally posted by silvercar
    No, that wasn't what I said or meant.

    If students in the second situation are living at home then I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to be given their keep for free rather than for money to change hands - not both.

    For parents who are on a low enough income that no deduction is made from the student funding, then I think that it's reasonable for the student to pay for their keep if living at home (ie your first category).

    I think your expression "parents (who) don't contribute" is ambiguous generally and misleading in this context. It implies parents who should but don't contribute rather than those whose income is low enough for a contribution not to be required.
    • mark5
    • By mark5 16th Oct 16, 7:42 PM
    • 1,091 Posts
    • 710 Thanks
    mark5
    I would be telling the daughter that the boyfriend needs to be showering and eating at his own house and limit him staying over to once per week maximum.

    If the boyfriend is around so much, when does she study?
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 16th Oct 16, 11:07 PM
    • 34,052 Posts
    • 142,351 Thanks
    silvercar
    I would be telling the daughter that the boyfriend needs to be showering and eating at his own house and limit him staying over to once per week maximum.

    If the boyfriend is around so much, when does she study?
    Originally posted by mark5
    This is a whole other discussion - the age appropriateness of having a partner stay over, how many nights, what facilities they use etc. At what point the boundary between 'staying over' and 'moving in' is crossed.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 16th Oct 16, 11:13 PM
    • 34,052 Posts
    • 142,351 Thanks
    silvercar

    I think your expression "parents (who) don't contribute" is ambiguous generally and misleading in this context. It implies parents who should but don't contribute rather than those whose income is low enough for a contribution not to be required.
    Originally posted by Jackieboy
    It was meant to contrast those parents who aren't expected to contribute, then expecting their offspring to pay them from their loans vs those who are expected to contribute also providing free board as well as making a contribution.
    • NBLondon
    • By NBLondon 17th Oct 16, 5:23 PM
    • 1,090 Posts
    • 6,582 Thanks
    NBLondon
    This is a whole other discussion - the age appropriateness of having a partner stay over, how many nights, what facilities they use etc. At what point the boundary between 'staying over' and 'moving in' is crossed.
    Originally posted by silvercar
    I guess on a moral footing - some parents would rather know where their 17 year old DD is sleeping rather than her being out all night. However, this case really does sound like boyfriend has gradually moved in - maybe the OP is a better cook than anyone in his own family?
    One day I'll think of something witty - Apparently I have!
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 17th Oct 16, 6:01 PM
    • 34,052 Posts
    • 142,351 Thanks
    silvercar
    I guess on a moral footing - some parents would rather know where their 17 year old DD is sleeping rather than her being out all night. However, this case really does sound like boyfriend has gradually moved in - maybe the OP is a better cook than anyone in his own family?
    Originally posted by NBLondon
    Some parents would stamp their moral feet and demand that their 17 year old school girl be sleeping in her own bed alone, particularly on a school night.
    • Kim kim
    • By Kim kim 17th Oct 16, 6:53 PM
    • 1,641 Posts
    • 2,488 Thanks
    Kim kim
    I didn't realise the daughter was 17. My daughter was in her early 20s & engaged before my son in law stayed.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

145Posts Today

3,350Users online

Martin's Twitter