Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • Fizz Bomb
    • By Fizz Bomb 12th Oct 16, 10:57 PM
    • 34Posts
    • 10Thanks
    Fizz Bomb
    Advice desperately needed please
    • #1
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:57 PM
    Advice desperately needed please 12th Oct 16 at 10:57 PM
    Hi, not posted on here for some time.
    I have got myself into something of a pickle and not sure what to do.
    Following the breakdown of my marriage 3 years ago and the time since, I have managed to run up unsecured debts of around 35k. I brought some debt with me after my marriage broke up and over the last 3 years it has increased rapidly as I use it to supplement my income as a single mother. I have juggled it by moving it around several times but always end up adding to it. I admit I have been reckless at times and used it for luxuries such as clothes, meals out and trips away etc so I'm feeling terribly ashamed of the mess I've got myself into. I suppose I have tried (wrongly) to provide everything for my children but have just lived way beyond my means.
    I have been advised that an IVA is my best way forward but I am scared of taking the plunge for fear of being rejected because of my recent and possibly reckless spending. I would be very grateful if you could offer any advice. It has taken me over a year to accept that I need help and in that time have accumulated more debt, however my credit is close to running out and I know something must be done. So far I haven't missed a single payment as I'm robbing Peter to pay Paul and using credit to live while my debts/bills are paid with income. The prospect of missing payments petrifes me. I currently owe out more than I bring home.
    I don't really know what anyone can say to make me feel any better, I guess I'm just looking for people who may have been in the same boat and come out the other side. I'm losing sleep and becoming anxious and teary a lot of the time as this problem increases. I suffered two tears of depression after my marriage breakdown (this also didn't help with debt) and I'm terrified of ending up back there.
    Grateful for any advice.
Page 2
    • Fizz Bomb
    • By Fizz Bomb 13th Oct 16, 10:53 AM
    • 34 Posts
    • 10 Thanks
    Fizz Bomb
    Thanks, I do have Netflix currently. I need the Internet so wonder if I could reduce my virgin package any futther. There's no Ariel in my house so guessing I'd need some form of free view tv to get even just basic free channels?
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 13th Oct 16, 11:25 AM
    • 6,383 Posts
    • 35,220 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    I think you need to take some proper advice about your ex OH to be honest - maybe try to get an appointment with the local CAB? He cannot simply intimidate you to get out of paying, and frankly any investigation he gets as to his SE earnings as a result of anything you put into place sounds like a very good thing. I was SE for 6 years and played it straight - I don't see why the rest of us (you included!) should have to subsidise his lifestyle, do you? I believe there may be ways where he can be made to cough up without it seemingly have been originated by you, but the CAB should be able to tell you that. LINKY
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • anna_1977
    • By anna_1977 13th Oct 16, 12:20 PM
    • 362 Posts
    • 388 Thanks
    anna_1977
    Thanks, I do have Netflix currently. I need the Internet so wonder if I could reduce my virgin package any futther. There's no Ariel in my house so guessing I'd need some form of free view tv to get even just basic free channels?
    Originally posted by Fizz Bomb
    I don't know if Virgin is the same as Sky but even once disconnected i can get the freeview channels via sky box.
    • barbarawright
    • By barbarawright 13th Oct 16, 12:24 PM
    • 1,613 Posts
    • 3,081 Thanks
    barbarawright
    I have NowTV which gets everything Sky and all the catch-up stuff for £6.99 a month (more if you want movies and sport but still cheaper than actual Sky)
    • MrsTinks
    • By MrsTinks 13th Oct 16, 12:42 PM
    • 14,585 Posts
    • 22,067 Thanks
    MrsTinks

    Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet
    Household Information

    Number of adults in household........... 1
    Number of children in household......... 2
    Number of cars owned.................... 0
    Monthly Income Details

    Monthly income after tax................ 808
    Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
    Benefits................................ 1058
    Other income............................ 0
    Total monthly income.................... 1866

    Monthly Expense Details

    Mortgage................................ 0
    Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
    Rent.................................... 500
    Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
    Council tax............................. 75
    Electricity............................. 64.5 This seems high?
    Gas..................................... 64.5 This seems high?
    Oil..................................... 0
    Water rates............................. 42 are you on a meter or rated?
    Telephone (land line)................... 0
    Mobile phone............................ 45 Try to bring this down if you can
    TV Licence.............................. 12.12
    Satellite/Cable TV...................... 30.5 not a virgin expert but look into reducing this - especially if you are paying internet on top
    Internet Services....................... 22.5 DOes this include line rental?
    Groceries etc. ......................... 280 Any dietary reasons for this? No point picking it apart if there is a very specific diet that might impact this
    Clothing................................ 0 Never?
    Petrol/diesel........................... 120
    Road tax................................ 0
    Car Insurance........................... 0
    Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 0
    Car parking............................. 0
    Other travel............................ 200
    Childcare/nursery....................... 52 Any chance you can convince ex to pay for this? every little helps!
    Other child related expenses............ 40 Which is? Is it necessary?
    Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
    Pet insurance/vet bills................. 0
    Buildings insurance..................... 0
    Contents insurance...................... 6
    Life assurance ......................... 0
    Other insurance......................... 3
    Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 0 Never?
    Haircuts................................ 0 None? ever?
    Entertainment........................... 6
    Holiday................................. 0
    Emergency fund.......................... 0 We need to start putting a little by for emergencies to stop having to reach for the cards...
    Total monthly expenses.................. 1563.12


    Assets

    Cash.................................... 0
    House value (Gross)..................... 0
    Shares and bonds........................ 0
    Car(s).................................. 0
    Other assets............................ 0
    Total Assets............................ 0


    No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

    Unsecured Debts
    Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
    Barclaycard platinum...........7200......170.......0
    Barclaycard visa...............4647......106.......0
    Tesco..........................5256......110...... .0
    Barclay loan...................4106......141.......6
    N power .......................250.......30........0
    Next...........................1581......60....... .20
    Barclay overdrft...............850.......20........0
    Mint ..........................4200......70........19.9
    Total unsecured debts..........28090.....707.......-


    Monthly Budget Summary

    Total monthly income.................... 1,866
    Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 1,563.12
    Available for debt repayments........... 302.88
    Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 707
    Amount short for making debt repayments. -404.12

    Personal Balance Sheet Summary
    Total assets (things you own)........... 0
    Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
    Total Unsecured debt.................... -28,090
    Net Assets.............................. -28,090

    Created using the SOA calculator at www.stoozing.com.
    Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using other browser.
    Originally posted by Fizz Bomb
    There are areas that can be worked on - I think though you need to speak to one of the debt charities again and look at the best option for you. If your ex won't contribute and you are afraid of him then this is a battle that we can't fight for you. It's easy to sit here and say "stand up to him!" - because we are not emotionally invested and we don't have to square up to him! Depending on how scare you are though then please remember that there is help out there for you - I've worked with womens shelters before and some of them are honestly super lovely places which place emphasis on the kids not knowing they live in a secure location. If this is what you feel is appropriate then please seek the help you need and don't worry about the debt!

    That aside - you need to stop feeling guilty for walking out of your relationship. He's a grown man and it takes two to tango. You left. Big deal. People break up every day, marriages fail and that's life. You cannot carry on living your life in this relationship - and until you stop feeling guilty you're only single on paper chick.

    So - put the big girl pants on - on the outside if necessary! And work out what you want and need to do - and then DO it!
    DFW Nerd #025
    SPC member #561
    Sept 2016 - £10811 Oct £10166 to clear Cleared Since Sept 16:£645 6% repaid Declutter 25 items in November target: 0/25 Make £10 extra a day in November: £57/£150
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim is to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

1,364Posts Today

6,013Users online

Martin's Twitter
  • Going to a very exciting premier right now... with Mrs and mini MSE, to the screening of "we're going on a bear hunt"

  • No. Not a huge fan. Never claimed to be.Just a fan. And one who choose to prioritise family time with his little gi? https://t.co/lZ9uUylk2U

  • I've just checked the score. You're right. What happened? https://t.co/5E7y52r47o

  • Follow Martin