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    • Camster
    • By Camster 12th Oct 16, 9:39 PM
    • 22Posts
    • 16Thanks
    Camster
    Should I ask my student son to pay housekeeping?
    • #1
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:39 PM
    Should I ask my student son to pay housekeeping? 12th Oct 16 at 9:39 PM
    I'm looking for some advice on whether I should ask my student son to make a contribution to household bills.

    We are in Scotland, so there are no tuition fees, but he has a student loan of about £4,200 a year and has a part time job which earns him around £70 a week.

    He started University in September and so far we haven't asked him to contribute anything, as we can manage OK on my income.

    I just wanted to ask if it would be too hard on him to ask for a contribution. I was thinking about a token amount of around £50 a month.
Page 2
    • Lucyxx
    • By Lucyxx 13th Oct 16, 11:26 AM
    • 2,980 Posts
    • 6,538 Thanks
    Lucyxx
    Me and my OH are already disagreeing over this and it is a long way off us having to make a decision. My parents never made us pay for anything, and that is how I would be. His parents made him pay his way as soon as he had a part time job, but then his dad had thousands of pounds of secret debts, took out secret loans jointly in his mums name, ran off with someone else and left OH as the man of the house.

    I would just be happy if my children cooked dinner, chipped in with chores etc but my stance on it might change if they had that disposable income and were frittering it away on rubbish/going out, then I might think that making them pay their way would be a much needed lesson.

    I have heard of parents taking money but secretly saving it all in an account ready to hand back years down the line towards a house deposit etc. that is quite a nice idea.
    My "thanks" button doesn't always work (probably my way out of date ipads fault!) So thank you in advance if it looks like I haven't pressed yours. I've most likely tried to!
    • Jackieboy
    • By Jackieboy 13th Oct 16, 11:37 AM
    • 251 Posts
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    Jackieboy
    Yes, I think he has over £600 a month and his only actual expenses is £40 a month for his bus ticket to Uni. He gets all his meals, laundry etc. provided for him, but buys his own clothes, and pays his own mobile phone (PAYG).

    We don't actually need the money, but I thought that it wasn't unreasonable to ask him to contribute towards the cost of food, gas etc given the money he has available each month.

    Also, maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but I've always thought that when you turn 18 you become an adult and should no longer be treated as a child. To me part of that involves contributing to the family where you are able to.
    Originally posted by Camster
    I think it's very reasonable to charge him for his keep, student funding is for maintenance, not just pocket money.
    • kelpie35
    • By kelpie35 13th Oct 16, 11:49 AM
    • 1,277 Posts
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    kelpie35
    OP you say that you don't need the money, so if you do decide to take something for his "keep", could you put it into a savings account, without him knowing, and then it could be given to him when he finishes his studies as a small surprise.
    • Weisenwolf
    • By Weisenwolf 13th Oct 16, 11:52 AM
    • 11 Posts
    • 8 Thanks
    Weisenwolf
    After his bus fare he has £560 to spend on himself.

    Do you have £560/month to spend on yourself? I know I don't

    Yes he should cotribute something; he should also think carefully about not spending that student loan just because its there.
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 13th Oct 16, 12:42 PM
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    TBagpuss
    I don'tthink it is unreasonable to ask him to chip in. After all, if he was living in halls of residence he would have rent and food costs to pay.

    I would sit down with him, explain what you propose and listen to what he says. I'd also be prpeared to share eatils with him of what the utility and food bills are, so he can see what you are paying each month.

    I didn't live at home as a student so had to manage my own bills etc, however, when I did live back at home for a while I contributed, it never crossed my mind not to , I don;t remember that my paretns had to bring up the issue, althoug hwe did discuss how much I would contribute which took into account my expenses and the additional costs to them of me being there.
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 13th Oct 16, 12:53 PM
    • 8,865 Posts
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    Pixie5740

    Also, maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but I've always thought that when you turn 18 you become an adult and should no longer be treated as a child. To me part of that involves contributing to the family where you are able to.
    Originally posted by Camster
    You might think he's an adult at 18 but as he is under 25, SAAS have taken the household income into account when deciding how much financial assistance they will provide.
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 13th Oct 16, 1:14 PM
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    • 33,885 Thanks
    tea lover
    Why has he got a loan for that much with outgoings that small? Do you have to take the whole amount on offer? It's a long time since I was at uni.... it could well have changed a lot.

    He should be aiming to graduate with the least debt possible, surely. If he's living at home, has no tuition fees and basically just pays bus fare I can't see that he possibly needs over £4k for that.
    • sheramber
    • By sheramber 13th Oct 16, 4:53 PM
    • 2,735 Posts
    • 2,128 Thanks
    sheramber
    One son stayed at home and did not take a student loan.H e did get a grant .

    I did not take any money from him as he needed money for lunches and supplies as he did a design course.

    Second son was in student halls, then student flat. He had a grant and took the maximum student loan but still need support as his rent came to more than his grant.

    He did get a part time job in the later years which helped.
    • jackyann
    • By jackyann 13th Oct 16, 5:46 PM
    • 2,857 Posts
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    jackyann
    OP says her son has a job. I often think that courses vary a great deal in the amount of work required and how reasonable getting a job is.
    For some courses, the experience of having a job is invaluable - architecture students working on building sites, fashion students in fabric shops etc. But some students, often those on science courses, and some of the medical /nursing / allied professions do very long hours on very demanding courses.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 13th Oct 16, 6:16 PM
    • 34,065 Posts
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    silvercar
    So the reward for taking a part time job while studying is that you get charged to live at home ?
    • Peter333
    • By Peter333 13th Oct 16, 6:38 PM
    • 1,720 Posts
    • 5,405 Thanks
    Peter333
    I think it's very reasonable to charge him for his keep, student funding is for maintenance, not just pocket money.
    Originally posted by Jackieboy
    This ^^^ With bells on. The student grant is for living expenses; therefore some of it should be passed onto the parents if the adult child is living at home whilst doing their degree. If they lived in halls, they wouldn't be keeping the whole grant to themselves! They would be paying for their rent and bills and food for it!
    As of 25th October 2016, I am not participating in this site. Until MSE sorts out the issue with insidious trouble-makers, it's no longer a place I wish to be. I can't be bothered with the constant battle with trolls.

    MSE is not a nice place to be at the moment, and hasn't been for a while now. So I'm outta here for the foreseeable future.
    • Rain Shadow
    • By Rain Shadow 13th Oct 16, 7:34 PM
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    Rain Shadow
    This ^^^ With bells on. The student grant is for living expenses; therefore some of it should be passed onto the parents if the adult child is living at home whilst doing their degree. If they lived in halls, they wouldn't be keeping the whole grant to themselves! They would be paying for their rent and bills and food for it!
    Originally posted by Peter333
    You do know student grants went out a little while ago?
    • chocolatebum
    • By chocolatebum 13th Oct 16, 10:31 PM
    • 195 Posts
    • 1,480 Thanks
    chocolatebum
    i am also in scotland and my daughter pays 30% of her student loan and bursary (her older brother did the same too). as previous posters have said it is to help with living costs so she pays it, also to teach her that all the things she uses costs money, electricity/gas/water/food/toiletries. She also has a part time job but we don't include that when working out what she has to pay.
    CHALLENGES
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    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 13th Oct 16, 11:54 PM
    • 34,065 Posts
    • 142,428 Thanks
    silvercar
    This ^^^ With bells on. The student grant is for living expenses; therefore some of it should be passed onto the parents if the adult child is living at home whilst doing their degree. If they lived in halls, they wouldn't be keeping the whole grant to themselves! They would be paying for their rent and bills and food for it!
    Originally posted by Peter333
    In reality, for those living away from home, the loan is not sufficient to cover the rent never mind pay for other living expenses, so most parents end up contributing. Add to that the government expects a lot of parents to contribute, Martin Lewis wrote a blog about the amount the government expects parents to cough up.

    For a student living at home, there is an overall saving than living away, so it isn't unreasonable for a parent to cover the cost of this if they can afford to do so.
    • ThomasMJacobs
    • By ThomasMJacobs 14th Oct 16, 11:35 AM
    • 16 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    ThomasMJacobs
    Ask him to contribute and let him decided the amount rather than you telling him.
    • MSE Andrea
    • By MSE Andrea 14th Oct 16, 12:04 PM
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    MSE Andrea
    Hi all!

    We've asked for students' point of view on the Student MoneySaving Board so you may find a few students joining in

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    • HiToAll
    • By HiToAll 14th Oct 16, 1:45 PM
    • 835 Posts
    • 1,231 Thanks
    HiToAll
    dont be so tight, he is in full time education not working full time. If you need money that badly maybe you should look at your own finances.
    • Loz01
    • By Loz01 14th Oct 16, 3:02 PM
    • 1,083 Posts
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    Loz01
    If he had surplus of £500 a month as disposable income then yes he should be paying you at least £25 a week IMO.
    Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity..
    • woollisox
    • By woollisox 14th Oct 16, 5:22 PM
    • 53 Posts
    • 339 Thanks
    woollisox
    I moved out at 18 to go to university but I moved home for a few months after I graduated. I paid for the internet bill (which was £50 with the tv) and £20 a week towards my upkeep. I would have found a way of paying if my mom hadn't taken it. I was only part time so this was about a third of my wages, but if I could do it again I'd pay the same, if not more.
    University was essential for me to learn to be better with my money, and if your son is living at home he should be paying something towards it. You'll be helping him learn to budget out rent and his other expenses out of his income which he will thank you for later on.
    • Jackieboy
    • By Jackieboy 14th Oct 16, 5:36 PM
    • 251 Posts
    • 397 Thanks
    Jackieboy
    You do know student grants went out a little while ago?
    Originally posted by Rain Shadow
    Only this year for many.
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