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    • Camster
    • By Camster 12th Oct 16, 9:39 PM
    • 22Posts
    • 16Thanks
    Camster
    Should I ask my student son to pay housekeeping?
    • #1
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:39 PM
    Should I ask my student son to pay housekeeping? 12th Oct 16 at 9:39 PM
    I'm looking for some advice on whether I should ask my student son to make a contribution to household bills.

    We are in Scotland, so there are no tuition fees, but he has a student loan of about £4,200 a year and has a part time job which earns him around £70 a week.

    He started University in September and so far we haven't asked him to contribute anything, as we can manage OK on my income.

    I just wanted to ask if it would be too hard on him to ask for a contribution. I was thinking about a token amount of around £50 a month.
Page 1
    • Andypandyboy
    • By Andypandyboy 12th Oct 16, 9:57 PM
    • 2,292 Posts
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    Andypandyboy
    • #2
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:57 PM
    • #2
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:57 PM
    Do you need the money?
    • jackyann
    • By jackyann 12th Oct 16, 9:57 PM
    • 2,853 Posts
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    jackyann
    • #3
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:57 PM
    • #3
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:57 PM
    I think this depends a lot on how well you can manage, how hard he is studying and what you feel the outcome should be.

    I would happily jog along like this if he wasn't taking all of his student loan (or taking it and saving it, as some I have known!) and was working hard. Have you had a conversation with him about it and does he understand your point of view?

    At one point, when our family was under some strain, both parents working long hours, but money was OK, I suggested to one of my student children that he did everyone's housework in return for board- which suited him better than getting a job as his course was onerous.
    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 12th Oct 16, 9:59 PM
    • 34,034 Posts
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    silvercar
    • #4
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:59 PM
    • #4
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:59 PM
    Most students struggle to manage on their student loans. If he is working as well to fund himself it does seem harsh to then take money off him. Most parents offer their student offspring money in addition to the loan, assuming he is living at home during term time, he is already saving you the need to subsidise him.
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 12th Oct 16, 10:22 PM
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    enthusiasticsaver
    • #5
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:22 PM
    • #5
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:22 PM
    We gave our daughters money when they were at university although it was away from home. If he is only doing a part time student job it seems harsh to take money off him unless you are struggling. Different if he was working full time.
    Debt and mortgage free and saving for early retirement
    • Judi
    • By Judi 12th Oct 16, 10:43 PM
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    Judi
    • #6
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:43 PM
    • #6
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:43 PM
    Whilst we were supporting our kids in full time education we supported them financially also.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • lika_86
    • By lika_86 12th Oct 16, 10:50 PM
    • 969 Posts
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    lika_86
    • #7
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:50 PM
    • #7
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:50 PM
    If he's living at home and not paying anything, doesn't have tuition fees to pay and he's working, what is he doing with his loan? I hope it's in a high interest account and making him some money rather than just building up for the sake of it.
    • sooty&sweep
    • By sooty&sweep 12th Oct 16, 10:58 PM
    • 1,117 Posts
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    sooty&sweep
    • #8
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:58 PM
    • #8
    • 12th Oct 16, 10:58 PM
    Hi

    Based on your figures I reckon he has the equivalent monthly income of approx £650. Not an insignificant amount of money to have as a disposable income !

    A number of questions need to be considered

    1 Can you afford to keep him ? If you're struggling to pay the bills etc then yes you should asking for a contribution.
    2 Also need to consider what costs you're currently covering. Food gas & electric. What about mobile phone & clothes etc ?
    3 If they're treating the place like a hotel & not helping with house work etc that would annoy me & make me more likely to charge.
    However he could reduce his income by not taking a full load. Also if you do take money for board you could save it on their behalf as a nest egg.

    Jen
    • gettingtheresometime
    • By gettingtheresometime 12th Oct 16, 11:00 PM
    • 1,708 Posts
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    gettingtheresometime
    • #9
    • 12th Oct 16, 11:00 PM
    • #9
    • 12th Oct 16, 11:00 PM
    Who buys his clothes, books & any other equipment he needs for uni, transport and lunch etc.
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC cleared thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 12th Oct 16, 11:01 PM
    • 2,294 Posts
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    onomatopoeia99
    I paid approx 30% of my holiday job income to my parents while at university (£25/week out of £80-90). I worked full time 9-5 in the holidays while living with my parents, but not at all during term time when at university 120 miles away My financial situation was similar to your child's - no loans, no tuition fees as I'm old enough to predate that, though my parents earned just enough between them for the parental contribution part of the grant to be all of it except £1.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
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    • Camster
    • By Camster 12th Oct 16, 11:04 PM
    • 22 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Camster
    Yes, I think he has over £600 a month and his only actual expenses is £40 a month for his bus ticket to Uni. He gets all his meals, laundry etc. provided for him, but buys his own clothes, and pays his own mobile phone (PAYG).

    We don't actually need the money, but I thought that it wasn't unreasonable to ask him to contribute towards the cost of food, gas etc given the money he has available each month.

    Also, maybe I'm a bit old fashioned, but I've always thought that when you turn 18 you become an adult and should no longer be treated as a child. To me part of that involves contributing to the family where you are able to.
    Last edited by Camster; 12-10-2016 at 11:14 PM. Reason: additional comment
    • cjdavies
    • By cjdavies 12th Oct 16, 11:13 PM
    • 1,723 Posts
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    cjdavies
    Yes,it will teach them about budgeting in the future when they pay their own bills.
    • lika_86
    • By lika_86 13th Oct 16, 12:06 AM
    • 969 Posts
    • 3,700 Thanks
    lika_86
    Definitely ask him to contribute.

    However, I would also be encouraging him to only spend what he has to from his loan. I graduated in 2007 with £14,000 in student loans (mostly living costs, maybe £1000 in tuition fees) and it was only at the start of last year that I finally paid it off and only then because I work in the city and so was paying about £300 a month back, most of my friends have barely made any impression on theirs. It's a lot of money to have to pay back and if you don't end up in a high-paying job it's like an additional tax for being a graduate. Another deduction from your salary.
    • Peter333
    • By Peter333 13th Oct 16, 5:10 AM
    • 1,720 Posts
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    Peter333
    Yes he should be paying something IMO. He is an adult, and no matter how many different ways you look at it, he is costing you extra money; electric, heating, washing, food, cooking etc. And if he has all that money spare, what he he doing with it?

    I would have £100 a month personally, but if £50 is all you want, then just ask for £50. If he takes exception to it, he is free to leave, and see if he can get anywhere else to live for £12 a week, with rent, lighting, heating, electric, food, washing, meals cooked, internet, council tax, and water rates included.

    I find it incomprehensible that some people let their adult working children live at home for free when they are adults, earning a wage! It sends out a terrible message IMO.
    As of 25th October 2016, I am not participating in this site. Until MSE sorts out the issue with insidious trouble-makers, it's no longer a place I wish to be. I can't be bothered with the constant battle with trolls.

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    • Camster
    • By Camster 13th Oct 16, 7:28 AM
    • 22 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Camster
    Yes he should be paying something IMO. He is an adult, and no matter how many different ways you look at it, he is costing you extra money; electric, heating, washing, food, cooking etc. And if he has all that money spare, what he he doing with it?

    I would have £100 a month personally, but if £50 is all you want, then just ask for £50. If he takes exception to it, he is free to leave, and see if he can get anywhere else to live for £12 a week, with rent, lighting, heating, electric, food, washing, meals cooked, internet, council tax, and water rates included.

    I find it incomprehensible that some people let their adult working children live at home for free when they are adults, earning a wage! It sends out a terrible message IMO.
    Originally posted by Peter333
    That just about sums up my view of the situation. Although I don't need the money and could let him live with us free, I think it's more a matter of principle that he is now an adult and should make some contribution to the household expenses that he is benefiting from.

    Thanks everyone for your comments. I will be speaking to him soon about this. He's very sensible and level headed, so I don't foresee any issues from him about this.
    • bugslet
    • By bugslet 13th Oct 16, 7:57 AM
    • 4,504 Posts
    • 23,434 Thanks
    bugslet
    I think that he should pay something towards the household given his income, more for the principle than anything else.

    You could always stick the £50.00 in an interest account ( if you can find one paying anything!) and give it back to him when he leaves to set up home on his own or gets his first car, if that appeals to you.
    • jackieblack
    • By jackieblack 13th Oct 16, 8:19 AM
    • 6,648 Posts
    • 8,258 Thanks
    jackieblack
    After living away for the last two years, my daughter moved back home at the start of the summer as the final year of her degree is on placement five minutes away. I am recently divorced and had been living alone for the previous 15 months. I am on a water meter and only put the heating on for an hour a day last winter as I am on a strict budget.
    My daughter brought home a fish tank with a heater and light which has to stay on all day, persistently leaves her multiple electronic devices on standby, will put on the washing machine with only two or three in, etc etc. In addition, her fianc! has been here most of the summer (four months) taking long showers, increasing the laundry and spending all day and half the night on his games console and/or gaming on his computer. One night they forgot to turn off the electric oven after cooking their dinner and didn't realise until the next morning

    So, while having her at home is lovely, it has increased my bills significantly. I have asked her for £80 a month to cover her share of the bills. I put in the same and if there is anything left over when she moves out we will share it 50/50
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    • Judi
    • By Judi 13th Oct 16, 9:17 AM
    • 13,721 Posts
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    Judi
    So, while having her at home is lovely, it has increased my bills significantly. I have asked her for £80 a month to cover her share of the bills. I put in the same and if there is anything left over when she moves out we will share it 50/50
    I dont blame you. I'd do the same.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 13th Oct 16, 9:19 AM
    • 1,538 Posts
    • 5,656 Thanks
    Ilona
    Yes, ask your son for housekeeping, even if you don't need it. The best lesson you can teach him is money in and money out, and nothing is free. My first wage was £3.50, my mother took half of that. She was a good teacher. I have never been in debt except a mortgage. Good luck.
    Ilona
    I love skip diving
    • Rain Shadow
    • By Rain Shadow 13th Oct 16, 9:25 AM
    • 1,397 Posts
    • 2,558 Thanks
    Rain Shadow
    Whilst we were supporting our kids in full time education we supported them financially also.
    Originally posted by Judi

    I'm with this. My sons work(ed) in the long vacs when at university but I didn't take any contribution from them. I don't think the amount of university work that they had to do would have allowed them to take a job in term time and, indeed, DS2's university tells students not to work in term time because they will have too much studying to do to allow time for work.


    They both lived away from home and that gave them an introduction to budgeting for themselves.
    Last edited by Rain Shadow; 13-10-2016 at 9:28 AM.
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