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  • FIRST POST
    • flye966
    • By flye966 11th Oct 16, 1:09 PM
    • 23Posts
    • 43Thanks
    flye966
    Omg feeling sick
    • #1
    • 11th Oct 16, 1:09 PM
    Omg feeling sick 11th Oct 16 at 1:09 PM
    Well I have today sat down and done a budget . I have been reading though the site and forum and think I will start a diary for my own ref and to motivate me . long and short is budget says I over spend by 500 a mth. I was expecting to be in the red but not by this much . I am self employed so income changes from week to week but I have tried to under estimate my income. when ends don't meet I do tend to fall back on credit cards , then tell myself its ok because I swop them round for no or little interest.as time has gone on my monthly outgoing on credit card repayments is 310. I do realise this has to be sorted but like an alcoholic I know its wrong but keep doing it . I don't tend to spend on my self but children and grandchildren are my big drain .if they need it I have to try to find it or my credit card does . all together my dept is 18.213 cc and 1000 in overdrafts .there I have put it in black and white ..... how bad is that .


    I must dash to work and will spend rest of day thinking of what I can do to turn thing around . one idea I have is swop my business account to personal as I,m a sole trader and as long as I keep thing separate I could save 250yr in bank charges ... for which I don't see as I benefit anything .
    my husband doesn't know the extent of my cc dept and I want to keep it that way if I can .I know if I told him and we both pulled together we could sort it but I am to ashamed and want to do this myself.
    I will come back to computer to start my diary and look for more inspiration tomorrow .
Page 1
  • National Debtline
    • #2
    • 11th Oct 16, 1:52 PM
    • #2
    • 11th Oct 16, 1:52 PM
    Hi

    It’s a good idea to contact Business Debtline. They can help you account for your fluctuating income, and will factor in that you're self-employed when they go through advice with you.

    www.businessdebtline.org

    James
    @natdebtline
    Last edited by National Debtline; 11-10-2016 at 1:56 PM. Reason: wording
    We work as money advisers for National Debtline and have specific permission from MSE to post to try to help those in debt. Read more information on National Debtline in MSE's Debt Problems: What to do and where to get help guide. If you find you're struggling with debt and need further help try our online advice tool My Money Steps
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 11th Oct 16, 2:00 PM
    • 6,383 Posts
    • 35,214 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    • #3
    • 11th Oct 16, 2:00 PM
    • #3
    • 11th Oct 16, 2:00 PM
    Well done for facing your situation - that's the first and hardest step taken. Next is to fix it.

    I was self employed for six years, including having multiple income streams for a while. I ran EVERYTHING through my personal bank account - as long as you keep detailed figures it should work OK for you.

    Next step now is to put together an SOA (the link is in the sticky post at the top of the board) and post it in here (format for MSE as per the instructions on the website) and we can take a look and see if we can see anywhere for savings to be made, which you may have missed.

    I can't urge you strongly enough to talk this through with your husband - yes his first reaction will probably be astonishment that you're where you are, but at the end of the day he loves you and as you rightly say it'll be easier to deal with together, even if you tell him you want to pay the debts off on your own, his sup-port will make a world of difference. I promise you 100% he'll be far more disappointed, hurt and upset if he finds out afterwards that you didn't tell him about it.

    As for your kids/Grandkids - I'm afraid the time has come to rein things in. It goes without saying that you want to do stuff for them, but that can be time just as easily as money. How old are the Grandchildren? There's masses of ways you can give to them without it always needing to cost money, and I bet your kids would be horrified if they knew you were putting yourself into debt for them.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • tlc678910
    • By tlc678910 11th Oct 16, 4:52 PM
    • 387 Posts
    • 760 Thanks
    tlc678910
    • #4
    • 11th Oct 16, 4:52 PM
    • #4
    • 11th Oct 16, 4:52 PM
    Hi,
    Now you have done your budget you can see that you cannot afford to subsidise your children and grandchildren any more (you spend £500 a month more than you earn and have substantial debt).

    Now that you are aware of that if you hear that they need/ would like xxxx and can't afford it I think you need to reply "I'm sorry but neither can I".

    Perhaps there are occasions where you help out with bills or treat them only to see them buy things you would not spend money on shortly after? Holidays? iPhones? Meals out? But whether they are spenders or thrifty and under pressure the reality is simply you don't have the money to help.

    Is it possible you could help them out with things that don't cost you? for example minding children while they work overtime or spending time with the kids doing fun but cheap activities such as park, den building, baking etc

    Good luck
    • flye966
    • By flye966 11th Oct 16, 10:49 PM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    • #5
    • 11th Oct 16, 10:49 PM
    • #5
    • 11th Oct 16, 10:49 PM
    I have a grandson that is 6mths and another due in a month . I have been thinking today that I will speak to my daughters and say I need to pay some thing off and won't be able to help or buy much for the near future . I know they will understand
    • flye966
    • By flye966 11th Oct 16, 10:56 PM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    • #6
    • 11th Oct 16, 10:56 PM
    • #6
    • 11th Oct 16, 10:56 PM
    Thankyou for your advice.i am going to explain to my daughters that i cant help out financial anymore and I also know I need to speak to my husband but I might have to build myself up to that hurdle
    • flye966
    • By flye966 11th Oct 16, 11:00 PM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    • #7
    • 11th Oct 16, 11:00 PM
    • #7
    • 11th Oct 16, 11:00 PM
    How right you are in saying that I have helped out with food or bills only to find out that they are going pit for a meal
    • flye966
    • By flye966 11th Oct 16, 11:27 PM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    • #8
    • 11th Oct 16, 11:27 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Oct 16, 11:27 PM
    Thankyou James ,I will contact business debt line as soon as possible.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 12th Oct 16, 9:27 AM
    • 6,383 Posts
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    EssexHebridean
    • #9
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:27 AM
    • #9
    • 12th Oct 16, 9:27 AM
    Thankyou for your advice.i am going to explain to my daughters that i cant help out financial anymore and I also know I need to speak to my husband but I might have to build myself up to that hurdle
    Originally posted by flye966
    Speak to your husband before your daughters. He's actually the more important one in this equation, and if he gets any feeling that he is the "last to know" (even if he's not!) then it won't help the situation. My OH had some substantial debt when we were first together. It was several years down the line before I found out the full extent - and at the point where I did I felt so let down by the fact that he'd (as I saw it) not trusted me enough to say anything, it nearly killed our relationship. Added to that I felt a huge sense of guilt that I'd encouraged days out etc that as I subsequently found out he simply couldn't afford.

    Get your SOA done ASAP, then you have something physical to sit down with him and talk over. Good luck.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Nasqueron
    • By Nasqueron 12th Oct 16, 9:30 AM
    • 2,989 Posts
    • 1,624 Thanks
    Nasqueron
    I think you'll need to check if you can operate a business through a personal bank account, you will find threads on this board where people have accounts closed down for doing that
    • enjoyyourshoes
    • By enjoyyourshoes 12th Oct 16, 4:13 PM
    • 642 Posts
    • 808 Thanks
    enjoyyourshoes
    LPG at the 'real' costs of all your debts (including OD charges admin fees etc) and prioritise which debt you need to pay off first.

    Reconcile your bank account daily and don't go into OD

    Cut up your C & don't use any form of credit (as you currently can not manage it)

    Stop spending ! (really easy to say and type, but work out why you are spending and avoid those situations, temptations, triggers. Its often psychological, so work that one through with yourself.

    Stop fags, mags, booze, coffee late, extended warranties, TV subscription, mobile phones, etc etc

    start living within your own financial envelope and throw every spare penny against the debts
    Debt is a symptom, solve the problem.
    • flye966
    • By flye966 15th Oct 16, 8:03 AM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    I will have a look thankyou
    • angela110660
    • By angela110660 15th Oct 16, 8:16 AM
    • 727 Posts
    • 1,788 Thanks
    angela110660
    Good luck and sorry that you find youself in such a difficult place right now. The advice so far is all great and if you can do half of the things it will help for sure.
    Re helping your family and grandkids- I would say that as you have always helped and coughed up that maybe they think you are better off than you really are. If you continue doing this their views will stay the same and they will always come to you first. You need to break the cycle gently and afford only what is realistic as you and your OH have to think of your own futures - and day to day lives. It is too easy to spend on others and forget your own needs when you care so much. Best wishes.
    Free films - 2009: saw 7 films. 2010 saw 7 films. 2011 saw 7 films. 2012 saw 5 films;2013:Lincoln; Les Miserables; Cloud Atlas; The Big Wedding; Summer in February;Philomena;Saving Mr Banks;2014:Jersey Boys;2015estament of Youth;
    • flye966
    • By flye966 16th Oct 16, 10:44 AM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    Thought I'd just do a quick update .i'm on my mobile and don't find it easy to navigate forum on here .plus I'm still getting the hang of things and find it easier on the computer . I thought I had posted my soa the other day but must have done it wrong cos cant find it .again did it on mobile so I will try again later
    Anyway , I really do appreciate everyone advice and keep everything I mind as I am going along trying to be good.i have talked to daughters and husband explaining that credit card are getting out of hand and I have done a budget and will be being very careful untill it is sorted.the only thing was husband didn't ask hoe much and I didn't say .
    I have paid for everything with cash this week and we have cone away in van for a few days and I have budgeted and put cash in my purse for what I can spend .i get paid mostly cash and I made a special trip to bank yesterday to bank all my cash except what I have for food and spends for away days this week .decided that if I didn't bank it I would be tempted to spend it .
    I'v decided to try to concentrate on od first as I could do without paying the charges .
    On list of to dos as well as posting soa is ring business debt line .i'll do this as soon as I'm back and got house to myself .also want to sort out piggy banking .
    One thing I did do is ,because I'm self employed I estimated my income in my original budget.I have now sat down and done proper figure for my last 3 mths I devided this by 12 to get my average weekly income .then I x it by 52 and devided by 12 for monthly income . If I have done this correct then i had underestimated my income in my original budget .
    I will let u know if i manage to come back from seaside with cash .hopefully I will as I have cooked food to eat in van instead of eating out .
    • flye966
    • By flye966 16th Oct 16, 11:05 AM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    Thankyou angel110660 for your kind words.my present husband isn't my daughters dad . Their dad is of no use financially or emotionally to them and I have tried to make up for this for both of them . They do think That I am more well off than I really am because of it . Both are wonderful daughter and don't ask for much but I always try to help when I see them struggling.this I am going to stop and definitely going to offer to babysit when I can so they can work instead .
    • MrsTinks
    • By MrsTinks 17th Oct 16, 10:30 AM
    • 14,585 Posts
    • 22,067 Thanks
    MrsTinks
    As a parent I'm sure that it's hard to not help out your children when you see them struggling, but helping them with finding solutions (letting them work more shifts etc) is far more likely to help them than bailing them out.

    After all how will they manage when the day comes and you CAN'T be there to bail them out - and I don't mean can't because of debt...

    Help them find their own solutions now, give them help with babysitting, support in looking at budgets and planning - but stop being the bank of mum. Not only can't you afford to, you're not really helping them long term Harsh as that sounds
    DFW Nerd #025
    SPC member #561
    Sept 2016 - £10811 Oct £10166 to clear Cleared Since Sept 16:£645 6% repaid Declutter 25 items in November target: 0/25 Make £10 extra a day in November: £57/£150
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 17th Oct 16, 11:15 AM
    • 6,383 Posts
    • 35,214 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Well done for talking to your husband most of all. That he hasn't asked the figure may need to be a conversation for another time but if it comes up down the line again at least there's no question that he can feel that you are keeping secrets from him.

    Well done for budgeting your spends for your few days away too.

    Mrs Tinks makes a very good point in her post. I'll add to it - when I was 18 I did what so many young people do, and ran up debts on Credit cards - largely the result of the bank upping the limit when perhaps what they should have done (and what they do now, I believe) was to have waited to see how paying back the first spends was going to be managed... A number of my friends did the same thing, and I remember their parents bailing them out. Mine looked on things rather differently - by saying that while they would give me whatever help they could in terms of working out a budget and planning how I would pay back the money owing, what they WOULDN'T do was to give me the money to do it. At the time this felt very unfair, but now, a good many years on, I'm incredibly grateful that they did this. I've never run up CC debt since, but I do wonder how many of the friends who were bailed out can say the same...

    The kindest thing you can do for your kids is to enable them to be financially independent in the future. They WILL thank you for it in the long term, I promise you.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • flye966
    • By flye966 20th Oct 16, 10:30 PM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    EssexHebridean you are very right in what you say. I do feel a bit like I'm on weight watchers. I know what I should be doing (stop eating to much) but it is doing it everyday in my daily life that is hard. Keeping in mind everything that everyone has said on here is helping.

    You might be pleased to know that after having a great few days away I fetched £20 back with me and dashed to bank to pay it in.... Feeling very happy ��
    • Annisele
    • By Annisele 20th Oct 16, 11:11 PM
    • 4,280 Posts
    • 4,455 Thanks
    Annisele
    One thing I did do is ,because I'm self employed I estimated my income in my original budget.I have now sat down and done proper figure for my last 3 mths I devided this by 12 to get my average weekly income .then I x it by 52 and devided by 12 for monthly income . If I have done this correct then i had underestimated my income in my original budget .
    Originally posted by flye966
    I think your maths are off, but only very slightly. Most months (except February!) have a bit more than four weeks in them. So, in a three-month period you get 13 weeks, not 12 - so with your method, I think you should have been dividing your three-month income figure by 13. An equivalent method is just to divide your three-month income figure by 3.

    Though all of that assumes there's nothing seasonal about your business? If you're running an ice cream stall, then I'd expect you to be making much more money June/July/August than December/January/February. Not so much if you're running a Santa's Grotto...

    If you have income figures for the whole of last year, and if you think this year will be about as succesful as last, it might be more accurate to add up a whole 12-months' worth of actual income, and then divide that amount by 12.

    Either way, I think it's going to make a *huge* difference just that you're paying attention to your spending. That £20 you didn't spend, together with all its fellow £20s that you won't spend in future, is going to pay off your debt.
    • flye966
    • By flye966 25th Oct 16, 11:40 AM
    • 23 Posts
    • 43 Thanks
    flye966
    Things done and decisions to make
    For two weeks now I have stuck to spending in my budget. I have stuck to or spent less on food and not spent £25 on drink at home. I have bought the odd bottle of wine but only when worked into food allowance.
    I rang sky to cancel TV from my package of TV,phone and broadband. This has been costing £42/mth. In the end they have offered me same package for £22.40/mth for a year

    I rang business debt line and have gone through my options with them and I now have to decide whether to do a DMP with them or keep trying to budget and save and pay off my debt that way .
    Pros- for DMP would be interest stopping and being able to pay best back quicker. Also it would take away my ability to get more credit. Which could be a good thing.

    Cons- DMP is scary!! . It feels a bit like giving in. Would I not be able to re lease another car or change mobile phone contracts with bad credit history for next 5/6 yrs.

    Back to owning up to size of debt to husband. I have told him I am sticking to a tight budget to pay of cc that have got out of hand bit not the amount and he didn't ask. As long as I am dealing with it he seem happy to leave me to it. It I go down the route of DMP the adverse credit could affect him as we are financially linked and I wouldn't set the ball rolling with DMP without telling him everything.

    One last question for you Dfw experts or people that have gone down the DMP route. As i have only just done the budget and started really focusing on my spending. Should I give my self 2/3mth budgeting and paying off my debts or would that just be putting off the inevitable and should I just set the ball rolling with the DMP.

    I keep reading posts and threads and I'm so pleased to have found this forum. Thank-you thank-you for all those that take time out of their busy days to read and answer my rambling posts. One day I would like to think that I could post advice and help others say well.
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