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    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 11th Oct 16, 8:15 AM
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    Mortgage Moog
    Feeling miles away from home when you're not
    • #1
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:15 AM
    Feeling miles away from home when you're not 11th Oct 16 at 8:15 AM
    I've recently moved just 5 miles across a city that I've lived in my whole life and know very well. The area I moved to was one of the few in the whole city that I'm not that familiar with, I do know it but have only passed through it before and not spent much time here. It's a tiny area only about half a mile square so it doesn't take much learning!

    Even though it's only a 20 minute drive to where I used to live I feel like I'm living on the other side of the world. It's only a 3 minute drive from mine to the areas I know very well and when I'm back in those areas I feel ok. I'm trying this make this new area familiar by walking around it a lot and driving different ways home. I'm only here for about 6 to 12 months while I save to move to another area so it's not too bad. That was always the plan and I have all the costs accounted for, luckily I can save lots of money very quickly as I'm single with no kids or anything.

    I just wondered if anyone else has experienced this? I have read a lot about buyers remorse and contributed to threads on that subject but it's not that I regret buying, it just feels like I've moved much further than I have.

    The time of year doesn't help. I always feel odd around winter and made a real effort to move in the summer this time after two short term winter moves previously. I just about got in during late August but I remember making an effort to remember how I felt this time last year, knowing that I'd be living elsewhere in 12 months time. Even when back in the same home I'd been in for 20 years it felt odd over the winter so maybe that's something to do with it.
    Last edited by Mortgage Moog; 11-10-2016 at 8:19 AM.
Page 1
    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 11th Oct 16, 8:32 AM
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    moneyistooshorttomention
    • #2
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:32 AM
    • #2
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:32 AM
    I would say that's not a very big move - unless you've moved from a decent part of the city to "That Area" of the city. I know there is quite a difference between the best part of my home city and the area of my home city I most definitely wouldnt want to live in and the area I used to live in came somewhere between the two.

    So there is a very different feel between the two ends of the spectrum there (ie attractive, leafy, felt safe in the first and wouldnt walk through the other area if I could help it - if only because it felt bleak).

    So the question is as to whether "your" area of the city and the area you have now moved to feel roughly equivalent to the objective observer. If they do feel roughly equivalent - then it's down to a matter of just giving it time and gradually getting to know all the little nooks and crannies and getting on "passing chat" terms with some people living there. That sort of thing helps.

    It could be a lot more difficult - you could have moved from one area of the country to another (as many of us have) and then it takes hours to visit it and it's somewhere along the scale between much more difficult and literally impossible to use the facilities there. At least the "way of thinking" will be the same between two areas of the same city and you won;t come up against a "locals come first" attitude that can sometimes apply if doing a bigger move.
    Last edited by moneyistooshorttomention; 11-10-2016 at 8:38 AM.
    The unexamined life is not worth living.
    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 11th Oct 16, 8:41 AM
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    Mortgage Moog
    • #3
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:41 AM
    • #3
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:41 AM
    The area I live in is very similar. I used to live on the very far south edge of the city and I now live in the very south-west. It's definitely not a bad area all. it's very leafy with forests, woods, lovely walks up hills and all the people I've met here have been very friendly. Whenever I say where I'm living people respond with "Oh it's lovely there!".

    I have also been through a 200+ mile move years ago and that was awful. I hated everything about it and couldn't wait to get back here so yeah whenever I'm feeling a bit down about it I always remind myself of that time. I wrote the whole story up on another thread here http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5535056&page=3#topofpage

    I find that I only feel this way in the mornings. As soon as I go out and get working or it gets after about 4pm I'm fine. I just have trouble settling here during the morning such as when I have an appointment cancelled for work and I'm left hanging around. In my last place it didn't bother me too much but here I hate hanging around! What is it about the mornings that's so different I wonder?

    I can relate to the "locals first" attitude you mentioned. When I moved to one part of the UK it took me ages to even get past the phone call to view places. As soon as they could tell your accent wasn't local the barriers went up. I even got turned down for one viewing just because I didn't already live in the area. I am so glad I'm not living there anymore. Where I am now everyone is welcome and everyone mixes together fine.
    Last edited by Mortgage Moog; 11-10-2016 at 8:48 AM.
    • Doozergirl
    • By Doozergirl 11th Oct 16, 8:47 AM
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    Doozergirl
    • #4
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:47 AM
    • #4
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:47 AM
    You've set yourself an expectation but who says what a move is supposed to feel like?

    Why should a move 20 minutes away feel different to a move across the world? A move is a move is a move.

    Instead of thinking and questioning whats and whys, just feel. It's absolutely fine to feel like you've moved somewhere else when you've moved somewhere else

    There's no rules to how you should feel. Equating it to winter is incorrect. You moved. It has nothing to do with the time of year. It doesn't need to be rationalised. The time of year definitely doesn't rationalise it.

    What will make it home is relationships and social familiarity.
    Last edited by Doozergirl; 11-10-2016 at 8:51 AM.
    Everything that is supposed to be in heaven is already here on earth.
    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 11th Oct 16, 8:51 AM
    • 142 Posts
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    Mortgage Moog
    • #5
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:51 AM
    • #5
    • 11th Oct 16, 8:51 AM
    You've set yourself an expectation but who says what a move is supposed to feel like?

    Why should a move 20 minutes away feel different to a move across the world? A move is a move is a move.

    Instead of thinking and questioning whats and whys, just feel. It's absolutely fine to feel like you've moved somewhere else when you've moved somewhere else! What's the point in rationalising it? It is what it is.

    There's no rules to how you should feel. Equating it to winter is incorrect. You moved. It has nothing to do with the time of year.
    Originally posted by Doozergirl
    That's correct. I did once move to the next street and even carried my stuff from one place to the other and even that felt very odd. I walked past my old home every day and I still felt like miles away.

    One theory I have is that I never went through the whole moving away from home stage of my life. I never went to uni, never moved out until years after most people do and I think that plays a big part in it. I was just so settled for so long that I don't have the experience of moving that many people do.
    • Davesnave
    • By Davesnave 11th Oct 16, 9:00 AM
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    Davesnave
    • #6
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:00 AM
    • #6
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:00 AM
    You have started two similar threads now on something which you deny is buyer's remorse, but which looks quite like it from here.

    Most of us know that the ambience in areas of cities that are not geographically far apart, may be very different. Often, there is a physical barrier, like a railway line or a river, which makes the transition more abrupt.

    Where I used to live, there was only one way in and out for most residents, although a few of us had a pedestian route too. Once in our little enclave, we were in a different world from those on the busy thoroughfare only 200m distant.

    It was one of the city's better kept secrets, as evidenced by the crime stats. No robberies, break-ins, car crime, anti-social behaviour etc etc in the past 2 years. Nothing.

    We lived for over 30 years in that little oasis, identified and patiently waited-for when I was a FTB. If some magic had shifted us 200m in another direction, we'd either have been very unhappy or arrived in a place with house prices we couldn't afford!

    Buying is all about research. Often, people focus on the property itself and forget the bigger picture, which as I've described above, may be quite a small one in city-wide terms.

    In the countryside, which is where I live now, the scale is broader, but villages differ markedly, so day-to-day living is influenced by much more than just the prettiness factor.

    Nobody can tell you what's right for you, because we all like different things. We can only say 'better luck research next time.'
    'Only the mediocre are always at their best.' Jean Giraudoux
    • Davesnave
    • By Davesnave 11th Oct 16, 9:13 AM
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    Davesnave
    • #7
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:13 AM
    • #7
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:13 AM
    Edit: Just noticed how recent your move is.

    You may just need to give your new place time. Nowhere I've ever lived has felt particularly like home for the first few years. Why should it? As Doozer says, it's relationships and social familiarity which gives most of us a feeling of belonging somewhere.
    'Only the mediocre are always at their best.' Jean Giraudoux
    • DiamondLil
    • By DiamondLil 11th Oct 16, 9:35 AM
    • 237 Posts
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    DiamondLil
    • #8
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:35 AM
    • #8
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:35 AM
    I'm only here for about 6 to 12 months while I save to move to another area so it's not too bad. That was always the plan and I have all the costs accounted for.
    Originally posted by Mortgage Moog
    Assuming you've bought your home, wouldn't it have made more sense to either stay where you were or rent, while saving to move to the other area ?
    I ask because buying / selling and moving home comes with costs and you intend being in your new home for such a short time.
    • Voiren
    • By Voiren 11th Oct 16, 9:45 AM
    • 34 Posts
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    Voiren
    • #9
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:45 AM
    • #9
    • 11th Oct 16, 9:45 AM
    Do you get much affected by light? I'm just asking because of what you say about feeling odd in the mornings and in winter. If the lighting's not what you're used to then that can do it.

    I had the opposite thing - when we first came to view the place we've rented for the last 10+years it was a nice sunny day and I felt welcome in the area straight away. The second place we saw was later in the day but also in a greyer more built up area with less rambling plants and we didn't go for that one. Then when we first signed the contract and went inside, the sun was shining through from the landing window all the way into the living room and I felt at home. (I imagine it does make a big difference in there being two of us as well, but sunny places do make me feel comfortable).
    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 11th Oct 16, 12:10 PM
    • 142 Posts
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    Mortgage Moog
    Edit: Just noticed how recent your move is.

    You may just need to give your new place time. Nowhere I've ever lived has felt particularly like home for the first few years. Why should it? As Doozer says, it's relationships and social familiarity which gives most of us a feeling of belonging somewhere.
    Originally posted by Davesnave
    Thanks for all your advice. I don't think it's buyers remorse as I really don't regret it in any way. Buying a home was more something I had to do rather than wanted to do. I was very settled living at home and knew that moving out would mean some compromise but I'm very surprised how well I've settled in this time. For my last two moves I felt awful and like I wanted to go back home every day. This time I feel at ease and am enjoying living here, I just have this odd feeling I can't shake that I've moved miles away.

    I started this separate thread because my other one is for me to keep track of my progress moving back to other area. This one is more about how strange I feel right now.

    I did plenty of research but I was very limited in my budget. Being self employed means it's hard to prove my income.I recently put my prices right up after becoming so popular in my industry, I'm really in demand and am booked for months ahead but it'll be 2 to 3 years before that extra income shows on my accounts because I only get my books done every April.

    I didn't have the luxury of being able to choose from much. There were two places I could afford on RIghtmove and I'm so glad I didn't go for the other which I actually made an offer on in the beginning. That would have given me serious buyers remorse!
    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 11th Oct 16, 12:18 PM
    • 142 Posts
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    Mortgage Moog
    Assuming you've bought your home, wouldn't it have made more sense to either stay where you were or rent, while saving to move to the other area ?
    I ask because buying / selling and moving home comes with costs and you intend being in your new home for such a short time.
    Originally posted by DiamondLil
    I couldn't really stay at home any longer. I moved back there for what was supposed to be 2 years while I saved to buy. That become 3 years, 4 years, 5 years...It was getting silly and I didn't want to be one of these people who stayed at home forever.

    I bought this place very cheaply because the previous buyer pulled out at the last moment and left the seller in trouble. I got it for thousands less than I could sell it for so in a way my moving costs are covered by the amount of equity I gained. I still can't believe I got it so cheap, the man I bought off was great and even offered to pay for anything I found wrong after moving in. How many sellers do that?


    I could sell up today and rent back in the other area but I don't want to. I hate renting and I wouldn't want to risk jumping off the ladder and not being able to get back on. I'm happy here and can live here for at least a year or two before I think it'd become annoying with having to travel a bit further for everything. It's only an extra 10 minutes on most journeys I do and that's nothing.

    Some people have cancer, some people can't pay the bills. The biggest problem I have is that I have to spend 10 minutes extra in a luxury car each time I want to go home.
    Last edited by Mortgage Moog; 11-10-2016 at 12:21 PM.
    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 11th Oct 16, 12:25 PM
    • 142 Posts
    • 30 Thanks
    Mortgage Moog
    Do you get much affected by light? I'm just asking because of what you say about feeling odd in the mornings and in winter. If the lighting's not what you're used to then that can do it.

    I had the opposite thing - when we first came to view the place we've rented for the last 10+years it was a nice sunny day and I felt welcome in the area straight away. The second place we saw was later in the day but also in a greyer more built up area with less rambling plants and we didn't go for that one. Then when we first signed the contract and went inside, the sun was shining through from the landing window all the way into the living room and I felt at home. (I imagine it does make a big difference in there being two of us as well, but sunny places do make me feel comfortable).
    Originally posted by Voiren
    It might be the light but I've always felt funny around winter time. I know there's something called SAD (season affective disorder) which makes some people feel down in the winter. I think it's also called winter blues but I don't like to label things.

    My plan is to spruce my new home up over winter and look forward to March/April when things start getting brighter again.
    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 11th Oct 16, 7:16 PM
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    Mortgage Moog
    I'm glad I started this thread today because after reading the replies I now feel very positive about living here. I feel sorry for my new home. If it could speak it would be saying "Hey, you saved for me for ages and now you want to leave? What have I done wrong?"

    I'm going to enjoy my time here and I think that when the time comes to leave I might even miss this place. I'll be updating my other thread about my journey back home over the coming months but for now I'm going to enjoy living here and not think about the future until I've been here for at least 6 months :-D
    • ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    • By ScorpiondeRooftrouser 11th Oct 16, 8:46 PM
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    ScorpiondeRooftrouser
    Jesus wept.
    • Mortgage Moog
    • By Mortgage Moog 13th Oct 16, 8:06 AM
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    Mortgage Moog
    Time for an update on my situation. I went for a visit to my old home yesterday to pick up post and went on a walk I used to go on and the strange thing was that my old home didn't feel like home any more. The walk didn't even feel as familiar as it used to. For the first time I found that when I got back to my new home it felt more like home than the other place did even though there's still a slightly odd feeling.

    I think what people say on here about filling your home with your possessions and unpacking everything is really important. My old home is half empty now and I think that's why it no longer felt so much like it did. I felt guilty walking around the old area, almost as thought I'd gone backwards by going back there. What an odd feeling moving gives you!
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