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    • rich81
    • By rich81 8th Oct 16, 7:36 PM
    • 7Posts
    • 5Thanks
    Are you 100% open with your partner?
    • #1
    • 8th Oct 16, 7:36 PM
    Are you 100% open with your partner? 8th Oct 16 at 7:36 PM
    Being totally honest, does your partner/spouse know everything about your debt - full amounts etc, or do you keep it, or at least part of it to yourself?

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    Last edited by MSE Jessica; 18-10-2016 at 2:31 PM.
Page 2
    • tori.k
    • By tori.k 9th Oct 16, 5:44 PM
    • 2,580 Posts
    • 5,559 Thanks
    You're on shady ground when you try and make rules to fit every relationship. I agree as a general rule you should be open, but if one partner is a huge worrier it might be better to keep some things secret.
    Originally posted by CrowCrow
    Secrets have a dirty habit of coming out than that just leaves a person feeling betrayed, people usually ask only the question they want the answers too. Natural worriers are the more submissive partner and don't usually ask directly but just look for conformation that everything is going to be alright. if they do then it should always be the truth to not just undermines the whole equality of the partnership.
    Penny saver 0/671.61
    Debit to Credit (stage 1) 3652.34 completed 15/10/16
    Debit to Credit (stage 2) 40.95 /4500.00

    • jonnybeegood
    • By jonnybeegood 9th Oct 16, 11:30 PM
    • 23 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    My wife knows that we have a lot of debt but we don't really discuss it and she doesn't know the exact amounts. It's under control and reducing each month. She has told me that trusts me to sort it and that she knows that talking about it causes stress and worry. In an ideal world we would be all be totally upfront. but in reality not everyone's relationship works like that.
    • lazer-zxr
    • By lazer-zxr 10th Oct 16, 8:38 AM
    • 289 Posts
    • 324 Thanks
    I can't believe this.
    Of course my partner knows. We're a team. all of the debt was created jointly, and we're beating it as a team.
    To be fair, she won't know the exact balance like I do, but that's because I've become a bit of a geek about this whole thing
    DFWB £42947 of £52549 repaid. LBM feb15
    MFWB On hold due to low int rates
    • cats2012
    • By cats2012 10th Oct 16, 10:55 AM
    • 948 Posts
    • 1,014 Thanks
    We only have joint accounts so 100% open, always have been
    Officially Mrs B as of March 2013
    TTC since Apr 2015, baby due March 2017
    • enjoyyourshoes
    • By enjoyyourshoes 10th Oct 16, 1:52 PM
    • 642 Posts
    • 806 Thanks
    I think it helps to be 100% open about financial affairs (debt, savings, future strategy on investments) with the caveat that its between you two exclusively. You can agree common goals and therefore save/invest accordingly, you can be stronger together as apposed to weaker, pulling in different directions separately in ignorance.
    Debt is a symptom, solve the problem.
    • Teacher2
    • By Teacher2 19th Oct 16, 9:41 AM
    • 383 Posts
    • 1,955 Thanks
    If you have a partner you can trust then you can be 100% open about financial affairs. Right from the start, 37 years ago now, my other half and I were totally honest about our spending with each other. We got a joint account and have always had joint savings. There is no 'mine and thine' and we don't do revenge spending. However, there is a high degree of mutual candour in our relationship in all areas, not just the money side of things. We are lucky and we work at it!
    • Indout96
    • By Indout96 19th Oct 16, 10:57 AM
    • 1,578 Posts
    • 2,038 Thanks
    Yes and no really, I look after all the money inc both our ISA's (online) its all on a (very large) spreadsheet that tracks everything monthly and yearly and my wife has the password but probably cant remember it as she never looks.
    We even had the bank saying they would have to go back to paper statements as my wife had not logged on internet banking to "check" statements.
    So whilst we are totally open about finances she has total trust that I will get everything right. I don't see this as an age thing as this started when we got married (I was 21) and 33 years later we are still the same.
    We are debt / mortgage free and my wife is now semi retired on private pensions.
    Understeer is when the front of the car hits the wall.
    Oversteer is when the back of the car hits the wall
    BHP is how fast you hit the wall
    Torque is how far you take the wall after you hit it.
    • jaybizzl
    • By jaybizzl 19th Oct 16, 11:59 AM
    • 10 Posts
    • 19 Thanks
    It was about 9 month after we started dating - by knowing the situation we could jointly decide what to spend on "stuff"; holidays, days out, gifts etc. rather than pretending I could afford everything when she was (and always is) debt free.
    • lumpyspaceprincess
    • By lumpyspaceprincess 19th Oct 16, 2:14 PM
    • 105 Posts
    • 247 Thanks
    When my now husband & I moved in together he was out of work & didn't qualify for benefit because of my income / lack of contributions due to uni. That was what prompted my LBM, knowing that we would have to manage on my income, and that I needed to get a handle on my finances.

    Once I'd decided on SC and how to proceed, I told him what I owed, and then how I would be paying it back, how the bills would still be okay etc. As the main breadwinner and less anxious of the two of us it was important to me that he understood the level of debt I had / the impact that would have on me, but also that it wasn't end of days stuff and in a few years it'd be over with and we'd be alright.

    I didn't always tell partners, but we never had joint accounts, and tbh I wasn't fully aware of how bad it was back then!
    UPDATED 30/09/16
    § DMP TOTAL: £24516 § DMP NOW: £9,406§
    § DFD: 28/09/18 28/01/18 28/10/2017 §
    § DEBTS CLEAR: 1/6 §

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