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    • rich81
    • By rich81 8th Oct 16, 7:36 PM
    • 8Posts
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    rich81
    Are you 100% open with your partner?
    • #1
    • 8th Oct 16, 7:36 PM
    Are you 100% open with your partner? 8th Oct 16 at 7:36 PM
    Being totally honest, does your partner/spouse know everything about your debt - full amounts etc, or do you keep it, or at least part of it to yourself?




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    Last edited by MSE Jessica; 18-10-2016 at 2:31 PM.
Page 1
    • boliston
    • By boliston 8th Oct 16, 7:55 PM
    • 1,754 Posts
    • 1,300 Thanks
    boliston
    • #2
    • 8th Oct 16, 7:55 PM
    • #2
    • 8th Oct 16, 7:55 PM
    Being totally honest, does your partner/spouse know everything about your debt - full amounts etc, or do you keep it, or at least part of it to yourself?
    Originally posted by rich81
    Why would it be any business of your partner (or any other third party)?
    • rich81
    • By rich81 8th Oct 16, 8:07 PM
    • 8 Posts
    • 6 Thanks
    rich81
    • #3
    • 8th Oct 16, 8:07 PM
    • #3
    • 8th Oct 16, 8:07 PM
    Why would it be any business of your partner (or any other third party)?
    Originally posted by boliston
    Hi

    I meant partner as in romantic partner/spouse etc as opposed to business partner
    • Sanctioned Parts List
    • By Sanctioned Parts List 8th Oct 16, 9:11 PM
    • 294 Posts
    • 764 Thanks
    Sanctioned Parts List
    • #4
    • 8th Oct 16, 9:11 PM
    • #4
    • 8th Oct 16, 9:11 PM
    Yes, it affects her too, so why wouldn't I be?

    • Muttipops
    • By Muttipops 8th Oct 16, 10:11 PM
    • 267 Posts
    • 270 Thanks
    Muttipops
    • #5
    • 8th Oct 16, 10:11 PM
    • #5
    • 8th Oct 16, 10:11 PM
    Anecdotally, reading on here for a few months, it would seem that many partners are not aware of the amount of debt their other half is in. Often this seems to be through embarassment at the inability of that person to handle their own debts or sometimes through fear as to what their partner might say. I have also seen it mentioned that people try to protect their partners from the awful truth.
    I am single, but when in a relationship am honest about my financial situation, because I cannot afford to spend lavishly and rather than be thought of as a tight wad, I explain my situation, obviously not the exact state of it, because that is my business, but the broarder picture.
    • my-user-name
    • By my-user-name 8th Oct 16, 11:03 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 59 Thanks
    my-user-name
    • #6
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:03 PM
    • #6
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:03 PM
    A few years ago I stupidly got myself into debt and I didn't tell my partner,the debt lasted for around 4 years but I finally managed to pay everything and thank the Lord I am now debt free.
    Why didn't I tell him??embarrassment and feeling Id let myself down(and my partner too) for getting myself into such a mess.
    I look back to those awful days and one of the worst things, for me anyway was hearing letters come through the door,that feeling of dread and trying to get to the letters before he did was horrendous for me.
    I could never go through all that again but thinking about it I really should of told him,I shouldn't of kept it to myself.What would of been the worst he could of done??shout at me,be disappointed in me,leave me?? I was stupid keeping it to myself for such a long time.
    Strangely enough a week after I became debt free I told him,why I,ll never know! yes he was angry with me...but he was angry because I kept it all to myself.I promised him if things ever became bad again(and I pray they never will) he would be the first I would turn to...and I would.
    • boliston
    • By boliston 8th Oct 16, 11:04 PM
    • 1,754 Posts
    • 1,300 Thanks
    boliston
    • #7
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:04 PM
    • #7
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:04 PM
    Yes, it affects her too, so why wouldn't I be?
    Originally posted by Sanctioned Parts List
    Unless the two partners are "financially linked" by having a joint account or a joint mortgage then there would be no problem for the partner without the adverse credit.
    • tori.k
    • By tori.k 8th Oct 16, 11:21 PM
    • 2,604 Posts
    • 5,633 Thanks
    tori.k
    • #8
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:21 PM
    • #8
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:21 PM
    Unless the two partners are "financially linked" by having a joint account or a joint mortgage then there would be no problem for the partner without the adverse credit.
    Originally posted by boliston
    It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.
    Penny saver 19.53/671.61
    Debit to Credit (stage 1) 3652.34 completed 15/10/16
    Debit to Credit (stage 2) 106.67 /4500.00

    150/6190
    0/151200
    • sourcrates
    • By sourcrates 8th Oct 16, 11:53 PM
    • 8,407 Posts
    • 8,227 Thanks
    sourcrates
    • #9
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:53 PM
    • #9
    • 8th Oct 16, 11:53 PM
    It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.
    Originally posted by tori.k
    Really ? You never met my ex wife did you ?

    Through sometimes painful past experiance, the less you tell the little woman the better, they don't "really" want to know, as long as the roofs over there head, and foods on the table, but then maybe my experiance isn't unique, maybe I just picked the wrong woman, or vice versa.

    I think honesty and trust must of been on holiday when I got together with my ex wife, I look at people now who post pictures and messages of undying love on social media, only to find, 6 months down the line, she's copped off with his best mate, is this really the person you want to share your most secret financial details with ???

    Maybe I'm getting old and cynical, or I might be the only sane one here, but my financial affairs, stay my financial affairs from now on, when your young and stupid, you want to share everything, when your older and wiser, and you've been through a divorce court or two, you realise that's a really bad idea !!

    But hell, don't listen to me, make your own mistakes !!

    For free debt advice please call National Debtline on
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    • boliston
    • By boliston 9th Oct 16, 12:04 AM
    • 1,754 Posts
    • 1,300 Thanks
    boliston
    It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.
    Originally posted by tori.k
    If I had a rotten credit score and did not tell my partner, in what way would she suffer?
    • Sanctioned Parts List
    • By Sanctioned Parts List 9th Oct 16, 12:26 AM
    • 294 Posts
    • 764 Thanks
    Sanctioned Parts List
    If I had a rotten credit score and did not tell my partner, in what way would she suffer?
    Originally posted by boliston
    Because every pound you spend on debt interest is a pound you're not using to make your family safer.
    Last edited by Sanctioned Parts List; 09-10-2016 at 12:31 AM. Reason: Subject makes me angry - removed a temper tantrum

    • determined new ms
    • By determined new ms 9th Oct 16, 7:58 AM
    • 5,569 Posts
    • 29,559 Thanks
    determined new ms
    I don't tell my partner how much savings I have. I ball park it lower than it is. Apart from this we are completely honest with each other
    Debt to Bank of oh Mum: £4200/£5700
    Wombling 2016 £263.42 Roadkill £27.21
    • tori.k
    • By tori.k 9th Oct 16, 9:29 AM
    • 2,604 Posts
    • 5,633 Thanks
    tori.k
    Really ? You never met my ex wife did you ?

    Through sometimes painful past experiance, the less you tell the little woman the better, they don't "really" want to know, as long as the roofs over there head, and foods on the table, but then maybe my experiance isn't unique, maybe I just picked the wrong woman, or vice versa.

    I think honesty and trust must of been on holiday when I got together with my ex wife, I look at people now who post pictures and messages of undying love on social media, only to find, 6 months down the line, she's copped off with his best mate, is this really the person you want to share your most secret financial details with ???

    Maybe I'm getting old and cynical, or I might be the only sane one here, but my financial affairs, stay my financial affairs from now on, when your young and stupid, you want to share everything, when your older and wiser, and you've been through a divorce court or two, you realise that's a really bad idea !!

    But hell, don't listen to me, make your own mistakes !!
    Originally posted by sourcrates
    I have husband number one was a very secretive man, but it was obvious things didn't add up, that lack of respect and honesty just leaves you cynical and bitter. Husband number two is a lot smarter his honesty and my own even when it stuff you don't want to hear, means we are always working from the same playbook, especially in a financial matters. maybe im just more practical than most when your young and stupid you want to create this fairytale happy ever after bubble, and when your older and wiser you realise that it's hard work and you only get back what you put in.
    Penny saver 19.53/671.61
    Debit to Credit (stage 1) 3652.34 completed 15/10/16
    Debit to Credit (stage 2) 106.67 /4500.00

    150/6190
    0/151200
    • bellaboo86
    • By bellaboo86 9th Oct 16, 10:28 AM
    • 203 Posts
    • 282 Thanks
    bellaboo86
    I think it does matter as it does have an effect on both of you. An ex has approx 9k worth of debt. I knew about it and tried to encourage him to pay it off. One of credit cards had a minimum payment of £300 but most of that was interest. This meant we couldn't afford very much as I didn't earn enough to pay for us both. when we used to get invited out as a couple I would say we need to decline the offer. He would then invent some !!!! and bull story about how he was owed money so we could. I know think he just took cash out on his credit card to pay for such things.
    I personally wouldn't enter into a relationship again with someone in a lot of debt again as it had a massive impact on my life. I always had to be the one to say we shouldn't be having a takeaway or going on holiday when you owe that much. It was exhausting always trying to be the positive one saying it was only short term and it would soon be better.
    • weebit
    • By weebit 9th Oct 16, 10:33 AM
    • 394 Posts
    • 469 Thanks
    weebit
    Yes, of course my wife knows. We both have debt and I see this as "our debt", not "my debt" and "her debt". I pay off which ever has the lowest interest first, regardless of if the debt in my name or her name. We don't have any joint accounts though.
    Aiming to pay off £50,312.94 in less than 3 years - Starting from December 2015
    Current debt total: £41,911.51 (as of 30th September 2016)
    Date Free Date Aim: December 2018
    • AnxiousHomemaker
    • By AnxiousHomemaker 9th Oct 16, 11:01 AM
    • 61 Posts
    • 126 Thanks
    AnxiousHomemaker
    Yes, 100% x
    No one is going to stand up at your funeral and say
    'she had a really expensive couch and nice shoes'

    3-6 months emergency fund #58: £15/£500
    • Alarae
    • By Alarae 9th Oct 16, 1:55 PM
    • 247 Posts
    • 215 Thanks
    Alarae
    My OH knows I am in debt, the reasons why (wedding, having to rebuy a new wardrobe of clothes due to losing weight, gym etc) and the general ballpark. He doesn't know exact figures but knows close enough.

    We have a joint account which we put a set amount into to cover the household, then everything else we make is 'ours'.

    He has said he would happily give me money if it got to the point I struggle however I am very financially independent and I am adamant I will get myself out of the mess- i caused it anyway! Plus all my debt is at 0% so no immediate worry.

    He uses his money to do up our house and he doesn't ask me for anything as he knows I can't afford to do so at the moment. That is his way of helping both of us.
    Slimming the Wallet... and Me!
    09/10/2016
    MBNA:
    £5,165.93
    (£775.46) AA: £972.00 (£25.00) Barclaycard: £938.54 (£0.00)
    • CrowCrow
    • By CrowCrow 9th Oct 16, 2:03 PM
    • 996 Posts
    • 529 Thanks
    CrowCrow
    It think a lot of people would see it as morally corrupt, honesty and trust is an important value in any relationship.
    Originally posted by tori.k
    You're on shady ground when you try and make rules to fit every relationship. I agree as a general rule you should be open, but if one partner is a huge worrier it might be better to keep some things secret.
    • katy_ann
    • By katy_ann 9th Oct 16, 4:38 PM
    • 896 Posts
    • 4,483 Thanks
    katy_ann
    I'm now debt free but when I was in debt I was 100% honest with him, I know he has a small amount of debt but I'm not 100% of the value. I also have a savings ISA for when I start my maternity leave which I've been putting into since I found out I was pregnant, he know's about the account and that I have enough to see me through the month's I'm not working but he doesn't know the total value of the account.
    Last edited by katy_ann; 09-10-2016 at 4:47 PM.
    Officially Debt Free on 10/12/2015 | Married on 02/07/2016 | Baby Boy Due on 21/11/2016
    November NSD 0/6
    • DD265
    • By DD265 9th Oct 16, 4:38 PM
    • 1,115 Posts
    • 2,672 Thanks
    DD265
    I'm 100% open but not proactively.

    Like, I know the exact balance on each of my credit cards right now, my fiance doesn't. He knows I have debt and he knows roughly how much but he doesn't know the exact figure. He's not bothered; it's my debt and he knows I'm sorting it out. If he asked me right now, I'd show him and we both know it so that's fine.

    I don't think I could keep it from him to be honest, I think trying to be secretive would just eat me up inside and increase my worry over it tenfold.
    Barclaycard: £1795.61/£2907.26 - 38% paid
    MBNA: £2,613.57/£3866.92 - 32% paid
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