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  • FIRST POST
    • Hayley33
    • By Hayley33 6th Oct 16, 12:48 PM
    • 43Posts
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    Hayley33
    It's really hard
    • #1
    • 6th Oct 16, 12:48 PM
    It's really hard 6th Oct 16 at 12:48 PM
    We've got quite a lot on the go I won't take out two cars at the same time again and I've just put my debts all in one place and if I can stick to a budget they'll be cleared in 3 years and on paper be £400 p/m better off. I was just in my overdraft before so I just used to switch out what I needed etc, within reason. Now I don't want to get into it again. But I always seem to have such a lot on I can see this is going to be really hard to do. On top of all the bills, the two car payments, the sofa payment, the loan to pay off the debts, there's clothes that my child always seems to need, the school always want something they ask for money most weeks, there's the school dinner bill, there's the endless birthday parties at £5 in the card each time., there's work where there's the constant collections for people, there's the never ending food shopping bill...... I REALLY want to pay off my debts and stay out of my overdraft. I've also opened up a little savings account in the hope that I can build up some money for myself. It's seems absolutely impossible to stay within a budget, you always need the credit card on top. I can't though anymore. I only work part time now around my husbands shifts because we can't afford childcare so my pay isn't the best but it will do until she grows up ( it will have to do). How do you all do it?
Page 3
    • Hayley33
    • By Hayley33 11th Oct 16, 9:29 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Hayley33
    Call the credit card company and get them to lower your limit to say £1000 for an emergency scenario - that way it can't sneak up again. Ideally cancel it.

    Ditto your over draft.

    Do a full SOA - break down those "bills". I feel like you're listening but not really hearing what people are telling you.

    Ultimately it's absolutely up to you how you wish to proceed, but the people here are giving you some very good advice. Have you started your spending diary yet?

    I'm not saying hardcore DFW is the only way - I'm unique too in my own way because my partner earns VERY well so my debt kind of fluctuates a little... And I could clear it all if I cashed in my immediate assets. It's all 0% and actually a chunk of it is investments. My assets can be realized very quickly and without harping on it's a very considered set of investments. I choose to count them as debts because they are...

    So, we're not saying one hat fits all here. HOWEVER I also agree that you haven't QUITE accepted that your situation is that you fritter away money potentially that could go towards repaying your debt earlier.

    Without a full SOA it's near impossible to tell you where you might be able to easily make savings... Like school meals - does your LO one qualify for free ones? Mine no longer does so she has meals a few days a week and packed the rest because it's not cheap and I'll only cough up if she's going to eat it!!!
    It's far easier for me as I work full time (and some!) - if you work part time I would suggest that you probably have the time to pack them

    Birthdays - There are only so many in a year - I have a birthday present cupboard which I keep stocked with generic presents for these events, like Hobbycraft has one of the build a bears on offer at the moment for £8... Tesco had a Frozen baking set on sale from £10 to £4 a few months ago. Throw in a £1 frozen cupcake pack and tadaaaaaa £5 present for a girls party and no-one would ever know!

    Make a list now for Christmas on who needs cards and presents and set a strict budget!
    Originally posted by MrsTinks

    Thanks . I do packed lunches and dinners a mixture of both as you said. I also do look for bargains for parties as well, stocked up on a frozen purse and jewellery from £6 to a £1 so they're there ready. Some children then I give £5 in a card if I haven't got anything in. I do plan to make a Christmas list and I've also saved up money for this which I'll get out in November so no worries there
    • Hayley33
    • By Hayley33 11th Oct 16, 9:37 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Hayley33
    That's a great idea on the present cupboard for kids parties Mrs Tinks - Poundland can be great for goodies like that too - you need to be selective about what you buy but there are some bargains to be found.

    Hayley - Mrs T is right about the OD - if you're serious about not wanting to go back into it then the easiest way to do this is to cancel it altogether. It can be done with one quick phone call to your bank. You know you have the money spare - you just need to learn to budget with it. Until you both accept that, and commit to the learning process though, things aren't going to get any "easier"

    For me - and for others on here - it does appear "easy" - but "easy" usually relates directly back to a lot of hard work and making sacrifices to get to that point. In our case our "debt" at it's highest was around £110k I think - with £103k of that being the mortgage. How many people do you know who, if they were asked "how much debt do you have?" would include their mortgage in there? It's like Mrs T said though - we chose to think of it that way, and we chose to get it paid off as soon as we could. Paying it off 12 years early has saved us around £35k in interest, and we're now living without owing a penny to anyone at all. That wasn't "luck" though - that was hard work.

    Only you can make the decision as to what you really want - to remove yourself from a 5 year-plus cycle of debt and consolidation? Or to SAY that you want to remove yourself from it but then decide it's too hard and walk away again. Sorry to be blunt, but you need to think hard about what you want, and how you can get there. It doesn't just fix itself - there are no easy answers. This is why I suggested you look back over your old threads as this will show you how your pattern is repeating itself.
    Originally posted by EssexHebridean

    Also I want to say how amazing mortgage free!!!! . Maybe it'll help if I explain about my posts, I have had a lot of the repeat circumstances (loans etc) over a few years as in that time I moved, paid for a wedding and honeymoon, had a baby, then cut my hours down to part time working therefore losing £400 per month and tried to get used to living off that wage, oh plus in the last year had to buy a new sofa and new car again. So there's been no break from big expenses . Hopefully now I've got nothing on like that for a while and hope to be on my feet in three years. No consolidation loans again. This is our last. I am thinking about what I want to do I know it's going to be tough. 3 years will fly though right? . Partner will also do overtime as and when it comes up to save.
    • YouAsked
    • By YouAsked 12th Oct 16, 11:44 AM
    • 95 Posts
    • 105 Thanks
    YouAsked
    OP I don't usually post on these threads as there are people with so much more knowledge than me but a lot of your cirucmstances have really chimed with me - I think I have been pretty much where you are and I'm over the other side now.

    Just a few things which may help you (but feel free to ignore too - we're not all the same!).

    - Do a fresh budget each month. Include everything - birthday presents, petrol, parking, lunch money, school trips etc. Don't just roll forward last month's budget.
    - Spend on debit cards so you have an electronic record. Then when you are setting your budget for the current month, use the ACTUAL figures for the previous 2-3 months, not just what you HOPE to spend - for instance, I export my online statement to Excel then tally up all the spending in Sainsburys/Tesco (and I am a frugal shopper but it is always more than I thought!). Sometimes I'll include a note such as "spend included X's birthday present", but as you know birthdays happen eveery month so I wouldn't necessarily adjust the spend.
    - Reconcile your planned budget with your banking at least every three days and then you can see any divergence early and realise when you have to rein in spending.

    On a wider point, as some other posters noted, children do become more expnsive - I had this idea that when I finally stopped paying nursery fees I would suddenly have HUNDREDS extra each month, but it didn't happen like that - breakfast/after school club fees, school trips get progressively more expensive as they go through the school system (I will not tell you what my eldest's son's upcoming trip cost - eeek), uniforms for secondary school are expensive, hobbies are expensive.

    Similarly, I note you said £200 per month will be freed up when a car is paid off - but you shouldn't count on it! What I have found is by the end of the loan term, the car usually starts to need work doing - oh that joyous period when I needed gearbox, clutch and suspension sorting in consecutive months!

    I'm in the minority on this board as I had a consolidation loan and it worked wonders for me (consolidated expensive overdraft which was costing £30 per month, credit card at 17% APR and exisiting loan when I needed a loan to pay for an urgent home repair). Having a loan for a larger amount meant I qualified for a better interest rate than if I'd just taken a loan for the urgent repair and my repayments are £100 per month less than I was paying out with the added bonus I have cleared my credit card, previous loan and overdraft. However, I would urge caution as I can see just how easy it would be to rack up those debts again. I'm in a different position to when I originally racked those debts up (back at work full time, better paid job). I genuinely found that no matter how frugal I was, no matter how good my budget was, the absolute crux of the matter was I didn't have enough money coming in for the way i wanted to live. Doubtless many people would have been able to use the increased income I have to absolutely hammer those debts, but I knew I did not have that level of self control and I would carry on coasting so for me, rolling them into one and starting with a clean slate was a good move - but I am absolutely vigilant about not racking up credit card or overdrafts again. Howeverm if I'd still been in the same position of workign p/t on a lower wage, I'm not sure I'd have had the same resolve.

    Sorry, all about me, but your post did resonate with me.

    The TLR version is - be realistic about what you spend versus what you budget and use your past spending to inform your budget. Don't make assumptions about reduced outgoings either.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 12th Oct 16, 11:55 AM
    • 6,373 Posts
    • 35,175 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    <snip>

    Similarly, I note you said £200 per month will be freed up when a car is paid off (1) - but you shouldn't count on it! What I have found is by the end of the loan term, the car usually starts to need work doing - oh that joyous period when I needed gearbox, clutch and suspension sorting in consecutive months!

    I'm in the minority on this board as I had a consolidation loan and it worked wonders for me (consolidated expensive overdraft which was costing £30 per month, credit card at 17% APR and exisiting loan when I needed a loan to pay for an urgent home repair). Having a loan for a larger amount meant I qualified for a better interest rate than if I'd just taken a loan for the urgent repair and my repayments are £100 per month less than I was paying out with the added bonus I have cleared my credit card, previous loan and overdraft. However, I would urge caution as I can see just how easy it would be to rack up those debts again. I'm in a different position to when I originally racked those debts up (back at work full time, better paid job). I genuinely found that no matter how frugal I was, no matter how good my budget was, the absolute crux of the matter was I didn't have enough money coming in for the way i wanted to live. Doubtless many people would have been able to use the increased income I have to absolutely hammer those debts, but I knew I did not have that level of self control and I would carry on coasting so for me, rolling them into one and starting with a clean slate was a good move - but I am absolutely vigilant about not racking up credit card or overdrafts again. (2) Howeverm if I'd still been in the same position of workign p/t on a lower wage, I'm not sure I'd have had the same resolve.
    Originally posted by YouAsked
    Great post YouAsked! well done for taking control of your situation in a way that worked for you, too.

    As for my noted points above:

    (1) Hayley - once your car loans come to an end I would strongly suggest continuing to set that money aside in a savings account - that way, next time a new car is required, you will already have a sizeable chunk of money to put against it - just two years of saving at that level gives you nearly £5k to add to the Part-Ex value of your old car! Learning to plan ahead for big expenses which you can expect to be upcoming is part of the learning curve - and will help prevent you cycling back to this same point in 3 years time.

    (2) The bit I've highlighted is critical to why consolidation worked for YouAsked - a lesson was learned and taken forwards.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 12th Oct 16, 12:39 PM
    • 1,540 Posts
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    Ilona

    for the way i wanted to live.
    Originally posted by YouAsked
    Hi. Thanks for that post, excellent advice. This is the bit that resonated with me. I have held off from commenting but have been following by reading. I think Hayley has a long way to go before she finally 'gets it'. There has been no Statement of Affairs so that makes it doubly difficult for anyone to offer any solutions which might work.

    I read so many similar threads and it seems to me that there are still a lot of people who are trying to reduce their debt, but unwilling to change their lifestyle. They don't see the difference between what they need and what they want. A sense of entitlement hold back so many in their journey to debt freedom. They don't want to let go of things that cost money and give them pleasure, and change them for things that cost very little money but still give them pleasure. 'The way I wanted to live', says it all.

    Ok Hayley. Don't want to preach but you must try and change your mindset before you will make any headway. As EH said, you will not have any spare money when your car is paid off. That money will be needed somewhere and it's up to you to budget the best possible use for it. Put it away towards a new car. Every time I change my car, best second hand one I can afford to pay cash for, I start saving for the next one. I like to change every 3 or 4 years to keep on top of it. So that means I keep money aside, it is sitting there, it is not spare, I will need it to buy a newer car. I have car tax and insurance to pay for, I save for that.

    I had very little money when I retired because I cut down my working hours, I wasn't enjoying my job. I watched my bank balance shrink to almost nothing. But hey, I found I could shave my outgoings to the minimum. I decided that if I didn't spend any money, I didn't have to earn it. So all spending except the bare essentials, bills, food, stopped dead. And do you know I felt better for making that decision, it meant I was in control.

    Hayley, you need to take control, instead of feeding us dribs and drabs post up a full Statement of Affairs, we need to see the whole picture. It's up to you Hayley, you can ignore me if you like, the ball is in your court. I wish you well, I would like to help, but without all the info it's pretty difficult.
    Ilona
    I love skip diving
    • Hayley33
    • By Hayley33 12th Oct 16, 1:06 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Hayley33
    I had very little money when I retired because I cut down my working hours, I wasn't enjoying my job. I watched my bank balance shrink to almost nothing. But hey, I found I could shave my outgoings to the minimum. I decided that if I didn't spend any money, I didn't have to earn it. So all spending except the bare essentials, bills, food, stopped dead. And do you know I felt better for making that decision, it meant I was in control.

    Hayley, you need to take control, instead of feeding us dribs and drabs post up a full Statement of Affairs, we need to see the whole picture. It's up to you Hayley, you can ignore me if you like, the ball is in your court. I wish you well, I would like to help, but without all the info it's pretty difficult.
    Ilona

    Hi. I don't wish to post the full SOA as I'm not looking for advice on my whole household bills etc, just basically my account and staying out of my overdraft and saving a bit whilst clearing my debts over the next three years. Also I am prepared to make changes, but I don't want to cut back to the bare minimum, as you said you did. That was your choice. I have a 7 year old and I want us to enjoy life along the way, holidays, days out treats etc because you know life is very short and you don't know what's around the corner. So thanks for the advice, I haven't said that I am not going to take anything on board, I have stated I'm going to to my best to pay things off/ try to save a bit and enjoy along the way. Believe me I do get 'it'.
    • Bedsit Bob
    • By Bedsit Bob 12th Oct 16, 1:13 PM
    • 9,311 Posts
    • 48,764 Thanks
    Bedsit Bob
    I don't wish to post the full SOA as I'm not looking for advice on my whole household bills etc, just basically my account and staying out of my overdraft and saving a bit whilst clearing my debts over the next three years.
    Originally posted by Hayley33
    But don't you see, the two are interlinked.

    The best way to stay out of your overdraft, is to spend less, and the best way to spend less, is to reduce household expenses.

    That's where the SOA comes in.
    My job is Top Secret. Even I don't know what I'm doing.

    Amount I have so far denied the BBC - £1015-50
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 12th Oct 16, 1:32 PM
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    EssexHebridean
    You don't HAVE to cut everything down to the breadline - nobody is saying that at all. It's the way Ilona chooses to do it, but her levels would not be right for many people here. She likes the life she's chosen, and do you know, it's an incredibly full life - and one that makes her happy. Unlike "some" frugal bloggers, she doesn't lecture, preach, or tell others that they "must" live in a certain way, but like a lot of others on here, she does have a lot of experience of where savings can be made painlessly.

    We still continued to have holidays, days out, the occasional takeaway, drinks with friends, plenty of "fun" stuff while we were paying down - it's about making savings and cutting costs where you can to fund that though. Example: We wanted an extra trip to our favourite holiday destination for a week a few years ago - we planned it well in advance and I worked my backside off to make it "cost neutral" - I did it, too!

    At the beginning of 2011 there was £80,000 left on our mortgage.
    In October 2016 - now - there should be £40,000 left on our mortgage.
    In fact, as you know, there is nothing. We've paid the lot.

    We did it all while STILL HAVING A LIFE. By doing this, we've safeguarded our future, to an extent - you owe it to your 7 year old to give this the absolute best shot you can, by paying off your outstanding debts (yes, even that loan) earlier, you free up your capital and allow it to work for you - rather than you working to fund the bank manager, the loan company chief executive, of the Credit Card company directors expensive cars. The thing, the point, you're still not quite getting though, is that this is not just about YOU - it's about your family as a whole. You, your OH, your child. If you work as a team, you can give your child a better life. if you continue to try to work solo, you're putting that better life off.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 12th Oct 16, 1:33 PM
    • 1,540 Posts
    • 5,659 Thanks
    Ilona
    Oh the frustration, I want to go and bash my head against a brick wall. Hayley, you are not setting a very good example to your 7 year old, you keep saying, I want, I want, I want. There has to come a time when you say, sorry, we don't have the money to do that.

    I suggest you carry on as you have been doing, then come back in three years and tell us that your overdraft is gone, you have no debts on cards or loans, and you don't owe anyone anything. I would love it if you did that.

    Ilona
    I love skip diving
    • YouAsked
    • By YouAsked 12th Oct 16, 1:36 PM
    • 95 Posts
    • 105 Thanks
    YouAsked
    Ilona

    Hi. I don't wish to post the full SOA as I'm not looking for advice on my whole household bills etc, just basically my account and staying out of my overdraft and saving a bit whilst clearing my debts over the next three years. Also I am prepared to make changes, but I don't want to cut back to the bare minimum, as you said you did. That was your choice. I have a 7 year old and I want us to enjoy life along the way, holidays, days out treats etc because you know life is very short and you don't know what's around the corner. So thanks for the advice, I haven't said that I am not going to take anything on board, I have stated I'm going to to my best to pay things off/ try to save a bit and enjoy along the way. Believe me I do get 'it'.
    Originally posted by Hayley33
    Hi Hayley, I completely get where you're coming from - in amongst my mammoth post I did say that doubtless other people would have made different choices to me to deal with debt. I don't want to be all preachy-oh-look-at-me now but I do think you are where I was a while back.

    I very firmly had the viewpoint (and still do!) why work so hard to have a grey existence which is all about penny pinching BUT I also know that quite simply, in retrospect, I couldn't afford the life I wanted - no matter how much my "budget" told me I could, it wasn't true - because if it WAS true, why was I racking up debts? The stark reality is, if you want to decrease debt/increase savings but you don't want to cut back to the bare minimum to do this then you're going to have to find a way of increasing your income. If you can do that, fine (it's what I did), but don't take comfort from things like "oh in two years I'll have paid off this and that" because if you don't have savings then you will always need to take out loans when you need to make big purchases.

    It isn't always necessary to go "sack cloth and ashes" while trying to improve your financial situation, but the absolute basic requirement is a realistic budget based on your actual spends, and if each month you are relying on credit cards or falling short, then this tells you your budget isn't realistic. An optimistic budget is pointless (actually, it's not useless for many people, but I think for people like you and me it is!) because it tells you you can afford a lifestyle that you simply can't.

    Sorry, as I said, I don't usually post on these types of threads but I can see me a few years ago.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 12th Oct 16, 1:38 PM
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    EssexHebridean
    Oh the frustration, I want to go and bash my head against a brick wall. Hayley, you are not setting a very good example to your 7 year old, you keep saying, I want, I want, I want. There has to come a time when you say, sorry, we don't have the money to do that.

    I suggest you carry on as you have been doing, then come back in three years and tell us that your overdraft is gone, you have no debts on cards or loans, and you don't owe anyone anything. I would love it if you did that.

    Ilona
    Originally posted by Ilona
    Heartbreaking, isn't it. But people don't realise that we've seen this pattern before - seen it end in bankruptcy, lost homes, broken marriages. They don't realise that when numerous experienced forumites repeatedly give the same advice, it's based on experience. I wonder if the assumption is that actually we're all lying, that somehow we paid off debts or fund an extravagant lifestyle on inheritances from rich relatives, or something. If only, eh?!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Ilona
    • By Ilona 12th Oct 16, 1:43 PM
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    • 5,659 Thanks
    Ilona
    Thank you Essex H, we cross posted. There are different degrees of a frugal life, and if Hayley chooses not to be as frugal as I am, it will take her longer to become debt free, that's up to her. I set myself as an example as to what can be achieved by exercising self discipline, it may not be for all. The key is in priorities, my priority has always been to not spend more than I earn, and it has held me in good stead throughout my life.

    I do spend money now. I save on my day to day living expenses so I have money for a nice car, holidays, and my pets. My priority is not to go out for meals, to the pub, buying new clothes, and getting takeaways. Impulse spending went out of the window years ago.

    I do feel for young people struggling, I want them to get themselves out of a mess. But if they can't see the link between money in and money out, I feel there isn't much hope.
    Ilona
    Last edited by Ilona; 12-10-2016 at 1:47 PM.
    I love skip diving
    • MrsTinks
    • By MrsTinks 12th Oct 16, 1:55 PM
    • 14,585 Posts
    • 22,065 Thanks
    MrsTinks
    You'd almost have thought a clue as to why some 10+ years down the line I'm still a DFW might have been connected with where I was coming from on this...

    Hayley - we're not saying don't live and don't have fun. I have a 7yo too, I get that! She gets things like a pony on half loan, a weekly lesson, swimming (ok that's actually a life skill but still) and she has a nice holiday every 18 months or so. I'm overpaying my debts (which in my case are no longer debts racked up, they're glorified stoozing, I just choose to treat them as debts so the investments are 100% mine should I need to cash in on them), I'm still enjoying things with my daughter, but if it wasn't for husbeasts bonuses we wouldn't be holidaying for 2 weeks in Florida (which he had to sweet talk me into for 3 months!) because I couldn't justify that when we do have debts we could over pay. She would enjoy a week in a tent just as much.

    An SOA will help us in so far as we can look at where we think things like gas/electric is too high, how to make it easier to budget for the birthdays (ie add them all up and divide by 12 - put amount in a jar monthly), if the TV/internet deal you're on could be better, if your groceries are too high - there is no saying you HAVE to follow the advice but people get frustrated when you ask for help but then don't want to give us the tools to do what we do best
    Like others have said - we have seen it before, so so many times... we get sad because we've seen many endings to this, and whilst no doubt some have been fine then we have also seen people move into realms of BR, splits and deeper debts.

    We do genuinely wish to help, but as you don't want it then let me wish you the best of luck! I do hope for you that we're all wrong, seriously we LOVE being wrong about this.
    DFW Nerd #025
    SPC member #561
    Sept 2016 - £10811 Oct £10166 to clear Cleared Since Sept 16:£645 6% repaid Declutter 25 items in November target: 0/25 Make £10 extra a day in November: £57/£150
    • Hayley33
    • By Hayley33 12th Oct 16, 2:01 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Hayley33
    [QUOTE=Ilona;71441760]Oh the frustration, I want to go and bash my head against a brick wall. Hayley, you are not setting a very good example to your 7 year old, you keep saying, I want, I want, I want. There has to come a time when you say, sorry, we don't have the money to do that.

    I suggest you carry on as you have been doing, then come back in three years and tell us that your overdraft is gone, you have no debts on cards or loans, and you don't owe anyone anything. I would love it if you did that


    Oh gosh, I keep saying I want? Do I? Where have I said I want I want I want? I'm only going to spend within what I have and I will report back that the cards/loans have gone.
    • Hayley33
    • By Hayley33 12th Oct 16, 2:03 PM
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    • 16 Thanks
    Hayley33
    Hi Hayley, I completely get where you're coming from - in amongst my mammoth post I did say that doubtless other people would have made different choices to me to deal with debt. I don't want to be all preachy-oh-look-at-me now but I do think you are where I was a while back.

    I very firmly had the viewpoint (and still do!) why work so hard to have a grey existence which is all about penny pinching BUT I also know that quite simply, in retrospect, I couldn't afford the life I wanted - no matter how much my "budget" told me I could, it wasn't true - because if it WAS true, why was I racking up debts? The stark reality is, if you want to decrease debt/increase savings but you don't want to cut back to the bare minimum to do this then you're going to have to find a way of increasing your income. If you can do that, fine (it's what I did), but don't take comfort from things like "oh in two years I'll have paid off this and that" because if you don't have savings then you will always need to take out loans when you need to make big purchases.

    It isn't always necessary to go "sack cloth and ashes" while trying to improve your financial situation, but the absolute basic requirement is a realistic budget based on your actual spends, and if each month you are relying on credit cards or falling short, then this tells you your budget isn't realistic. An optimistic budget is pointless (actually, it's not useless for many people, but I think for people like you and me it is!) because it tells you you can afford a lifestyle that you simply can't.

    Sorry, as I said, I don't usually post on these types of threads but I can see me a few years ago.
    Originally posted by YouAsked

    Thanks for all your advice I do intend to do a monthly spends budget in my notebook and also write down what I spend. I think I have a more realistic budget now including some money being put away.
    • Hayley33
    • By Hayley33 12th Oct 16, 2:08 PM
    • 43 Posts
    • 16 Thanks
    Hayley33
    You'd almost have thought a clue as to why some 10+ years down the line I'm still a DFW might have been connected with where I was coming from on this...

    Hayley - we're not saying don't live and don't have fun. I have a 7yo too, I get that! She gets things like a pony on half loan, a weekly lesson, swimming (ok that's actually a life skill but still) and she has a nice holiday every 18 months or so. I'm overpaying my debts (which in my case are no longer debts racked up, they're glorified stoozing, I just choose to treat them as debts so the investments are 100% mine should I need to cash in on them), I'm still enjoying things with my daughter, but if it wasn't for husbeasts bonuses we wouldn't be holidaying for 2 weeks in Florida (which he had to sweet talk me into for 3 months!) because I couldn't justify that when we do have debts we could over pay. She would enjoy a week in a tent just as much.

    An SOA will help us in so far as we can look at where we think things like gas/electric is too high, how to make it easier to budget for the birthdays (ie add them all up and divide by 12 - put amount in a jar monthly), if the TV/internet deal you're on could be better, if your groceries are too high - there is no saying you HAVE to follow the advice but people get frustrated when you ask for help but then don't want to give us the tools to do what we do best
    Like others have said - we have seen it before, so so many times... we get sad because we've seen many endings to this, and whilst no doubt some have been fine then we have also seen people move into realms of BR, splits and deeper debts.

    We do genuinely wish to help, but as you don't want it then let me wish you the best of luck! I do hope for you that we're all wrong, seriously we LOVE being wrong about this.
    Originally posted by MrsTinks


    Nowhere did I state I wasn't wanting help. A lot of the replies have been really helpful. I just said I wasn't doing a full household SOA I'm not really comfortable with putting every DETAIL of my bills on the internet, I did provide my wage and what I pay out and for me that's enough. That doesn't mean I didn't want or am not listening to any advice given.
    • MrsSave
    • By MrsSave 12th Oct 16, 5:34 PM
    • 1,005 Posts
    • 3,048 Thanks
    MrsSave
    Household bills are the easy place to cut back. During the past year I have knocked sky (yes, I still have the luxury of sky) down to £11.25. My home phone I have knocked down from almost £40 to £18. Last week I switched my mortgage which has freed up £120 ish per month. I've also knocked my gas/elec down from £72 to £51 per month. That's pretty much £175 per month saved on just those 4 things. How have those changes affected us? They haven't. Our sky package didn't change, our phone usage hasn't changed, we are still paying our mortgage off at the same rate (it's just we're paying less interest) and we still use the same amount of gas and electricity.

    No one is telling you that you can't have some nice things, it's just when we're in debt we've got to be more careful. My ds still has swimming lessons and another class every week. I have no intention of stopping that. We go away every year.

    I can see how this thread is frustrating for others. Posting a full soa will give people the ability to help you so much more. People are genuinely trying to help. Yes, some ideas won't suit you. They probably wouldn't suit me either. But, there could be that one small idea that will make a big difference.
    Emergency fund #16 £70/£1000
    Loan repayments: 16/60 Overpayment total: £25
    Check out my debt free diary 'A Pound Stretching Maternity' below:
    • Bedsit Bob
    • By Bedsit Bob 12th Oct 16, 5:47 PM
    • 9,311 Posts
    • 48,764 Thanks
    Bedsit Bob
    My home phone I have knocked down from almost £40 to £18.
    Originally posted by MrsSave
    TBH, I don't know why people bother with land-line phones nowadays.

    I can understand having the land-line, if it's necessary for the BB, but the calls can be done on a mobile nowadays.
    My job is Top Secret. Even I don't know what I'm doing.

    Amount I have so far denied the BBC - £1015-50
    • MrsSave
    • By MrsSave 12th Oct 16, 6:09 PM
    • 1,005 Posts
    • 3,048 Thanks
    MrsSave
    TBH, I don't know why people bother with land-line phones nowadays.

    I can understand having the land-line, if it's necessary for the BB, but the calls can be done on a mobile nowadays.
    Originally posted by Bedsit Bob
    I use it for the internet as well!
    Emergency fund #16 £70/£1000
    Loan repayments: 16/60 Overpayment total: £25
    Check out my debt free diary 'A Pound Stretching Maternity' below:
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 12th Oct 16, 7:42 PM
    • 6,373 Posts
    • 35,175 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    TBH, I don't know why people bother with land-line phones nowadays.

    I can understand having the land-line, if it's necessary for the BB, but the calls can be done on a mobile nowadays.
    Originally posted by Bedsit Bob
    You have to remember that not everyone lives in an area with reliable mobile signals - or even a mobile signal at all. If your mobile signal isn't reliable, then a landline is a sensible precaution in the event of emergency calls being needed - either incoming or outgoing. We can't ditch ours for that reason.
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
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