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  • FIRST POST
    • shayne66
    • By shayne66 28th Sep 16, 9:47 PM
    • 17Posts
    • 2Thanks
    shayne66
    Right to see kid's ?
    • #1
    • 28th Sep 16, 9:47 PM
    Right to see kid's ? 28th Sep 16 at 9:47 PM
    hi, am posting on behalf of my sister who is currently in hospital as she has got herself in a bit of a pickle and was after some advice please.

    Basically she has split from an ex boyfriend (no blood relation to either child) a couple of years now but have continued allowing him to take and look after my sister's 2 kid's at various times during the week and weekends as well. as the children enjoyed spending time with him and his family.

    I don't know the real reason as off yet but my sister and ex has had a falling out and she's not letting him see her kid's anymore.

    He today has sent my sister a letter saying that he has sought advice and that due to time spent with the kid's etc that he is entitled to continue to see them and has given her till friday to respond before he take it any further.

    Can anyone offer advice or point us in the right direction please ?.

    Thank You.
Page 1
    • Judi
    • By Judi 28th Sep 16, 9:48 PM
    • 13,732 Posts
    • 53,454 Thanks
    Judi
    • #2
    • 28th Sep 16, 9:48 PM
    • #2
    • 28th Sep 16, 9:48 PM
    What is the reason she doesnt want him to see them?
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • shayne66
    • By shayne66 28th Sep 16, 9:54 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    shayne66
    • #3
    • 28th Sep 16, 9:54 PM
    • #3
    • 28th Sep 16, 9:54 PM
    am not too sure at minute, she was saying that one child dosn't like to sleep on his bed at the ex house as the mattress springs have gone, but am thinking that there might be more than that and will beat it out of her tomorrow.
    • Judi
    • By Judi 28th Sep 16, 10:16 PM
    • 13,732 Posts
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    Judi
    • #4
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:16 PM
    • #4
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:16 PM
    but am thinking that there might be more than that and will beat it out of her tomorrow.
    Hope thats just a figure of speech.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • theoretica
    • By theoretica 28th Sep 16, 10:16 PM
    • 4,491 Posts
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    theoretica
    • #5
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:16 PM
    • #5
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:16 PM
    There are some posts on this site about whether grandparents have the right to see their grandchildren, which I think is much the same situation. It seems anyone can ask to bring a court case for access to kids. But the answer is usually no.
    But a banker, engaged at enormous expense,
    Had the whole of their cash in his care.
    Lewis Carroll
    • ALIBOBSY
    • By ALIBOBSY 28th Sep 16, 10:22 PM
    • 4,310 Posts
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    ALIBOBSY
    • #6
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:22 PM
    • #6
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:22 PM
    unless the children are in danger/being abused by him or his family it would seem to be really petty and selfish to cut the kids off from a supportive relationship, family aren't always just blood.

    Obviously if she does suspect something is going on then she is absolutely right to stop the access. But I wonder if her ex has found himself a new girlfriend and your sister doesn't like it?

    Although legally he doesn't have any automatic rights I could see a court ruling it is in the best interests of the child to continue to see him in the same way grandparents or step parents might get access. Better for the kids to settle things calmly between them tbh

    Ali x
    "Overthinking every little thing
    Acknowledge the bell you cant unring"

    Save 12k in 2016 challenge no 60 £182.20/£6000
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 28th Sep 16, 10:37 PM
    • 2,126 Posts
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    clairec79
    • #7
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:37 PM
    • #7
    • 28th Sep 16, 10:37 PM
    Depending on the ages of the children and how long the relationship lasted he could be the only father figure these children have known, good on him for wanting to maintain that relationship
    • shayne66
    • By shayne66 11th Oct 16, 1:32 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    shayne66
    • #8
    • 11th Oct 16, 1:32 PM
    • #8
    • 11th Oct 16, 1:32 PM
    Okay, my sister has received a court summons as her ex is taking her to court for custody of the 2 kids.

    He recently sent her a text saying that she's an unfit mother, due to her not been able to work (she has medical reasons) and that he can offer the kids a better life as he has 3 jobs etc.
    Although my sister isn't in work they don't go without, have tablets, games consols, eat out a lot and go away in a caravan and day trips. Also more importantly they go to school everyday.
    My dad helps my sister out a lot with support and financially with the kids etc.

    I just can't understand how her ex who isnt the father to either child, can try gain custody of the kids when they have/are probably better off then most familes.
    This is one of the reasons why my sister wanted to stop him from seeing the children as he is so controlling.
    • fairy lights
    • By fairy lights 11th Oct 16, 1:42 PM
    • 6,438 Posts
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    fairy lights
    • #9
    • 11th Oct 16, 1:42 PM
    • #9
    • 11th Oct 16, 1:42 PM
    How old are the children? Was it their decision not to see him anymore or their mothers?
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 11th Oct 16, 1:42 PM
    • 14,344 Posts
    • 36,513 Thanks
    FBaby
    Custody? Is he kidding? He is the one who will have to battle just to be able to get contact!

    How long did they live together? Did he ever get parental responsibility?

    I think he is taking it out of proportion but your sister is wrong to stop contact if the kids have been raised to know him as their dad unless there are some real welfare issues.

    ps: being a good parent is not about whether you can afford to spoil them with material things.
    • bossymoo
    • By bossymoo 11th Oct 16, 1:44 PM
    • 6,493 Posts
    • 82,158 Thanks
    bossymoo
    She needs legal advice.

    However well meaning, posters on here won't be able to offer specific advice, or predict any outcomes.
    Bossymoo
    Teetering on the edge...


    Sealed Pot Challenge 9 - #91 - £150 so far
    • tea lover
    • By tea lover 11th Oct 16, 1:56 PM
    • 7,597 Posts
    • 33,908 Thanks
    tea lover
    There's a lot more to good parenting than games consoles and eating out.
    • shayne66
    • By shayne66 11th Oct 16, 2:16 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    shayne66
    She only lived with him for 6 months, although children have been in contact for 4 years after and he's never been giving any parental right.

    9 and 7 are their ages and the oldest knows he is not his father as he see's his dad's family from time to time.

    I could understand that he would want to remain in contact as he has helped raise them, some of the reasons my sister has told me seem a little petty, she says the eldest has told her that if he's naughty he gets hit round the head. Others seem a little petty like they are eating tea between 6 and 7pm and going to bed late. Although she didn't mention if these were school night's.
    It's just the fact that he is trying to gain custody that has really annoyed me.

    She is going to contact a solicitor very shortly.
    • FBaby
    • By FBaby 11th Oct 16, 2:45 PM
    • 14,344 Posts
    • 36,513 Thanks
    FBaby
    Why of why can't your sister agree to discuss issues with him then instead of using her power to take away all what he invested, if anything, emotionally. His suing is his way of trying to convince himself and her that he too has some power. In the meantime, the kids are the ones losing out.
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 11th Oct 16, 2:56 PM
    • 4,870 Posts
    • 6,382 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    Ok, her solicitor will be able to advise her. However, the basic rule is that there are a small number of people (parents, and people who the child has been living with, mainly) who have an automatic right to make applications about arrangements for children. Then for those who don't fall into that category, it is possible to apply to the court for permission to apply for contact / residence / other arragements. Typically the appluication for permission will be on the same forms as the application for a child arragnemts order, and the court will deal with the permission bit first, and then go on to deal with the other issues immediately if permission is granted.

    There is no automatiright to contact for a step-parent but the over-riding aim for the Judge or magistrates is to make orders based on what is in the best interst of the children.

    f the children have a strong, ongpoing relationship with their step-dad then it may well b in their best interests to continue to spend time with him, even if Mum is not on board with the idea.

    If there has been an arrangemtns for over 2 years when the adults have been separated but the childnre have spent significant amounts of time with their step-dad and have a positive relationship with him, one question your sister might need to ask herself is how it will effect them if they are no longer allowed to see him?

    It may be that he is seeking for them to live with him beacuase he has concenrs about the care your sister is proviing. It's also possible that the children may be tryingto paly them off against each other - you mention that you nephew has claimed his step-dad has hit him - is it possible that he has said similar things about his mum? Do you think that his allegation is likely to be true?

    It's also possibl that he feels that the childnre have already been efectively living with him, and he wants to formalise that.

    It is unlikelythat a court would move childnre to live with a non-relative is they have a parent who is willing and able to look after them, however, it is likely that it would be in their interests to be ableto continue to see someone who, from waht you say, has ben a stable, and well-loved, father figure in their lives for a prolonged period.
    • clairec79
    • By clairec79 11th Oct 16, 3:05 PM
    • 2,126 Posts
    • 5,915 Thanks
    clairec79
    You've said at the beginning that your sister was in hospital - is she still in hospital as you've said about her not being able to work for medical reasons?

    Could he be going for custody due to a prolonged hospital stay (especially if it's an indefinite length of stay)
    • kingfisherblue
    • By kingfisherblue 11th Oct 16, 10:27 PM
    • 6,816 Posts
    • 14,652 Thanks
    kingfisherblue
    If this man has been a father figure for four and a half years, then that is half the life of the older child and around three quarters of the life of the younger child. A heck of a long time for kids aged 7 and 9.

    Presumably your sister wants what is best for her children, so a meeting with her ex, perhaps with mediation, would be a wise move. He may be applying for custody as retaliation for her preventing him from seeing the children that he has helped to raise and grown to love. It's not a good move, but perhaps borne of anger and fear of not seeing the children again. It could also be, as others have said, that he is concerned about the stability of their homelife and your sister's ability to care for them properly as she is ill.

    Buying children games consoles and taking them out for tea are very nice, but not essential to being a good parent.
    • Potternerd
    • By Potternerd 12th Oct 16, 9:09 AM
    • 84 Posts
    • 155 Thanks
    Potternerd
    Gettin hit round the head doesn't sound petty to me, it sounds like child abuse.
    • shayne66
    • By shayne66 12th Oct 16, 12:50 PM
    • 17 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    shayne66
    She's at the solicitors tomorrow, so will see what they say.
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