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    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 28th Sep 16, 8:24 PM
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    seven-day-weekend
    Would you marry again if you were widowed?
    • #1
    • 28th Sep 16, 8:24 PM
    Would you marry again if you were widowed? 28th Sep 16 at 8:24 PM
    Just watching Coronation Street and Roy's relationship with Cathy. It is obvious that he still loves Hayley, who died of cancer. He does 'love' Cathy, but not how he loved Hayley. It appears to me that Cathy will always be second best.

    I know if (heaven forbid) my husband died, I would never, ever, marry again. His boots would be too big to fill. Anyone else would be second best and I don't want second best. NO-one else could ever take my husband's place.

    How do others feel about this? Maybe others have been there? Can you love, as much, again? Do you love differently?

    Or do you feel like me and would not want another in his place?

    Discussion welcomed.
    To love someone is to learn the song in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten it
    'I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen. Not only because I see it, but because I see everything by it': C.S. Lewis
    St. Augustine — 'In essentials, unity; in non-essentials, liberty; in all things, charity.'
Page 10
    • catkins
    • By catkins 7th Oct 16, 2:10 PM
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    catkins
    I didn't expect or go looking for a new relationship but I have two adult step children and four step grandchildren. There are no problems however I think marrying someone with grown children is very different to marrying someone still raising their children and having to take on some form of parental role. I'm not sure I'd have wanted to do that.
    Originally posted by duchy
    I am sure there are many people, male and female, who have no problems with step children or step grandchildren but I seem to know many that do - maybe that is just my friends!

    I know one couple, she is late 50's and has 5 children and 16 grandchildren! He is early 70's and has 1 daughter and no grandchildren. They have been together for about 15 years. There have been quite a few problems over the years with her children but now there are loads of various problems with her grandchildren and it is causing loads of rows
    The world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie
    • Judi
    • By Judi 7th Oct 16, 3:11 PM
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    Judi
    I think the problem i might have would not be the Stepchild/Stepchildren but the fact there would be another woman of importance in my life.

    The children themselves wouldnt be an issue.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
    • LameWolf
    • By LameWolf 9th Oct 16, 2:53 PM
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    LameWolf
    No way. Mr LW has been told, in no uncertain terms, that he's not allowed to die before me; but should he not do as he's told there is no way on this earth I'd ever contemplate another relationship.

    For one thing, I could never, ever find anyone remotely "good" enough to fill his shoes; and for another, I wouldn't want to dump my increasingly poor health on anyone else (nor can I imagine anyone wanting to take me in my current state of health).

    We've been together 14 years (both "recycled", after disastrous first marriages) and I was diagnosed with lupus three days before our wedding, in Sept 2003; I was still able to do most things for myself then, sadly this is not the case now.
    LameWolf
    If your dog thinks you're the best, don't seek a second opinion.
    • ciderwithrosie
    • By ciderwithrosie 9th Oct 16, 4:49 PM
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    ciderwithrosie
    I don't think it's sad for people to say they wouldn't get married again. I had a wedding in 1989, I got to organise it all and it was a lovely day so I don't feel like I need another go.

    I wouldn't want to be alone for the rest of my life but it would be better, if I was in a relationship with someone, that we kept our own homes and just spent time together when we wanted to.

    I don't need to marry someone for the financial security, I can take care of myself plus I'm too old for any more children so that wouldn't be a reason either.

    My hubby was best-man at the third wedding of his friend, I was chatting to one of the guests and she mentioned the 3rd marriage asking' would you ever get married again?' When I told her 'no' she said 'no me neither; same !!!!, different trousers!' ... made me laugh anyway.
    Over futile odds
    And laughed at by the gods
    And now the final frame
    Love is a losing game
    • beckysbobbles1
    • By beckysbobbles1 10th Oct 16, 3:36 PM
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    beckysbobbles1
    No one knows how they would react unless in the situation.


    All those says no they'd never re-marry, I understand the logic as you are so in love now and feel no one could "replace" your other half (which is 100% true) but potentially you could lose out on loving another person and be very lonely.


    I was made a widow at the age of 25. Just because I loved my husband, it doesn't mean that I'm expected to spend the rest of my life single.


    Sadly since my husband passing I've had nothing but trouble with love (including the current one!) but I don't want to be alone.


    I am very independent and happy with myself and can be alone but I want a family, I want someone to love me. The love I had for my hubby will always be different to anyone else. I believe every love is different.


    What I hate the most is how other people judge your decisions. As I said, you don't know how you'd react and everyone is different. People have a right to find happiness after such a horrific thing of losing their life partner.


    Too many busy bodies judge and that has to stop!!
    • catkins
    • By catkins 10th Oct 16, 6:02 PM
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    catkins
    No one knows how they would react unless in the situation.

    All those says no they'd never re-marry, I understand the logic as you are so in love now and feel no one could "replace" your other half (which is 100% true) but potentially you could lose out on loving another person and be very lonely.

    I was made a widow at the age of 25. Just because I loved my husband, it doesn't mean that I'm expected to spend the rest of my life single.

    Sadly since my husband passing I've had nothing but trouble with love (including the current one!) but I don't want to be alone.

    I am very independent and happy with myself and can be alone but I want a family, I want someone to love me. The love I had for my hubby will always be different to anyone else. I believe every love is different.

    What I hate the most is how other people judge your decisions. As I said, you don't know how you'd react and everyone is different. People have a right to find happiness after such a horrific thing of losing their life partner.

    Too many busy bodies judge and that has to stop!!
    Originally posted by beckysbobbles1
    Of course everyone has the right to happiness after the death of a husband or wife. I don't recall any posts saying they are not.

    You were only 25 when you were widowed which is very young and of course there is no reason why you should have to spend the rest of your life alone.

    A lot of the posters though, myself included, are much older. I am in my 60's and have been married over 30 years. It's not just that I can't imagine "replacing" my husband. As I said before, my views on marriage mean that I definitely would not marry again. I can be totally sure about that
    The world is over 4 billion years old and yet you somehow managed to exist at the same time as David Bowie
    • teddysmum
    • By teddysmum 10th Oct 16, 6:53 PM
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    teddysmum
    If people remarry, particularly old people, I think it's because they want a companion, who can give more than the most devoted animal. They may have 'children' but they will have their own family which must have priority.


    As is often said to people who hesitate over having another pet, the pet is not being replaced, but just something else to love and be loved by. I think it's the same with widows and widowers who remarry.


    We've been married for 43 years and I dread being alone. However, I can't see anyone wanting an old woman with health issues....unless it's a toyboy , who wants my house and riches (I wish) or someone wanting British citizenship (then doing a runner).
    • Contessa
    • By Contessa 22nd Oct 16, 11:47 PM
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    • 1,304 Thanks
    Contessa
    I've just found and read this thread and it's made me think about friends and relatives I've known.

    Two male relatives and a friend remarried after their wives died. One after four years and the others after two. One's marriage is unhappy and the other two turned out to be dreadful.

    I tend to think that men may find it harder to live alone after a happy marriage.

    One of my oldest and dearest friends lost her husband very suddenly after thirty years of marriage. They were true soulmates and although she loves company she says she'll never marry again as she still feels married.

    One thing that I hadn't realised though is that she will loose her widow's pension if she were to remarry or live with someone. Do we still live in Victorian times?
    • Primrose
    • By Primrose 23rd Oct 16, 8:38 AM
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    Primrose

    One thing that I hadn't realised though is that she will loose her widow's pension if she were to remarry or live with someone. Do we still live in Victorian times?
    Originally posted by Contessa

    Contessa - you make an extremely valid point. Quite a lot of bereaved people find themselves in this position, having already suffered financial damage because they have probably lost 50% of their spouse's occupational pension, and also suffered the loss of their spouse's State pension as well. Yet they still have largely the same financial outgoings.


    It's a disgrace that occupational pension schemes are still inflicting this penalty on bereaved people. A female relative of mine is in this position and it's grossly unfair and unjust, whether it's a female or male who finds themselves in this position.


    Trustees of all pension schemes should abolish this penalty with immediate effect, and anybody whose pension scheme rules dictate this should be writing to the trustees of their pension scheme to have the rules altered. Ladies and Gents, get off the pot if you're likely to be affected and lobby to have the rules changed. You may well not want to remarry if you lose your much loved spouse but that still does not justify your pension scheme imposing such an unfair rule on those who might want to.
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