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  • FIRST POST
    • Kerri7767
    • By Kerri7767 28th Sep 16, 7:49 PM
    • 13Posts
    • 2Thanks
    Kerri7767
    Young widow husband is terminal lots of questions ....
    • #1
    • 28th Sep 16, 7:49 PM
    Young widow husband is terminal lots of questions .... 28th Sep 16 at 7:49 PM
    Hi everyone firstly I need to apologise for this lengthy post .... I have so many questions to ask
    I'm 39 and my hub is 44 he is terminally I'll with brain cancer I feel we are nearly at the end of his life ..: I have to be practical and decided to come here for some questions and answers to do with the house credit cards etc

    Firstly we didn't have mortgage protection on the house but he does have a death in service payment with work which will help me to pay 75 percent of the mortgage off ... I am the main beneficiary and this will not form part of an estate so I'm told .... he was told he doesn't need a will as he has no assets ... the house is in negative equity , no pension and no savings .. one thing he does have is 13k of debt on credit cards ... he has told me these are unsecured so they can't come After me ?? After all there's no money anywhere at all ... how will the credit card companies deal with this ??? I'm assuming as we both own the house it will just get signed over to me ? ... is this going to be a nightmare for me on top of everything that will happen soon ?? I may have more questions soon but I can't think straight at the moment , thNk you for reading all this xxx
Page 2
    • Kerri7767
    • By Kerri7767 29th Sep 16, 8:47 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Kerri7767
    Hi everyone your help is priceless to me ...

    We have 2 children 13/19

    I currentky don't work as I'm caring for my husband who is deteriating .. I will be returning to work when the time is right most likely on a self employed basis .. I was under the impression I will be entitled to widow parent allowance .. plus child tax credit and working tax credit ... sorry for all questions and thank you for all your offer of private message I will be messaging and I'm so sorry that this has happened to some of you also .. it's very scary
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 29th Sep 16, 9:03 AM
    • 15,241 Posts
    • 35,362 Thanks
    Pollycat
    Hi everyone your help is priceless to me ...

    We have 2 children 13/19

    I currentky don't work as I'm caring for my husband who is deteriating .. I will be returning to work when the time is right most likely on a self employed basis .. I was under the impression I will be entitled to widow parent allowance .. plus child tax credit and working tax credit ... sorry for all questions and thank you for all your offer of private message I will be messaging and I'm so sorry that this has happened to some of you also .. it's very scary
    Originally posted by Kerri7767
    As you have children of that age, it does look like you'll be eligible for widowed parent allowance.

    I'm not sure about CTC & WTC for self-employed people, but I believe things changed last year on the definition of self-employed for calculation of WTC.
    This link may be useful:
    http://revenuebenefits.org.uk/tax-credits/guidance/how-do-tax-credits-work/self-employed/
    • christineperseus
    • By christineperseus 29th Sep 16, 9:08 AM
    • 511 Posts
    • 454 Thanks
    christineperseus
    Make sure you get all his internet passwords so you can close things down - email passwords etc. pin numbers for phones.
    • whitewing
    • By whitewing 29th Sep 16, 9:09 AM
    • 11,307 Posts
    • 47,395 Thanks
    whitewing
    Can one of the cancer charities (eg Macmillan) help you with this? I think they would have sadly seen this type of situation before.

    I am so sorry that your family has to go through this.
    When you find people who not only tolerate your quirks but celebrate them with glad cries of "Me too!" be sure to cherish them. Because these weirdos are your true family.
    • Kerri7767
    • By Kerri7767 29th Sep 16, 11:13 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Kerri7767
    Thanks for responding so far .... I've count out via land registry that we are " joint registered owners "

    With regards to credit, the house at a guess has very little equity ... we paid 165 and there's still a mortgage of 159 !!! How will the credit card companies need proof? How do I go about this ??
    • Yorkshireman99
    • By Yorkshireman99 29th Sep 16, 12:31 PM
    • 1,629 Posts
    • 1,379 Thanks
    Yorkshireman99
    Thanks for responding so far .... I've count out via land registry that we are " joint registered owners "

    With regards to credit, the house at a guess has very little equity ... we paid 165 and there's still a mortgage of 159 !!! How will the credit card companies need proof? How do I go about this ??
    Originally posted by Kerri7767
    If you are joint tenants then your husbands estate will be insolvent. Much easier really. When the time comes simply write to the CC company, and any other creditors telling them the estate is insolvent and you will not be administrating it. Keep calm and concentrate on the time you have left with your husband and come back here later.
    • CRANKY40
    • By CRANKY40 29th Sep 16, 4:03 PM
    • 2,397 Posts
    • 24,363 Thanks
    CRANKY40
    Yes you will get widowed parents allowance (it's taxable so when you get your award ring the tax office - if you get an occupational widows pension too they can send them a tax code to deduct tax at source so you don't end up with with a tax bill) and if you're not working straight away then child tax credit too. I get a widows pension from the M.O.D as well as having had the death in service benefit. What also surprised me is that our son gets a payment every month until he finishes education, so it may be worth having a read up on your husband's pension info to see if there is a children's entitlement.

    It is scary when it happens, but it's totally do-able. There's a really good web site out there that has a forum where you can speak to other people in the same situation and there's also an organisation called Widowed and Young (WAY) which has local members for you to meet. There's a lot more of us out there than you'd think.
    • note3
    • By note3 29th Sep 16, 8:17 PM
    • 257 Posts
    • 399 Thanks
    note3
    If you are joint tenants then your husbands estate will be insolvent. Much easier really. When the time comes simply write to the CC company, and any other creditors telling them the estate is insolvent and you will not be administrating it. Keep calm and concentrate on the time you have left with your husband and come back here later.
    Originally posted by Yorkshireman99
    I second Yorkshire man. A close family member has been in your position so I understand to an extent what you're going through. I'm hoping you feel better prepared now and less anxious about financial aspects when the time comes. Now is the time to capture final memories with your husband and children. If you're anything like me you get lost in researching so you feel prepared but in your case I'd worry you would feel guilty for wasting time doing that when you could be spending final moments with your loved one. I hope you can see I say this out of kindness to save you regrets
    • Kerri7767
    • By Kerri7767 29th Sep 16, 8:37 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Kerri7767
    I understand what you are saying ... Yorkshire man has been great advising me ... to say I'm petrified at how I'll cope mentally financially and physically is an understatement ... stomach in knots most of the time ... doing the best I can , all your advise has been amazing I still have loads to ask but don't know where to start x
    • note3
    • By note3 30th Sep 16, 8:50 AM
    • 257 Posts
    • 399 Thanks
    note3
    Your mind will understandably be all over the place. I'd suggest having a piece of paper or notebook you keep in a set place such as your handbag on which you jot thoughts and questions as they occur. Then you can come on here when it suits and list them. You have so so much in your head that you will stress yourself out if you try to keep remembering all your questions.

    Depending on how your husband is coping with his situation I'd also suggest possibly keeping the list out of his sight (that's not to say I'm suggesting you don't talk to him about issues). He just likely feels guilty and afraid for yours and the children's futures and if he saw a list of your worries it could worsen his feelings. Hope you know what I mean as it's difficult to put in writing.
    • pollypenny
    • By pollypenny 1st Oct 16, 8:41 AM
    • 20,716 Posts
    • 52,733 Thanks
    pollypenny
    So sorry to read your sad thread, kerri.

    Nothing to add to the good advice, except that when a friend was killed in an accident his last son also had a pension until he finished education, university in his case.
    Member #14 of SKI-ers club

    Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.

    (Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)
    • Kerri7767
    • By Kerri7767 1st Oct 16, 5:16 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Kerri7767
    Thanks polly xx
    • Amysdad70
    • By Amysdad70 5th Oct 16, 2:44 PM
    • 54 Posts
    • 244 Thanks
    Amysdad70
    I feel your pain. I acted as executor when my wife passed away earlier this year.

    It was a joint mortgage so it just transferred into my name. Banks and everything were great, just needed to see the death certificate and it was all sorted. Unsecured debts just asked me to complete a form to confirm that there was no money in the estate, then they wrote it off.

    I would also suggest speaking to the benefits people as there is a lump sum available of around £2000 to help with expenses if a spouse dies. I think it is called bereavement allowance.

    Finally, one thing that caused a bit of hassle was passwords. Social media, email etc. It might be helpful if you can gather them in advance so that you can close accounts down if you wish. I know it seems trivial but it ended up being a real pain.

    You are strong enough to get through this.
    • Kerri7767
    • By Kerri7767 7th Oct 16, 8:11 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Kerri7767
    Amys dad so sorry to hear about your wife ((( also thanks for your advice ... re passwords he won't give me those he says he's not bothered about his email not being closed down , etc .., thNks for your advice regards to the debt also xx
    • ERICS MUM
    • By ERICS MUM 7th Oct 16, 8:48 AM
    • 3,161 Posts
    • 5,934 Thanks
    ERICS MUM
    My experience is different but it might help.

    Mum died in March and initially I just called the various offices and companies such as the bank, insurance companies etc and in the main they told me what they needed, for example death certificate, document of administration (I think that's what it's called, not probate as Mum didn't leave a will).

    When we registered the death we asked for 4 copies of the death certificate and then we requested (and paid for but nominal amount) extra copies of the 'probate' document. This made it easier to send the docs to any offices that required them. Keep the 2 original /main docs. Also scan both docs because some offices will accept an e-mailed copy which is easier. The registrar also offered us a service whereby we told one department and they advised various offices on our behalf.

    Some small things to do now - make sure you have enough writing paper, envelopes, pens and postage stamps for the various letters you will need to send.
    Get a notebook in which you can record details of everyone you deal with - dates, times, names, requirements, outcomes etc. If you are expecting to get a letter/form back from people you contact, make A note in a diary so you don't forget - not everyone responds as quickly as they should and you might want to chase them. I did all this because I just could not remember stuff amidst my grief.

    I also got a box file and plastic filing sleeves so I could organise all the docs etc.

    Apologies if I'm stating the obvious but it might not be so obvious when the time comes. Mum was 92 and had been poorly for a while and losing her was in the natural order of things but it was still a nightmare trying to sort though.

    Sadly you are much younger and facing an horrendous time which is much more shocking, so it might be that nothing will be clear to you.

    I'm so sorry for you, your husband and children. As someone said above, it's worth speaking to MacMillan, they will help you identify the allowances and benefits you will be entitled to. I know money is no consolation but it will help with the practical side of managing a home and children on your own.

    EM xx
    Last edited by ERICS MUM; 07-10-2016 at 8:54 AM.
    • In_Debt_Bet
    • By In_Debt_Bet 7th Oct 16, 1:41 PM
    • 173 Posts
    • 519 Thanks
    In_Debt_Bet
    I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. There is a thread for widows on the over fifties board that may help you, there are some lovely posters there that have experienced what you are going through and may be able to offer advice and support both now and in the times ahead.

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5185428

    Bet x
    Current Debt: £15,246 £14,387
    Aiming to be debt free (or almost) by 50!
    • Kerri7767
    • By Kerri7767 9th Oct 16, 3:57 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    Kerri7767
    Thanks so much bet xxx
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