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    • MSE Megan F
    • By MSE Megan F 28th Sep 16, 2:30 PM
    • 26Posts
    • 15Thanks
    MSE Megan F
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give as much if I'm only going to the evening do?
    • #1
    • 28th Sep 16, 2:30 PM
    Money Moral Dilemma: Should I give as much if I'm only going to the evening do? 28th Sep 16 at 2:30 PM
    This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks...

    A group of us are chipping in for a wedding present for our friend, but some are going to the full day, and the rest of us are just going to the evening do. I don't feel I should have to contribute as much as those who are there all day.

    Unfortunately the MSE team can't always answer money moral dilemma questions as contributions are often emailed in or suggested in person. They are intended to be enjoyed as a point of debate and discussed at face value.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!
    Last edited by MSE Nick; 04-10-2016 at 10:42 AM.

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Page 5
    • -taff
    • By -taff 8th Oct 16, 8:41 PM
    • 6,456 Posts
    • 3,727 Thanks
    -taff
    My partners sister is geting married next year, and he is not invited to the wedding itself.

    If they invite him, and his stepbrother and sister [and their children], then they have to invite the grooms brothers and sisters , of which there are many, and their respective children, of which there are many, so it'll be parents only, and witnesses.

    Neither of us are miffed by that, we understand.

    We won't be buying a cheaper present or being mortally offended to only go to the night do.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 8th Oct 16, 8:51 PM
    • 15,200 Posts
    • 35,233 Thanks
    Pollycat
    My partners sister is geting married next year, and he is not invited to the wedding itself.

    If they invite him, and his stepbrother and sister [and their children], then they have to invite the grooms brothers and sisters , of which there are many, and their respective children, of which there are many, so it'll be parents only, and witnesses.

    Neither of us are miffed by that, we understand.

    We won't be buying a cheaper present or being mortally offended to only go to the night do.
    Originally posted by -taff
    That's a really great attitude.
    I hope you have a good time at the 'do'.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 8th Oct 16, 10:56 PM
    • 2,470 Posts
    • 5,858 Thanks
    ska lover
    We all have a circle of connections in life which occurs naturally

    Inner circle - Close family and best friends
    Outer circle - 'Not so close family' and Friends

    Not everyone you meet is going to share the same close connection with you, and may stay in the outer circle forever, it is not an insult to you or them, it is natural.
    Blah blah blah.
    • Frogletina
    • By Frogletina 9th Oct 16, 8:41 AM
    • 2,651 Posts
    • 8,865 Thanks
    Frogletina
    I have three female cousins and did/do not see them very often - or my uncle and auntie as they do not live near to me.

    The first cousin married and it was just me and my husband who were invited to the wedding, reception and the evening do.

    The second cousin married and the two of us and my three children were invited to the wedding, reception and the evening do.

    The third married and although by then I had split up with my husband we were both invited with the children to just the evening do.

    I accepted that in each case the couple marrying had chosen who was to be invited to what part of the wedding, without pressure from my auntie or uncle, and I am sure that it didn't affect what I bought them.

    I've no idea who was invited to the wedding ceremony of the third cousin, but I didn't feel slighted. I was pleased with the invitation that I had.

    I doubt I will be invited to their children's weddings as I know them even less.

    And that's fine.
    Not Rachmaninov
    But Nyman
    The heart asks for pleasure first

    SPC 8 #441 £1567.31 SPC 9 #441 £1014.64
    • Andrew Ryan 89
    • By Andrew Ryan 89 9th Oct 16, 9:23 AM
    • 407 Posts
    • 237 Thanks
    Andrew Ryan 89
    Don't feel obliged to do anything and simply give what you want. I got an email, voicemail and call asking me for money to chip in for a present. Is was like £20 or something but not something I was comfortable with for a number of reasons. I simply just ignored all request. How dare someone impose such a request on someone else?
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 9th Oct 16, 3:29 PM
    • 8,846 Posts
    • 11,854 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    We all have a circle of connections in life which occurs naturally

    Inner circle - Close family and best friends
    Outer circle - 'Not so close family' and Friends

    Not everyone you meet is going to share the same close connection with you, and may stay in the outer circle forever, it is not an insult to you or them, it is natural.
    Originally posted by ska lover
    Exactly, you can't be everyone's best friend and that's fine. So going back to the dilemma in the OP, would you expect to spend the same on a wedding present (or any kind of present really) for an outer circle relative/friend as you would on a wedding present for an inner circle relative/friend?
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
    • sally0101
    • By sally0101 10th Oct 16, 7:06 PM
    • 158 Posts
    • 45 Thanks
    sally0101
    Wedding present
    I am getting married in the near future and I would not expect a present from any of my guests. If people choose to get us something then that is lovely and we would be grateful for anything, no matter how much they spent.

    We have invited them as guests because they are important to us, and when we have chosen some as evening only guests, this is purely down to cost and what we could afford for the meals etc. It has nothing to do with how good a friend they are or who we like more.

    If they came along to celebrate the whole day with us and did not bring anything, that would be totally fine. There should be no expectations at all. People talk about "the usual thing to do", but this is just because people follow what everyone else does, like sheep. Be your own person, have your own mind and make your own decision. Do not feel you have to follow what others do.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 14th Oct 16, 6:02 PM
    • 2,470 Posts
    • 5,858 Thanks
    ska lover
    Exactly, you can't be everyone's best friend and that's fine. So going back to the dilemma in the OP, would you expect to spend the same on a wedding present (or any kind of present really) for an outer circle relative/friend as you would on a wedding present for an inner circle relative/friend?
    Originally posted by Pixie5740
    I wouldn't expect any present from anyone.
    Blah blah blah.
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 15th Oct 16, 4:16 PM
    • 8,846 Posts
    • 11,854 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    I wouldn't expect any present from anyone.
    Originally posted by ska lover
    That's not what I asked. I asked if you would spend the same on a present for an outer circle friend as you would on an inner circle friend, not what you would expect to receive from either set of friends.
    Last edited by Pixie5740; 17-10-2016 at 10:36 AM. Reason: typo
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 17th Oct 16, 8:22 AM
    • 15,200 Posts
    • 35,233 Thanks
    Pollycat
    That's not what I asked. I asked if you would spend the same on a present for an outer circle friend as you would on an inner circle friend, not what you would expect to receive from with set of friends.
    Originally posted by Pixie5740
    I don't know about ska lover but I certainly wouldn't spend the same on a gift for an outer circle friend as I would for an inner circle friend.

    I'm not sure if anyone would.
    Surely you'd spend more on a closer friend or relative......?
    • Pixie5740
    • By Pixie5740 17th Oct 16, 10:36 AM
    • 8,846 Posts
    • 11,854 Thanks
    Pixie5740
    I don't know about ska lover but I certainly wouldn't spend the same on a gift for an outer circle friend as I would for an inner circle friend.

    I'm not sure if anyone would.
    Surely you'd spend more on a closer friend or relative......?
    Originally posted by Pollycat
    Exactly and that's what the OP was about but for some reason ska lover won't answer that question.
    Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen pounds nineteen and six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds nought and six, result misery.
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