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  • FIRST POST
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 27th Sep 16, 9:53 PM
    • 5,583Posts
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    OldMotherTucker
    The Talk! Uni parents.
    • #1
    • 27th Sep 16, 9:53 PM
    The Talk! Uni parents. 27th Sep 16 at 9:53 PM
    Listening to This Morning today, I was made aware that as well as sorting out DD2's jabs and extensive uni rider, I should have supplied her with condoms and had some sort of 'talk' with her

    Do parents really have to still do that in this day and age? I know DD2 is a bit naive but her friends have been having relationships and sex around her for the last 4 years. I'm pretty sure every possible drama has either happened in RL or be screened on TV!!

    I can't imagine anything worse than a formal talk with any of my kids! What they don't know at 18 they can surely Google? Urban dictionary is very enlightening!!

    How would you even start a conversation about safe sex with a young adult?
    If they didn't know your views on the whole shebang by the time they leave home haven't you actually failed as a responsible parent?
    I don't know the future but the past looks clearer every day
Page 10
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 7th Oct 16, 5:06 PM
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    • 11,476 Thanks
    Guest101
    My eldest daughter was 18 before she dated a boy and my younger one is 18 and has never dated -! Late starters in comparison!!
    Originally posted by OldMotherTucker


    Can you explain the below then please:


    DD1 aged 21 is engaged and has bought a house with her gorgeous BF/SO/fiance - he's 5 years older than her!!They technically starting dating before they were of that age of 'majoritory' but they didn't get caught

    As that reads as them dating from when she was aged 15..... (given you already said 14 was too young and 16 would be ofcourse legally ok)
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 7th Oct 16, 5:08 PM
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    OldMotherTucker
    I have claimed to be or have neither, simply stating an opinion (which I made quite clear)


    You seem to react in a manner many would regard as immature. Given you claim (and you may well) to have 3 children aged 18-25, I would consider a responsible adult to react differently (but that could be my unreasonable expectations)


    If this is your genuine manner, it seems to at least explain why your children all seem to lack maturity (even based solely on what you have written)
    Originally posted by Guest101
    My son may have lacked maturity but my girls do not! He probably felt more pressured to have sex because all the males in his life did it before they were 16 not after!! His Dad lost his virginity at 13 in a school playground to a girl whose name he can't even remember! Great sex huh? Really meaningful!!
    I don't know the future but the past looks clearer every day
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 7th Oct 16, 5:16 PM
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    Guest101
    My son may have lacked maturity but my girls do not! He probably felt more pressured to have sex because all the males in his life did it before they were 16 not after!! His Dad lost his virginity at 13 in a school playground to a girl whose name he can't even remember! Great sex huh? Really meaningful!!
    Originally posted by OldMotherTucker


    Sex doesn't have to be meaningful, nor fulfilling, nor anything else. It's sex and can mean many things to many people.


    I can barely remember my first sexual partner and that was aged 18. Certainly any previous girlfriends are long gone memory (and notice I didn't feel obliged to bed any of them)
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 7th Oct 16, 5:22 PM
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    OldMotherTucker
    Can you explain the below then please:


    DD1 aged 21 is engaged and has bought a house with her gorgeous BF/SO/fiance - he's 5 years older than her!!They technically starting dating before they were of that age of 'majoritory' but they didn't get caught

    As that reads as them dating from when she was aged 15..... (given you already said 14 was too young and 16 would be ofcourse legally ok)
    Originally posted by Guest101
    My daughter wasn't an adult - she is still a child to me at 21!! She was over 16 and 'legal' but she was still my baby. He was older, way over 18, he had experience!! BUT he's got those old fashioned values about treating women well . . .
    I don't know the future but the past looks clearer every day
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 7th Oct 16, 5:32 PM
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    Guest101
    My daughter wasn't an adult - she is still a child to me at 21!! She was over 16 and 'legal' but she was still my baby. He was older, way over 18, he had experience!! BUT he's got those old fashioned values about treating women well . . .
    Originally posted by OldMotherTucker


    DD1 aged 21 is engaged and has bought a house with her gorgeous BF/SO/fiance - he's 5 years older than her!!They technically starting dating before they were of that age of 'majoritory' - You are saying here that she was under 16 are you not? but they didn't get caught


    Do you think that treating your children as children is perhaps having a detrimental effect on their social development?


    Like I said, to me personally, marrying young, before experiences other partners and finding out what you really want (and don't want) will lead to problems. (unfortunately it seems in many cases there are children involved in these relationship breakdowns)
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 7th Oct 16, 5:52 PM
    • 15,874 Posts
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    missbiggles1
    Is this the daughter who was working for a year before going to university?
    • baby_lemonade
    • By baby_lemonade 7th Oct 16, 5:55 PM
    • 713 Posts
    • 1,464 Thanks
    baby_lemonade
    Blimey, on and on it goes. Time to settle in, with some snacks

    • silvercar
    • By silvercar 7th Oct 16, 6:50 PM
    • 34,084 Posts
    • 142,532 Thanks
    silvercar
    I thought the thread title was talking to students as they start uni?

    Judging by the last page of posts the advice should be to stick to fellow students rather than chasing after girls in school uniform!
    • pipkin71
    • By pipkin71 7th Oct 16, 7:01 PM
    • 18,609 Posts
    • 81,471 Thanks
    pipkin71
    Having read the thread OMT, I have to say I am quite surprised that you appear to be absolving your son of any responsibility in the choices he made by placing blame on the girl, her parents and step parents.
    People will question all the good things they hear about you but believe all the bad without a second thought.


    I wonder if, in Africa, they have 'Lynx England' that smells of cigarettes and disappointment
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 7th Oct 16, 7:27 PM
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    OldMotherTucker
    I would suggest thus:


    At 14 she was too young to even be out in the world without you, but some miracle happened on her 15th birthday that, when a 20 year old came along, she decided (with your full consent) to hitch her wagon to his.


    I'd suggest that when 40% of all marriages end in divorce, the last thing to be suggesting to your young daughter is to buy a house and start a family. Rather wait until she has fully matured and has experienced all that youth has to offer. Which will likely include many partners, many mistakes and many lessons learned.


    I doubt there is an 'optimum age', but my opinion would be to wait until mid to late 20's.
    Originally posted by Guest101
    Good job then at 14 BOTH my girls were still at home with me!!


    And most youngsters today know that the majority of adults are liars and cheats anyway - that's how 40 % of marriages fail!!
    I don't know the future but the past looks clearer every day
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 7th Oct 16, 7:46 PM
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    • 12,003 Thanks
    OldMotherTucker
    Is this the daughter who was working for a year before going to university?
    Originally posted by missbiggles1
    DD1 didn't go to Uni - She rejected her offer as she had a sixth form job at New Look. She stayed there and, 4 years on. she's a manager of her own outlet with the same company!

    DD2 had to come and work at the pud factory with me for the summer cos there's not a lot else down here!! She's a fresher at Soton doing Adult Nursing!
    I don't know the future but the past looks clearer every day
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 7th Oct 16, 7:52 PM
    • 5,583 Posts
    • 12,003 Thanks
    OldMotherTucker
    Can you explain the below then please:


    DD1 aged 21 is engaged and has bought a house with her gorgeous BF/SO/fiance - he's 5 years older than her!!They technically starting dating before they were of that age of 'majoritory' but they didn't get caught

    As that reads as them dating from when she was aged 15..... (given you already said 14 was too young and 16 would be ofcourse legally ok)
    Originally posted by Guest101
    The age of majority is 18 - that's when you are classed as an adult. That's when you no longer get Child benefit for them and they can vote/get credit/be adults

    Below the age of 18 they can technically still be sent home from school for having the wrong haircut
    I don't know the future but the past looks clearer every day
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 8th Oct 16, 10:22 AM
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    Guest101
    The age of majority is 18 - that's when you are classed as an adult. That's when you no longer get Child benefit for them and they can vote/get credit/be adults

    Below the age of 18 they can technically still be sent home from school for having the wrong haircut
    Originally posted by OldMotherTucker
    That's not what you meant, as why would them getting caught be an issue?

    I think this is more fantasy than reality to be frank.
    • ViolaLass
    • By ViolaLass 8th Oct 16, 11:50 AM
    • 4,731 Posts
    • 6,491 Thanks
    ViolaLass
    Gosh, this really is the thread that keeps on giving.
    • Andypandyboy
    • By Andypandyboy 8th Oct 16, 12:23 PM
    • 2,308 Posts
    • 5,877 Thanks
    Andypandyboy
    So many things come to mind here but off the top of my head ( and as a parent!) what stands out are the following: you seem to have raised your kids in a bubble where they were babied and shown that they could do no wrong. You have given them the viewpoint that peope are not to be trusted. You have given them the understanding that you will back them even if they are wrong, even if they are criminally wrong. You have brought them up to feel others bear more responsibility than they do in any given situation. You look to absolve them of guilt.

    I believe that there are quotes on this thread to explain why I have inferred all the points above. Please correct me if you feel I am wrong.

    Frankly, I am astounded that having had the near miss that your son did you can defend his actions. You are sending out the wrong message and one which may cause him to repeat the situation. You paint him as a very vulnerable, impressionable young man, even now at 25. That being the case he could easily gravitate towards much younger girls. You are playing with fire if you do not addresss that issue with him or give him the understanding that he was WRONG.

    Part of parenting adults is accepting that no matter if a part of you will always see them as babies, they really are not. The world does not see it that way nor react to them that way.

    Many of your posts read as if you thought no one else on this thread had ever parented teens or adults....newsflash, many of us have and yet we still believe that your son was the one who should have known better, and that if he didn't you should have firmly shown him the error of his ways and not mittigated it for him.
    Last edited by Andypandyboy; 08-10-2016 at 12:30 PM.
    • OldMotherTucker
    • By OldMotherTucker 11th Oct 16, 6:26 AM
    • 5,583 Posts
    • 12,003 Thanks
    OldMotherTucker
    So many things come to mind here but off the top of my head ( and as a parent!) what stands out are the following: you seem to have raised your kids in a bubble where they were babied and shown that they could do no wrong. You have given them the viewpoint that peope are not to be trusted. You have given them the understanding that you will back them even if they are wrong, even if they are criminally wrong. You have brought them up to feel others bear more responsibility than they do in any given situation. You look to absolve them of guilt.

    I believe that there are quotes on this thread to explain why I have inferred all the points above. Please correct me if you feel I am wrong.

    Frankly, I am astounded that having had the near miss that your son did you can defend his actions. You are sending out the wrong message and one which may cause him to repeat the situation. You paint him as a very vulnerable, impressionable young man, even now at 25. That being the case he could easily gravitate towards much younger girls. You are playing with fire if you do not addresss that issue with him or give him the understanding that he was WRONG.

    Part of parenting adults is accepting that no matter if a part of you will always see them as babies, they really are not. The world does not see it that way nor react to them that way.

    Many of your posts read as if you thought no one else on this thread had ever parented teens or adults....newsflash, many of us have and yet we still believe that your son was the one who should have known better, and that if he didn't you should have firmly shown him the error of his ways and not mittigated it for him.
    Originally posted by Andypandyboy
    You assume so much and I really CBA to finish reading your post!

    If you cannot see the hypocrisy, not just in her parents actions but in society as well!

    Anyone who thinks you can tell youngsters to control their deepest feelings and urges is living in a bubble!!
    I don't know the future but the past looks clearer every day
    • Judi
    • By Judi 11th Oct 16, 6:58 AM
    • 13,737 Posts
    • 53,463 Thanks
    Judi
    After reading the whole of this thread I just want to say. I'm glad I'm 'grown up'.
    'Holy crap on a cracker!'
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