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    • cloudninety
    • By cloudninety 24th Sep 16, 4:18 PM
    • 40Posts
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    cloudninety
    Finances as a couple
    • #1
    • 24th Sep 16, 4:18 PM
    Finances as a couple 24th Sep 16 at 4:18 PM
    My partner and I were discussing finances and when we get married we plan to have a joint account with some money each for personal spends but this is where the issue is. We seem to have rather different ideas on what should financed from the joint account and what what should be paid for from our personal spends money. For example, I thought that if we bought books to read for interest (as opposed to for work) this would be part of personal spends, he disagreed. I am interested in what types of things other couples who use this type of system for their households would put under the heading of personal spends.


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    Last edited by MSE Jessica; 11-10-2016 at 2:21 PM.
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    • pebbles88
    • By pebbles88 9th Oct 16, 8:15 PM
    • 1,365 Posts
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    pebbles88
    Sometimes on this board people see their way as the template for life. I've had this in a few other threads too. One had the nerve to suggest my marriage ceremony wasn't legitimate because it took place in a non denominational church.
    Originally posted by southoftheriver

    How utterly horrible & rude of them to say something like that!

    Some people really need to think before they type!!
    Please be nice to all moneysavers!
    Dance like nobody's watching; love like you've never been hurt. Sing like nobody's listening; live like it's heaven on earth."
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    • matt_66
    • By matt_66 13th Oct 16, 9:39 AM
    • 86 Posts
    • 209 Thanks
    matt_66
    The arrangement Mrs Matt_66 and I have is as follows -

    We calculate our own monthly "net incomes" - Salary less personal insurances, car running costs, mobile bills and gym subs.

    We then have a total "net income" and we each pay the appropriate proportion (around 70:30 as I earn alot more than Mrs) into the joint account from which the house running costs (H&L, rates, mortgage, TVL, Broadband) etc come out of.

    What's left in each others personal accounts are for personal use. She needs to have a social life as do I. If one of us wants to buy something expensive (Mrs bought an expensive concert ticket last week, I need some new running trainers) we do say to the other we are doing so in course of normal conversation but I don't think a situation would ever occur where we would want to veto the other as we just don't have that expensive tastes.

    When it comes to savings, we both save what we can (Me more as I have more disposable income) and what we each have saved is our own, to be used if needed. However it is in theory for the deposit on the next property purchase (if we ever decide to move)
    2016 saver #80 - £8,379 / £11,000
    • AylesburyDuck
    • By AylesburyDuck 13th Oct 16, 10:22 AM
    • 499 Posts
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    AylesburyDuck
    If they are books your both going to be reading then joint account, however if you both favour different genres or one reads more often than the other then personal.
    Can be applied to most expenditure really.
    ,
    Fully paid up member of the ignore button club.
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    • Indout96
    • By Indout96 13th Oct 16, 12:29 PM
    • 1,608 Posts
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    Indout96
    Catkins - You could be writing my post for me LOL
    Agree with everything you say, we were married at about the same time, there was no our / yours / my money as in those days there was no spare money after bills ect, in fact I could only afford the bus one way to work so had to walk there and bus back LOL
    Still only have 1 account now and although we have separate ISAs I actually run both of them online, if there was such a thing as a Joint ISA we would have that instead.
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    • Healthinmind
    • By Healthinmind 16th Oct 16, 10:58 AM
    • 6 Posts
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    Healthinmind
    Hi, my husband and I opened a joint account directly after getting married. The hiding presents from each other is tricky, but we usually say don't look at the statement, which is kind of fun! And it's good to know where the money is going, and if like us one becomes unfit for work, then all of one salary is needed for all expenses. We always discuss and agree on what we can and can't buy for ourselves, and we find ways around budgeting to accommodate things we desire as well as what are essential. We find this works well, we don't argue, and we want the other to have what they want. It does mean we are quite realistic about what money is available and what is an affordable expense for us. I find it makes us very close as a couple, we are a unit. Good luck!
    • skinnyliz
    • By skinnyliz 16th Oct 16, 11:48 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 3 Thanks
    skinnyliz
    Finances as a couple
    This has been very interesting, especially seeing how the topic can stray and, as someone else said, how many responses are "My way or the highway". A lot of people think personal accounts once married are just plain wrong. Others consider it essential. But the question was: "I am interested in what types of things other couples who use this type of system [a joint account and a personal account each] for their households would put under the heading of personal spends."

    The answer as far as I can see is that however you manage these accounts there will always be a question (and maybe disagreement) over what is fair. All our household's income goes into the joint a/c. But however poor we were we always transferred weekly "pocket money" to personal a/cs (as little as £3 each in the early days) so we could have a little treat (or save for a big treat) without worrying about whether the cost was justified. (I should say that the spender was the one worrying about that, not the other way round, neither would begrudge a treat!)

    More recently a few lump sums have come along (completed endowments, an inheritance, pension lump sum) which are divided between joint savings, house spending and a bit each for personal spends.

    We decide ourselves what account to spend from, and no-one ever checks up, so there is total trust. Our guidelines are that if it is "needed", or for the home, or for both of you, it is joint. If it is just wanted, or "extra", it is your own expenditure. On the books, I would say they would only be joint if you know you both want to read them, or they are for reference (eg a travel book for a holiday).

    There will always be grey areas - a lot of our CDs are joint, but not all. Clothes may be needed, but in my case they are usually extra (or needed, but could have been bought more cheaply!) Hubby may think a new TV or hi-fi is needed, whilst I am happy with what we have. The answer surely is to ask as you go along? We still do sometimes, after 30 years doing this (often because I see something for the home and buy it, then check later if it is "me or us" for accounting purposes).

    For those who say this is all joint money anyway, so why bother, it is just what we prefer. I often buy myself clothes, massages and lunches out with friends. Hubby may spend none of his money for years, but recently bought a classic car. We see these as extravagances, and would be uncomfortable doing it with joint money.

    It seems to me that having all your money in one pot only works if saving and spending patterns match in the couple, otherwise one may worry about (or resent) the other's expenditure. Once you are more well off, all these problems tend to disappear!
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 16th Oct 16, 2:50 PM
    • 2,568 Posts
    • 4,377 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    We had this debate yesterday.

    OHs' ipad is playing up so he says can he change it. I said as mine was changed from my personal spends account in February and I have just paid out for a holiday again from my personal spends because it is with my sister and not OH I thought he should pay for it from his personal spends account rather than our joint one. He looked slightly miffed at this though simply because he is much more wasteful with his money than I am with mine so I strongly suspect that there is not enough in it. He has never made a packed lunch to take to work, constant ebay parcels to do with his hobbies whereas all that comes out of mine is haircuts and the occasional bit of clothing and kindle books.

    I pointed out our joint account has taken a hammering as we bought new laptops each in the summer, have just helped our daughter with moving costs, installed a new boiler and paid out for a new car for him (plus insurance etc) as he retires the end of this month and his company car has to go back.

    He did understand and we have agreed to have the discussion again when his pension lump sum pays out hopefully in November.

    I think the only way to avoid arguments between couples is for everything to be divided fairly regardless of who earns the most so we have always had the same amount of personal spends. £250 each per month at the moment. As skinnyliz says the difficulties come when one wants a new Hifi/TV and the other thinks it is ok. So long as each communicates their point of view and listens to the other with an open mind though this should avoid the majority of arguments.
    Debt and mortgage free and saving for early retirement
    • pphillips
    • By pphillips 16th Oct 16, 3:18 PM
    • 90 Posts
    • 53 Thanks
    pphillips
    Everything we buy gets paid for out of the joint account.
    • ali-t
    • By ali-t 16th Oct 16, 3:43 PM
    • 3,604 Posts
    • 5,565 Thanks
    ali-t
    I think it depends on when couples get together and would be all for everything shared if myself and my partner got together in our teens or early 20's when neither of us had anything but as we didnt meet until late 30's we keep our money seperate and thats what works for us. We keep everything seperate as we have very different perspectives on money, very different credit histories and keeping it seperate works for us.

    like others have said, there isnt right or wrong ways, just what is right for individuals.
    If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got!
    • Slinky
    • By Slinky 16th Oct 16, 6:39 PM
    • 3,817 Posts
    • 13,856 Thanks
    Slinky
    I think it depends on when couples get together and would be all for everything shared if myself and my partner got together in our teens or early 20's when neither of us had anything but as we didnt meet until late 30's we keep our money seperate and thats what works for us. We keep everything seperate as we have very different perspectives on money, very different credit histories and keeping it seperate works for us.

    like others have said, there isnt right or wrong ways, just what is right for individuals.
    Originally posted by ali-t
    We got together at the same sort of age you mention and we keep our money jointly, so your age theory doesn't work with us!
    • ali-t
    • By ali-t 16th Oct 16, 7:43 PM
    • 3,604 Posts
    • 5,565 Thanks
    ali-t
    We got together at the same sort of age you mention and we keep our money jointly, so your age theory doesn't work with us!
    Originally posted by Slinky
    Its not a theory, so much as a personal observation based on my own circumstances.
    If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you always got!
    • maman
    • By maman 16th Oct 16, 8:50 PM
    • 15,032 Posts
    • 88,639 Thanks
    maman
    Its not a theory, so much as a personal observation based on my own circumstances.
    Originally posted by ali-t

    I think there is probably an element of people who've been used to managing their own money wanting to continue with a separate account alongside paying their way on household bills. But that's not the whole picture.


    I think it's also about what sort of personality you are. I know I want to be an individual as well as part of a couple/family. Having the freedom to manage my own finances seems to fit well with that mindset.
    • fred246
    • By fred246 17th Oct 16, 6:45 AM
    • 685 Posts
    • 396 Thanks
    fred246
    I work many hours earning money. My wife is a home maker. I manage all the finances. I give her a credit card for her to spend whatever she wants. I do like to borrow money at 0% so she does have to change credit card occasionally. The last argument we had about money was when she used the wrong credit card. I told her to use the Nationwide one instead of the Halifax. She said "but they are both blue. How can you expect me to remember?".
    • Gloomendoom
    • By Gloomendoom 17th Oct 16, 8:27 AM
    • 11,476 Posts
    • 15,353 Thanks
    Gloomendoom
    I told her to use the Nationwide one instead of the Halifax. She said "but they are both blue. How can you expect me to remember?".
    Originally posted by fred246
    My wife has about 50 credit cards. Apparently, each has it's own specific advantages. I have three.

    She also seems to switch bank accounts every five minutes and I've been with the same bank for over 30 years.

    Possibly one of the reasons we have separate accounts.
    Advice; it rhymes with mice. Advise; it rhymes with wise.
    • GlasweJen
    • By GlasweJen 17th Oct 16, 9:16 AM
    • 5,821 Posts
    • 10,422 Thanks
    GlasweJen
    Joint account:
    Mortgage
    Council tax
    Electric bill
    Food
    Pet expenses

    Individual accounts:
    Car (his)
    Care (mine)
    Sheet music (mine I play, he enjoys listening)
    Gun pellets (his)
    Club memberships
    Beauty products
    Hair cuts
    Clothes
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    • Frogletina
    • By Frogletina 17th Oct 16, 12:37 PM
    • 2,651 Posts
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    Frogletina
    Having had experienced several methods, I agree that no one solution fits all.

    In my first marriage, with one child (and no child allowance for the first child at that time) I had no income but was given a housekeeping allowance to pay for all the bills and he spent the rest. The only money I could spend was what I could manage to eke out of that meagre allowance.

    When I married for a second time I was in charge of the finances. Money was tight because we had a mortgage but we each had an identical allowance for personal spending, at first it was just £3! When our children were older and I worked, I insisted I paid an exact 50% of the household expenses into a joint account although I was the lower earner.

    My final experience was living with someone where again we had a joint account for joint expenses but also our own personal accounts. Thank goodness for that because he was a spender and going into overdraft each month, though he never had any other debts. Despite earning almost identical amounts, he had no savings while I saved all that I could knowing what it was like to have nothing.

    Now single again I still divide my money into household and personal expenses.

    frogletina
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    • NBLondon
    • By NBLondon 17th Oct 16, 2:56 PM
    • 1,096 Posts
    • 6,591 Thanks
    NBLondon
    OHs' ipad is playing up so he says can he change it. I said as mine was changed from my personal spends account in February {snip}I thought he should pay for it from his personal spends account rather than our joint one. He looked slightly miffed at this though.
    Originally posted by enthusiasticsaver
    I'm puzzled that this needs to be debated? Unless yours is a mini and his a Pro and you use his sometimes and not vice versa?
    One day I'll think of something witty - Apparently I have!
    • anto164
    • By anto164 21st Oct 16, 1:32 PM
    • 50 Posts
    • 24 Thanks
    anto164
    Joint account:
    Bills
    Mortgage
    Groceries (basically anything that we buy from supermarket, including toiletries etc, excluding clothes)
    Dinners out / lunches out together
    Presents for family etc
    Savings for Holidays / DIY / Etc, even though we do this in our personal savings accounts, the money is there to share as necessary.

    Separate
    Mobile phone bills
    Car payments (I have a car on PCP, She owns hers)
    Gym Membership
    Clothes & other self purchases
    Hobbies
    Presents for each other
    • me1234
    • By me1234 2nd Nov 16, 12:05 PM
    • 25 Posts
    • 10 Thanks
    me1234
    my account - mortgage, all bills, my car insurance and home insurance, and breakdown cover and all leftover money goes into mortgage


    her account - all food and general shopping, her car insurance and all leftover money goes into our joint savings account
    • Faith177
    • By Faith177 2nd Nov 16, 12:45 PM
    • 2,398 Posts
    • 3,831 Thanks
    Faith177
    We don't have any joint accounts but I have a household bill account that covers council tax, tv licence, sky, water rates. OH gives me half of that each month

    At the moment as OH is out of work due to injuries from a car accident I buy the big weekly shop and he does the top up items during the week where needed and he buys all the animal food (works out about the same spend each)

    After that we pretty much get our own things really but if we are doing a weekly shop and he needs deodorant or shower gel I won't make him give me the money and if he is going shopping and I say can you get me xyz he will just get it. We aren't the sort of couple who do you owe me abc we just take it in turns

    Our individual debts are paid for by ourselves and any money we have left over is us to do as we please

    He buys stuff for the house as much as I do tbh so again this isn't an issue for us but any big purchases we normally just split 50/50 or sort it out later.

    Things may change once we get the settlement from his claim as we will be able to clear a lot of debt so will have spare money for once. Though due to his past history and his head injury I will have control of this and it will be in an account only I can get to so I know what is going on. If he needs anything he can just ask and I can get it sorted for him
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