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  • FIRST POST
    • mikebren12
    • By mikebren12 22nd Sep 16, 10:35 AM
    • 1Posts
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    mikebren12
    Parental support worries
    • #1
    • 22nd Sep 16, 10:35 AM
    Parental support worries 22nd Sep 16 at 10:35 AM
    1st time poster, so be gentle...


    My daughter is 17 and is currently looking at university to study Maternity, the bursaries have been abolished. Obvs we are aware of the student loans for tuitions and the maintenance student loans.


    My question is if you are earning over 75k a year as a household, and have lived life to the full, and are not in a position to offer financial aid or support to your child, then what can you do?
    Do you simply tell her 'No' we can't help? or do put yourself in financial difficulty trying too?


    Many thanks


    Mike
Page 1
    • Bogalot
    • By Bogalot 22nd Sep 16, 11:19 AM
    • 172 Posts
    • 338 Thanks
    Bogalot
    • #2
    • 22nd Sep 16, 11:19 AM
    • #2
    • 22nd Sep 16, 11:19 AM
    Sad state of affairs. If you can't spare anything for your child, it strikes me that it is not her that is putting you in financial difficulty.

    You are free to tell your daughter you will not help, but as you have a year before she starts, would it be an idea to start budgeting properly so you can offer some help? Obviously she can get a part time job to help herself also.
    • Sacredcat
    • By Sacredcat 22nd Sep 16, 2:54 PM
    • 59 Posts
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    Sacredcat
    • #3
    • 22nd Sep 16, 2:54 PM
    • #3
    • 22nd Sep 16, 2:54 PM
    I think you are able to decide for yourself what to do in this situation.
    The suggested parental contribution is only a suggestion, not the law. The student loan is, some say, enough to live on, depending where you live. In London, and some other places, probably not, due to housing and transport costs. (Don't know if she is entitled to a loan for her course. Hope so)
    A part time job is a good idea for your child.
    It is unfair to expect a huge contribution of parents, when it doesn't take into account your mortgage and other outgoings.
    You are also entitled to have fun and enjoy your life and what you have earned.
    The student loan amount ought not to be determined by the level of parental income, it seems v unfair to parents and children.
    Last edited by Sacredcat; 22-09-2016 at 2:56 PM.
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 22nd Sep 16, 2:59 PM
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    missbiggles1
    • #4
    • 22nd Sep 16, 2:59 PM
    • #4
    • 22nd Sep 16, 2:59 PM
    Think of all the money you'll save when she's not living at home any more. You could use those savings to give her a financial allowance.
    • agrinnall
    • By agrinnall 22nd Sep 16, 3:10 PM
    • 15,011 Posts
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    agrinnall
    • #5
    • 22nd Sep 16, 3:10 PM
    • #5
    • 22nd Sep 16, 3:10 PM

    My question is if you are earning over 75k a year as a household, and have lived life to the full...
    Originally posted by mikebren12
    What exactly does this mean? Do you have vast debts due to your sybaritic lifestyle and servicing those debts mean that you have no disposable income available out of the £75K? If not then I suggest you consider your daughter as a part of your household and start living a little more frugally so that you can make the appropriate level of contribution to her education.
    • Sacredcat
    • By Sacredcat 22nd Sep 16, 3:31 PM
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    Sacredcat
    • #6
    • 22nd Sep 16, 3:31 PM
    • #6
    • 22nd Sep 16, 3:31 PM
    we are in a similar position to you and we are not willing to get ourselves into debt for the sake of our kids. We love our kids but we won't go into debt for their education. If you can afford some contribution, fine. If not, don't. Do what you feel comfortable with.
    • Bogalot
    • By Bogalot 22nd Sep 16, 4:19 PM
    • 172 Posts
    • 338 Thanks
    Bogalot
    • #7
    • 22nd Sep 16, 4:19 PM
    • #7
    • 22nd Sep 16, 4:19 PM
    we are in a similar position to you and we are not willing to get ourselves into debt for the sake of our kids. We love our kids but we won't go into debt for their education. If you can afford some contribution, fine. If not, don't. Do what you feel comfortable with.
    Originally posted by Sacredcat
    It shouldn't be a case of getting yourself into debt, just budgeting more carefully. We can all make cuts to our spending if we set our minds to it. A few sacrifices are surely worth it for your child's future.
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 22nd Sep 16, 4:32 PM
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    missbiggles1
    • #8
    • 22nd Sep 16, 4:32 PM
    • #8
    • 22nd Sep 16, 4:32 PM
    we are in a similar position to you and we are not willing to get ourselves into debt for the sake of our kids. We love our kids but we won't go into debt for their education. If you can afford some contribution, fine. If not, don't. Do what you feel comfortable with.
    Originally posted by Sacredcat
    If you earn £75k and (unlike the OP) have no debts, why would you need to get into debt by supporting them at university rather than at home? On that income the maximum you might want to contribute (and, obviously, you don't need to contribute the maximum) is £4.3K - around £84 pw - far less than one of them will be costing you at present.
    • Sacredcat
    • By Sacredcat 22nd Sep 16, 5:41 PM
    • 59 Posts
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    Sacredcat
    • #9
    • 22nd Sep 16, 5:41 PM
    • #9
    • 22nd Sep 16, 5:41 PM
    Mikebren12, you ask whether you should not put yourself into financial difficulties - I'd say, no, don't do it. If getting into financial difficulties is your only way to help her, please don't.

    Don't feel that you need to tell us more of your info, e.g. Whether you are in debt. It's your business.

    Rather than saying a blunt 'no', explain to your daughter the current situatation. that education is not free now, sorry, that was years ago, but that we live in a democracy, and things may change. Some political parties believe education ought to be free as it benefits our whole society.
    • TheGardener
    • By TheGardener 22nd Sep 16, 6:03 PM
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    TheGardener
    I might be biting at a bait post here but...the student loan is rarely enough to live on even if they get the full amount. Most kids find that it just about covers their accommodation cost but doesn't come close to covering food/equipment/travel etc. However, your kids won't even be getting the full amount because it will be a reduced amount based on your 'contribution' and as you are not planning on giving them that contribution then your children wont have the 'full amount' . So - your kids will need to get a job to pay the shortfall between the loan and what they need to survive.

    As for how you break the news you are not going to support your child though Uni - well - work that one out yourself - I cant think of anyway to say that to a child and still sound like a parent who gives a ****. However, if its debts that are the problem - then you are going to have to talk to the kids and explain what happened. I still think you can at least give them what you would have spent on them anyway if they were at home. You have a year to sort out your debts so you can support her - and she has a year to work and save up.
    Last edited by TheGardener; 22-09-2016 at 6:20 PM.
    • unforeseen
    • By unforeseen 22nd Sep 16, 6:05 PM
    • 707 Posts
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    unforeseen
    Obviously she can get a part time job to help herself also.
    Originally posted by Bogalot
    If you are doing any sort of nursing course then that is very difficult due to all the placements that you have to do.
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 22nd Sep 16, 6:13 PM
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    missbiggles1
    If you are doing any sort of nursing course then that is very difficult due to all the placements that you have to do.
    Originally posted by unforeseen
    Lots of students on nursing courses do bank work - not only for the money but to benefit their CVs. In fact, a nursing graduate who hasn't done this is going to be in a far worse situation when applying for employment than one who has.
    • Sacredcat
    • By Sacredcat 22nd Sep 16, 6:25 PM
    • 59 Posts
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    Sacredcat
    A report in 2014 on This Is Money says a third of parents struggle to contribute, and the Govt relies unfairly on parents to make up the shortfall in the student loan.
    The OP is not the only parent struggling.
    Even if you earn what he earns, you may have v high housing costs or whatever. Which means there isn't enough.
    If parents are v rich indeed, it's not a problem
    But education for poorer and middle classes seems to be discouraged, by not providing an adequate system of funding. If the student could borrow enough to support themselves that would be great.
    We may have brought children into this world, but we didn't necessarily want the current 'system', and it's not our fault!
    • Andypandyboy
    • By Andypandyboy 22nd Sep 16, 6:25 PM
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    Andypandyboy
    I really hope this is a Devil's Advocate post because I can't believe that there are parents out there who, from a salary in that region, would not support their child in HE. Many do it on far less.

    We are high earners and we have put several children through university and still managed to fund a great lifestyle. I simply could not ever look my child in the face if I was not prepared help fund their continuing education and so set them up for increased earning potential and/or fulfilling careers.

    We may not like or agree with the current sustem, but it is the one we have and so as parents we have to bite the bullet and support our kids as much as we possibly can.

    I disagree with the system whereby divorced or separated parents do not have both salaries counted rather than just one. Parents divorce each other not their children, morally they should both contribute imo.

    I can only assume you place no value on education.
    Last edited by Andypandyboy; 22-09-2016 at 6:38 PM.
    • edwink
    • By edwink 22nd Sep 16, 6:50 PM
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    edwink
    I can't believe you have left it this long to start worrying about the cost of your child's HE. Surely you must have known or at least had some idea that they maybe wanted to go to uni well before now. If so you could of reigned your spending in sometime ago in preparation for the forthcoming financial costs.

    I know of a family that are not high earners by any means and they have managed to support one of their children through uni already and now they have another child who has just started uni. How did they managed to do this? They prepared for this way in advance by putting money away every month religiously and went without something if they had to. The 2 children also got jobs and saved some money themselves in order help their parents with the cost. I believe they still had to take out a student loan but the loan was much less that what it would have been had they not all acted responsibly and worked together at saving the much need money. Well done that family I say!!
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 22nd Sep 16, 6:53 PM
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    missbiggles1
    A report in 2014 on This Is Money says a third of parents struggle to contribute, and the Govt relies unfairly on parents to make up the shortfall in the student loan.
    The OP is not the only parent struggling.
    Even if you earn what he earns, you may have v high housing costs or whatever. Which means there isn't enough.
    If parents are v rich indeed, it's not a problem
    But education for poorer and middle classes seems to be discouraged, by not providing an adequate system of funding. If the student could borrow enough to support themselves that would be great.
    We may have brought children into this world, but we didn't necessarily want the current 'system', and it's not our fault!
    Originally posted by Sacredcat
    Students from poor families often do quite well financially with a full loan and, often, a bursary from the university.
    • Sacredcat
    • By Sacredcat 22nd Sep 16, 6:53 PM
    • 59 Posts
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    Sacredcat
    With divorce, the household where the child lives is what is taken into account. So that is one parent plus new spouse if there is one.
    • TheGardener
    • By TheGardener 22nd Sep 16, 7:15 PM
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    TheGardener
    Students from poor families often do quite well financially with a full loan and, often, a bursary from the university.
    Originally posted by missbiggles1
    University bursaries - which are means tested limited funds - are intended to help YP whose parents do not have incomes of £75K - they are not intended to subsidise 'political conscientious objectors' on high incomes or families who have failed to prepare for the costs of HE.

    I think all YP should work a little and save towards the costs themselves but parents opting out of the system because the don't like the politics or are not prepared to give up the 'Living life to the full' attitude should be at little bit ashamed.
    However, if the OP is in financial difficulty thought "living life to the full" - then they have 12 months to find a way to make the best of the situation and fess up to the kids.
    .
    Last edited by TheGardener; 22-09-2016 at 7:18 PM.
    • Andypandyboy
    • By Andypandyboy 22nd Sep 16, 7:17 PM
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    Andypandyboy
    With divorce, the household where the child lives is what is taken into account. So that is one parent plus new spouse if there is one.
    Originally posted by Sacredcat
    Yes, if there is one. Sorry, but to me that is placing the financial burden on the wrong person.You have a child, you support it, no ifs or buts. That includes FE/HE imo.

    Anything less is shirking your responsibiities. Still, there is a lot of that about.
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 22nd Sep 16, 7:19 PM
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    missbiggles1
    University bursaries - which are means tested limited funds - are intended to help YP whose parents do not have incomes of £75K - they are not intended to subsidise 'political conscientious objectors' on high incomes or families who have failed to prepare for the costs of HE.

    I think all YP should work a little and save towards the costs themselves but parents opting out of the system because the don't like the politics or are not prepared to give up the 'Living life to the full' attitude should be at little bit ashamed.
    However, if the OP is in financial difficulty thought "living life to the full" - then they have 12 months to find a way to make the best of the situation and fess up to the kids.
    .
    Originally posted by TheGardener
    I never said they were, I said they were for children from poor families.
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