Your browser isn't supported
It looks like you're using an old web browser. To get the most out of the site and to ensure guides display correctly, we suggest upgrading your browser now. Download the latest:

Welcome to the MSE Forums

We're home to a fantastic community of MoneySavers but anyone can post. Please exercise caution & report spam, illegal, offensive or libellous posts/messages: click "report" or email forumteam@.

Search
  • FIRST POST
    • LandofPlenty
    • By LandofPlenty 21st Sep 16, 3:52 PM
    • 2Posts
    • 0Thanks
    LandofPlenty
    Report concerns about a woman and child to Social Services
    • #1
    • 21st Sep 16, 3:52 PM
    Report concerns about a woman and child to Social Services 21st Sep 16 at 3:52 PM
    Sorry this is under a different name. I would probably be too easily identified if I asked this on my normals profile.

    Is it possible to report concerns about a woman who seems to be living in a DV partnership albeit mainly mental abuse not physical.

    Don't want to waste anyone's time if it's futile.
    Last edited by LandofPlenty; 21-09-2016 at 3:53 PM. Reason: Spelling
Page 1
    • lincroft1710
    • By lincroft1710 21st Sep 16, 4:01 PM
    • 8,200 Posts
    • 5,891 Thanks
    lincroft1710
    • #2
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:01 PM
    • #2
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:01 PM
    There is nothing to stop you reporting this. But before you took this step, you should be very sure that your allegations are well-founded, and you should consider all the possible consequences of your actions.
    • TiddlyPom
    • By TiddlyPom 21st Sep 16, 4:22 PM
    • 201 Posts
    • 483 Thanks
    TiddlyPom
    • #3
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:22 PM
    • #3
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:22 PM
    I think if there is a child involved and you feel that your concerns could be genuine, I would definitely report it. If you are wrong and everything is ok, there is no harm done.
    • WantToBeSE
    • By WantToBeSE 21st Sep 16, 4:26 PM
    • 7,151 Posts
    • 28,294 Thanks
    WantToBeSE
    • #4
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:26 PM
    • #4
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:26 PM
    I agree that if you think the woman or child are at risk, you should report the DV to the authorities.
    #20- 3/6 month emergency fund challenge.

    Debt Free Diary http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5501794
    • spadoosh
    • By spadoosh 21st Sep 16, 4:29 PM
    • 3,376 Posts
    • 4,168 Thanks
    spadoosh
    • #5
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:29 PM
    • #5
    • 21st Sep 16, 4:29 PM
    I think if there is a child involved and you feel that your concerns could be genuine, I would definitely report it. If you are wrong and everything is ok, there is no harm done.
    Originally posted by TiddlyPom
    I wouldnt be so sure on that one. A lengthy investigation, potentially children being removed questions about who reported it, mistrust etc. I would say there could be a large amount of harm done if its reported and everything is OK.

    Personally i'd only report it if i was certain abuse (in the harshest sense of the word) was taking place and that i thought the person abused wasnt capable of reporting it themselves.

    Abuse is pretty ambiguous.
    Don't be angry!
    • Detroit
    • By Detroit 21st Sep 16, 6:37 PM
    • 554 Posts
    • 1,655 Thanks
    Detroit
    • #6
    • 21st Sep 16, 6:37 PM
    • #6
    • 21st Sep 16, 6:37 PM
    Unless the adult woman is vulnerable there is unlikely to be any intervention regarding her.

    If you are concerned about a child, you should always report it.


    Put your hands up.
    • piglet74
    • By piglet74 21st Sep 16, 9:11 PM
    • 2,136 Posts
    • 5,648 Thanks
    piglet74
    • #7
    • 21st Sep 16, 9:11 PM
    • #7
    • 21st Sep 16, 9:11 PM
    Report it, let the professionals investigate it

    Wouldn't you rather report it and be wrong. Than not report it and have been right.
    • AlwaysWorking
    • By AlwaysWorking 22nd Sep 16, 9:05 AM
    • 528 Posts
    • 720 Thanks
    AlwaysWorking
    • #8
    • 22nd Sep 16, 9:05 AM
    • #8
    • 22nd Sep 16, 9:05 AM
    Personally i'd only report it if i was certain abuse (in the harshest sense of the word) was taking place and that i thought the person abused wasnt capable of reporting it themselves.
    Originally posted by spadoosh
    No offence, buy I am VERY glad not everyone thinks like you. Do you really think only abuse "in the harshest sense of the word" needs reporting?
    "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." Marilyn Monroe
    • spadoosh
    • By spadoosh 22nd Sep 16, 9:52 AM
    • 3,376 Posts
    • 4,168 Thanks
    spadoosh
    • #9
    • 22nd Sep 16, 9:52 AM
    • #9
    • 22nd Sep 16, 9:52 AM
    No offence, buy I am VERY glad not everyone thinks like you. Do you really think only abuse "in the harshest sense of the word" needs reporting?
    Originally posted by AlwaysWorking
    I just dont think its for me to report on something ive probably got little understanding about. I would want to be absolutely certain that abuse was taking place and that i didnt think the person you where reporting on behalf of wasnt capable of making that decision.

    Abuse is subjective, ie different people have different views on abuse. What you might think is domestic abuse in its variants might be one side giving as good as they take. Its all well and good saying no harm no foul but when its your family being investigated and police/councilors coming round to your house you might think differently.

    I know two people who have spent an evening in jail trying to stop domestic abuse (on both occasions the man was battering the woman). When a friend intervened the woman went to defend her man and the 2v1 argument stood. A long drawn out court case and charges of GBH because someone stepped in to stop a woman getting beaten up (the guy uses restraining tactics rather than assaulting ie no punch throwing). The other instance was a similar situation however my friend got asked to leave the isle of man and that he wouldnt be welcome back.

    I wouldnt suggest not reporting domestic abuse but if you are going to, you should be certain its absolutely clear cut otherwise you risk destroying an innocent family because youve decided there is abuse from the tiny snippets of information you might get about their relationship.
    Don't be angry!
    • TBagpuss
    • By TBagpuss 22nd Sep 16, 10:35 AM
    • 4,591 Posts
    • 5,988 Thanks
    TBagpuss
    If you think that the child is at immediate risk of serious harm, then report it. Try to be as specific as you can about your concerns.

    however, if the situation relats to emotional abuse of an adult partner then Social Services would not normally be able to become involved.

    If the woman is a friend of yours then it might be more effective, and more likely to help her, if you talk to her directly - not to tell her you think her relationship is abusive but to keep communications open, offer herthe opportunity to talk if she neds it and be ready to support her if and when she decides she wants to change things. It's very common for an abusive partner to isolate thier victim and to undermine their self-confidence so simply being the friend who doesn't let themself be sidelined can be very helpful.
    • Gavin83
    • By Gavin83 22nd Sep 16, 10:49 AM
    • 3,718 Posts
    • 5,574 Thanks
    Gavin83
    What makes you think abuse is taking place?
    • mark5
    • By mark5 22nd Sep 16, 6:15 PM
    • 1,084 Posts
    • 704 Thanks
    mark5
    Even if there is no direct abuse of the child, social services take regular DV between the parents as serious. If it was a one off it would be less likely.
    • AndyBSG
    • By AndyBSG 23rd Sep 16, 9:54 AM
    • 761 Posts
    • 928 Thanks
    AndyBSG
    As someone who was raised by a mother and step father in a DV partnership my answer would be simple.

    If you suspect there is an effect on the child then you report it, end of.

    It's not your job to prove it and if your suspicions are true then the longer you wait the more damage is being done to the child.

    If your suspicions are wrong there 'may' be some damage caused by the allegations and investigation but these are far outweighed by the damage that will have been done if you are right and waited to report them.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 23rd Sep 16, 10:16 AM
    • 2,382 Posts
    • 5,671 Thanks
    ska lover
    I would want to know far far more about this before making a descision
    Last edited by ska lover; 23-09-2016 at 10:35 AM.
    Blah blah blah.
    • ska lover
    • By ska lover 23rd Sep 16, 10:35 AM
    • 2,382 Posts
    • 5,671 Thanks
    ska lover
    I just dont think its for me to report on something ive probably got little understanding about. I would want to be absolutely certain that abuse was taking place and that i didnt think the person you where reporting on behalf of wasnt capable of making that decision.

    Abuse is subjective, ie different people have different views on abuse. What you might think is domestic abuse in its variants might be one side giving as good as they take. Its all well and good saying no harm no foul but when its your family being investigated and police/councilors coming round to your house you might think differently.

    I know two people who have spent an evening in jail trying to stop domestic abuse (on both occasions the man was battering the woman). When a friend intervened the woman went to defend her man and the 2v1 argument stood. A long drawn out court case and charges of GBH because someone stepped in to stop a woman getting beaten up (the guy uses restraining tactics rather than assaulting ie no punch throwing). The other instance was a similar situation however my friend got asked to leave the isle of man and that he wouldnt be welcome back.

    I wouldnt suggest not reporting domestic abuse but if you are going to, you should be certain its absolutely clear cut otherwise you risk destroying an innocent family because youve decided there is abuse from the tiny snippets of information you might get about their relationship.
    Originally posted by spadoosh

    I completely agree with this - and is a consideration of the implications on someones life (a child ending up in care) if someone got it wrong.

    It is a hard one, and you are damned if you do, and damned if you don't really
    Last edited by ska lover; 23-09-2016 at 10:44 AM.
    Blah blah blah.
    • Kim kim
    • By Kim kim 24th Sep 16, 1:07 AM
    • 1,397 Posts
    • 2,157 Thanks
    Kim kim
    There is nothing to stop you reporting this. But before you took this step, you should be very sure that your allegations are well-founded, and you should consider all the possible consequences of your actions.
    Originally posted by lincroft1710
    No I disagree, the outcome is for the professionals to consider & nothing at all to do with the op.

    The op only has to believe they have well founded allegations.
    • lincroft1710
    • By lincroft1710 24th Sep 16, 5:30 PM
    • 8,200 Posts
    • 5,891 Thanks
    lincroft1710
    No I disagree, the outcome is for the professionals to consider & nothing at all to do with the op.

    The op only has to believe they have well founded allegations.
    Originally posted by Kim kim
    Well, I disagree. Believing you have "well founded allegations" is not enough. I know couples who frequently scream abuse at one another and it may sound like mental abuse. 10 minutes later, the air is cleared, everything back to normal, no-one hurt.

    However, children are not involved.

    Unfortunately, the "professionals" in such circumstances have often got it wrong.
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 24th Sep 16, 5:35 PM
    • 14,512 Posts
    • 26,212 Thanks
    missbiggles1
    Well, I disagree. Believing you have "well founded allegations" is not enough. I know couples who frequently scream abuse at one another and it may sound like mental abuse. 10 minutes later, the air is cleared, everything back to normal, no-one hurt.

    However, children are not involved.

    Unfortunately, the "professionals" in such circumstances have often got it wrong.
    Originally posted by lincroft1710
    I wouldn't expect anybody to consider a screaming row to be anything other than a screaming row. Unpleasant it may be, but unlikely to be abuse.
    • Detroit
    • By Detroit 24th Sep 16, 7:06 PM
    • 554 Posts
    • 1,655 Thanks
    Detroit
    In which case, the people concerned could explain to the authorities that there is no cause for concern.

    Imo it is always better to report concerns that later prove to be unfounded than to do nothing and later find someone has been harmed. This is particularly the case for the OPs as there is a child involved.

    The authorities don't always get it right, and unfortunately there are cases where people have suffered from over zealous actions.
    However, equally there have been numerous instances where abuse has gone unreported and has escalated to tragic consequences, which I would consider to be the greater risk.

    If the OP has concerns about a child, it is their responsibility to report it immediately. In no way should they be expected to be certain, or to delay waiting to get all the facts. The OP is presumably a lay person, and not in a position to do this.

    The matter should be brought to the attention of the rofessionals, and the responsibility of the OP ends there.


    Put your hands up.
    • missbiggles1
    • By missbiggles1 24th Sep 16, 7:17 PM
    • 14,512 Posts
    • 26,212 Thanks
    missbiggles1
    In which case, the people concerned could explain to the authorities that there is no cause for concern.

    Imo it is always better to report concerns that later prove to be unfounded than to do nothing and later find someone has been harmed. This is particularly the case for the OPs as there is a child involved.

    The authorities don't always get it right, and unfortunately there are cases where people have suffered from over zealous actions.
    However, equally there have been numerous instances where abuse has gone unreported and has escalated to tragic consequences, which I would consider to be the greater risk.

    If the OP has concerns about a child, it is their responsibility to report it immediately. In no way should they be expected to be certain, or to delay waiting to get all the facts. The OP is presumably a lay person, and not in a position to do this.

    The matter should be brought to the attention of the rofessionals, and the responsibility of the OP ends there.
    Originally posted by Detroit
    I agree where there's a child involved but reporting a couple of adults having a screaming row is just ridiculous and would take valuable professional time away from genuine cases.
Welcome to our new Forum!

Our aim's to save you money quickly and easily. We hope you like it!

Forum Team Contact us

Live Stats

203Posts Today

1,709Users online

Martin's Twitter