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    • Andrew Ryan 89
    • By Andrew Ryan 89 7th Sep 16, 9:44 AM
    • 347Posts
    • 205Thanks
    Andrew Ryan 89
    How much planning went into you having children?
    • #1
    • 7th Sep 16, 9:44 AM
    How much planning went into you having children? 7th Sep 16 at 9:44 AM
    Hey guys,

    I am curious to know how much planning went into your decision to have or try for children, especially the first child. I always had a plan that I would get the house, get married and have children as soon as possible to "get it out of the way". Everything else I am usual quite financially sensible about and think ahead but when it comes to having children, I pretty much have the "I'll cross that bridge when I comes to it" when it comes to potential issues like house space, finance etc.

    I think that attitude comes from quite a few successful women I know of that put baby-making to one side to concentrate on their career and are now regretting not having children and desperately trying to conceive.

    If you haven’t already, join the forum to reply!
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    Last edited by MSE Jessica; 21-09-2016 at 9:48 AM.
Page 4
    • Prothet of Doom
    • By Prothet of Doom 15th Sep 16, 10:49 PM
    • 3,042 Posts
    • 3,690 Thanks
    Prothet of Doom
    How much planning? You know the MSE budgetting spreadsheet? Well, before the internet existed I had a spreadsheet on a computer and we knew exactly how much I needed to earn, if my wife was going to be able to give up work and become a full-time mum.
    We then proceeded to live our lives with just one salary, and save the rest.
    And sex was carefully planned around my wife's cycle, for 2 years. That right every sexual act we did together was planned.
    When it didn't happen after 2 years, my wife went part time agency (she was a nurse) and after 3 months she was pregnant.
    With the second child it was much simpler. I refused to have sex until she could find a way of child one sleeping all night. She however had a plan, and left our first child with her sister, and took me for a weekend to Blackpool. Where our second was conceived.
    So in conclusion. 1st Child : Joint Planning to in great detail.
    2nd Child : Surreptitious Planning by my wife against my better judgement*

    * not complaining but child one did not sleep all night until he was 10 years old, so I'm glad I was hoodwinked into helping out with making the second, otherwise we wouldn't have her (the kindest cleverest 20 year old I've met)
    • Teacher2
    • By Teacher2 21st Sep 16, 9:37 AM
    • 375 Posts
    • 1,892 Thanks
    We definitely planned and got the marriage, buying a house and career progression safely in hand before even thinking of children. We met in 1977 and had our first child in 1989 when I was 33. I think we would have been financially sunk without waiting and our children have benefited from our being reasonably well off (not ridiculously flush when they came along, of course, as they were very expensive).

    When I read the 'Debt Free Wannabe' thread the thing I really notice is how the children contribute to penury and how they suffer from it.
    • sunshinegirl66
    • By sunshinegirl66 21st Sep 16, 11:42 AM
    • 17 Posts
    • 28 Thanks
    We didn't do much planning into having children but first child was stillborn at 25 weeks so devastating.Second pregnancy son born 6 and a half weeks early but okay after 3 weeks in hospital.Third pregnancy a miscarriage at 9 weeks then a healthy baby at 39 weeks and third child born @ 35 and a half weeks who is now almost 36 years old.
    • Aunty T
    • By Aunty T 21st Sep 16, 3:37 PM
    • 3 Posts
    • 4 Thanks
    Aunty T
    My thoughts on babies and life.
    I haven't posted for a long time but I will try as I wanted to say how I am impressed that most people do plan when to have children.
    In the early 60's I was unmarried but became pregnant by chance, I did not realise how fertile I was in my late teens and our contraception was poor anyway. We married and no.1 was born, we were renting a small one bedroom flat with poor heating and very little money. Times were hard for us, though both sets of the grandparents were very supportive. Our families would reassure us that "you cannot plan for babies, they just come anyway"! This was a different age! My next baby was also unplanned, as I was going by a chart which was supposed to show me my infertile days, (because my church forbade contraception), and he came 18 months later. I now had two lovely boys, but I was so young and missed out a lot, and we were still hard up. Then hubby got a better job and we bought a house and again our contraception failed. By now I used a kind of disc which I inserted but it failed and we had a little girl 17 months later. I was 25 years old and I was so busy being a mum that I didn't have much time to think, but my contraception was by now very strict and I had ditched the religion. I have loved having the three children and now I am a granny with 4 lovely grandchildren. My life was transformed by chance and my plans for a career went overboard. But if I consider what I have done that has given my husband and me most pleasure in life it has been having the children and raising them. They were the best years of our lives.
    • Pollycat
    • By Pollycat 21st Sep 16, 3:40 PM
    • 14,760 Posts
    • 33,928 Thanks
    ^^^^ What a lovely post.
    • penguingirl
    • By penguingirl 21st Sep 16, 3:59 PM
    • 900 Posts
    • 816 Thanks
    I haven't posted for a long time but I will try as I wanted to say how I am impressed that most people do plan when to have children.
    Originally posted by Aunty T
    Your post makes me feel very grateful for the options that women have now, that I think are so easy to take for granted. As someone who is ttc and has probably planned it in too much detail, I should feel very lucky that I have had the choices available to me and the opportunity to have a fantastic career before choosing to start a family. But most of the time I don't feel lucky, I feel entitled to it as it is easy to forget that it's not always been this way.
    • waspsandjam
    • By waspsandjam 21st Sep 16, 10:50 PM
    • 55 Posts
    • 47 Thanks
    Leave a spending buffer to allow for children
    I informally studied financial planning before kids, inspired by this forum and links to blogs and books in it.

    My financial plan was; monitor spending => budget => earn more => save enough to pay off my 0% c/c debt earning interest elsewhere => overpay mortgage to get better rate => get emergency fund of 6 months essential spends i.e. mortgage and bills => invest in S&S ISA like kids arent coming and you want to retire asap.

    When kids came along this gave us buffer options i.e. reduce mortgage overpayments, reduce investments, dip into savings, dip into investments, reduce work pension payments, earn more (in that order more or less). This has allowed my wife to work one day a week outside of maternity leave, me to keep a relatively low pressure job and be home every night.

    I used the tools and guides on this site to look after the pennies i.e. up your income and review your finances. Kids are a whirlwind and we've had our share of bad luck but my planning has helped take money worries out of the picture. New investments are minimal at moment (although we save regularly for the kids so if we have to go without they wont have to) so my thoughts of retiring anytime soon have been put on hold until normal life re-calibrates but at least i dont have to work evenings and weekends to make ends meet (at the moment).
    • chloenightingale
    • By chloenightingale 22nd Sep 16, 9:14 AM
    • 43 Posts
    • 32 Thanks
    I didn't plan very much other than I really didn't want kids in my 20s (got married at 22) and waited until I wanted kids in my early 30s. Now I'm 39 and pregnant with number 4. I'm SO glad I waited.

    Anyway, other than the timing of kid number 1 and the names, I didn't really do a lot of planning.
    • choccy14
    • By choccy14 22nd Sep 16, 11:40 AM
    • 2 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    Planned pregnancy
    Planned not to have children, then a medical condition meant I had to take ill health retirement at age 30 (MS).Then after a year, decided to try. Both pregnanicies planned and happily successful.
    • enginesuck
    • By enginesuck 22nd Sep 16, 2:00 PM
    • 117 Posts
    • 147 Thanks
    I was working nightshift - she text me saying she was flushing the pills. Four weeks later she was pregnant.

    Second time around we talked about it stopped the pill, three weeks later and she was pregnant again.

    I was and still am the only breadwinner, both kids born into a rented home, not much money. Now we have our forever home owned. Don't worry about finances too much babies aren't all that expensive.
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