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  • FIRST POST
    • Smolly
    • By Smolly 1st Aug 16, 8:42 PM
    • 179Posts
    • 484Thanks
    Smolly
    Bereft and Broken
    • #1
    • 1st Aug 16, 8:42 PM
    Bereft and Broken 1st Aug 16 at 8:42 PM
    I feel very sad that my first ever post on this site is about debt and depression. Iím afraid itís not a positive post Ė I donít feel very positive at the moment, but I have no one to help me. I also apologise for the length. I have read diary after diary, post after post on this site and have been truly inspired by the help given to those in need. I am hoping that even just by getting this out there I start to feel better.

    So, what has happened? I finally had my LBM last week. I was on the floor on my hands and knees having a panic attack. I was lonely and afraid and I felt utterly broken. What started it? The realisation that I no longer had the money to keep paying the minimum amounts on my ever increasing debts, and the fact that it was the anniversary of my Dadís death some two years ago, and I still donít seem to be coping very well.

    I am under the GP Ė I take anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills, migraine tablets and an antibiotic for something which rears up in times of acute stress. I have decided I need to go back to the doctor as the panic attacks are fairly new. I have suffered from them in the past but thought I had them under control. Iíve now had two bad ones in two weeks and I feel constantly on edge, like my whole body is shaking but no one can see.

    I decided also that I needed to speak to someone about my debts. It was a comment that someone posted on their diary about the cost of teenagers. My son isnít a teenager yet but in a few yearsí time he will be. I donít want to be the Mum who canít afford to send him on school trips or within reason pay for the kind of clothes he would like to wear and not what Mum buys him now from the charity shops. I want to do this now, make this change for him, and of course for me as itís killing me.

    After that day I brightened up. I started to plan a few things and today sat down and made it my first priority to go on the Stepchange website. I did the Debt Remedy but I feel now I am back to square one. The results left me in a deep dark depression. I felt so ill and shattered that I just cried and ended up going to bed. Basically I donít earn enough to offer a sufficient amount to my creditors so a DMP wasnít the option. The option suggested was bankruptcy. I donít own the house we live in Ė it is in my husbandís name, as are all of the utilities which he pays for. I pay for groceries and clothes and presents and everything else. I havenít told him about my debts and for reasons I just canít bring myself to go into here I canít tell him. Maybe when Iím clear about the route Iím taking and have made a few inroads then I may tell him as hopefully I will be stronger, but I have to think about our son and my health. I fear if I go down the bankruptcy route we could end up losing this home and it isnít even in my name although after several years Iím sure I have some claim to half of it.

    I was advised to make token payments to my creditors and in the meantime think about what route I could take to reduce my debts, and then re-contact Stepchange if my budget changed. I thought I could just pick up the phone and someone would help me? I donít think I can do this alone. Iím prepared to do the token letters and payments and even talk to creditors but I wanted someone there who would help me through this. After I picked myself up this evening and gave myself a good telling off for continuing to be negative about all this, and reminded myself again that I was doing this for my son, I thought maybe I should ring Stepchange anyway in the morning and actually talk to someone. So I think that is what Iím going to do.

    I also have another bank account sat in the wings, unattached to any debts I have so tomorrow I am going to see my employer and ask to change my wages over to the new account. I am due a little overtime at the end of August so I am thinking that rather than chuck this at my minimum payments as I have been doing, leaving myself with nothing and then resorting to using credit cards which I can no longer do, I will try to start some kind of emergency fund if there is anything left.

    I have not broken anything down yet for here but I owe approximately £26500, over credit cards and two overdrafts and I simply have about £460 coming in each month from one part time job. I did have three which I worked around school runs and my husbandís job so childcare wasnít required, but due to bereavement and a further family complication I had to give two of them up. I have since been selling my things on eBay to try and keep up with repayments, but also adding to my credit cards when there wasnít enough. I know Iíve been an idiot. Itís time to make this right.

    I will try to keep coming back to this to update what has happened but some days are very tough and I canít always seem to cope. I am hoping that I can get a DMP in place and start to record it over on the diary forum.

    Thank you for reading.
Page 8
    • Smolly
    • By Smolly 10th Oct 16, 4:16 PM
    • 179 Posts
    • 484 Thanks
    Smolly
    Good Afternoon Thistle, EH and JustAbout - hope you are all well and having a good day. Thanks for popping by!

    Now Mum is still being a pain today which is a bit sad considering it's DS's birthday. I could tell he was struggling on the phone to her earlier when he rang to thank her for his presents. What a difference a grandparent makes! He rang my MIL and was chatting away to her for ages, bless him.

    I am going to speak to my brother about this. I have a feeling that it may be a number of things. For a start she's probably feeling left out because it's DS's birthday and she's not here with us, but yet we aren't exactly rushing off to party anywhere, and DS's party on Thursday is him, me and 3 of his friends plus me sneaking a cake into the play area where we're going. She hates those sort of places anyway as it's too noisy for her.

    My brother on the other hand is currently trying to cut down his travelling to Mum. Instead of going up every other Saturday to see his daughter and Mum, and then driving back for 2 hours and then coming back again late Monday evenings to stay over until Tuesday - he is trying to arrange to see his daughter on a Sunday, spend the rest of the day with Mum, stay over and work there on a Monday - and he may end up doing that every week. It makes sense for him as his drive is so long.

    So I'm guessing with my recent Motorway disasters, DS's birthday and my brother's decision to alter his days I guess that's why Mum may be feeling down. Not that there is any reason to feel down but obviously something is upsetting her. I will ask my brother to try and do some detective work this evening although he isn't the most subtle of people. He treats everything like a business meeting!

    Unfortunately she can't travel too well EH as she had a really nasty accident last year and struggles now to get around. She could manage a train though, if she caught a taxi down and I met her at the other end, and then probably drove her home afterwards...... Doesn't help me much but it might give her something different to think about. She is of the generation sadly which doesn't acknowledge things like depression and she has been offered anti-depressants before but just scoffed at the idea. She can be really stubborn at times but she won't change now.

    Anyway - enough of mother and onto my favourite subject - Charity Shops! I live about 15 minutes' walk from about 7 charity shops Thistle - and these are just local ones. Only one of these is a national chain type one. The others are either less well-known chains, more obscure ones which no one has ever heard of before, or local charities. I never go in the 'chain' one. I much prefer those charity shops which smell like they need a very good airing and which have stuff piled up in corners just begging to be rummaged through!

    The ones in our town centre are the typical chain ones, but most of these are now adopting a sale or £1 rail. One of the chain charity shops was on the brink of closing so it decided to sell everything at a £1. This is one of my favourite shops. It does really well now it has decided to do this and is always buzzing with people. Another chain one has devoted half of its shop to the £1 'rail'! A bit more than a rail now so that's exciting.

    And then around the edges of the town centre loads of more local ones (and cheaper ones) keep springing up. I have found that local community centres/drop in centres and refuges - the type which offer hot drinks and some time on a computer for example are brilliant places to pick up bargains. The ones in my area tend to have a corner dedicated to selling second hand stuff to try and make a bit of cash for the centre. They don't charge silly prices and as long as you don't mind a rummage (which I don't) you can often find some really good deals.

    I still maintain though that a good car boot sale is the best!!! Sadly the weather is getting to that stage where a lot are called off now at this time of year.

    The exhaust came in at £65 by the way - a new back box was needed so OH stepped in thank goodness.

    I sold some stuff on 3Bay last night and made about £21.00 which I will need for the little party this week. I do have some survey money plus a little bit of mystery shopping money to come this week too so that will help. I've just checked my emergency fund. I had obviously deposited some more in there and forgot about it (not like me at all!) and made a little more money on the t'interweb as well, so instead of the £100 I thought I had there (even though my signature states £66) I actually have about £180!!!

    I will obviously need to use some of this for petrol and food but I actually already have a lot of food in (thanks EH for reminding me to check this). I could easily feed myself and DS on what I have probably for the rest of the month but it's the OH who's the really fussy one. I am going to make it my mission later on today to make a list of absolutely everything (food wise) I have and make some sort of meal planner right up to and including 27 October.

    i'm going to carry on with the 3Bay listing too, including the bits I got the other day. My mission really at the moment is to clear the '3Bay Room' as the OH calls it, and then we can use that room to put Mum in if she does come to stay. It's incredibly small but DS always has to give up his room and I don't want that now - he's getting a bit old and it's unfair for him to have to sleep on our floor if and when she does stay. If I can make it cosy and warm she should be ok. I like the ad on 3Bay that states every home has around £4000 worth of stuff to sell!!! I doubt my 3Bay room will hold that but we'll see how far I get.

    And if things get really tight money wise then the OH always gets paid on the 15th....

    Anyway, as usual I have rambled on for far too long, and probably bored you all to tears. I just can't do a short entry. If I do it means there's something wrong!

    Take care all xx
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98
    EF #205 £0/£1000
    • Thistle-down
    • By Thistle-down 10th Oct 16, 10:31 PM
    • 908 Posts
    • 3,105 Thanks
    Thistle-down
    I hope your son has had a lovely birthday!

    Would your mum consider moving to be closer to either you or your brother? I'm assuming clearing out the room is for temporary visits.

    Inspired by your success, I went in to a few charity shops today. Only the local one had any clothes at £1 or under, in fact in Cancer Research most things started at £3.99 or £5.99+, things that were in no way special, new, or anything suggesting warranting the prices they were charging. There were a few other people looking at price tags, shaking their heads and tutting. I know they want to raise money for the charity but if no one buys anything, it's not going to happen! The local shop did have a .50p and a £1 rail, but nothing on either one took my fancy as far as making a decent profit on ebay.

    I'm glad your car repair wasn't too expensive, that must be a relief to have it sorted.

    The table top sales will be starting soon in the village halls, I shall have to make an effort to get to some as the car boots are closing down for the winter.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 11th Oct 16, 10:54 AM
    • 6,383 Posts
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    EssexHebridean
    The BHF shop near us was a complete joke last time I was in - they were selling paperback books for £2.50 each, and there was pretty much nothing clothes-wise below £5 an item. I've not been back in since as I can't see the point. We've got a hospice shop which is brilliant for books - they also supported my Aunt a lot when my Uncle was dying some years ago, so they tend to get all my donations, too. Sadly their clothes tend to be a bit too muddled and "jumble sale" for me and I can't be bothered going through them - MrEH has had a few pairs of decent trousers from there for £1 or £2 though.

    That's a good idea clearing out that room for your Mum to be able to stay as well - I bet she'll be chuffed to bits that you've made her her "own" space too - and if she's not, well she should be!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Smolly
    • By Smolly 12th Oct 16, 11:52 AM
    • 179 Posts
    • 484 Thanks
    Smolly
    Hi Thistle and EH - nice to hear from you again!

    Sorry I've been a bit quiet. Had one of my mood dips again for the past couple of days. Started very shortly after my last post. In fact I could feel it coming on that day but I just couldn't seem to do anything to stop it. I may as well have written yesterday off but the good news is I'm back (and I didn't forget to take my pills either this time!)

    Thistle - Mum wouldn't move closer - in fact she just wouldn't want to leave the house she bought with Dad at all which I can understand although it's far far too big for her now. She doesn't need 4 bedrooms! I really hope at some point in the future we can afford an extension as I could have her here on a more frequent basis. She really needs a stair lift you see so even if she stayed in the spare bedroom temporarily it would be really difficult for her with our steep stairs.

    I have found out anyway what's been troubling her. I won't go into it all here - not yet anyway, as I just don't want to bring myself down again. It was all this mess which has contributed to the last two days of feeling cr*p but fortunately my brother was able to shed some light on the problem. I am trying to sort it out and think of ways to improve the situation but where I don't actually come off worse in the long run.

    Don't despair about the charity shop Thistle - by the sounds of it though on your thread you may have found a suitable one anyway so hope you get the chance to get back there. I just happen to live in one of those areas where charity shops are very prolific. Now I would love to visit a table top sale in an old village hall!!! I shall have to have a look and see if we have anything like that around us - I've never been to anything like that before other than when I was a brownie and that feels like it was in a different century!

    The car repair needs another repair. I had originally taken it because the exhaust seemed to be banging around under my car and I didn't want to be driving down the road and see it in the rear view mirror! That has happened before! So back to the garage with it on Friday as the thump thump noise is still there. Hopefully they won't charge me.

    EH I NEVER go in our BHF shop which is really really sad as I would love to be able to support any heart charity, especially as DS has a heart condition. They just charge really silly amounts I think and I just can't afford to shop there.

    I have decided not to see Mum until the weekend now. I told her I couldn't go up Thursday which caused a rift, told her I may manage Wednesday but the damage was done but I just done have it in me at the moment. I'm still trying to pick myself up and I would really like to get a few bits on 3Bay tonight if I can. I still haven't done anything with the bits I bought the other day and those 6" stilettos are begging to leave the house!

    Anyway, I am going to go and have some caffeine and a sticky bun, maybe watch a bit of catch up and then do a few more jobs before it's time to pick up DS. Ooh just remembered he has an after school club so that's an extra hour.....

    Hope everyone is having a good day xx
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98
    EF #205 £0/£1000
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 12th Oct 16, 12:15 PM
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    EssexHebridean
    Ahh Smolly the situation with your Mum does sound tough. Remember though - a favourite phrase to remind myself of in situations along these lines is "You can't control the way someone behaves towards you, but you can control the way you react to it" - sometimes there simply IS nothing you can do to help someone who is in a particular loop of behaviour, and you have to recognise where to let things go. I have a friend who is in a spectacular loop of destructive anxiety. She desperately needs to sort it as it will end up destroying her relationship if she doesn't - I've numerous times offered support, offered to point her in the direction of online resources that I KNOW (guess how!) work for severe anxiety, but she simply doesn't want to sort it, at the moment. I suspect to an extent she enjoys the drama around it - but texting your friends in a panic in the early hours of the morning can only go on for so long, I'm afraid... The last time the situation reared its head again I made practical supportive comments, but have offered no further input. I simply can't bear to be told yet AGAIN that I'm wrong and my suggestions won't help...

    If you're having a bit of a dip yourself at the moment anyway all the more important that you look after yourself, too. You can only give so much, is the bottom line.

    On the car - get the garage to check the heat-shield for the back box - that makes a bumping noise if it works loose. If it is that it may simply need to be removed but it's a job of seconds to do it and doesn't cause any problems. Might also be worth taking a look yourself and checking that there are no loose wheel-arch linings or anything like that - MrEH's C3 suffers from this regularly!

    Sticky bun....Mmmmm!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Thistle-down
    • By Thistle-down 12th Oct 16, 12:46 PM
    • 908 Posts
    • 3,105 Thanks
    Thistle-down
    I am on my way out to walk the dog, but I just wanted to say that I completely agree with Essex about your mum and how much power she has over your state of mind. I have been in something similar for a good number of years, and it was only on my last trip home that I realised there is nothing I can really do to help my mother, aside from offering emotional support. I no longer feel guilty about her depression, though I am there to listen and have encouraged her time and time again to talk to the Dr about it.

    Big hugs from me xxx
    • Smolly
    • By Smolly 13th Oct 16, 11:43 AM
    • 179 Posts
    • 484 Thanks
    Smolly
    EH you sound like a mechanic! Get yourself over here and have a look under the car will you and I'll provide you with a sticky bun. Thistle you come too and I'll drop you off at the charity shops, after you've had a sticky bun too of course and EH has fixed the car

    Fortunately my mood dip is improving but I just feel so tired. I think in all honesty that I may start to feel better once I return to work. There is absolutely no time for maudlin when I'm there as it's just so crazy busy, but also very tiring so I will just have to take things at a steady pace when I go back (as if!).

    Anyway, am trying to get a few bits done without writing a list to do them. I've updated my finances and had to borrow from the EF but there is still £122.45 left in there. I also have about £32 to go to my account which I haven't accounted for yet. With what's there now and the bit I've borrowed from the EF today I should manage to pay my DD's for the rest of the month and pay for DS's little party tonight. I still need petrol but I may have to ask OH to dip into his wallet if and when we need any more food bits. My freezer however is fit to burst. I never did do a meal plan as I went down hill, maybe I will find time to do that today. No correction - I have time, I lack motivation.

    I had an interesting phone call yesterday asking if I wanted to take part in some focus group market research. I said yes but they said they would ring me back today if I've been successful. I somehow don't think I'll get in but if I do it's £90 for 3 hours talking on a telephone! Not all in one go fortunately! Will wait and see. Would be a nice boost before Christmas. Speaking on a phone is not my favourite hobby but I'll do it naked if they want for £90.

    Anyway must go - am procrastinating as usual. Hope you are all ok xx
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98
    EF #205 £0/£1000
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 13th Oct 16, 12:00 PM
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    • 35,220 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Owned cars/been driving for 25 years - my early cars were all complete bangers (First one cost me £100 mainly because it had no functioning reverse gear. Parking was interesting, to say the least. ) As a result I've got a reasonable idea of the potential things that go wrong with cars - I've probably experienced most of them at some time or another! we now go the "banger" route for Mr EH's car too - not to *quite* the same extent but his last 2 have each cost in the region of £2k, have paid for themselves in savings on his work travel inside 18 months - the first one went on for about 4 years if I remember rightly and the second one is now over 2 years in our ownership I think. We'll be spending a bit more on his next one - he might have something no more than 5 years old but the C3 has to break first! My Clio was bought brand new in 2007 and I love it to bits so have no desire to change it - it was however that one that taught me about the heat shield...and yes I googled a LOT to be sure that the garage removing it totally was fine!

    Meal plan - a thought. See what you have in, and write down in priority order what needs using - ie veg that will spoil, meat that's on the end of it's date etc. Then plan meals to use stuff up in that order. Before you shop, update your "use-up" list (which can even include jarred/dried stuff that has been kicking around in the fridge/cupboard longer than you like - you can then focus on using the stuff in the right order, plan accordingly, and only buy what you need. Works for me. Well mostly! Also cuts down on feelings of guilt due to overspending/waste.

    Focus groups can be a great earner - my Dad does them occasionally to supplement his pension.

    Good luck with "Getting Stuff Done!"
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Thistle-down
    • By Thistle-down 14th Oct 16, 8:41 AM
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    Thistle-down
    just popping on to say hi and I'm glad your mood is lifting!

    I'm really unwell so going back to bed. I hope you have a good day!
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 14th Oct 16, 1:21 PM
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    • 35,220 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    just popping on to say hi and I'm glad your mood is lifting!

    I'm really unwell so going back to bed. I hope you have a good day!
    Originally posted by Thistle-down
    Oh Thistle poor you - feel better soon! x
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Smolly
    • By Smolly 14th Oct 16, 7:53 PM
    • 179 Posts
    • 484 Thanks
    Smolly
    Thank you Thistle - hope you're feeling better soon xx
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98
    EF #205 £0/£1000
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 14th Oct 16, 10:02 PM
    • 6,383 Posts
    • 35,220 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    You OK Smolly?
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • Thistle-down
    • By Thistle-down 15th Oct 16, 4:23 PM
    • 908 Posts
    • 3,105 Thanks
    Thistle-down
    Hope you're doing ok, Smolly!
    • Smolly
    • By Smolly 17th Oct 16, 9:26 AM
    • 179 Posts
    • 484 Thanks
    Smolly
    Hello ladies thank you for popping in. I've not been hiding. For some reason I don't seem to get email notifications when someone replies on my thread so am happily reading other people's diaries and forgetting to check my own! Am hoping to start a new diary soon anyway so will make sure the settings are right on that one!

    Hope you are both ok - Thistle I've seen on your thread you're feeling a bit better now so that's good news. Hope you have a good day today.


    I have a few bits of news myself, nothing exciting just catch up stuff but in true Smolly style I'll probably ramble on and I really need to get on with a few jobs right now so will come back later (Essex part of my list involves a meal plan!!!!) xx
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98
    EF #205 £0/£1000
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 17th Oct 16, 9:58 AM
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    • 35,220 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    Glad you're OK - I find the easiest way to keep up with diaries is to subscribe to them - you can subscribe to your own too so it just pops up in the list with the others!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
    • ERICS MUM
    • By ERICS MUM 17th Oct 16, 1:11 PM
    • 3,161 Posts
    • 5,934 Thanks
    ERICS MUM
    Good morning (well, afternoon). A stressful morning so I've treated myself to a trip to a garden centre and now tucking into a slab of peach cheesecake and a pot of tea.

    My 'to do' list for today included posting two gift boxes to my niece and her family but I'd forgotten a couple bits that had to go in. So I had to take the boxes, unwrapped, to the post office, get the last items, wrap the boxes and post. I remembered to take sellotape and scissors but not pen and address labels. Found a till receipt in the car boot and used the back for a label. Went into the bank and used their pen (chained to the counter !!). Posted boxes.

    Next the charity shop with a lovely delicate black silk beaded jacket that was my late Mums. I'd wrapped it in tissue and told the woman in the shop that it needed hanging up straightaway as it creases easily. She countered that it didn't matter because they would steam it. I said it was silk and beaded so steaming wasn't a good idea. She gave me a weak smile and turned away. I won't take stuff there anymore.

    Then the chemist to arrange 2 months prescriptions because I will be away. I'm still not sure if the woman got it right, I will find out when I go to collect them ! I do know she had a loud voice and there was a long queue behind me so everyone in there knew my holiday plans !

    Last job - cleaning the bathroom, has been postponed to make room for this trip to the garden centre. I'm knackered.

    Well that's me for the day, sorry for a long post ! Xx
    Last edited by ERICS MUM; 17-10-2016 at 1:14 PM.
    • Smolly
    • By Smolly 17th Oct 16, 9:02 PM
    • 179 Posts
    • 484 Thanks
    Smolly
    Hi Essex and EM - hope you are both ok. You sound like you've had a productive day EM - and the peach cheesecake sounds delish! I was treated to a trip to a garden centre yesterday and had my lunch bought for me (by OH!) Nearly fainted when he suggested it. Sadly no yummy pud for me but then it was a help yourself carvery and I did fill up!

    Shame about the charity shop incident - it often pains me to take stuff in that I've looked after for years and just see someone fling it all to the back of a room for 'dealing' with. I once insisted on carrying a box through to a local charity shop's storeroom as I knew it contained lots of breakables. I just stood in awe. There were mountains of stuff - some black bags which must have contained clothes were piled up to the ceiling in a makeshift holding bay. I didn't hold out much hope for my little box of treasures to be dealt with carefully any time soon!

    Your comment about the boxes reminded me of my Mum - she's always having to undo boxes she's packed up for eBay only to look across and see the item she was meant to have packed still sitting beside her! God knows what she's posted to people in the past. Two people have been in touch with her to a) tell her that for some reason Mum had posted them Dad's birth certificate !????? and b) to say thank you for the scissors she kindly packed in addition to the item they were expecting (the scissors she had been using to pack the parcel and somehow chucked them in as well). I'm not the only daft one you see!

    I've tried to be good today and prepare a few bits for eBay for listing tomorrow. I've taken photos and that's about it but it was a start! I've also finished a form to try and reclaim some PPI which will help enormously if it goes through after my weekend car disaster....

    Took the car back to the garage with the clunking exhaust. Not a clunking exhaust at all. A clunking rear wheel axle no less. On it's last legs. (Why did no one notice when they fixed my exhaust???)
    £450 please and thank you. Oh and don't drive the car - t'ain't safe.

    The old Smolly would have thrown herself on the ground with arms and legs flailing (not really!) but I wouldn't have been best pleased. I would then have got out a credit card, whacked it on that without a second thought, other than to feel sick and guilty about increasing my debt. And then probably gone shopping to cheer myself up.

    This time I felt fine. I was thankful for not driving and seeing my own wheels pass me on the road. I was thankful I don't have that far to get to work (50 minutes walk each way) and thankful for trains to get to Mum's. I was incredibly thankful for not being able to add to my debt on a credit card.

    I rang Mum. In true Mother fashion the first thing she said was 'that's my Thursday visits out the window then'. Charming. The second thing she said was that she would pay for it so that her Thursday visits weren't compromised. I declined but she won me over as I really don't fancy a 1 hr 40 min walk every day as the weather is turning, and DS still has some hospital appointments to come. I do aim to pay her back however. The debt therefore has increased anyway but not in the way it would have done before.

    So eBaying with my life it is to try and get this extra debt from around my neck and not feel beholden to Mother. xx
    LBM Jul 16 £26,823.83, Nov 16 £27,961.98
    EF #205 £0/£1000
    • ERICS MUM
    • By ERICS MUM 17th Oct 16, 9:34 PM
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    ERICS MUM
    Smolly I think your Mum cares for you but doesn't know how to show it. Her offer to pay for your car seems genuine to me, try not to stress over it !

    I've got s few things on EBay with 3 days to run- no bids but lots of watchers. How long will they hold their nerve before putting in their first bid ? OR will they forget they're watching it ?

    Goodnight everyone.

    EM
    • JustAboutThere
    • By JustAboutThere 18th Oct 16, 10:05 AM
    • 463 Posts
    • 2,022 Thanks
    JustAboutThere
    Sorry to hear about the car. I hope your Mum doesn't use the money as a means of controlling you.

    Your comment about the boxes reminded me of my Mum - she's always having to undo boxes she's packed up for eBay only to look across and see the item she was meant to have packed still sitting beside her! God knows what she's posted to people in the past. Two people have been in touch with her to a) tell her that for some reason Mum had posted them Dad's birth certificate !????? and b) to say thank you for the scissors she kindly packed in addition to the item they were expecting (the scissors she had been using to pack the parcel and somehow chucked them in as well). I'm not the only daft one you see!
    Originally posted by Smolly
    I did manage to take my TV remote control on holiday one year. I'd put the suitcase on the sofa to pack (small flat) and chucked a load of clothes to one side whilst deciding to take. Obviously didn't check too closely as I was really bemused when unpacking at my location and there's the remote. I was like, huh!???????

    Had a crazy, busy day at work yesterday. Hopefully today I'll manage to get some routine things out the way.

    Take care.
    • EssexHebridean
    • By EssexHebridean 18th Oct 16, 11:30 AM
    • 6,383 Posts
    • 35,220 Thanks
    EssexHebridean
    EM may be right about your Mum - it does sound like she doesn't know how to vocalise things. If she said she would "pay for it" then I would take that at face value, thank her very much, and take her a small bunch of flowers or something similar next time you go to see her and hand over with another thank you - but I wouldn't necessarily assume that you need to pay her back. If she had intended that I would suggest that she would have worded it as "paying for it for now" or "loaning you the money to pay for it" - once you have the debts a bit more under control you could always try a gentle "Mum I'd like to do something about starting to pay you back that money you paid for fixing my car" and see what she says. It may well be that she realisesd that going to visit her every week puts you to a lot of expense, acknowledges that it would cost her a fortune to do it on the train, and is actually happy to contribute a bit back.

    Glad you got the car sorted before it actually fell apart anyway - in fairness to the garage they wouldn't have noticed it when they fixed the exhaust as even though the car was on the ramp they wouldn't have been looking elsewhere than at the exhaust!

    Both carvery lunches AND peach cheesecakes sound glorious!
    MORTGAGE FREE 30/09/2016
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