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  • FIRST POST
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 25th Jul 16, 7:16 PM
    • 10,473Posts
    • 69,440Thanks
    Bobarella
    Budget Wars - A New Hope (with apologies to George Lucas)
    • #1
    • 25th Jul 16, 7:16 PM
    Budget Wars - A New Hope (with apologies to George Lucas) 25th Jul 16 at 7:16 PM
    A New Hope is a very fitting title for my first ever DFW diary. For the first time in around 18 months I really have hope. I am one of those people who has always seen September as the start of the year. Because of back to school I suppose. And this year is the first September I can honestly say I am 100% looking forward to in years.

    My situation is complicated but to simplify, I took the enormous step to not only become self employed but to sell my family home to finance my new business in 2011. I turned my back on a very well paid career to go out on my own.
    In that period I have had many challenges. Gone to hell and back owing wages and HMRC. Dont worry the wages were paid back long ago as quickly as I could. And I repaid HMRC.
    The stress of being responsible for other peoples lives is intense if you've never been there. At my lowest point I deactivated my voicemail to avoid the energy company being able to contact me.

    At one point I owed around £40,000 all business related. Primarily on a loan, but some CC.

    Time and again I bashed my head against my mental bars and wondered if I could physically carry on. But I did. Through hell and high waters. Quite literally in fact....

    This last year has not been easy. I worked as the sole employee of my business during my entire pregnancy with DD and went into labour whilst still at work. When my baby was 4 months old I got seriously ill and spent a week in hospital. My lovely FIL was diognosed with the big C 2 months ago. And life has wobbled along precariously as always.

    The reason for my new hope is I finally made a big decision. To stop the business I am running & build another. It wont be easy but it will get me out of the hole I am in & allow me to take on paid employment around the new business. I have 4 days left of my old situation and then good night vienna!

    I love MSE. It and the people of it have been such a comfort. And now I am hoping to use this diary as a place for me to record my baby steps towards a life less stressful, adrenaline filled & chaotic.

    Bob
    Last edited by Bobarella; 25-07-2016 at 7:34 PM.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
Page 93
    • Toni'sfriend
    • By Toni'sfriend 12th Jul 17, 3:25 PM
    • 818 Posts
    • 7,302 Thanks
    Toni'sfriend
    You're having a hard time just now, Bob, but you know everyone here is thinking about you and wishing you all the best.
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 13th Jul 17, 4:43 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Aw Bob - I truly have nothing but respect and admiration for everything that you do. I know our situations are very different but I completely appreciate trying to make a go of things and feeling like nobody notices/cares/helps etc. I wish I was closer and I would come and babysit your kids so you and dh could have a date night (and I don't ever offer to look after other people's kids )...
    You just need a break, and unfortunately I know how hard they are to come by.
    Lots of love to you and yours xxxx
    Originally posted by crazy_cat_lady
    Cat that is so kind. I am not surprised you wouldn't want to look after kids after being a teacher as well I feel so touched by you even saying that. Thank you.

    I completely agree that a break is what I need and my family too. It's just utterly impossible right now. I honestly feel so surprised at how off track we appear to have gone since the start of this year. I keep thinking oh well get to a quieter bit and I will be able to stop and review how we've done overall and set some more goals. But it hasn't happened yet. I'm just getting through each day at the moment.


    You're having a hard time just now, Bob, but you know everyone here is thinking about you and wishing you all the best.
    Originally posted by Toni'sfriend
    Thanks so much TF I do appreciate that.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 13th Jul 17, 4:44 PM
    • 5,074 Posts
    • 16,698 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Hi Bob,

    Hope that you're okay? Always good to have a break and reassess things.

    xx
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £7400.00 Cap 1: £562.23 BC: £4577.81 Overdraft: £2750.00

    AFD 5/10 NSD 2/10 LTW 10/15

    20p Savers 2017 £2 Savers 2017 50p Savers 2017 SPC 10 2017 #003
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 13th Jul 17, 4:49 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    In an attempt to jump start my positive side I think I will just try and go with gratitudes for now. That is always possible.

    Today I am grateful for:

    1. Kind thoughtful comforting words from my online friends.

    2. For an enquiry that made me feel that my efforts had at least been seen.

    3. For the cooler weather, it is so much fresher to be out walking in.

    Bob
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 13th Jul 17, 4:52 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Hi Bob,

    Hope that you're okay? Always good to have a break and reassess things.

    xx
    Originally posted by Purplemumof2
    Thank you.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • sugarbaby125
    • By sugarbaby125 14th Jul 17, 10:07 AM
    • 893 Posts
    • 5,542 Thanks
    sugarbaby125
    Hi Bob,

    I am so sorry to hear that you and your family are having a difficult 2017. I was so grateful to Siebre for alerting us on the Wombling thread to the fact that life is proving to be a major challenge for you at the moment.

    I hope that I am correct in believing that you actually live in London. If you do, then I would be very happy to act as a free babysitter for you. I am a qualified Level 3 Nursery Nurse, a Mother and Grandmother. I absolutely love children.

    I am currently employed as a part time cleaner in a Sixth Form College and only work term time, so as it is the Summer holidays at the moment for me, so I have a few non working weeks.

    I know that what you really need at the moment is someone you can implicitly trust to look after your precious children so that you can have time to yourself and can get time to remind yourself of who you are as a woman in your own right and as a wife. You would be able to experience that date night that you long for with your husband, plus you could just have time to work at your business without all the distractions of trying to cater to the myriad needs of your children at the same time.

    Please take advantage of my offer if you and your husband feel comfortable doing so. I do have a current DBS.
    Last edited by sugarbaby125; 14-07-2017 at 10:18 AM.
    • parsniphead
    • By parsniphead 14th Jul 17, 10:16 AM
    • 2,160 Posts
    • 13,629 Thanks
    parsniphead
    You work so hard Bob and are inspiration for lots as us but non of us are superwoman. Please try to take a little time for yourself as you are important too. It's hard to accept help form others at times but try to if its offered. I hope you get back to your positive self soon.
    My August to Christmas challenge:.
    Pay off £2500 debt - £806/2500 32.24%
    Completely declutter the house by Christmas day...all of it.

    Nothing should be wasted on the self-sufficient holding. The dustman should never have to call. John Seymour
    • crazy_cat_lady
    • By crazy_cat_lady 14th Jul 17, 10:32 AM
    • 3,330 Posts
    • 28,603 Thanks
    crazy_cat_lady
    Sugarbaby - you are an angel
    I really hope that Bob takes you up on the offer and gets a few hours that she needs either to herself or with her dh.
    NSTSeptember #32 NSD 8/18 RYSAW17 #1 £1313.42 20p Savers #88 £1 a day for Xmas # DFD 6 Nov 15 - paid £28,447
    • hugglemonster
    • By hugglemonster 14th Jul 17, 10:38 AM
    • 299 Posts
    • 1,373 Thanks
    hugglemonster
    What a lovely forum this is, I think everyone sees what an absolutely determined and hard working woman you are and everyone has points where things just seem impossible and need some extra support, this is your time xx

    You've had so much to cope with in terms of children, being self-employed and the challenges that brings, friends who let you down never mind just having a life - it's understandable that you are at breaking point.

    I know words can't help you find the money to pay the rent or bring in the income but there's a wealth of experience, ideas and offers of help on here that hopefully give you some comfort that you're not alone. Please accept a dodgy hug too

    Are there any baby/toddler group nearby that you can go to for an hour of breathing time and maybe build up a new network of friends and support?

    H x
    Debt: Overdraft 2 £1200/ now £1200 Overdraft 1 £2200 Credit card £2200 Car - Lots!!
    PAID - Computer £646.52
    Emergency fund: £0 General savings: £0
    • Purplemumof2
    • By Purplemumof2 14th Jul 17, 10:39 AM
    • 5,074 Posts
    • 16,698 Thanks
    Purplemumof2
    Hi Bob,

    I am so sorry to hear that you and your family are having a difficult 2017. I was so grateful to Siebre for alerting us on the Wombling thread to the fact that life is proving to be a major challenge for you at the moment.

    I hope that I am correct in believing that you actually live in London. If you do, then I would be very happy to act as a free babysitter for you. I am a qualified Level 3 Nursery Nurse, a Mother and Grandmother. I absolutely love children.

    I am currently employed as a part time cleaner in a Sixth Form College and only work term time, so as it is the Summer holidays at the moment for me, so I have a few non working weeks.

    I know that what you really need at the moment is someone you can implicitly trust to look after your precious children so that you can have time to yourself and can get time to remind yourself of who you are as a woman in your own right and as a wife. You would be able to experience that date night that you long for with your husband, plus you could just have time to work at your business without all the distractions of trying to cater to the myriad needs of your children at the same time.

    Please take advantage of my offer if you and your husband feel comfortable doing so. I do have a current DBS.
    Originally posted by sugarbaby125
    What a lovely gesture x
    Official DFW Nerd Club - Member no. 791 - Proud to be dealing with my debts
    MBNA: £7400.00 Cap 1: £562.23 BC: £4577.81 Overdraft: £2750.00

    AFD 5/10 NSD 2/10 LTW 10/15

    20p Savers 2017 £2 Savers 2017 50p Savers 2017 SPC 10 2017 #003
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 14th Jul 17, 11:10 AM
    • 142 Posts
    • 715 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    Bob, my offer from a few pages back still stands.

    I live outside of London but I have a commuter pass that gets me into central London within half an hour or so. I am young, fit-ish and am more than happy to help out with flyering and other bits and bobs.

    Only thing is, I don't know what kind of business you run and I'll tell you now for full disclosure, I am truly SHOCKING at waitressing. One time I did a temp cleaning job and was not told it would involve serving lunch. Needless to say it did not go well and involved me dropping knives on people and apologising profusely.
    Debt Totals 01/07/17:
    £350 Natwest Credit Card / Now £0 £15,500 Loan from Parents / Currently £12,500 £2,000 Overdraft Now £1,000
    • Hiddenidenity
    • By Hiddenidenity 14th Jul 17, 12:16 PM
    • 4,772 Posts
    • 20,831 Thanks
    Hiddenidenity
    Bob, my offer from a few pages back still stands.

    I live outside of London but I have a commuter pass that gets me into central London within half an hour or so. I am young, fit-ish and am more than happy to help out with flyering and other bits and bobs.

    Only thing is, I don't know what kind of business you run and I'll tell you now for full disclosure, I am truly SHOCKING at waitressing. One time I did a temp cleaning job and was not told it would involve serving lunch. Needless to say it did not go well and involved me dropping knives on people and apologising profusely.
    Originally posted by Silver Queen
    I did silver service as a job for quite a long time at football ground events and similar

    One particular night I was in a really awful mood and everything was going wrong, I threw (literally flew off my arm) a full silver tray of new potatoes covered in butter ALL over some poor guys head/back/chair. I ran into the kitchen and cried!

    The universe will send positive things your way Bob I'm sure of it, you definitely deserve some good and time to yourself x Keep plodding along remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will find it x
    DFW £1313.71/£7348.71 Rent Arrears £466.28/£3381.28

    Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 14th Jul 17, 1:21 PM
    • 142 Posts
    • 715 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    I did silver service as a job for quite a long time at football ground events and similar

    One particular night I was in a really awful mood and everything was going wrong, I threw (literally flew off my arm) a full silver tray of new potatoes covered in butter ALL over some poor guys head/back/chair. I ran into the kitchen and cried!

    The universe will send positive things your way Bob I'm sure of it, you definitely deserve some good and time to yourself x Keep plodding along remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will find it x
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity

    Hidden, I think after this we will be well and truly banned from Bob's business, waitressing or no
    Debt Totals 01/07/17:
    £350 Natwest Credit Card / Now £0 £15,500 Loan from Parents / Currently £12,500 £2,000 Overdraft Now £1,000
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 14th Jul 17, 5:08 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Hi Bob,

    I am so sorry to hear that you and your family are having a difficult 2017. I was so grateful to Siebre for alerting us on the Wombling thread to the fact that life is proving to be a major challenge for you at the moment.

    I hope that I am correct in believing that you actually live in London. If you do, then I would be very happy to act as a free babysitter for you. I am a qualified Level 3 Nursery Nurse, a Mother and Grandmother. I absolutely love children.

    I am currently employed as a part time cleaner in a Sixth Form College and only work term time, so as it is the Summer holidays at the moment for me, so I have a few non working weeks.

    I know that what you really need at the moment is someone you can implicitly trust to look after your precious children so that you can have time to yourself and can get time to remind yourself of who you are as a woman in your own right and as a wife. You would be able to experience that date night that you long for with your husband, plus you could just have time to work at your business without all the distractions of trying to cater to the myriad needs of your children at the same time.

    Please take advantage of my offer if you and your husband feel comfortable doing so. I do have a current DBS.
    Originally posted by sugarbaby125
    Sugarbaby You are so incredibly kind. I'm not sure I have the right words to reply! It is truly amazing to me that there are people out there who really do want to help others.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 14th Jul 17, 5:11 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    You work so hard Bob and are inspiration for lots as us but non of us are superwoman. Please try to take a little time for yourself as you are important too. It's hard to accept help form others at times but try to if its offered. I hope you get back to your positive self soon.
    Originally posted by parsniphead
    Thanks Parsniphead. You inspire me too
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 14th Jul 17, 5:15 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Bob, my offer from a few pages back still stands.

    I live outside of London but I have a commuter pass that gets me into central London within half an hour or so. I am young, fit-ish and am more than happy to help out with flyering and other bits and bobs.

    Only thing is, I don't know what kind of business you run and I'll tell you now for full disclosure, I am truly SHOCKING at waitressing. One time I did a temp cleaning job and was not told it would involve serving lunch. Needless to say it did not go well and involved me dropping knives on people and apologising profusely.
    Originally posted by Silver Queen
    Silver Queen - I am sorry, I went back and I couldn't see any posts from you??? Mind you I haven't been keeping track as well as usual. I am very grateful for any kind thoughts and would hate to offend anyone by not replying.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Silver Queen
    • By Silver Queen 14th Jul 17, 5:17 PM
    • 142 Posts
    • 715 Thanks
    Silver Queen
    Silver Queen - I am sorry, I went back and I couldn't see any posts from you??? Mind you I haven't been keeping track as well as usual. I am very grateful for any kind thoughts and would hate to offend anyone by not replying.
    Originally posted by Bobarella

    No offence taken whatsoever even in the slightest

    To be honest, it could have been more than a few pages back...time has kind of run away from me in the last few months. Or it could have been in a different thread to be honest
    Debt Totals 01/07/17:
    £350 Natwest Credit Card / Now £0 £15,500 Loan from Parents / Currently £12,500 £2,000 Overdraft Now £1,000
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 14th Jul 17, 5:17 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    I did silver service as a job for quite a long time at football ground events and similar

    One particular night I was in a really awful mood and everything was going wrong, I threw (literally flew off my arm) a full silver tray of new potatoes covered in butter ALL over some poor guys head/back/chair. I ran into the kitchen and cried!

    The universe will send positive things your way Bob I'm sure of it, you definitely deserve some good and time to yourself x Keep plodding along remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and you will find it x
    Originally posted by Hiddenidenity
    Oh my goodness imagine! Hope he was ok! We've all got our waitressing stories from hell
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 14th Jul 17, 5:41 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    What a lovely forum this is, I think everyone sees what an absolutely determined and hard working woman you are and everyone has points where things just seem impossible and need some extra support, this is your time xx

    You've had so much to cope with in terms of children, being self-employed and the challenges that brings, friends who let you down never mind just having a life - it's understandable that you are at breaking point.

    I know words can't help you find the money to pay the rent or bring in the income but there's a wealth of experience, ideas and offers of help on here that hopefully give you some comfort that you're not alone. Please accept a dodgy hug too

    Are there any baby/toddler group nearby that you can go to for an hour of breathing time and maybe build up a new network of friends and support?

    H x
    Originally posted by hugglemonster
    Hi Huggle

    Funny enough I have been talking to OH this afternoon about what we need to do going forward. My main issue is a complete lack of routine. Because of my job I can have viewings drop into my diary at any time. With the school run too I always say to people either between these times or in the evening. This means I am never at a loose end for long enough on a consistent basis to make any new friends for me or DD.
    I have a lot of acquaintances through my work and am usually working on something for someone so it's not like I'm isolated from people. Plus I see the usual faces at school pick up. What I don't have is any consistent form of down time to plan to be with anyone.

    A normal day for me can be get up at 7, walk to the business anytime between then and mid day, viewings, home to do shopping, then out on the school run which takes ages out of my day because of how far it is and the fact we don't drive. Home. Sort out the house for a bit then either out again for viewings cycling there and back or cycle to let someone in and then cycle home and do that again later at night when they are finished.
    My DD is still not off the boob (21 months and counting) which means nighttimes are still interrupted.

    All of this leads to my goals for the summer holidays
    - Get DD off the boob and into her own bed properly
    - Decide what I want to happen about childcare.
    - Major declutter again
    - Set family goals in all areas of our life

    It's hard because IRL people that know me always seem so keen to make sweeping judgements about how well I'm doing. And I feel so embarrassed to tell them otherwise.
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
    • Bobarella
    • By Bobarella 14th Jul 17, 5:45 PM
    • 10,473 Posts
    • 69,440 Thanks
    Bobarella
    Today's gratitudes

    1. For incredible kindness from online friends (yep this one is going to be featuring a lot I think, so grateful thank you)

    2. For conversations with OH and a work colleague. Talking it out really does take time and revisiting things over and over until it feels like you are ready to make decisions.

    3. To a mum from school for entertaining my DS on a playdate. He was so happy.

    Bob
    " Your vibe attracts your tribe"

    Debt neutral 27/03/17 from £40k in the hole 2012.
    Roadkill 17 £56.58 2016-£62.28 2015- £84.20)
    RYSAW17 £1900 2016 £2,535.16 2015 £1027.20
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