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  • FIRST POST
    • poorlittlefish
    • By poorlittlefish 20th Jul 16, 8:32 PM
    • 330Posts
    • 324Thanks
    poorlittlefish
    Finding the dating game so harsh!
    • #1
    • 20th Jul 16, 8:32 PM
    Finding the dating game so harsh! 20th Jul 16 at 8:32 PM
    To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

    I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

    For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

    Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!
Page 6
    • caprikid1
    • By caprikid1 10th Oct 16, 11:49 AM
    • 422 Posts
    • 453 Thanks
    caprikid1
    Strange
    I have been single on and off for a couple of years, certainly not gods gift and as a dad who has his children a lot with a busy job sometimes quite restrictive.


    I tend to message quite a few people and if a conversation goes ok arrange to meet up.


    Never been stood up, had two serious relationships (Now on the second) and made a few friends I am still in touch with.


    I think in terms of men


    1. Undateables
    2. Married
    3. Liars / Serial Daters
    4. Decent - Won't be around for long.


    A lot of women don't rush into meeting and have met a few that have not been on a date for 12 months.


    Women
    1. Inaccurate photos / description (Really whats the point).
    2. Not seeking a relationship
    3. Seriously fussy (1 date in 12 months).
    4. Undatable - Crazy
    5. Decent - Won't be around for long.


    Don't take it serious, be sensible, stay safe and enjoy the richness that is meeting new people. I loved every moment of online dating.
    • beckysbobbles1
    • By beckysbobbles1 10th Oct 16, 4:19 PM
    • 266 Posts
    • 354 Thanks
    beckysbobbles1
    Internet dating sucks!!!


    I tried in back in 2012 and it was fine. Guys were nice, not too many weirdos and had a few dates but when I went back on it, it had completely changed!!


    I had so many people stalk me when I didn't reply and then when you reply politely saying you're not interested, you get a load of abuse.


    I was always quite open to meeting up. I never really say the first meet as a date. More a quick coffee or drink to see if you 'click' and can hold a conversation. I'd say only 1 in 10 meets went on to a second date.


    People hide behind computers and pretend to be something they are not. I wish it was easier for people to meet new people but we are all obsessed with our gadgets that we don't even make eye contact with strangers.
    • chanda
    • By chanda 10th Oct 16, 8:26 PM
    • 34 Posts
    • 26 Thanks
    chanda
    I've been single for over 5 years now, I'm thinking about online dating but it scares me.

    I'm 24 by the way (female)

    I've heard about Tinder which I'm gonna try next month.

    I always generally attract guys who only want sex because I've got big boobs, I'm also tall and slim too.

    But I'm not at all familiar with POF, is it similar to Match.com?
    Determined to live the best life! 😃 😍 🌏 🎉 🎆 🎈

    Paid off all my Debt! 07.10.16.
    • pimento
    • By pimento 10th Oct 16, 9:06 PM
    • 5,143 Posts
    • 6,680 Thanks
    pimento
    I've been single for almost a year now and am enjoying the time to myself. I do wonder how easy it will be to meet a lady - especially with me being very carful with money.

    would any ladies out there be happy to eat reduced price food everyday? How about going for a walk in the park rather than spending money on a dinner date? Any frugal ladies are welcome over here!

    I think i'm too busy saving up for a house/retirement than looking for a partner. If the right person came along i would of course go for it.

    I'm also against meeting people online or via apps - i don't think you can get your personality across online. Keep at it and don't let the few guys who mess you around get to you. I think most guys would see it as a game and wouldn't even think the person on the other side has feelings!
    Originally posted by superpauk
    I could put up with a lot of things but parsimony isn't one of them. It's on a par with keeping your socks on in bed.
    "If you think it's expensive to hire a professional to do the job, wait until you hire an amateur." -- Red Adair
    • powerful_Rogue
    • By powerful_Rogue 10th Oct 16, 9:23 PM
    • 3,000 Posts
    • 4,350 Thanks
    powerful_Rogue
    Became single in May 2015.

    Signed upto POF, OKCupid & Tinder. Met a lot of women and had a lot of fun. In November met "The One" and shes currently in the process of moving in.

    Always amazed me the stories women told me about men on these sites. The missus was offered £100 just to kick a man in the balls in POF!

    Just a case of weeding the no hopers out.
    • bundly
    • By bundly 12th Nov 16, 1:18 PM
    • 914 Posts
    • 785 Thanks
    bundly
    I have tried in the past to find someone this way, with mixed results.

    99% of the people on a site won't suit you, so you have to be persistent.

    The best advice I can give is to BE RUTHLESS. You will be led up the garden path many times by men who live 500 miles away but insist that distance is no object when two people are right for one another, but never can meet up due to time and expense. Big timewaster!

    Ignore anyone still living with his ex.

    Ignore anyone who won't send you photos of himself.
    • smudger1964
    • By smudger1964 17th Nov 16, 2:55 PM
    • 624 Posts
    • 255 Thanks
    smudger1964
    I have been using online dating for a few years on and off met some lovely girls on there and tbh some very strange ones..
    If only everyone used recent pictures like I do it would be so much better..
    I met one lady in Costa last year didnt even recognise her from the "recent pictures" she had put on the dating site..
    The trick is to get a phone number fairly quickly then have a chat on the phone not message on the site for weeks as it quickly becomes tedious..

    Then just meet for a quick coffee or a drink the first date doesnt need to be a marathon unless you get on so well that you want it to go on longer..You soon know if you have an attraction or not
    And remember not all blokes are after one thing,so much better to get to know someone for a while first before you get down to all that stuff
    Last edited by smudger1964; 17-11-2016 at 3:03 PM.
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 17th Nov 16, 3:10 PM
    • 1,037 Posts
    • 2,075 Thanks
    Oakdene
    Given up on dating for now. I never, until earlier this year, understood those people who said they had met 'the one' & they just knew. My partner & I separated but for me she is/was the one who I cant move on from no matter what I try.
    • MONEYTREE
    • By MONEYTREE 8th Dec 16, 8:27 PM
    • 126 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    MONEYTREE
    When you are in your 40s and 50s you cannot rely on meeting someone in real life, and you can hardly go about approaching men and saying "I fancy you, are you single?" It would just look so desperate and would be incredibly embarrassing. 99 out of 100 would be unavailable, anyway.

    And so one turns to online dating, because at least one knows they are straight, and "looking".

    So first I tried the free sites and they are just full of men looking for "no strings attached" sex (and usually pervy, porny sex, at that!) Most are married or in relationships.

    And so I paid £60 to join Match, thinking as that is a "proper" relationship site for people who are serious about wanting to meet someone for a "proper" relationship. I received only three messages, and <sigh> all of them asking for "no strings attached" sex. I got a refund!
    Last edited by MONEYTREE; 08-12-2016 at 8:30 PM.
    • fierystormcloud
    • By fierystormcloud 8th Dec 16, 10:21 PM
    • 1,392 Posts
    • 4,269 Thanks
    fierystormcloud
    When you are in your 40s and 50s you cannot rely on meeting someone in real life, and you can hardly go about approaching men and saying "I fancy you, are you single?" It would just look so desperate and would be incredibly embarrassing. 99 out of 100 would be unavailable, anyway.

    And so one turns to online dating, because at least one knows they are straight, and "looking".

    So first I tried the free sites and they are just full of men looking for "no strings attached" sex (and usually pervy, porny sex, at that!) Most are married or in relationships.

    And so I paid £60 to join Match, thinking as that is a "proper" relationship site for people who are serious about wanting to meet someone for a "proper" relationship. I received only three messages, and <sigh> all of them asking for "no strings attached" sex. I got a refund!
    Originally posted by MONEYTREE
    Can't rely on meeting someone in real life when you're in your 40's or 50's?! Where did you get THAT from? I missed that meeting!

    And I doubt 99 out of 100 people are unavailable. Maybe two-thirds, and that is pushing it. From the amount of people I see who are desperate for a partner, I would say it's way more than just 1% of people who are available.
    cooeeeeeeeee
    • MONEYTREE
    • By MONEYTREE 12th Dec 16, 1:23 PM
    • 126 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    MONEYTREE
    Can't rely on meeting someone in real life when you're in your 40's or 50's?! Where did you get THAT from? I missed that meeting!
    Originally posted by fierystormcloud
    I got that from my real, lived experience over years. I would not sit around in pubs, but I do go to theatres, comedy nights, live music, etc, I do interact with people in my neighbourhood and I have not yet met any man with whom there was a mutual attraction AND who was straight and available.

    It's almost like looking for a room to let by just wandering the streets and knocking on random doors! If people want a room these days, they hit the net. And so it has become with relationships.


    From the amount of people I see who are desperate for a partner, I would say it's way more than just 1% of people who are available.
    Originally posted by fierystormcloud
    Yes but these "desperate" people aren't going to suit anyone. There are parameters! I'm not interested in being with a man of 19 or 85, or with someone who is a druggie, or a deadbeat, a smoker or a religious fanatic or a misogynist or a chav. When you narrow it down to the pool of potential partner who are available to you in terms of right age, don't live too far, who want what you want, etc ....AND who fancy you and agree what kind of a relationship it is going to be, it is indeed 1 in 100. Or less.



    And so one turns to the net.
    Last edited by MONEYTREE; 12-12-2016 at 1:31 PM.
    • breaking_free
    • By breaking_free 12th Dec 16, 1:56 PM
    • 292 Posts
    • 559 Thanks
    breaking_free
    It seems to me that both men and women bemoan the experience of Internet dating for the same reasons:

    MEN: Photos were out of date. She turned out to be 3 dress sizes larger.
    WOMEN: Photos were out of date. He had a full head of hair in the pictures but when he turned up he was bald and fat.

    I think both genders are as bad as each other!

    Of course people are going to put up the best pictures of themselves, and these might not represent what they truly look like (everyone's got that one 'really good' picture taken years ago right?)

    I go by the adage 'Water finds its own level' i.e. most people will only date someone who is around the same level of attractiveness as themselves. That said, the last time I tried Internet dating I almost exclusively got messages from men in their 60s (and I'm mid 40s). I started out being very polite and explaining truthfully that I was looking for someone closer to my own age, hoping they'd get the hint and stop trying to chat up much younger women. By the time I'd gotten my 6th or 7th message from an oldie I was fed up; call me 'fussy' but I don't want to date someone old enough to be my father.

    The last guy trotted out the old cliches 'Age is just a number' and 'You're only as young as you feel'. Because I was now thoroughly narked off I messaged him back with something like the following: 'I'm delighted you believe age is just a number because I showed your profile to my mother and she would love to meet you. I know the age gap of 20 years between her and yourself won't bother you at all as it is the same age gap between you and me, which you're clearly okay with. Can I get her to call you?'

    You won't be surprised that he got very abusive so I reported him to the site moderators then blocked him. I really can't stand hypocrisy...
    "The problem with internet quotes is that you cant always depend on their accuracy" -Abraham Lincoln, 1864
    • duchy
    • By duchy 12th Dec 16, 2:25 PM
    • 17,983 Posts
    • 45,622 Thanks
    duchy
    That's a great plan, but unfortunately for me I live out in the sticks where there's nowhere to go to. What I do at least is arrange to meet somewhere in the city I work in (Cardiff) on an evening after work. I've had a few guys who live there asking me to meet them someplace there over the weekend, but no way am I going to risk driving an hour. If they're not prepared to meet somewhere halfway they can jog on because that tells me they want all the convenience and none of the effort.
    Originally posted by poorlittlefish
    Surely Cardiff has an active meet up or spice community. I've always found I meet suitable men when I'm "doing" rather than just sitting waiting for someone to come along.

    Groups like meet up will have things like a trip to the cinema with a meal before or after, ten pin bowling, group meals out , none of which are scary and if you view it as broadening your social life rather than a man hunt , fun. First step is meet more people and broaden your options if they feel limited.
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    Apparently having a "Quirky and Hipster" wedding
    • duchy
    • By duchy 12th Dec 16, 2:36 PM
    • 17,983 Posts
    • 45,622 Thanks
    duchy
    When you are in your 40s and 50s you cannot rely on meeting someone in real life, and you can hardly go about approaching men and saying "I fancy you, are you single?" It would just look so desperate and would be incredibly embarrassing. 99 out of 100 would be unavailable, anyway.And so one turns to online dating, because at least one knows they are straight, and "looking".
    Originally posted by MONEYTREE
    Even in my twenties I preferred to get to know someone rather than marching up to someone and saying "I fancy you, are you single" so maybe if that worked for you back then you perhaps need a rethink of your approach lol

    The fact they are looking is no guarantee they are single so maybe all that time wasted on line discovering they aren't single might be better spent just getting out more and broadening your social life in general and meeting more friends (as friends, have friends ,who also have friends they can introduce you to)
    I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole

    Apparently having a "Quirky and Hipster" wedding
    • NWOIHTS
    • By NWOIHTS 24th Dec 16, 1:53 PM
    • 155 Posts
    • 102 Thanks
    NWOIHTS
    To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

    I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

    For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

    Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!
    Originally posted by poorlittlefish
    Don't try to make any sense of it because it doesn't make sense. I could tell you stories until the cows come home about online dating. In fact the way I see it now is it's just an introduction medium. I don't look at it as dating anymore because you plan the dates after you meet them, and all going well move on and get into a relationship or at least serious dating.

    From a guys perspective I must have emailed literally thousands of girls, about 99.999999999999999% don't reply and out of that 0.00000000001% that do reply about 99.999999999% of them will give you some coy silly reply. Of course I just ignore these.

    And even if you get someone that seems genuine, knows kind of what they want and is interested they can start acting flaky and weird for no reason at all. I have been recently emailing a girl, about 30 emails later no less, who seemed really genuine and interested and was telling me all these things about her life what she's up to, talking about different things etc. then we had a quick first coffee meet up which went quite well. She actually said she wanted to spend a bit more time but I actually had to go as I was up really early that morning. Then after trying to arrange another date she said she forgot to tell me when she was available, after saying she'll let me know, and was sorry as she was really busy. However she kept on emailing me. So I've just ignored her.

    Never assume anything and always try and get a date so you can suss the person out quickly. People can hide behind a mask when they are emailing, they might not be interested but just want to vent or talk, or want to be a friend. That's why I always try and set a coffee date as quick as possible. Most of them flake out when I do that, and that tells me their real intention.
    • MONEYTREE
    • By MONEYTREE 24th Dec 16, 3:43 PM
    • 126 Posts
    • 58 Thanks
    MONEYTREE
    Don't try to make any sense of it because it doesn't make sense.

    always try and get a date so you can suss the person out quickly.... try and set a coffee date as quick as possible. Most of them flake out when I do that, and that tells me their real intention.
    Originally posted by NWOIHTS
    I agree. About a week ago I suddenly had an embarrassment of riches - no less than five men all exchanging enthusiastic messages with me. However, when I started asking to meet, just for a cuppa and a chat, one by one the excuses came ... it's Xmas, they can't possibly make even an hour to meet me for that brief first meeting .... so much BS. A week on, and all have made their excuses and disappeared.
    • jamiehelsinki
    • By jamiehelsinki 24th Dec 16, 3:59 PM
    • 85 Posts
    • 110 Thanks
    jamiehelsinki
    Don't try to make any sense of it because it doesn't make sense. I could tell you stories until the cows come home about online dating. In fact the way I see it now is it's just an introduction medium. I don't look at it as dating anymore because you plan the dates after you meet them, and all going well move on and get into a relationship or at least serious dating.

    From a guys perspective I must have emailed literally thousands of girls, about 99.999999999999999% don't reply and out of that 0.00000000001% that do reply about 99.999999999% of them will give you some coy silly reply. Of course I just ignore these.

    And even if you get someone that seems genuine, knows kind of what they want and is interested they can start acting flaky and weird for no reason at all. I have been recently emailing a girl, about 30 emails later no less, who seemed really genuine and interested and was telling me all these things about her life what she's up to, talking about different things etc. then we had a quick first coffee meet up which went quite well. She actually said she wanted to spend a bit more time but I actually had to go as I was up really early that morning. Then after trying to arrange another date she said she forgot to tell me when she was available, after saying she'll let me know, and was sorry as she was really busy. However she kept on emailing me. So I've just ignored her.

    Never assume anything and always try and get a date so you can suss the person out quickly. People can hide behind a mask when they are emailing, they might not be interested but just want to vent or talk, or want to be a friend. That's why I always try and set a coffee date as quick as possible. Most of them flake out when I do that, and that tells me their real intention.
    Originally posted by NWOIHTS
    I think we must be messaging the same women!

    Under the intentions heading there should be another heading "don't want to meet, just want to message".

    I've also come across more than once on pof situations where you have a pair of friends on there both messaging you trying to catch you out.

    I had a look at match, most profiles are very picky about what they want!
    • Barny1979
    • By Barny1979 24th Dec 16, 5:25 PM
    • 3,657 Posts
    • 42,430 Thanks
    Barny1979

    Then after trying to arrange another date she said she forgot to tell me when she was available, after saying she'll let me know, and was sorry as she was really busy. However she kept on emailing me. So I've just ignored her.
    Originally posted by NWOIHTS
    Why weren't you proactive and ask her again when she's free to meet up? Or had you asked in one of your emails?
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