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  • FIRST POST
    • poorlittlefish
    • By poorlittlefish 20th Jul 16, 8:32 PM
    • 330Posts
    • 324Thanks
    poorlittlefish
    Finding the dating game so harsh!
    • #1
    • 20th Jul 16, 8:32 PM
    Finding the dating game so harsh! 20th Jul 16 at 8:32 PM
    To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

    I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

    For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

    Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!
Page 5
    • Oakdene
    • By Oakdene 29th Jul 16, 3:47 PM
    • 501 Posts
    • 678 Thanks
    Oakdene
    See, I have been able to talk to a few ladies online & indeed arrange dates but my lack of self confidence leads me to cancelling the day before citing having to work late the following day...


    I really need to get over this lack of confidence.
    • Angry Bear
    • By Angry Bear 29th Jul 16, 4:50 PM
    • 1,793 Posts
    • 4,255 Thanks
    Angry Bear
    See, I have been able to talk to a few ladies online & indeed arrange dates but my lack of self confidence leads me to cancelling the day before citing having to work late the following day...


    I really need to get over this lack of confidence.
    Originally posted by Oakdene
    Tough it out.
    Simple, but not easy lol. Just do it - assume before hand that it's going to be awful because of your nerves but you need to get one bad one out of the way to know that it isn't the end of the world. If it isn't terrible then great - if it is, then so what, at worst you wasted a couple of hours. Say goodbye and don't offer to meet up again.

    Oh yeah, and there's a good chance anyone you meet will be just as nervous as you .
    Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken?
    ― Sir Terry Pratchett, 1948-2015
    • NoWayJose
    • By NoWayJose 29th Jul 16, 5:01 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    NoWayJose
    From reading this thread, I'm now dreading doing all this sort of stuff again. It's been over 8 years since being single
    • Guest101
    • By Guest101 29th Jul 16, 5:08 PM
    • 11,972 Posts
    • 11,423 Thanks
    Guest101
    From reading this thread, I'm now dreading doing all this sort of stuff again. It's been over 8 years since being single
    Originally posted by NoWayJose


    Honestly its not as bad as it sounds, just relax, don't have any expectations.
    • jamiehelsinki
    • By jamiehelsinki 30th Jul 16, 12:14 AM
    • 29 Posts
    • 25 Thanks
    jamiehelsinki
    Genuine question: Why exactly should women never approach a man?
    Originally posted by NoWayJose

    If that's aimed at me, it's not what I said.

    It would be great if a woman made the first move, what I said was that in my experience women never make the first move so never suffer from being knocked back, men on the other hand have had years of experience of being turned down!

    Regarding the coffee question it's boring and just sounds awkward. You can't even get a seat in any of my local coffee shops.

    My early impressions of pof are positive anyway, I'm sticking to a 8 mile radius though.
    • NoWayJose
    • By NoWayJose 30th Jul 16, 6:06 AM
    • 13 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    NoWayJose
    That Q wasn't aimed at you
    • Jamiehelsinki
    • By Jamiehelsinki 30th Jul 16, 1:05 PM
    • 28 Posts
    • 26 Thanks
    Jamiehelsinki
    OK thanks!
    • SailorSam
    • By SailorSam 30th Jul 16, 1:16 PM
    • 21,134 Posts
    • 36,392 Thanks
    SailorSam
    See, I have been able to talk to a few ladies online & indeed arrange dates but my lack of self confidence leads me to cancelling the day before citing having to work late the following day...


    I really need to get over this lack of confidence.
    Originally posted by Oakdene
    Do you use Skype ?
    Do you think it would help if you'd actually saw and spoke to a prospective date before going. If you can actually see people rather than just swap messages, you know they're real.
    Liverpool is one of the wonders of Britain,
    What it may grow to in time, I know not what.

    Daniel Defoe: 1725.
    • clumsy cook
    • By clumsy cook 30th Jul 16, 4:44 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    clumsy cook
    To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

    I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

    For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

    Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!
    Originally posted by poorlittlefish
    I am an older person and also tried the site you mentioned and one other, over 3 years ago. One respondent was in serious financial trouble and wanted to marry on the first meeting, the only other person to agree to meet didn't turn up! Ouch! Lots of other guys either didn't reply or said they were in a relationship, but had not updated their site. After the obligatory year, I gave up and have never tried since. Too expensive and not worth the money, sadly!
    • clumsy cook
    • By clumsy cook 30th Jul 16, 4:46 PM
    • 2 Posts
    • 2 Thanks
    clumsy cook
    From reading this thread, I'm now dreading doing all this sort of stuff again. It's been over 8 years since being single
    Originally posted by NoWayJose
    I've been on my own for 20 years....imagine how I feel!!! :-\
    • NoWayJose
    • By NoWayJose 30th Jul 16, 5:38 PM
    • 13 Posts
    • 74 Thanks
    NoWayJose
    Richer??
    • LifeToTheFull
    • By LifeToTheFull 11th Aug 16, 9:24 AM
    • 1 Posts
    • 0 Thanks
    LifeToTheFull
    If you're over 50 and in the south PM me!!!!
    • SailorSam
    • By SailorSam 11th Aug 16, 10:49 AM
    • 21,134 Posts
    • 36,392 Thanks
    SailorSam
    If you're over 50 and in the south PM me!!!!
    Originally posted by LifeToTheFull
    Does it matter whether you're male or female, or will you take whatever comes along ?
    Liverpool is one of the wonders of Britain,
    What it may grow to in time, I know not what.

    Daniel Defoe: 1725.
    • NWOIHTS
    • By NWOIHTS 7th Oct 16, 8:44 PM
    • 131 Posts
    • 95 Thanks
    NWOIHTS
    To cut a very long story short I met a guy on a dating site last year, we had a wonderful few months then he almost became a different person overnight and messed me about for another few months until I finally decided I was worth more than the crumbs he was feeding me and ended it.

    I joined Match on friends' advice and rejoined PoF. I don't know what's happened to online dating over the past year but boy, am I finding it harsh this time around! Men I find attractive and make contact with rarely reply, which makes me feel a bit rubbish. The two that did reply both asked me on dates, but one stood me up and the other blocked me before we finalised arrangements. Guys who contact me either abruptly disappear (presumably because they've had a better offer) or provisionally arrange dates then also disappear or just block me!

    For instance, last Friday I'd agreed to go on a date on the Sunday. I asked if he had any suggestions for where to meet and offered one of my own. I turned my phone on the next morning to find he'd blocked me. I could understand if I'd said something offensive or was coming on strong, but I hadn't!

    Am I just having a run of exceptionally bad luck or do others have this kind of experience?!
    Originally posted by poorlittlefish
    Had a chick ask me to meet, arranged place, turned up, waited, waited, then eventually realised I'd been stood up. So I went back home, gave her an email she said oh I was working away and got caught up on the way home, I couldn't text as I'd left my phone a home (yeah right!) she said my phone number I emailed her wasn't working when she got back home to text, which is true, I'd mistakenly added another digit, however we agreed another date the next week, rinse and repeat, went there, waited and waited. By this time I had her text number.

    Gave her a text and said I'm here are you not coming? She texted oh so sorry I am down in [town which I will not mention] tonight so sorreee!

    I very quickly started typing out a text from hell, but then thought nah just leave it. I never bothered texting her again as if I did would prob end up with police at my door lol!
    • andrewm1981
    • By andrewm1981 8th Oct 16, 12:31 AM
    • 110 Posts
    • 25 Thanks
    andrewm1981
    Just thought I'd pop my head up on here to say I gave online dating a go. It was 6 years ago. Fast forward to now, been married a year, dated for 5 years before that and are very happy :-)

    It can work, but as with most things the biggest challenges can give the biggest rewards :-)

    Good luck!
    • JulieElizabeth
    • By JulieElizabeth 8th Oct 16, 10:40 PM
    • 1,879 Posts
    • 27,741 Thanks
    JulieElizabeth
    i long for the day that people actually talk to each other - what is will all this texting malarkey?
    NO MORE HANDWASH GLITCHES PLEASE
    • SailorSam
    • By SailorSam 8th Oct 16, 11:10 PM
    • 21,134 Posts
    • 36,392 Thanks
    SailorSam
    I thought women did better 'cos they had more choice ........... Isn't there always a lot more men on all these dating sites. But after reading this thread it seems we're all in the same boat.
    Liverpool is one of the wonders of Britain,
    What it may grow to in time, I know not what.

    Daniel Defoe: 1725.
    • onomatopoeia99
    • By onomatopoeia99 8th Oct 16, 11:13 PM
    • 2,304 Posts
    • 4,828 Thanks
    onomatopoeia99
    i long for the day that people actually talk to each other - what is will all this texting malarkey?
    Originally posted by JulieElizabeth
    The appeal is the asynchronicity. You can still get a message to someone that is unable or unwilling to answer the telephone at that point. They don't have to be disturbed by the phone and interrupt what they are doing to answer you and possibly get dragged into a long conversation that they don't want at that moment. I treat the telephone as low down my list of priorities, answering is less important than watching something on the telly or reading a book, for example. but I might bash out a quick text.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek.
    Home is where my books are.
    • superpauk
    • By superpauk 8th Oct 16, 11:15 PM
    • 20 Posts
    • 7 Thanks
    superpauk
    I've been single for almost a year now and am enjoying the time to myself. I do wonder how easy it will be to meet a lady - especially with me being very carful with money.

    would any ladies out there be happy to eat reduced price food everyday? How about going for a walk in the park rather than spending money on a dinner date? Any frugal ladies are welcome over here!

    I think i'm too busy saving up for a house/retirement than looking for a partner. If the right person came along i would of course go for it.

    I'm also against meeting people online or via apps - i don't think you can get your personality across online. Keep at it and don't let the few guys who mess you around get to you. I think most guys would see it as a game and wouldn't even think the person on the other side has feelings!
    • SailorSam
    • By SailorSam 9th Oct 16, 8:19 PM
    • 21,134 Posts
    • 36,392 Thanks
    SailorSam
    I think i've just found an alternative to Internet Dating.
    Countryfile has just been on Bbc, were you watching it ?
    There was a woman who was beachcoming along the banks of the Thames. She found some messages in bottles. One was frrom a young lad looking for ........ lurve ! He'd written his details and said if whoever found it wanted a date, then get in touch.
    I'm going tomorrow to throw a bottle into the canal by me. It can't be any worse tham PoF.
    Liverpool is one of the wonders of Britain,
    What it may grow to in time, I know not what.

    Daniel Defoe: 1725.
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