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    • GreyQueen
    • By GreyQueen 6th Dec 17, 5:06 PM
    • 11,441 Posts
    • 219,911 Thanks
    GreyQueen
    I've taken a fair bit of stick over the years for being childless by choice and never regreting that choice. Some from within the extended family but also from wider society, which seems to feel that it's OK go the full Torquemada on someone's reproductive choices. It's seemingly unacceptable to actually not want children at all, nor to enjoy the company of infants and youngsters.

    Fortunately, I knew by the age of twelve that motherhood wasn't what I wanted to do on this planet and I didn't end up getting railroaded into the maternal role and risk making the lives of offspring miserable because I was miserable.

    I'd never harm a child, stand by while someone else harmed a child, nor ever cause a kid a moment's stress or anxiety (in fact, children quite like me for some reason, perhaps because I don't fawn on them) but I prefer to avoid the little bli ooops! little darlings whenever I can.

    Mind you, I'd go out of my way to meet someone's cat's new kittens, so clearly have a mis-wired maternal circuit which is drawn to things four-footed, fluffy and nappy-free.

    I changed a nappy. Once. A toddler nappy. It was about 27 years ago and I'm not gonna do another one, if I can help it - eww!
    Last edited by GreyQueen; 06-12-2017 at 5:09 PM.
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)

    • VJsmum
    • By VJsmum 6th Dec 17, 5:32 PM
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    • 70,757 Thanks
    VJsmum

    I'd never harm a child, stand by while someone else harmed a child, nor ever cause a kid a moment's stress or anxiety (in fact, children quite like me for some reason, perhaps because I don't fawn on them) but I prefer to avoid the little bli ooops! little darlings whenever I can.

    Mind you, I'd go out of my way to meet someone's cat's new kittens, so clearly have a mis-wired maternal circuit which is drawn to things four-footed, fluffy and nappy-free.
    Originally posted by GreyQueen
    I am the exact opposite, i would never harm an animal etc. but don't go out of my way to meet them. i just ... don't really get it. Though I can see the comedy value in them, from a distance.

    I wouldn't choose to change the nappy of someone else's baby / toddler though...
    You're out with a friend in the capital, I'm a thousand leagues under the sea
    You're hovering worriedly over your eggs, And I'm pondering trees
    I'm wandering long, And I'm pondering trees
    For you and me
    Guy Garvey
    • GreyQueen
    • By GreyQueen 6th Dec 17, 5:35 PM
    • 11,441 Posts
    • 219,911 Thanks
    GreyQueen
    I was baby-sitting. If there hadn't been money changing hands, I'd never have gone anywhere near the sprog.
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)

    • moneyistooshorttomention
    • By moneyistooshorttomention 6th Dec 17, 6:49 PM
    • 14,266 Posts
    • 38,660 Thanks
    moneyistooshorttomention
    I've managed to get through till my 60s without ever changing a nappy, holding a child for more than about 2 minutes or feeding a child

    I think I've probably had less "You'll change your mind" comments than some when I announced long ago I'd never have children. Though I wish I'd thought up years ago the "Put firm look on face and say very firmly "It's none of your business" " that I've evolved in very recent years about a very different issue.

    I've just been waiting for the next person-with-a-death-wish to make comments they shouldnt since I thought that response up.

    But....kittens - awwwww
    New Year's Resolution already made -

    Don't get mad....get firm ...
    • thriftwizard
    • By thriftwizard 6th Dec 17, 7:42 PM
    • 2,489 Posts
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    thriftwizard
    As the closest thing to Nanny Ogg on the SHTF thread, I have to say that the delights of nappy-changing definitely aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. That said, I did quite enjoy the company of my own kids (still do, in case any of ‘em are reading this) but find other people’s best enjoyed in small doses. I always knew I wanted 3 kids, but that plan got a bit disrupted when we discovered that no. 4 had sneaked in there at the same time. After that, no. 5 wasn’t too much of a shock & just got trailed along everywhere in the wake of the other 4.

    I too have faced a number of comments about my reproductive choices; suffice it to say that I don’t often attend Friends of the Earth meetings any longer. But I probably shouldn’t have asked which ones they’d like me to send back...

    PS - for those merely passing by, no, we don’t live on benefits in a 15-bed council house... no benefits, own house.
    Last edited by thriftwizard; 06-12-2017 at 7:45 PM.
    Angie

    GC Dec17 £338.63/£450

    Money's just a substitute for time & talent...
    • GreyQueen
    • By GreyQueen 6th Dec 17, 7:51 PM
    • 11,441 Posts
    • 219,911 Thanks
    GreyQueen
    You can claim the 2.4 kiddos (or whatever it's supposed to be) that I never had, thriftwizard. Averaged out across the non-breeding women of our generation, it's probably about that each. You just imagined you had five of your own, some of them are loaners.

    Except some of us have skived off, slept through the night and - umm, I was going to say kept our figures, then I contemplated my own and thought better of that remark.

    GQ; they said she had the body of a young woman. She wouldn't say where she'd buried it, but she definately had it somewhere.

    I am now going off to eat a steak. Definately no admission to the FOE chattering classes for this heathen omnivore........ laters, GQ x
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)

    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 6th Dec 17, 9:10 PM
    • 7,188 Posts
    • 19,639 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    I got very lucky, had three sons (couldn't have planned that better) & even a husband who took a career break to stay home & rock the cradle.

    Net result, I have 3 hulking great teenage lads who are their mothers joy, with all the hard work done by their dad. OK husband's still home while youngest is 15, but with eldest's epilepsy having a parent on call 24/7 is worth working full time to support.

    It works for us - but ye gods had anyone told me to do this & I'd have *bitten* them.
    • maryb
    • By maryb 6th Dec 17, 9:32 PM
    • 3,457 Posts
    • 41,169 Thanks
    maryb
    Lol, DH only ever changed one nappy in the space of two children. But I let him off because he was much better than me at dealing with vomit, especially at two o'clock in the morning. And we both feel we got the better part of the deal
    It doesn't matter if you are a glass half full or half empty sort of person. Keep it topped up! Cheers!
    • Bedsit Bob
    • By Bedsit Bob 6th Dec 17, 9:51 PM
    • 9,841 Posts
    • 51,623 Thanks
    Bedsit Bob
    One life is all we get, the courage to live it in your own way is beyond value
    Originally posted by MrsLurcherwalker
    I agree.

    Go and do the things you want to do.

    Live a life worth remembering.

    There's an old saying:-

    A ship in harbour is safe, but that's not what ships are for.
    My job is Top Secret. Even I don't know what I'm doing.

    Amount I have so far denied the BBC - £1161
    • jk0
    • By jk0 6th Dec 17, 11:43 PM
    • 2,080 Posts
    • 23,606 Thanks
    jk0
    Ratty's back :(
    Ratty's back, as GQ predicted. I can hear him chewing under my kitchen units. There are still the bait boxes there, left untouched by last year's rats. Any thoughts?
    • GreyQueen
    • By GreyQueen 7th Dec 17, 6:55 AM
    • 11,441 Posts
    • 219,911 Thanks
    GreyQueen
    Ratty's back, as GQ predicted. I can hear him chewing under my kitchen units. There are still the bait boxes there, left untouched by last year's rats. Any thoughts?
    Originally posted by jk0
    Get a pro pest controller in asap, is my advice. A rat's reproductive cycle is unbelievably fast - under a month. I hear so many of the public who've got rats every which way indoors, turns out the first one was seen 3 months prior, they didn't deal (or deal effectively) with the first and then they soon had many more.

    As well as being insanitary, they chew on your fixtures and fittings and can even chew thru lead pipes. I still occasionally think of the sparkie, sent into one of our houses to investigate loss of supply to the upstairs lighting circuit - poor beggar opened the loft hatch and a mama rat launched herself at his face.......... gak. He was left badly-shaken and we had to get the vermin sorted before we could get the electrics mended (they'd chewed thru the cables).

    At this time of year, lots of householders are venturing into the lofts for the first time in months to fetch decorations and trees down and finding some unwelcome guests as well as various roofing problems.

    If you're going to be doing this errand soon, might be a good idea to do it in daylight hours if possible, so you can see daylight thru any slipped tiles that may be there, it's sometimes easier than spotting a slip from the outside.

    Here endeth today's nag.
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)

    • mardatha
    • By mardatha 7th Dec 17, 7:21 AM
    • 14,180 Posts
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    mardatha
    Rats are far too smart to get themselves caught in traps.
    • jk0
    • By jk0 7th Dec 17, 7:38 AM
    • 2,080 Posts
    • 23,606 Thanks
    jk0
    Rats are far too smart to get themselves caught in traps.
    Originally posted by mardatha
    Don't I know it.

    Sometimes they even manage to lick all the peanut butter off mine without setting them off!
    • GreyQueen
    • By GreyQueen 7th Dec 17, 7:41 AM
    • 11,441 Posts
    • 219,911 Thanks
    GreyQueen
    Rats are far too smart to get themselves caught in traps.
    Originally posted by mardatha
    Which is why pest controllers use poison bait.
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)

    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 7th Dec 17, 8:12 AM
    • 11,177 Posts
    • 154,033 Thanks
    MrsLurcherwalker
    The very best thing in my life is my children and grandchildren, He Who Knows is in that mix too because they're his as well. Without them my life would be empty and although I think we'd have filled it with animals and loved them 101% the relationships we have with the girls and their families fill us with delight, are warm, loving and joyful, the two small imps of the next generation fill me with such emotional happiness, specially on days like yesterday when the Zebra child wouldn't speak other than what he said was 'Elephant'! Motherhood is not for everyone, some from choice and some unfortunately from problems. I'm a very lucky woman and my girls are my best friends!
    Go forward with the vision even if no one else can see it!

    No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future!
    • fuddle
    • By fuddle 7th Dec 17, 9:47 AM
    • 5,959 Posts
    • 89,968 Thanks
    fuddle
    I hope I get to that point because at 13 and 9 my girls have me demented. I find myself having to get involved in issues such as 'you're in the wrong seat. You're supposed to sit further up because I'm last to the breakfast bar and now I can't get in'. 'well I know your game. You stand there eating your breakfast so I have to sit down first and you can have your favourite seat'. 'favourite seat? all that's different is that you can see the TV from there and mam is just watching the news'. 'mam doesn't watch the news all the time so even though my point is kinda moot now it still stands'. "Well I think you're paranoid' 'I am so not paranoid I'm clever and can see right through what your games are'. By which time I have had enough of the sodden news and have to direct each child to a seat in a fair way, that way not suitable to either child and the bickering turns into huffs and puffs of unfairness.

    I had children by choice, adore my little cherubs but my patience has gone with other folks' children and only a little remain with my own... gizza dog!
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 7th Dec 17, 10:04 AM
    • 11,177 Posts
    • 154,033 Thanks
    MrsLurcherwalker
    Oh yes pet, trying times and a trying age but it does eventually go and they grow up into people you like to spend time with, they even find they like each other and miss each other if life takes them to different places to live! Nell and Ruthies favourite message is from a much beloved Elbow song..... I MISS YOUR STUPID FACE! and they both send it to each other because they do!!! xxx.
    Go forward with the vision even if no one else can see it!

    No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future!
    • VJsmum
    • By VJsmum 7th Dec 17, 10:40 AM
    • 4,911 Posts
    • 70,757 Thanks
    VJsmum
    I hope I get to that point because at 13 and 9 my girls have me demented. I find myself having to get involved in issues such as 'you're in the wrong seat. You're supposed to sit further up because I'm last to the breakfast bar and now I can't get in'. 'well I know your game. You stand there eating your breakfast so I have to sit down first and you can have your favourite seat'. 'favourite seat? all that's different is that you can see the TV from there and mam is just watching the news'. 'mam doesn't watch the news all the time so even though my point is kinda moot now it still stands'. "Well I think you're paranoid' 'I am so not paranoid I'm clever and can see right through what your games are'. By which time I have had enough of the sodden news and have to direct each child to a seat in a fair way, that way not suitable to either child and the bickering turns into huffs and puffs of unfairness.

    I had children by choice, adore my little cherubs but my patience has gone with other folks' children and only a little remain with my own... gizza dog!
    Originally posted by fuddle
    Sorry, but - if it makes you feel better, my two never really did a lot of that (except in the car) but then went through several years of barely speaking. Not in a 'falling out' kind of way, just in a 'nothing to say' kind of way. I 'think' they are starting to come out of it now - at 21 and 18.
    You're out with a friend in the capital, I'm a thousand leagues under the sea
    You're hovering worriedly over your eggs, And I'm pondering trees
    I'm wandering long, And I'm pondering trees
    For you and me
    Guy Garvey
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 7th Dec 17, 10:41 AM
    • 28,192 Posts
    • 155,350 Thanks
    Karmacat
    My pest controller used Vertox, which smells like chocolate, and it worked. A whole host of rats disappeared from my loft.

    As for nappies ... gak. I changed a *lot* when I was working as an au pair. Otherwise, never. I have wiped bums for a 3 year old, I was staying with a family at one stage and became an honorary auntie, but thats my lot

    As far as the offspring of friends and family are concerned, teenage definitely seemed the worst time: stomachs being pumped, thieving going on, a stabbing, overnight flight to an internet stranger, all sorts. And every single one of those teenagers is gainfully employed, *well* employed, actually. Astonishing, the way they come through it!
    Retired August 2016
    • monnagran
    • By monnagran 7th Dec 17, 11:35 AM
    • 3,212 Posts
    • 40,410 Thanks
    monnagran
    Ouch Fuddle. I remember those days when a vicious fight could break out over issues such as, "He looked at me!"

    Girls are more mouthy, boys just punch each other.
    I saw a lovely definition the other day. " A boy is noise with dirt on." Spot on. I still say that if Mother Nature delivered her children as fully fledged teenagers instead of smiley babies, the human race would have died out.

    Mine are now 48 and 45 and although not particularly close, they can be civilised.

    As to whether people should have children or not, that is entirely an individual choice. Some women were born to be mothers, others not. I notice that no one is claiming that they were, or were not, born to be fathers, and that is just as important.

    Having adopted mine I can smugly claim not to have wilfully increased the world's population. I am however, very grateful to all who did have children as they are now grown old enough to pay the taxes that provide me with my pension, look after my health needs and generally keep the country running now that I have thrown in the towel.

    It's a merry-go-round and we all play our part in keeping the music going.
    I believe that friends are quiet angels
    Who lift us to our feet when our wings
    Have trouble remembering how to fly.
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