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    • thriftwizard
    • By thriftwizard 5th Dec 17, 1:46 PM
    • 2,484 Posts
    • 30,792 Thanks
    thriftwizard
    I was unexpectedly made redundant after we had signed to buy some expensive furniture. We could afford it, but there must be many who think it'll be ok only to find out it isn't.
    Very similar to what's just happened to DS2; 2 sofas bought on interest-free credit to fit their rented home, but now they've split & neither of them can afford to keep the place on solo, or wants to stay where they've been so unhappy. Luckily they'll fit in our conservatory, so he can at least keep them, but at the cost of a couple of our own pieces. Heaven only knows what's going to happen to the rest of their stuff, but it's not my worry.

    There will always be people, who will put smoking, drinking, etc. ahead of feeding themselves and, in some cases, even their children.
    The nature of addiction is that you can only tackle it effectively when you're on a relatively even keel in your personal life... I count myself very lucky that I managed to give up smoking before I had DS1, now 29, and haven't ever slipped back into the habit, but there are still times, usually when TS really has HTF, when I really, really want to light up...
    Angie

    GC Dec17 £240.63/£450

    Money's just a substitute for time & talent...
    • Doveling
    • By Doveling 5th Dec 17, 2:08 PM
    • 407 Posts
    • 7,211 Thanks
    Doveling
    Yes. I also KNOW it. As will many others on this board.
    Last edited by Doveling; 05-12-2017 at 2:30 PM. Reason: Too much information
    Not dim .....just living in soft focus
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 5th Dec 17, 3:03 PM
    • 11,175 Posts
    • 154,001 Thanks
    MrsLurcherwalker
    Sometimes the subject matter makes uncomfortable reading doesn't it? but that is good for us and hopefully makes us think a little more about what is and isn't right in life!
    Go forward with the vision even if no one else can see it!

    No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future!
    • Doveling
    • By Doveling 5th Dec 17, 3:21 PM
    • 407 Posts
    • 7,211 Thanks
    Doveling
    I thought after I'd put what had happened to me that it might bring up dreadful memories for others which is why I deleted pretty quickly.

    I apologise if reading my post distressed anyone.
    Not dim .....just living in soft focus
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 5th Dec 17, 3:35 PM
    • 11,175 Posts
    • 154,001 Thanks
    MrsLurcherwalker
    What really matters love is now and the future, past things are not alterable they've been part of making us who we are today. The real challenge is the future and making it as good as it's possible to do, looking back gives us heartache, looking forward is hope and aspiration that we all do have some better things to look forward to.
    Go forward with the vision even if no one else can see it!

    No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future!
    • whiteguineapig
    • By whiteguineapig 5th Dec 17, 3:43 PM
    • 1,037 Posts
    • 4,774 Thanks
    whiteguineapig
    can anyone tell me if food bank donation points (in tesco) accept toiletries? they are new but its hair conditioner so not "sealed" but its unopened
    • CRANKY40
    • By CRANKY40 5th Dec 17, 5:23 PM
    • 2,647 Posts
    • 27,410 Thanks
    CRANKY40
    I have had to accept that my mam did the best for me that she could. Something effected her that made her unable to do a gold standard job but she tried. It's only that thought that enabled me to move on.

    It's very difficult to function when there's mental, physical and life obstacles and as humans we have to survive somehow. Who are we to judge people coping methods for getting out of bed and trying to get on with life?
    Originally posted by fuddle
    As a young widow myself I always had a bit of a soft spot for your mam and I was always hoping she'd get her happy ending. I know that some of her life choices hurt you but I still wished different for her. When I was widowed so many people said "let me know if you need anything or if I can help". Asking anyone for help is fairly low down on my list as I suspect it was for your mam. I have a feeling although I obviously know very little about you that it would be similarly low on your agenda. It's hard not to judge someone's coping methods when you are caught up in the chaos thus generated (and it's taken me 8 years to be sure enough of a few very good friends that I can now ask for help). I also think (not that my opinion is of any importance) that your mam did the best she was able and I still hope she has her happy ending now.
    • DigForVictory
    • By DigForVictory 5th Dec 17, 7:34 PM
    • 7,192 Posts
    • 19,635 Thanks
    DigForVictory
    And on a completely different note, I gather we're to prepare a welcome for Storm Caroline.

    I'm not in Scotland so I can be almost laid back about this, but then I mentally tick off store cupboards, new roof only a couple of years back (& stone so really pretty hard to blow off), winter tyres on car for when I do have to drive, seriously reloaded pharmacy (I've got the start of a cold & checked what we had in: then snuffled around refilling gaps I'd not realised were there like paracetamol in bulk, lucozade, (lemons & ginger as I like making my own brews) sundry bottles of linctus with other additions - all good innocent fun & the basics of any self respecting cocktail against an emerging bug!

    Laundry mostly up to date, waterproofs, hats, gloves & mitts - yep.
    No pets (I have teenagers) so what am I missing? Ah yes, power cuts. Torches, lamps (lots, from replica Roman clay through to recently refurbished Tilleys plus a hand cranked LED thing) and we've gas canisters for camping & in case the mains get cut off.

    No hand cranked charger for phones that the offspring know about. (They think it's a radio.)

    No pipeweed. Now there's a conundrum! It's not a holiday but it might be a high pressure situation, so should I have an ounce stashed in case of emergency, and if I do, am I laying up a hostage to fortune?

    A small amount of cash held - I probably should boost that a bit.

    So, what have I forgotten? Or is Caroline not going to be that big a deal really? (Other than as an opportunity to check & practice in relatively benign circumstances?!)
    Last edited by DigForVictory; 05-12-2017 at 7:36 PM.
    • thriftwizard
    • By thriftwizard 5th Dec 17, 9:08 PM
    • 2,484 Posts
    • 30,792 Thanks
    thriftwizard
    Never mind storms, half our street had no power from 1.30pm on Sunday through to some point after 1.30am on Monday. It seems there was a fairly major cable-break; there were arc-lights, jackhammers & drills going all evening, and the gas engineers have been pootling up & down with sniffer machines too ever since. Looking at the - pipe? cable? conduit? - the electricity guys have unearthed - leaving a 4' hole, complete with "Danger! Keep Out!" tape, right across my neighbour's front door - it's horribly rusty; they've just cut out part of it & replaced it with plastic pipe & torpedo-shaped things. Our end of the street wasn't affected, but if it's all as rusty as that, it's only a matter of time... candle & match supplies double-checked!
    Last edited by thriftwizard; 05-12-2017 at 9:11 PM.
    Angie

    GC Dec17 £240.63/£450

    Money's just a substitute for time & talent...
    • Bedsit Bob
    • By Bedsit Bob 5th Dec 17, 9:30 PM
    • 9,833 Posts
    • 51,598 Thanks
    Bedsit Bob
    Having both worked and volunteered in the debt advice sector, before my present employment, I would say that it is often possible to drag the fat out of the fire with debt, if the indebted person is serious (or even semi-serious) about making some changes.
    Originally posted by GreyQueen
    It's the same with addicts, of whatever kind.

    You can't help them, unless they want to be helped.

    As for debt problems, you can't help someone with their debts, until they've had their LBM.
    My job is Top Secret. Even I don't know what I'm doing.

    Amount I have so far denied the BBC - £1161
    • jk0
    • By jk0 5th Dec 17, 10:11 PM
    • 2,064 Posts
    • 23,547 Thanks
    jk0
    Anyone watch Aaron Clarey?
    On the subject of debt, this guy is so funny. This vid could be about my gf. Apart from the horse, she has the expensive apartment, car payment, student loan, credit cards, oh, and until she crashed it, an Audi TT.

    Dare I send it to her?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QByWaGSvONY&t=913s
    • fuddle
    • By fuddle 6th Dec 17, 4:14 AM
    • 5,929 Posts
    • 89,571 Thanks
    fuddle
    As a young widow myself I always had a bit of a soft spot for your mam and I was always hoping she'd get her happy ending. I know that some of her life choices hurt you but I still wished different for her. When I was widowed so many people said "let me know if you need anything or if I can help". Asking anyone for help is fairly low down on my list as I suspect it was for your mam. I have a feeling although I obviously know very little about you that it would be similarly low on your agenda. It's hard not to judge someone's coping methods when you are caught up in the chaos thus generated (and it's taken me 8 years to be sure enough of a few very good friends that I can now ask for help). I also think (not that my opinion is of any importance) that your mam did the best she was able and I still hope she has her happy ending now.
    Originally posted by CRANKY40
    She died cranky. Life was torturous for her. She tried very hard for so long and never asked for help. I did all I could, sometimes acting and reacting because of my own hurt, but I couldn't give her her husband back. She wanted to be with my dad and believed in the afterlife. I believe she has her happy ending cranky.

    I've been trying to figure out what my coping mechanism is and I think it's just to fight and work through things given that I've seen what can happen when a person can't take control. I've always said mental health is the priority in everything because without it our choices aren't great and they spiral to the point that we no longer have choice in our armoury.

    The choices I make for my life are not without ridicule and even though I seem to have a commitment and an ability to lead a socially acceptable existence, I still have those who judge my parenting, life choices, appearance and the traditional role that I have chosen for myself.

    If someone who is able to make decent, well thought out choices that, hopefully, have the chance for better consequences, can face judgement then it's no wonder asking for help with mental health, addition, abuse or poverty etc is so hard to do.
    • mardatha
    • By mardatha 6th Dec 17, 8:58 AM
    • 14,137 Posts
    • 132,158 Thanks
    mardatha
    Fuddle, people should mind their own business more and have less to say. We are not here to do what others think we should do - we are here to experience our own lives. FB and twitter encourage silly asses to bump thier gums when they haven't the faintest idea what they are talking about. It's good to have mental stength and confidence in who and what you are, and what you want in life. xx
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 6th Dec 17, 9:41 AM
    • 28,174 Posts
    • 155,155 Thanks
    Karmacat
    Fuddle, people should mind their own business more and have less to say. We are not here to do what others think we should do - we are here to experience our own lives. FB and twitter encourage silly asses to bump thier gums when they haven't the faintest idea what they are talking about. It's good to have mental stength and confidence in who and what you are, and what you want in life. xx
    Originally posted by mardatha
    Seconded.

    Fuddle, I'm so sorry you face ridicule for living your life according to your own lights. I've faced a bit of mockery in my time. It's left me seeming to be pretty humourless sometimes, and caring about things that pass other people by (like well fitting loft hatches, to block my house from the stuff that lives up there - cluster flies, rats and the spiders that are too heavy to walk on the ceiling: the builder is up there now) but I've stopped caring. I'm not hurting anybody, and I'm finally able to insist on wanting things my way.

    It's good prep-wise too - who would voluntarily expose themselves to rats??? The loft hatch was collapsing

    Sorry, off topic from what you're going through.
    Retired August 2016
    • mardatha
    • By mardatha 6th Dec 17, 10:58 AM
    • 14,137 Posts
    • 132,158 Thanks
    mardatha
    *Traumatised by the thought of spiders all day now*
    • MrsLurcherwalker
    • By MrsLurcherwalker 6th Dec 17, 11:04 AM
    • 11,175 Posts
    • 154,001 Thanks
    MrsLurcherwalker
    One life is all we get, the courage to live it in your own way is beyond value, being courageous enough to defy conventions and not run with the current stupidities is praiseworthy. To stick to your own path and be true to your own vision is a God given strength and to take no notice of the dissenting and ridiculing voices is just plain common sense and self protection. Stick to your own lifestyle and let the rest of the world go to Hell in its' own handcart, you may not always get things right BUT I'll lay odds that you get it right for you more times than not!
    Go forward with the vision even if no one else can see it!

    No amount of regretting can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future!
    • Karmacat
    • By Karmacat 6th Dec 17, 11:40 AM
    • 28,174 Posts
    • 155,155 Thanks
    Karmacat
    *Traumatised by the thought of spiders all day now*
    Originally posted by mardatha
    Sorry

    Console yourself with the thought that all the mating dances are done the flies are hibernating and the rats are dead It doesn't smell of rat any more, and the builder thinks it's clean (there's no rubbish up there, that much is true). The pre-formed hatch looks to be going in with no problems (it fits into the spaces formed by existing beams) and it'll be done by the end of today

    Retired August 2016
    • culpepper
    • By culpepper 6th Dec 17, 12:54 PM
    • 3,886 Posts
    • 7,175 Thanks
    culpepper
    Regarding the ridicule. More often than not, it is jealousy that fires it. My mother used to say so when I was a school child and of course I thought she was bonkers but now I can look back and see that the pointers and shouters were looking on with envy at those of us strong minded enough to not only think outside the box, but act that way too regardless of the lemming mentality of the majority.
    • Mojisola
    • By Mojisola 6th Dec 17, 1:03 PM
    • 28,631 Posts
    • 72,949 Thanks
    Mojisola
    Regarding the ridicule. More often than not, it is jealousy that fires it. My mother used to say so when I was a school child and of course I thought she was bonkers but now I can look back and see that the pointers and shouters were looking on with envy at those of us strong minded enough to not only think outside the box, but act that way too regardless of the lemming mentality of the majority.
    Originally posted by culpepper
    And fear.

    People who aren't well-centred need other people to look, behave and think the same way as them in order to feel that they are okay.
    • Nargleblast
    • By Nargleblast 6th Dec 17, 4:00 PM
    • 9,429 Posts
    • 55,650 Thanks
    Nargleblast
    I think there’s a saying - Be Yourself, it’s a case of Mind over Matter. Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
    Debt free date.....3 August 2015
    Now building up a Doomsday Cash Stash
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