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    • Prometheus2
    • By Prometheus2 21st Jun 16, 5:58 PM
    • 4Posts
    • 20Thanks
    Prometheus2
    Resilience from betrayal
    • #1
    • 21st Jun 16, 5:58 PM
    Resilience from betrayal 21st Jun 16 at 5:58 PM
    Hi newbie here under some very challenging circumstances and this year really is not being kind in fact itís been outright horrible as my life has been in total free fall. Iím sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel as I always believe that you need to keep positive no matter how hard it gets.

    Any way couple of months I left my wife of 15 yrs after being consistently verbally abused almost to the point of dreading to come home and then finally the betrayal with no less than me leaving with the shirt on my back. So Day 2 was sent a message and told that she no longer loved me and that this new person was better in every way and even the kids would grow to love him but that I needed to now collect my stuff immediately to which I said no but Iíll collect some stuff over the weekend. The next thing I find is all my stuff was skipped... hence the shirt on my back! As a result I immediately put a stop to joint bank account in a desperate attempt to stop further issues however I was too late and the overdraft was close to being maxed out of £1400.

    Totally unaware of all this prior in a bid to keep the debt down Iíd done several transfer balances as she had mentioned she would close some of her cards and we could reduce our debt so took the whole £11,000. Which having researched it I found that it is now my burden alone. Was then contacted by her solicitor and then CSA so now going to have to pay out £700 p/m which I have no choice but that my access to kids would be only a Saturday for a few hours which I do mind. My parents which Iím living with provided me with £2000 in which I paid outright the overdraft using the rest to live until I got paid while I stayed with them.

    Month 3 finally Iím about to move into a rented place close by to put my stake in the ground and give me some independence. As nice as it is Iím 40 and canít live with them! So now in the process of accepting a new job which going through this process had doubts but will be financially better off and Iím genuinely looking forward to it and consider it to be a new start however appreciate that this month coming is going to be a bit financially tough. Iíve not had to pay any board etc but manged to reduce the money loaned from my parents to £1100 however with Debt payments £500 and rent and bond £1400 and CSA £700 and paying some off with my parents etc Iíve worked out that Iíll have just over £600 to live.

    The question I have is should I buy things for my new rented house and put it on my credit card with then maybe doing a transfer balance and paying it off or try and get by trying to pay things out right with cash without further increasing the debt? The payments are fragmented and I was wondering just regardless just to consolidate into one payment a month?

    When I mean I have nothing I mean it and while I know my parents have bought bits and pieces they will not buy me a washing machine or a TV and I want to pay them back as soon as possible as I feel a bit embarrassed. My thinking was 3 high ticket items are needed Washing machine, fridge and TV while the £600 to pay for transport to work ( train ) , food and doing things for the few hours with the kids I have each Saturday.

    Iím not materialistic and have no doubt will pay the debt off however Iíve yet to even think of fighting for custody for my kids and divorce etc...But thought that once I move in I can start the fight back and just have to factor in more costs to which I have no idea about.

    Goal for the end of the month Iím expecting to reduce the debt down to £14,500 and my parents down to hopefully £800. However my need for high ticket items would increase the debt to £15,200.

    Ps I now have a cash flow very simple mind and debt tracker.
Page 2
    • Stb
    • By Stb 20th Mar 17, 11:53 PM
    • 50 Posts
    • 72 Thanks
    Stb
    Hi Prometheus, sounds like you're doing an amazing job well done. In a similar situation to yourself at the moment so fully appreciate your comments on children and holidays. I've decide I will try and have them to stay at my place (where ever that turns out to be!) and have bought a tent for weekends away. Lots of options open to you and practice makes perfect. Sorry your having such a rough time of it at the moment, your positive attitude is clearly pulling you through so try and stay focused on the long game. Will check in on you now and again if you like? Cheers
    Virgin 0% CC £1092
    Overdraft £0 at 27.02.2017
    Savings target £2000 by year end
    • Prometheus2
    • By Prometheus2 23rd Mar 17, 2:44 PM
    • 4 Posts
    • 20 Thanks
    Prometheus2
    Amazing no but getting there slowly ..


    Perhaps if I decided to fight hard enough I could have gained some money back even had better access I suppose. However the lead up to me leaving was incredibly stressful, toxic and more importantly having a big effect on the kids. The kids are very much all for their mum with me playing a side part through having to work a lot so when you’re 9 year old daughter tells you that you need to leave as you making everyone upset and mum loves someone else in the middle of being screamed at by your wife your no longer fun, attractive or loved and that I had to leave. It was then I honestly felt totally humiliated and therefore took the simple action to leave hoping that things would calm down.


    Not saying what I done was right or wrong but for me it felt right as my greatest concern was the effect it was having on the kids and the toll it was taking on me. Yes we guys are supposed to be tough but if you apply enough stress it can start to have an adverse effect on your health. It really has taken me nearly 5 months to gain the kids trust as I’ve been seen as the bad guy but making sure that I’m in constant contact with them. I’ve slowly won them over ensuring that they now look forward to come to mine instead of dreading it.


    Moving forward now I get to spend quality time with kids, reducing the inherited debt and have my own independent life devoid of continual arguments while beginning to look to forward to the next chapter. As to what the future holds I’m really not sure , be debt free and maybe I’ll meet someone who knows but for one at least I’m now ready to stand up and face whatever curve balls are thrown at me.


    One thing I no longer feel is a failure and all I can say it can sometimes pay to take the path of least resistance. Get fixated on yourself not material


    STB camping is great fun , bangers and beans ... any way its something I intend to take up once loan payment is finished in July as it'll give me the chance to get a car and freedom to move around. But tech free ! no doubt to the horror of my kids but I know it'll be fun !
    • Stb
    • By Stb 26th Mar 17, 9:55 PM
    • 50 Posts
    • 72 Thanks
    Stb
    Good man, don't forget the bacon!
    Virgin 0% CC £1092
    Overdraft £0 at 27.02.2017
    Savings target £2000 by year end
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