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  • FIRST POST
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 15th Jun 16, 10:46 AM
    • 11,186Posts
    • 45,529Thanks
    Dinah93
    The Ultimate Incentive muddles along
    • #1
    • 15th Jun 16, 10:46 AM
    The Ultimate Incentive muddles along 15th Jun 16 at 10:46 AM
    Part 12. I have now been limping around these forums for the best part of a decade. I cleared it all, it all came back. It was nearly gone again, and it's grown almost to the max again. Somehow nearing that £16k debt figure always signals a change in the winds, something happens to make our finances go in a better direction for a few months, but then we hit a bump, fall off the wagon, down a cliff and into the deep dark sea. As well as a few maternity leaves and redundancy the biggest bump these last few years has been NIMs depression, where we can have no wages coming into the house for months on end, but also no ability to contribute in other ways so that I can work or even so I can do some home based money making.

    While the depression isn't in the best place right now, we are both committed to making it work as best we can, and my diary has always helped me, with the support and chatter of my amazing threadies. So, time to work out where we stand, and fill you in on what we plan to do about it.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
Page 24
    • clearmydebts
    • By clearmydebts 6th Jul 17, 10:08 AM
    • 6,060 Posts
    • 17,483 Thanks
    clearmydebts
    At least you won't have to worry about leaving him there, it sounds like he loves the place!

    Feel absolutely awful for NIM, seems like just as he gets settled somewhere that the rug gets pulled out from under him! Couldn't he do something like matched betting to bridge the gap or would that be too difficult to juggle with only having one computer?

    Its great you've got an end date in sight for the house. Is the plan to still move or will you wait until you've cleared the debt to give you more wiggle room?

    You must be proud over Poppy, Wendz! She's always come across as a smart kid in the way you talk about her

    We did buy the house, CMD Shipped Oscar off to my parents for a sleepover so we can finish packing tonight ready to load the van up tomorrow!
    Originally posted by Cinny91
    Congratulations Cinny I am absolutely delighted for ye!!
    Total debt (starting September 2016): €22,999/€27,000
    BOI credit card: €6,000/€7,000
    Loan:€16,999/
    Savings: €600
    • Cinny91
    • By Cinny91 6th Jul 17, 10:20 AM
    • 5,774 Posts
    • 25,081 Thanks
    Cinny91
    Thank you both! Honestly I'm so excited but I got a little sad last night putting Oscar down in his nursery for the last time. I spent so long in there when I was pregnant making it perfect for him, his new room will be equally if not more awesome but it's being set up as a toddlers room in a montessori style, not a teenytiny humans room with changing table and cot. Becoming a mum has turned me into such a sap!!
    • clearmydebts
    • By clearmydebts 6th Jul 17, 10:24 AM
    • 6,060 Posts
    • 17,483 Thanks
    clearmydebts
    Thank you both! Honestly I'm so excited but I got a little sad last night putting Oscar down in his nursery for the last time. I spent so long in there when I was pregnant making it perfect for him, his new room will be equally if not more awesome but it's being set up as a toddlers room in a montessori style, not a teenytiny humans room with changing table and cot. Becoming a mum has turned me into such a sap!!
    Originally posted by Cinny91
    Oh I know. I cry at everything now and I used to be the ice maiden!!
    Total debt (starting September 2016): €22,999/€27,000
    BOI credit card: €6,000/€7,000
    Loan:€16,999/
    Savings: €600
    • clearmydebts
    • By clearmydebts 6th Jul 17, 10:27 AM
    • 6,060 Posts
    • 17,483 Thanks
    clearmydebts
    Wendz - well done to Poppy at school. It's always such a relief when you are told they are doing well.

    Evie got first in her gymnastics the other day. I was so delighted for her because she is very clumsy and is left-handed so traditional sports don't come easily to her. It was great to see her excelling in something!
    Total debt (starting September 2016): €22,999/€27,000
    BOI credit card: €6,000/€7,000
    Loan:€16,999/
    Savings: €600
    • wendz86
    • By wendz86 6th Jul 17, 10:57 AM
    • 7,011 Posts
    • 24,518 Thanks
    wendz86
    Definitely does turn you soft being a Mum!

    That's amazing for Evie CMD, bet you are a super proud mum as well.
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 6th Jul 17, 12:32 PM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    Well done Evie! Great achievement.

    Is the move today Cinny?

    Taught 2 of my 4 classes today,have a little break now until 4pm.

    Came home to not 1, or 2, but 5 emails from the builders, the insurance ones not the extension ones. All asking for more money for various things. At my wits end. In total it comes to nearly another £1000, which is supposed to be in the budget anyway as I saved in other areas to make these things happen, and now they've said they can't reallocate budget in this way (after telling me earlier that they could). So no idea how I'm supposed to pay for the changes quite frankly.

    Plan for this afternoon is to try to fight the printer to get the last few letters printed for schools, order more contact lenses, reply to all business emails, chase pool hire, and send June invoices. This evening need to sort AO.

    Paid my pregnancy training installment yesterday, bit galling tbh I couldn't pay it off the debt, but the one thing I've really seen is that investing in training has paid off very very well for me.

    David Lloyd seem interested in taking on aqua yoga, which would be good if I can fit it into the timetable. My body will either be ripped or destroyed by the time this debt is clear.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 6th Jul 17, 3:00 PM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    NIMs car needs the garage. Brakes are playing up big time. Where's that magic money tree when you need one (on a side note, I accidentally said strong and stable not once but twice during a yoga class on election day. First time was bad enough, second time I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole).

    Had a blood test Tuesday, just had a call to say doc needs to speak to me tomorrow about my iron and b12 serum. Probably nothing more than needing a few vitamins but might be some pretty big vitamins if levels have been off enough to have caused my toes to go numb for the last few months.

    The printer and I fought. It won.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
    • clearmydebts
    • By clearmydebts 6th Jul 17, 3:18 PM
    • 6,060 Posts
    • 17,483 Thanks
    clearmydebts
    I hope you don't mind me saying this but are you okay? You sound under a huge amount of financial and mental pressure.

    How is your SOA going? You said that you are in a positive financial position in your SOA which is great but have you an emergency plan in place? How are you going to get the money to pay the builders the extra cash? Is NIM providing you with any emotional support? What if he is made redundant?
    Total debt (starting September 2016): €22,999/€27,000
    BOI credit card: €6,000/€7,000
    Loan:€16,999/
    Savings: €600
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 6th Jul 17, 3:51 PM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    • Tidy bedroom
    • Complete assignment 3
    • Complete assignment 4
    • Complete assignment 5
    • Do any alterations from weekends coursework
    • Order NIM flyers
    • NIM uniform tax claim
    • Send letter to schools In progress, most letters printed, signed, in addressed envelopes. 7 envelopes currently addressed but empty as the printer won't accept our A4 paper is A4...
    • Get knee x-ray
    • Refund Monday morning customers
    • Email forum/call David Lloyd
    • Reply to booking survey
    • Do list of all charges for L&G
    • Sort FBA issues In progress
    • 2016-2017 Tax Return
    • Tax credits renewal
    • Send June invoices
    • Call hotel re pool hire again
    • Find somewhere for phone and computer repairs
    • Plan this week's lessons
    • Return lights to Wickes
    • Pay pregnancy training installment
    • Pay room hire for 2 studios for July
    • Sort out AO microwave Tried, need NIM as paid on his card
    • Reply to all business emails
    • Order contacts
    • Collect new phone
    • Book London train tickets
    • Investigate Amazon fullfillment printing
    Last edited by Dinah93; 06-07-2017 at 10:25 PM.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 6th Jul 17, 4:02 PM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    I hope you don't mind me saying this but are you okay? You sound under a huge amount of financial and mental pressure.

    How is your SOA going? You said that you are in a positive financial position in your SOA which is great but have you an emergency plan in place? How are you going to get the money to pay the builders the extra cash? Is NIM providing you with any emotional support? What if he is made redundant?
    Originally posted by clearmydebts
    Thank you for asking. I'm okay. Tired but okay. Looking forward to the summer holidays. Don't feel like I see the kids much, being out of our home for so long hasn't been easy. Mum constantly on my case about my working, she doesn't think NIM can cope with the kids when I work. He doesn't get angry but he is pretty poor at the basics of making them a hot meal and washing them to be completely honest. Would mean a lot to me not to have to worry about that as well.

    Extra money for the builders will have to come from anything extra we make this month. Although right now I'm tempted to just fire it back to legal and general and tell them they moved the goalposts, unless they want to keep paying out accommodation forever they better bloody well move them back.

    NIM is barely holding himself together, he's not able to be a support to anyone. But at the moment at least he's not in complete crisis which actually drains me completely as well. I'm more worried about him mentally if he's made redundant than financially, there are always other jobs, even if the other job is minimum wage or stepping up the handymanning.

    Speaking of, he has some work this weekend. Should be another £100 or so. Don't know if there is anything else he can do to our house as well before the builder comes over to repair the roof in a week.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
    • clearmydebts
    • By clearmydebts 6th Jul 17, 4:10 PM
    • 6,060 Posts
    • 17,483 Thanks
    clearmydebts
    Thank you for asking. I'm okay. Tired but okay. Looking forward to the summer holidays. Don't feel like I see the kids much, being out of our home for so long hasn't been easy. Mum constantly on my case about my working, she doesn't think NIM can cope with the kids when I work. He doesn't get angry but he is pretty poor at the basics of making them a hot meal and washing them to be completely honest. Would mean a lot to me not to have to worry about that as well.

    Extra money for the builders will have to come from anything extra we make this month. Although right now I'm tempted to just fire it back to legal and general and tell them they moved the goalposts, unless they want to keep paying out accommodation forever they better bloody well move them back.

    NIM is barely holding himself together, he's not able to be a support to anyone. But at the moment at least he's not in complete crisis which actually drains me completely as well. I'm more worried about him mentally if he's made redundant than financially, there are always other jobs, even if the other job is minimum wage or stepping up the handymanning.

    Speaking of, he has some work this weekend. Should be another £100 or so. Don't know if there is anything else he can do to our house as well before the builder comes over to repair the roof in a week.
    Originally posted by Dinah93
    Good news on the £100, that's a nice amount extra to get over the weekend. Does he perform well at work and then just crash when he comes home? Not easy on you at all but I can see how he is exhausted from having to put on a front when he is at work? Is he still working in the care area? It's a fairly draining area to work in at the best of times, and that's even when your mental health is good. Do they have a time frame for letting them know about redundancy?

    I'm sure it's a real strain having to live with your parents. I did it for 6 months and found it very hard. I found my mother was far more opinionated about things as well. Does your Mum have valid concerns or is she just worried you are pushing yourself too much? Would NIM benefit from a weekend at home (just him) to have a re-charge?

    Re: the house. I would fire it back to Legal and General and make it their problem.
    Total debt (starting September 2016): €22,999/€27,000
    BOI credit card: €6,000/€7,000
    Loan:€16,999/
    Savings: €600
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 6th Jul 17, 4:31 PM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    At the moment in all honesty he's quite forgetful at work I think, his mental health isn't holding up well. Working in a management role in a care adjacent area, but it's not really his skill set. It's taken about 5 years to come around to but data analysis really is where he's very very strong. He will know by the 24th August.

    He's barely on speaking terms with his dad (seems to think we owe him a lot of detail on our personal finances we aren't willing to give - like hand over monthly bank statements) and his relationship with his mother is never good so it's a firm no on a weekend home. He just wants our home back.

    Mum just thinks what is best for the kids is having me home all the time. Which it may well be emotionally, but practically the kids quite like having a roof over their heads and food on the table and me working is the only way we've finally made our budget balance. So yes I agree in one sense, but in the other my mum has no clue about sticking to a budget and will still have a 100% mortgage at 65 most likely, I appreciate we're in a lot of debt and want to improve that position to give the kids more of me as they grow up.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
    • clearmydebts
    • By clearmydebts 6th Jul 17, 6:32 PM
    • 6,060 Posts
    • 17,483 Thanks
    clearmydebts
    At the moment in all honesty he's quite forgetful at work I think, his mental health isn't holding up well. Working in a management role in a care adjacent area, but it's not really his skill set. It's taken about 5 years to come around to but data analysis really is where he's very very strong. He will know by the 24th August.

    He's barely on speaking terms with his dad (seems to think we owe him a lot of detail on our personal finances we aren't willing to give - like hand over monthly bank statements) and his relationship with his mother is never good so it's a firm no on a weekend home. He just wants our home back.

    Mum just thinks what is best for the kids is having me home all the time. Which it may well be emotionally, but practically the kids quite like having a roof over their heads and food on the table and me working is the only way we've finally made our budget balance. So yes I agree in one sense, but in the other my mum has no clue about sticking to a budget and will still have a 100% mortgage at 65 most likely, I appreciate we're in a lot of debt and want to improve that position to give the kids more of me as they grow up.
    Originally posted by Dinah93
    Hopefully some Data analysis jobs will come up locally to ye.

    You are dead right re: the Dad. No way would I be handing over monthly bank statements for anyone to look at!

    My mother would have a similar attitude as she stayed at home with us until we were teenagers but I only work Tue, Wed and half day fri so I think it's a nice balance. I don't know where I get my spendthrift ways from. Mam and Dad had their mortgage fully paid off at 55 and have great pensions.
    Total debt (starting September 2016): €22,999/€27,000
    BOI credit card: €6,000/€7,000
    Loan:€16,999/
    Savings: €600
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 6th Jul 17, 10:27 PM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    • Tidy bedroom
    • Complete assignment 3
    • Complete assignment 4
    • Complete assignment 5
    • Do any alterations from weekends coursework
    • Order NIM flyers
    • NIM uniform tax claim
    • Get knee x-ray
    • Refund Monday morning customers
    • Reply to booking survey
    • Do list of all charges for L&G
    • 2016-2017 Tax Return
    • Tax credits renewal
    • Find somewhere for phone and computer repairs
    • Return lights to Wickes
    • Pay room hire for 2 studios for July
    • Collect new phone Tried. Been returned to sender after only 3 days on their request.... I'm cancelling the contract
    • Book London train tickets
    • Investigate Amazon fulfillment printing

    Finally getting shorter again. Shame so much of it now is massive jobs.

    Got grief again this evening for working too much. Because Ben needs a whole 4 hours of childcare a week above school nursery.
    Last edited by Dinah93; 07-07-2017 at 9:11 PM.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
    • Cinny91
    • By Cinny91 9th Jul 17, 2:58 AM
    • 5,774 Posts
    • 25,081 Thanks
    Cinny91
    Sounds very difficult with NIM Do you guys have any idea what's brought it all on?

    Don't think it's at all fair what your mum is doing trying to guilt you into staying home! You're setting an excellent example for Grace that when she's older she'll be able to go out there and forge her own path, and Ben won't grow up thinking that Mum's only clean and bake and kiss scraped knees, but do whatever they put their minds to and won't expect gender rolls. All good things IMHO!

    Also agree to send the costs back to Legal and General, was actually shocked when I read they want you do pay "extras"!

    We're in at the new place! Move day was Friday, absolutely shattered but Oscar decided he didn't want to sleep on his own anymore. 10/10 would not reccomend a self move in terms of how much I ache EVERYWHERE. But we did it and saved who-knows how much on professional movers. Checked the bank today and the mortgage is there staring back at me
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 9th Jul 17, 8:01 AM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    Happy new house! What's it like?

    I need to email L&G this evening, plan was to do it last night but ended up chatting to my friend on the course all evening and didn't get in until 10pm.

    House stress has brought it on, although I guess more specifically 'money'. NIMs dad had a real go over what failures we are as people that we could let ourselves be in debt. Called NIMs uncle (our builder) and told him not to work for us as I am "deceitful". Understandably NIM took it hard. Very unusually for me I got very angry because struggling with money doesn't make me a bad person, I'm certainly not dishonest, I am a very loyal wife and mother, proper mama bear style, and to me being a good caring person means I can hold my head up high regardless of how much we owe the banks.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
    • Lucylocks
    • By Lucylocks 9th Jul 17, 8:32 AM
    • 57 Posts
    • 136 Thanks
    Lucylocks
    Have you tried local NHS Trusts for data work. I'm NHS and we are always recruiting for informatics team. Worth a shot.

    As for the in-laws
    LBM 28/3/17 £24,971 28/6/17 £14,376 42% paid
    • Cinny91
    • By Cinny91 9th Jul 17, 2:01 PM
    • 5,774 Posts
    • 25,081 Thanks
    Cinny91
    What a jerk!!! I always thought NIM's dad was a nice guy, but that might just have been because he was against NIM's mum as a comparison?! I know he loaned you the deposit money for your home but he shouldn't have done it if all he was planning on doing was holding it against you.

    Will PM you the Rightmove link for the new place. Went to get paint samples for Oscar's bedroom and I'm a little miffed and confused at how many coats of my favourite one (summer white) it's taking to cover up the hottest of all hot pink colour that's currently on the walls
    • wendz86
    • By wendz86 10th Jul 17, 10:29 AM
    • 7,011 Posts
    • 24,518 Thanks
    wendz86
    I definitely wouldn't be showing the statements especially after what he has been saying about you. Very unfair.

    My mum was at home with us until i started school and then she worked part time in schools so was with us most the time. She has been very supportive of me working though especially now I'm on my own. You have to do what is best for your family and I think you need to do it especially with the difficulties with NIM's work.

    Looking forward to seeing the house Cinny!
    • Dinah93
    • By Dinah93 10th Jul 17, 12:14 PM
    • 11,186 Posts
    • 45,529 Thanks
    Dinah93
    Have you tried local NHS Trusts for data work. I'm NHS and we are always recruiting for informatics team. Worth a shot.

    As for the in-laws
    Originally posted by Lucylocks
    Thank you - brilliant suggestion. Have 4 jobs from there found to apply for.
    • Tidy bedroom
    • Complete assignment 3
    • Complete assignment 4
    • Complete assignment 5
    • Do any alterations from weekends coursework
    • Order NIM flyers
    • NIM uniform tax claim
    • Put tickets up for sale
    • Refund Monday morning customers
    • Reply to booking survey
    • Do list of all charges for L&G
    • 2016-2017 Tax Return
    • Tax credits renewal
    • Find somewhere for phone and computer repairs
    • Pay room hire for 2 studios for July
    • Cancel current phone contract. Order new phone.
    • Book London train tickets
    • Investigate Amazon fulfillment printing
    • Recall amazon FBA that is stranded
    • Do NIMs appeal
    • Email L&G - K
    • Write re-booking letter to students and send around
    • Plan this week's lessons
    Last edited by Dinah93; 11-07-2017 at 2:35 PM.
    July debt clearance goal £785.94/£2000
    Met NIM 23/06/2008 Engaged 23/08/2009 Married 2010 Baby girl born 2012 - 12 weeks early Baby boy born 2014 - 11 weeks early
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