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  • FIRST POST
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 31st May 16, 2:36 PM
    • 1,105Posts
    • 4,174Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Joined 31.05.16
    • #1
    • 31st May 16, 2:36 PM
    Joined 31.05.16 31st May 16 at 2:36 PM
    Day 1. 31.5.16
    I hope I am posting in the right place. I need to keep a spending diary where its not just me that sees it. I have around £14,500 in debt. This is split over 5 different lenders.

    £2450 Bankloan
    £3225 0% credit card
    £3620 0% credit card
    £2500 overdraft
    £2800 credit card 18%

    I have a lot of outgoings, live on my own (mortgage) recently had some expensive home improvements which I think were essential.

    I am slowly paying things off but one of my biggest battles is with my best friends who seem to be constantly putting pressure on me to do expensive things and get upset when i cant - making my battle twice as hard. Does anyone else have this issue or is it just me.

    My other main worry is that if my parents ever found out they would be heartbroken, I am 30 and shouldn't have let this happen. Im keeping my diary and working hard to fix. Day 1.
Page 44
    • KxMx
    • By KxMx 4th Jul 17, 8:23 PM
    • 7,189 Posts
    • 10,084 Thanks
    KxMx
    I've had a real spendy start of the month too! Now having as many NSD & LSD (under £5) as possible. Also cancelling some expenditure for now as really have spent more than enough in the past few days.
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 5th Jul 17, 10:53 PM
    • 1,105 Posts
    • 4,174 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Wrote post and post it urgh!
    Spent today £3 lunch and £1.50 milk and £17 yesterday.

    Got invited to vegas and gut wrenchingly declined - but it was not a quick decision. Took a while for me to realise.
    Bit annoyed.

    Bit worried about rest of year, dad has credit card so I have hardly any credit and not much choice but to life within means which means almost no treats.
    Quite stress inducing.
    • reality_check
    • By reality_check 6th Jul 17, 8:08 AM
    • 691 Posts
    • 1,495 Thanks
    reality_check
    It's a good thing your dad having the credit card, you will soon adapt! I was addicted to buying clothes and make up, dinners out etc but now I don't really miss it! I haven't bought clothes in so long, but I did have quite a substantial amount from before - that was after getting rid of loads! I always got a takeaway on a Friday and Saturday if I wasn't going out as refused to cook on those days, I still try and avoid it or make a 'fakeaway'. I now find myself twisting the food budget to allow for a takeaway to be incorporated in. I think your food shops are quite high and can defintely be cut down to maybe allow for a Saturday night takeaway, which won't make you feel guilty for buying one, and may make a boring night in more exciting?! Food excits me anyway! xx
    Last edited by reality_check; 06-07-2017 at 11:58 AM.
    Starting debt £18,675.63
    Current debt: £8,250
    • Verbatim
    • By Verbatim 6th Jul 17, 10:41 AM
    • 4,513 Posts
    • 13,218 Thanks
    Verbatim
    You're not poor PSL! You just choose to buy beauty treatments, clothes and shoes rather than "experiences". But you've said before you aren't interested in holidays. Was the trip to Vegas special in some way? I mean given your attitude that you're not interested in holidays?
    Stay focused! October sees the end of the loan. Maybe see November and December as loan money towards Christmas and annual expenses then start the new year with a proper budget. That would mean no further worries about how to pay for insurances, repairs or Xmas plus some extra towards your, ahem, "essentials"!

    Forgive me PSL but I'm guessing you know where I'm coming from! As ever best wishes and sharing your excitement about the countdown to the end of the loan.
    Vxx
    Last edited by Verbatim; 06-07-2017 at 10:42 AM. Reason: typo
    CCs @0% £24k Dec 05 £19,621.41 Au £13400 S 12600 Oct £11,981 £9481 £7500 Nov £7250 D £7100 Jan 6950 F £5800 Mar£5400 May £4830 June £4660 July £4460 Aug £3200, S £900, £0 18/9/07 DFW Nerd 042
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 6th Jul 17, 9:34 PM
    • 1,105 Posts
    • 4,174 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady


    Well I have a lot to be thinking about.

    The holiday upset me in the moment. But unexpectedly feel better having slept on it. I'm not bothered about holidays really BUT vegas is my number 1 place that I haven't yet been to. I plan to go in the future when I am a bit more sorted. I have a plan and I made the choice to buy a flat and prioritise living on my own above everything else and I'm at peace really.

    BUT I think I was taken off guard a bit. All of the above is well and good in theory but in the moment my best friend who I have confided in as much as possible- so well aware of this heartache and painful time- is inviting me to vegas. Except he isn't. What he is really saying is that he is going and I'm not. And he is expecting me to be happy for him and offering to lend me the money which would be completely self destructive and he knows is a bad idea. He is going with a big group of people do could have just got on with it and not involved me. Just very hard.

    Food shops are very high recently. Will sort this out. But I do eat a lot and have expensive tastes. I probably waste money where it's needless. I know I spend double as much needed on sausages as I want to buy the outdoor ones where the pigs had a nice life. So things like this I know are unnecessary and do add up.

    NSD today but before payday I have one expensive social outing.
    Yesterday spent £3on lunch.
    Nothing this weekend and some lunches out next week.
    Tommorow should be NSD and Saturday should be low spend.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • enthusiasticsaver
    • By enthusiasticsaver 6th Jul 17, 9:39 PM
    • 4,674 Posts
    • 8,853 Thanks
    enthusiasticsaver
    Does not sound like a very supportive friend if he is rubbing an expensive holiday in your face and knows you cannot afford to go. You are quite right not to borrow to go on it.

    I have said a number of times on this forum to various people that we all have different priorities and most of us cannot afford to do everything we want all at the same time. Your food bills are high and yes if you are buying organic food and free range meat that is sadly more expensive than the budget range at Lidls or Aldi. Similarly you spend an inordinately high amount of money compared to some on clothes and beauty treatments so it follows there is not a lot left for holidays. That is fine, your money so your choice. You have a job and a flat of your own so a lot to be thankful for.
    4 weeks to go until early retirement in December . Debt free and mortgage free.

    I'm a Board Guide on the Debt-Free Wannabe, Mortgages, Banking and Budgeting boards. I volunteer to help get your forum questions answered and keep the forum running smoothly. Any views are mine and not the official line of moneysavingexpert.com. Pease remember, board guides don't read every post. If you spot an illegal or inappropriate post then please report it to forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com
    • coastalchick
    • By coastalchick 7th Jul 17, 7:58 AM
    • 219 Posts
    • 346 Thanks
    coastalchick
    yeah I agree not a very supportive friend!!! Vegas is cool but if you're not in the right place financially you will just get stressed when there about how much you're spending (esp with dollar exchange rate!). We found US v expensive when went last year, much more than ever. And I think Vegas is a place you want to go with a healthy budget in your pocket so you can really enjoy it. Maybe aim to go there when debt paid off and if you can, do the whole, replace premium brand with essentials, see how much you save in a month and squirrel that away towards a vegas trip? Reckon that would at least keep you going. Though I am with you re food as food is v important to me (heck, can see how much Ive invested by the size of me these days!!!)

    Also agree re choices. Some of my friends have porsche's, audis and even astons! We drive a 2004 RAV4 which is not at all glamorous but personally, I'd rather have money in my pocket to go on holiday or to save than spend on a wasting asset like a car. Other friends quite happy to go out and blow £100 on a friday night in expensive bars - I'd rather stay home with a nice meal/take away or go out and spend the money on a really nice dinner. Choosing flat is v sensible. You are constantly paying capital off and interest rates are low. This is a form of saving - either for you to move up the property ladder one day or sell and realise a capital gain. It is a good choice.
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 7th Jul 17, 7:58 PM
    • 1,105 Posts
    • 4,174 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Thank you both (and all). He isn't very supportive at all. He thinks because I have a mortgage and job in London that I am super wealthy and moaning about nothing when obviously this is not the case. i am not jobless and starving so in his mind I must be wealthy.

    Spent too much since payday totalled at £255 which is £101 on socialising but we had team night out and very good friend was owed to be taken out and is having tough time so I don't think I could have done much differently even though I know 100% this is a lot and far too much money. £50 a week is not sustainable or even desirable.

    Need to have a quiet week but got 2 lunches out next week. But- one of the girls at work has been on holiday and we said we wanted to catch up- and lunch is better than pub so kind of lesser of 2 evils And one is pregnant and leaving soon and wants to spend time doing things like lunch before she can't leave the house without a tiny baby.

    So hopefully just 2 lunches next week and nothing more.
    Home tonight.
    Lidl tommorow.
    No big spends Sunday
    Mon-fri low spend, 2 lunches out, no evening plans.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 8th Jul 17, 10:32 AM
    • 1,105 Posts
    • 4,174 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    I do think food is very important and quite a high priority to me. I love Jamie Oliver and delia and James Martin and nigella. Cooking and eating make me very happy and if I had to scrimp on a tiny budget I would be miserable.
    Also my parents are fine now but we are a large family and money was in very short supply for most of my childhood and I majorly associate eating undesirable meals with full blown poverty. I can do beans on toast for a few nights but can not scrimp on food long term. Also can't shake my love of takeaways.

    I do understand that people who don't have to buy clothes for work think I spend a lot on clothes but this is 90% for work and is expensive. Even if I could wear jeans and then smart tops it would be so much easier. The salary isn't inline to cover this and it's an area I can't compromise on. So it does seem high but I would much rather buy jeans and going out clothes and things for me but I honestly don't think that's where most of the money is going.

    But I do feel it is 100% the right thing to stay away from vegas for time being. When I go I am not scrimping so it is a trip for the future and I am doing everything and not sleeping or missing out on anything. I also plan to drink very little and the people who are going will be drinking every day which I would consider a waste.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • reality_check
    • By reality_check 8th Jul 17, 11:10 AM
    • 691 Posts
    • 1,495 Thanks
    reality_check
    I wasn't suggesting meals of 20% meat content sausages, frozen chips and beans every night I actually buy free range chicken from Lidl I just meant about being a bit more smarter with what you buy, for example a £5 chicken would do a roast on Sunday, stir fry Monday and 2-3 days of chicken salads and sandwiches. Steak mince £3 for 500g 5% fat in Lidl would make you about 6 portions of spag bol/chilli and freezes great! I believe you as a single person could eat for about £100 a month - and that is a diet full of fruit and veg - just aslong as your fruit is things like apples, oranges, bananas, pineapple etc and not blueberries and blackberries

    Vegas is a fantastic place, but you can't be going on a budget so 100% the best idea to say no now and go when you can truly enjoy it and do everything you want to do.

    Hope you have a good weekend PSL x x
    Starting debt £18,675.63
    Current debt: £8,250
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 9th Jul 17, 2:45 PM
    • 1,105 Posts
    • 4,174 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    I know Reality. I should be able to do it easily but I am just quite rubbish!
    Incidentally my brother is really into food quality and after his local butcher Lidl is his first choice for meat.
    I spent £9 in m and s and £7
    In Lidl.
    But going out for lunch tommorow and will need midweek milk/food top up.
    2 lunches out, 3 take in.
    5 dinners at home.
    No evening social- can not afford it especially as august will be busier than July and July so far is hard and quite boring.

    Going to make food plan and overall plan for the week.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • Dolly Rocker
    • By Dolly Rocker 9th Jul 17, 2:50 PM
    • 3,414 Posts
    • 9,773 Thanks
    Dolly Rocker
    It is harder when you need to have a boring month isn't it.

    August is a busy one for me too so just trying to stay in as much as possible, should be relatively easy now as I am as poor as a pauper!

    Dxxx
    Starting Debt - £15,000
    Remaining Debt - £1,980

    Starting Weight - 16st 7lbs
    Current Weight - 15st 3lbs
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 10th Jul 17, 7:58 PM
    • 1,105 Posts
    • 4,174 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    I really feel like I am spending way too much. The cupboards and freezer are full and I have loads of food and toiletries but somehow always need Something. Food top up shop Wednesday and minimal at weekend. Trying to clear one shelf of the freezer and defrost ASAP. I could put some foods in my mums and then defrost but she is the same as me and I know hers is as full and I think this habit is a straight line from her.
    Making lunch for tommorow and will bring in.
    Spent £8 at lunch today
    Lunch out Wednesday.
    Evening eating from cupboards.
    Top up shop wed unless it is raining.

    At least all bar 1 credit card had been paid. Just £18 payment left plus £5 home insurance direct debit. And then no more bills to pay. But I am overdrawn so need to have spending at minimal amounts and be a pauper till payday. It's 2 weeks.

    I'm not sure if anyone else does this but I am fed up of asking people to support me and stop inviting me to expensive things and places. I have ignored 2 invites in the last week. Just not replied at all. I know it is rude but I just don't have the energy to explain again and get into text situation. I feel a lot more in control but a little bit guilty.
    The thing is I don't think (some of) my friends are putting me first. So I think I have to put me first. I'm also studying a lot and they don't seem to realise what a bad influence they are.

    In this situation I blame me 100% but I need people around who won't hinder me
    And will remember that I don't want to go out for dinner when I can make it myself.

    Need more evenings like this (and fewer lunches out) but it is very hard.
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • Cumbria lass
    • By Cumbria lass 10th Jul 17, 8:28 PM
    • 789 Posts
    • 3,804 Thanks
    Cumbria lass
    PSL I guess its difficult trying to get the right balance right i.e. Turning down invites from one person but accepting them from another . Then one feels slighted because you said no.

    I think you have to stick to your guns and only surround yourself with likeminded people who as you say support you.

    On the food front why not try and have one week where you just use all stuff from the freezer and cupboards.

    Keep going with your studying , who knows where it may take you .
    Nov 2017 CC1 £3329 CC2 £600

    Debt Free Nov 2019: earlier if I have my way
    • Jenjenjen17
    • By Jenjenjen17 10th Jul 17, 8:43 PM
    • 5 Posts
    • 22 Thanks
    Jenjenjen17
    Hi PSL, hope you don't mind me popping in to say hello, I have been subscribed to your diary from the start but have never commented before.

    I am quite similar to you in a lot of ways, same age, have similar amount of disposable income left after bills have been paid and I am also studying on top of working full time.

    A couple of things have jumped out at me over the past few weeks when you have been posting, I think you need to accept that this is your fight and no ones else's, you seem to put a lot of energy into getting annoyed with people inviting you places where I think you just need to accept this is always going to happen so you need to learn to deal with it. I am in the exact same situation, each month I budget £150 for entertainment (for going out and any work lunches that I don't take in with me) which I can spend guilt free but when its gone its gone.

    You are always going to get invites but just politely but firming decline once you have spent you're money for the month, the more you do it the easier it gets and people will try to persuade you less. If you don't feel comfortable saying to people you can't afford it just say you need to study, you have the perfect excuse.

    Again hope you don't mind me commenting, just wanted to let you know that other people are going through the same as you and hopefully pass on a bit of advice that you may find helpful.

    J
    • dionysia
    • By dionysia 10th Jul 17, 9:18 PM
    • 63 Posts
    • 131 Thanks
    dionysia
    I think it is important to look after yourself first, but I try to remember the flip side of that is that nobody is as interested in me as I am! Maybe people are simply inviting you to things automatically, which is nice really, and not thinking in the moment about what you're working on. Could you try inviting your friends to do something cheaper? Coming over to yours, or coffee, or say you'll go out for one drink and then need to go home for dinner and study? You could leave the card at work and only take out enough money for that one drink if the problem is staying out beyond when you want. Then you'll know who are really your friends and who's just looking for a bit of company while they do the expensive things they want to do, and the latter I think you can happily ignore.
    June 2017: owe £16,818.
    • Verbatim
    • By Verbatim 11th Jul 17, 7:41 AM
    • 4,513 Posts
    • 13,218 Thanks
    Verbatim
    And just think how miserable you'd feel if no one invited you anywhere. Jen3 has it!
    CCs @0% £24k Dec 05 £19,621.41 Au £13400 S 12600 Oct £11,981 £9481 £7500 Nov £7250 D £7100 Jan 6950 F £5800 Mar£5400 May £4830 June £4660 July £4460 Aug £3200, S £900, £0 18/9/07 DFW Nerd 042
    • Poor_Single_lady
    • By Poor_Single_lady 11th Jul 17, 8:35 PM
    • 1,105 Posts
    • 4,174 Thanks
    Poor_Single_lady
    Hello. please comment away Jen and Dion but can I please say if you have been here since the beginning I am sorry for boring you with all my whingeing. This is time you could be spending doing something good! Very sorry I am so boring right now.

    You are right the invites keep coming. I think (as I said before) people think single people have nothing to do so I always get invited to anything at work, my family is gigantic and invite me to everything, I have 3/4 close friends and more friends beyond this and about 3 times a month I usually go drinking in London with London friends which is sort of on loop.
    Then I look at bank statements and feel really guilty. I'm trying to encourage people not to invite me and polite declines doesn't seem to be working. It is energy sapping because nobody ever listens.

    NSD today but wed and Thur will be spend days.

    Cumbria I should try and eat just from the freezer but it's a bit depressing. will do my best as the ice is taking over and taking up all the room!
    2017- 5 credit cards plus loan
    Overdraft And 1 credit card paid off.

    2018 plans - reduce debt
    • Verbatim
    • By Verbatim 11th Jul 17, 9:54 PM
    • 4,513 Posts
    • 13,218 Thanks
    Verbatim
    Time for an inventive menu plan! What've you got in your freezer and cupboards?
    CCs @0% £24k Dec 05 £19,621.41 Au £13400 S 12600 Oct £11,981 £9481 £7500 Nov £7250 D £7100 Jan 6950 F £5800 Mar£5400 May £4830 June £4660 July £4460 Aug £3200, S £900, £0 18/9/07 DFW Nerd 042
    • reality_check
    • By reality_check 12th Jul 17, 8:41 AM
    • 691 Posts
    • 1,495 Thanks
    reality_check
    You should try get in there with the invites first before they do, that way you can be more in control. Someone said suggesting things like going for a coffee as oppose to drinks, arranging to meet up for a walk/take a sandwich with you...or look for deals that are on and txt people saying this looks great and suggesting you do this as oppose to their elaborate plans xx
    Starting debt £18,675.63
    Current debt: £8,250
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