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  • FIRST POST
    • Ader1
    • By Ader1 22nd May 16, 3:54 PM
    • 310Posts
    • 44Thanks
    Ader1
    Disagreements with manager and meeting with HR
    • #1
    • 22nd May 16, 3:54 PM
    Disagreements with manager and meeting with HR 22nd May 16 at 3:54 PM
    I have had a couple of disagreements with my manager. I didn't think the disagreements were that serious in nature but she has taken it further and earlier this month I was invited for an informal meeting with HR to discuss concerns they have regarding my conduct. I thought it went very well. Two weeks later, I have received another letter from HR which doesn't seem very nice in tone and starting with how we had discussed oncerns about my conduct when interacting with colleagues. It goes on to say that I should ensure that interactions with colleagues be respectful and appropriate or my prabation period (for a new role at the company) could be extended, or possibly, depending on the circumstances, my contract be brought to an end.
    I haven't been desrespectful but I get drawn into an argument with this manager as I feel she cannot rationally discuss issues. I'm now worried of even talking to her. During our meeting I said that I understand that a manager has to be listened to and that a company requires a kind of hierarchichal structure. the HR person disagreed saying that things should be done by agreement. That's why I'm pretty confused about the tone of the memo she has sent me now in order to confrim the outcomes of the meeting. This was also carbon copied to the manger in question even though it was only me and the HR person present.
    I would like to know what they are up to? Is this just following steps leading to warnings and then dismissal? I'm sure the manager wants rid of me. Can't she just say that my interactions continue to be disrespectful etc then leading to further disciplinary steps? What should I do? I feel quite vulnerable at the moment.
Page 2
    • DCFC79
    • By DCFC79 16th Oct 16, 5:58 PM
    • 27,770 Posts
    • 17,534 Thanks
    DCFC79
    A career break.

    Left so you could do some DIY projects.
    Je Suis Charlie
    • ohreally
    • By ohreally 16th Oct 16, 6:05 PM
    • 5,732 Posts
    • 4,270 Thanks
    ohreally
    How should I tackle the question about why I left my old post without another job to go to? Any ideas?
    Originally posted by Ader1
    You should have had a conversation with HR re how they are going to handle reference requests. Be mindful before constructing tales about your exit now.
    Imagination is a mental faculty that serves as a coping mechanism for those who can't or won't accept reality - unicorns and dragons and wives who don't nag, are all figments of the "imagination".

    Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
    • Ader1
    • By Ader1 16th Oct 16, 6:19 PM
    • 310 Posts
    • 44 Thanks
    Ader1
    They told me that I will get a 'decent' reference stating I resigned. I am tempted to just say that I left because I had difficulty with my previous manager. Just telling the truth.
    • keepcalmandstayoutofdebt
    • By keepcalmandstayoutofdebt 16th Oct 16, 6:27 PM
    • 2,449 Posts
    • 1,253 Thanks
    keepcalmandstayoutofdebt
    I'd be honest - I didn't meet the terms due to contract specifics but gave it my all. And boy I'd make a point that I'd actually stayed and saw it through, ended mutually blah blah rather then run which is perhaps something much more to be ashamed off... just my take of this time

    Could happen to anyone. For all they know you could have been more scrutinised as pay due to go up etc
    (My big ears have heard people slate last manager directly not get job.)
    Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius
    • ohreally
    • By ohreally 16th Oct 16, 6:34 PM
    • 5,732 Posts
    • 4,270 Thanks
    ohreally
    I am tempted to just say that I left because I had difficulty with my previous manager.
    Originally posted by Ader1
    That may give the impression that you are difficult to manage.
    Imagination is a mental faculty that serves as a coping mechanism for those who can't or won't accept reality - unicorns and dragons and wives who don't nag, are all figments of the "imagination".

    Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 16th Oct 16, 6:46 PM
    • 694 Posts
    • 505 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    Sounds like:

    1: You are being managed out
    2: You are not popular with your colleagues

    IMO, just get your work done, if you get to be manager one day then you can make your mark or disagree with your current manager but till then, just crack on as stated.

    We are only getting your side of the story, for all I know, you could be very unpleasant OR you could be totally innocent.

    The fact that you have not passed probation yet is worrying though, will your manager want to keep you in her team? I think you need to play office politics a little better.
    • Takeaway_Addict
    • By Takeaway_Addict 16th Oct 16, 7:02 PM
    • 5,389 Posts
    • 6,084 Thanks
    Takeaway_Addict
    Sounds like:

    1: You are being managed out
    2: You are not popular with your colleagues

    IMO, just get your work done, if you get to be manager one day then you can make your mark or disagree with your current manager but till then, just crack on as stated.

    We are only getting your side of the story, for all I know, you could be very unpleasant OR you could be totally innocent.

    The fact that you have not passed probation yet is worrying though, will your manager want to keep you in her team? I think you need to play office politics a little better.
    Originally posted by xapprenticex
    Read the whole thread...
    Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 16th Oct 16, 7:33 PM
    • 694 Posts
    • 505 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    Read the whole thread...
    Originally posted by Takeaway_Addict
    No.

    I'm replying to the OP, not the thread.

    Again...

    No...

    But thanks though...


    Okay?
    • Andypandyboy
    • By Andypandyboy 16th Oct 16, 7:42 PM
    • 2,298 Posts
    • 5,863 Thanks
    Andypandyboy
    No point in posting what you have at this stage then. The thread has moved on.
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 16th Oct 16, 7:47 PM
    • 694 Posts
    • 505 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    No point in posting what you have at this stage then. The thread has moved on.
    Originally posted by Andypandyboy
    Thats a more useful comment, fair enough, not the end of the world (for me at least). Goodnight.
    • Takeaway_Addict
    • By Takeaway_Addict 16th Oct 16, 7:56 PM
    • 5,389 Posts
    • 6,084 Thanks
    Takeaway_Addict
    No.

    I'm replying to the OP, not the thread.

    Again...

    No...

    But thanks though...


    Okay?
    Originally posted by xapprenticex
    Ok, give advice that isn't required....great job!
    Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked
    • Ader1
    • By Ader1 16th Oct 16, 8:30 PM
    • 310 Posts
    • 44 Thanks
    Ader1
    That may give the impression that you are difficult to manage.
    Originally posted by ohreally
    Other than being honest, I'm not sure how to explain leaving.
    • YouAsked
    • By YouAsked 17th Oct 16, 10:25 AM
    • 95 Posts
    • 105 Thanks
    YouAsked
    I have had a couple of disagreements with my manager. I didn't think the disagreements were that serious in nature but she has taken it further OK so there's a disconnect there between how you and she saw the same situation. and earlier this month I was invited for an informal meeting with HR to discuss concerns they have regarding my conduct. I thought it went very well. Two weeks later, I have received another letter from HR which doesn't seem very nice in tone another disconnect between what you thought happened and what someone else did and starting with how we had discussed oncerns about my conduct when interacting with colleagues did you recognise the concerns discussed? Or where they alien to you? . It goes on to say that I should ensure that interactions with colleagues be respectful and appropriate strange for this to be explcitly spelled out - it is a given for most people or my prabation period (for a new role at the company) could be extended, or possibly, depending on the circumstances, my contract be brought to an end.
    I haven't been desrespectful but I get drawn into an argument with this manager as I feel she cannot rationally discuss issues would she say the same about you? After all, you can't have an argument with yourself! . I'm now worried of even talking to her. During our meeting I said that I understand that a manager has to be listened to and that a company requires a kind of hierarchichal structure. the HR person disagreed saying that things should be done by agreement again, a disconnect . That's why I'm pretty confused about the tone of the memo she has sent me now in order to confrim the outcomes of the meeting. This was also carbon copied to the manger in question even though it was only me and the HR person present.
    I would like to know what they are up to? Is this just following steps leading to warnings and then dismissal? I'm sure the manager wants rid of me. Can't she just say that my interactions continue to be disrespectful etc then leading to further disciplinary steps? What should I do? I feel quite vulnerable at the moment.
    Originally posted by Ader1
    Hi,

    there seems to be a lot of "I thought this, but they thought that" in your post. I wonder if this is because the organisation isn't a good fit for you and there's a clash? Or is this something that has happened to you before, where there has been disconnects between what you thought and what others thought?

    How long have you worked there and what is the rest of your work experience like?
    • YouAsked
    • By YouAsked 17th Oct 16, 10:33 AM
    • 95 Posts
    • 105 Thanks
    YouAsked
    I'm told now that she's telling my old colleagues that they went into the meeting intending to extend my trial period but that my attitude convinced them not to offer me the extension.
    Originally posted by Ader1
    Sorry, I missed your updated post, but I think a lot in my response above still hods true regarding perceptions and disconnects, especially with the point above.

    Could this be true?

    If I were you, I would reflect on the whole experience and see if there's anything you can learn from. If after reflection you think "no, absolulety all them, I'm grand" then fair enough. I don't know you, or them, and they might just have been out to get you for reasons known best to themselves.

    BUT if you do recognise there is some truth in what they said or possibly that there were a series of disconnects between what they thought and you thought then it will stand you in good stead to think about how you could prevent this happening in the future - what cues you could look out for etc.

    Good luck!
    • xapprenticex
    • By xapprenticex 17th Oct 16, 6:16 PM
    • 694 Posts
    • 505 Thanks
    xapprenticex
    Ok, give advice that isn't required....great job!
    Originally posted by Takeaway_Addict
    Thanks, I've always wanted your praise, its priceless you see. I feel warm and fuzzy now.
    • Takeaway_Addict
    • By Takeaway_Addict 17th Oct 16, 9:05 PM
    • 5,389 Posts
    • 6,084 Thanks
    Takeaway_Addict
    Thanks, I've always wanted your praise, its priceless you see. I feel warm and fuzzy now.
    Originally posted by xapprenticex
    A pleasure to help you.
    Don't trust a forum for advice. Get proper paid advice. Any advice given should always be checked
    • Ader1
    • By Ader1 17th Oct 16, 9:55 PM
    • 310 Posts
    • 44 Thanks
    Ader1
    Sorry, I missed your updated post, but I think a lot in my response above still hods true regarding perceptions and disconnects, especially with the point above.

    Could this be true?

    If I were you, I would reflect on the whole experience and see if there's anything you can learn from. If after reflection you think "no, absolulety all them, I'm grand" then fair enough. I don't know you, or them, and they might just have been out to get you for reasons known best to themselves.

    BUT if you do recognise there is some truth in what they said or possibly that there were a series of disconnects between what they thought and you thought then it will stand you in good stead to think about how you could prevent this happening in the future - what cues you could look out for etc.

    Good luck!
    Originally posted by YouAsked
    My disagreement with the manager goes back to months ago. Over the last few weeks things seemed to be fine; her attitude had totally change towards me. I'm not sure what she's been telling HR because the HR lady whom I met twice was very negative the second time. When I saw her the second time she looked at me and then looked down. I knew then someting was afoot. Then the meeting itself was very negative......picking up on what really were pretty minor erros or eversights which I had made. It was a kangaroo type hearing if ever. I hope in future I can avoid disagreeing with my superior(s). Mind you, this one was a tough cooky and pretty vindictive. She is generally disliked by other employees. And just before last Christmas, I was asked by a HR person if moral was low amongst the employees working under this person. I said I didn't know since I hadn't been there long enough and hadn't discussed it with anybody. I asked the HR lady why she was asking this question? She said because there had been such a high turnover of staff. Unfrotunately, this HR has left the company and been replaced by this other one who has sided with this person every step of the way. Is that what HR people usuall do? Anyway, I'm now out of a job and need to find a way of circumventing the nature of my leaving this post.
    Last edited by Ader1; 17-10-2016 at 9:58 PM.
    • sangie595
    • By sangie595 17th Oct 16, 10:18 PM
    • 2,735 Posts
    • 4,278 Thanks
    sangie595
    My disagreement with the manager goes back to months ago. Over the last few weeks things seemed to be fine; her attitude had totally change towards me. I'm not sure what she's been telling HR because the HR lady whom I met twice was very negative the second time. When I saw her the second time she looked at me and then looked down. I knew then someting was afoot. Then the meeting itself was very negative......picking up on what really were pretty minor erros or eversights which I had made. It was a kangaroo type hearing if ever. I hope in future I can avoid disagreeing with my superior(s). Mind you, this one was a tough cooky and pretty vindictive. She is generally disliked by other employees. And just before last Christmas, I was asked by a HR person if moral was low amongst the employees working under this person. I said I didn't know since I hadn't been there long enough and hadn't discussed it with anybody. I asked the HR lady why she was asking this question? She said because there had been such a high turnover of staff. Unfrotunately, this HR has left the company and been replaced by this other one who has sided with this person every step of the way. Is that what HR people usuall do? Anyway, I'm now out of a job and need to find a way of circumventing the nature of my leaving this post.
    Originally posted by Ader1
    This does sound like another disconnect! Clearly what you thought and what others thought were very different things. But is this what HR usually do. Yes. They side with the employers interests, and that wasn't you. You might have taken the red flag when the other HR person left = probably another disconnect.

    When trying to explain your departure, you never lie, and you never criticise anything to do with the last employer. The first trips up people too often and most people are bad liars. The second makes the employer wonder what is wrong with you! Stick as close to the truth as possible without telling an absolute and outright lie.

    For example - and assuming your reference isn't going to trip you up - "My job was really busy, but to be honest, I didn't find it challenging enough. I really wanted to stretch my wings, but that just wasn't working for me in the last role. So I decided that I really needed to focus on finding that right position, and I couldn't do that whilst working full time. So I took a risk that I know I might come to regret, but I hope not. I decided to focus my time on getting that right role, and I resigned. The reason I think you have the right role for me is..."
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