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  • FIRST POST
    • Waves and Smiles
    • By Waves and Smiles 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    • 5,111Posts
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    Waves and Smiles
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3
    • #1
    • 17th Mar 16, 5:23 PM
    Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 3 17th Mar 16 at 5:23 PM
    This thread is a continuation of The Mental Health thread !!!8220;Here we can all be heard for a little while Part 2!!!8221;. The previous thread can be found here-

    http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.php?t=5320917&page=501

    I started the original thread when I was lonely and suffering with mental health issues and was lucky to find a wonderful group of amazing new friends who now mean the world to me. My name was Worried and Scared back then but with the help of everyone here I became Waves and Smiles. This thread is no longer just about me, it is about all of us and for anyone who needs mental health support, their carers and anyone who is interested in learning more. Sometimes we speak seriously, sometimes we offer gentle advice and a lot of the time we laugh together. Sometimes I write mini-novels about my experiences of living with complex mental illness. What is important is everyone here is there for each other. New posters are welcome to join in, or just lurk (we call them humming birds because they hover!) if they would prefer. This is a place without judgement or pressure, and a safe place for everyone. We try to keep abbreviations to a minimum but if there are some that you do not understand please ask.

    Sir Pugliet is our Good Mental Health pug! You may notice that he is mentioned from time to time, he is a little cuddly pug toy that was sent to me by a friend on the thread. He is something of a celebrity now!


    Hugs and warm handshakes, or finger squishes, whichever you prefer.

    Also, please take a look at the following links which offer great advice written by the lovely people at MSE!

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/news/family/2016/03/martin-lewis-launches-new-money--mental-health-policy-institute

    http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2016/05/16/the-money-and-mental-health-policy-institute-whatll-it-really-do

    http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/credit-cards/mental-health-guide
    Last edited by Waves and Smiles; 17-05-2016 at 10:29 AM.
    Until one has loved an animal a part of one's soul remains unawakened - Anatole France

    If I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant apple trees today - Martin Luther King
Page 495
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 6th Feb 18, 11:14 PM
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    Pyxis
    Even though I'm a believer I'm just too angry with God at the moment.




    I'm a total mess. Crying and howling most of the time. I don't have the resources to do anything. Well meaning people keep telling me I need to have structure and do things but how can I?
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    It's fine thanks. That's how it feels, he was so faithful throughout his illness that this feels like a punishment from God.


    I feel that getting dressed is a major achievement. Anything else is too much.
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    Torry, I agree with WaS; it's far to early to be forcing yourself to get structure in your life.
    It might take weeks, it might take months. Only you will know when.

    Of course you won't have the mental or physical energy to do much more than get up in the morning, but if you do that, then that's a major achievement.
    If you get dressed as well, then that's another achievement, and if you can manage to get up, get washed, and get dressed, then you're a bluddy marvel, that's all I can say!

    This limbo, when the funeral is over, and people have gone home, is probably the worst time time ever.
    You're probably feeling exhausted, and maybe also just numb.

    I hope you're getting some sleep, and do try to eat something every day, even if it's just toast with a piece of cheese and an apple.

    Do you have food in the house? If not, and you don't want to go to the shops, then you could get some stuff delivered

    If you want to stay snuggled under a duvet on the sofa, then do just that. You're broken and you need to mend, but that will take time.


    And don't be afraid to smash a few plates if you want to. You are allowed.
    Wanton destruction (of one's own stuff, I hasten to add) can be good for letting the anger out.
    Smash, smash, smash.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 7th Feb 18, 4:26 AM
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    • 26,304 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    Pyxis Thanks so much for your kind words. I've had little sleep tonight so phoned Samaritans just to hear a voice. I'm in so much pain from loosing him, it feels like I can never get over this.
    Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving . Albert Einstein.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 7th Feb 18, 8:20 AM
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    Pyxis
    Pyxis Thanks so much for your kind words. I've had little sleep tonight so phoned Samaritans just to hear a voice. I'm in so much pain from loosing him, it feels like I can never get over this.
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    It's an injury. It will hurt and hurt like anything for a very long time, but gradually it will heal. There will always be a scar, though.

    Unfortunately, unlike a physical pain, analgesics on't work.


    I'm glad you phoned Samaritans. That's just what they're there for.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 7th Feb 18, 10:32 AM
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    Torry Quine
    I managed to make an appointment to see a counsellor at the local cancer support centre for Friday morning. It won't be easy going there for the first time since he's gone but they are the experts in this area.
    Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving . Albert Einstein.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • seven-day-weekend
    • By seven-day-weekend 7th Feb 18, 2:45 PM
    • 30,142 Posts
    • 56,640 Thanks
    seven-day-weekend
    Torry, shout and scream at God as much as you like, he is big enough to take it. It's all part of grieving. I agree with others that it is too soon to have structure in your life, just do what you need to even if it is cry and howl all day.

    As others have said, do try to eat,even if it is seven or eight tiny nibbles a day.

    Glad you are seeing the Counsellor xx
    Last edited by seven-day-weekend; 07-02-2018 at 2:52 PM.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 7th Feb 18, 3:19 PM
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    Pyxis
    I managed to make an appointment to see a counsellor at the local cancer support centre for Friday morning. It won't be easy going there for the first time since he's gone but they are the experts in this area.
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    Torry, you are so doing the right things.

    You feel you need help/or to talk, so you go for it....Samaritans, Cancer Support group. That's good.

    I think someone also mentioned Cruse, which is specifically for bereaved people, I believe. Not just spouses, either. I've heard very good things about them.

    I'm also glad you can come on here and talk, too.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 7th Feb 18, 3:54 PM
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    Torry Quine
    Just back from the GP. I'm to keep taking the sleeping tablets every second night. Going back next week, she seems concerned and was pleased I'd got an appointment with the support centre. Said that if I need to cry that's totally alright but I must eat.

    I'm exhausted so hopefully will get some sleep tonight.
    Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving . Albert Einstein.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 7th Feb 18, 4:30 PM
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    Pyxis
    Just back from the GP. I'm to keep taking the sleeping tablets every second night. Going back next week, she seems concerned and was pleased I'd got an appointment with the support centre. Said that if I need to cry that's totally alright but I must eat.

    I'm exhausted so hopefully will get some sleep tonight.
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    Are your friends still attending to you? I'm thinking whether one or two of them could keep you supplied with small tasty meals.
    When my neighbour's husband died, years ago now, I'd make a little bit extra for our evening meal, and take her round a portion when I'd cooked it. She didn't have the energy to think of food, but she said that when she smelled the dish I brought, it woke up a bit of appetite, and she was pleased.
    I think I did that for about three or four weeks.

    Pity you aren't near me.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 7th Feb 18, 4:38 PM
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    Torry Quine
    Are your friends still attending to you? I'm thinking whether one or two of them could keep you supplied with small tasty meals.
    When my neighbour's husband died, years ago now, I'd make a little bit extra for our evening meal, and take her round a portion when I'd cooked it. She didn't have the energy to think of food, but she said that when she smelled the dish I brought, it woke up a bit of appetite, and she was pleased.
    I think I did that for about three or four weeks.

    Pity you aren't near me.
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    Thanks that's sweet. A friend is taking me out tomorrow afternoon for a coffee. It will get me out of the house for a while. Spoke to my brother last night, I'd literally nipped to the toilet and came back to a message from him. I had to call him straight away to hear his voice.
    Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving . Albert Einstein.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • dandy-candy
    • By dandy-candy 7th Feb 18, 11:13 PM
    • 1,779 Posts
    • 9,322 Thanks
    dandy-candy
    Torry I was really close to my mum, she was literally my best friend. We saw each other every week and spoke on the phone 4-5 times a day, we used to watch the same TVs dramas and phone each other in the commercial breaks to discuss what had happened and what we thought would happen next, then rush off to keep watching and call again at the next ad break.

    When she died it blew a hole through me and I just couldn't function or stop crying. It took a long time to drag myself back to anything near normal, but when I was really in despair I did think to myself "what would mum say if she saw me now?" I would literally have a conversation in my head imagining everything she would say and I would answer, and it was actually quite comforting and I truly believe they are still with us. It helped me keep going because I wouldn't want her to be upset seeing me in such a state. My mum was such a happy fun person and we had a laugh whenever we were together. I still talk to her now, and thinking about her doesn't make me cry anymore.
    • geminilady
    • By geminilady 12th Feb 18, 2:13 PM
    • 1,713 Posts
    • 7,272 Thanks
    geminilady
    dekaspace I can understand how hard it is to have noisy neighbours. Not the same thing but someone has bought the flat next to mine to rent out and they are renovating it.I have had constant noise all day for weeks and am sure it is affecting my mood as I have started feeling quite low.At least I know there will be and end to it unless the neighbours from hell rent it.
    • dekaspace
    • By dekaspace 12th Feb 18, 5:16 PM
    • 3,930 Posts
    • 3,378 Thanks
    dekaspace
    Really can't cope with noise at moment, with her lies and sob stories such as saying shes out of the house for 5 days, except in those 5 days instead of kids I heard loud and sounding drunk foreign men crashing about for hours a day laughing, clapping, that time 10 days ago when I was kept awake to the early hours by drunken people having a party.

    Then as I say she lies and gives sob stories.

    I told council about going ahead with mediation and got a snotty note through my door from my neighbour basically saying "its me your noisy neighbour, im having a party tonight for my kids birthday, (and in caps) AS I HAVE A RIGHT TO DO"

    In response I put my speakers loud for 10 minutes before I had to stop as it was stressing me out, turned them off to hear groups of children laughing and running about, she even told me about this party before saying at LEAST 10 kids (not including the parents) so again over 30 people in property,

    This is how it has affected me last 2 weeks, missed 2 days of college as couldn't sleep to around 3am, And when I was given abuse by some teenagers last week in street I shouted abuse back at them, then yesterday when 30 drunk/stoned teenagers threatened me I stood up to them.

    Im really at the point where its taking all thats in me to not smash up my own furniture or kick their door in.
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 12th Feb 18, 8:07 PM
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    Pyxis
    Just to say that I had a bit of health scare this week.

    I'd had a routine mammogram 2weeks ago, and one week ago got a recall letter for further tests.

    So of course I've been shit scared all week, and pretty depressed, thinking 'this is it, then'.

    Anyway, I went today, and had a special mammogram, then an ultrasound scan, which revealed a benign cyst.

    (I've had cysts before, but they always manifested as lumps, and hadn't shown up on a routine mammogram).

    Anyway, felt rather tearful on the way home, release of stress, I suppose, and very grateful for the stay of execution!


    The moral is, please do make sure you have all the routine tests you are offered, and remember that if you get a recall, the chances are it won't be anything sinister. That won't stop you worrying yourself sick, obviously, and you are allowed to!





    Torry how are you doing? Are you sleeping a bit better? And eating?
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 12th Feb 18, 8:45 PM
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    Torry Quine
    Pyxis - it comes and goes. Sleep still hit and miss, better on the nights when I take a sleeping tablet. Eating is still not easy but I'm making myself eat something.

    Glad all went well with the mammogram
    Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving . Albert Einstein.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 12th Feb 18, 8:53 PM
    • 33,161 Posts
    • 122,212 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Pyxis - it comes and goes. Sleep still hit and miss, better on the nights when I take a sleeping tablet. Eating is still not easy but I'm making myself eat something.

    Glad all went well with the mammogram
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    Good that you're making yourself eat something.

    Are people keeping in touch with you?
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 12th Feb 18, 9:25 PM
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    • 26,304 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    Good that you're making yourself eat something.

    Are people keeping in touch with you?
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    A bit but I'm on my own a lot. I've never lived on my own before so finding it very difficult.
    Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving . Albert Einstein.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 12th Feb 18, 9:38 PM
    • 33,161 Posts
    • 122,212 Thanks
    Pyxis
    A bit but I'm on my own a lot. I've never lived on my own before so finding it very difficult.
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    ((((((((((Torry))))))))))))

    That will take a lot of getting used to.
    Is your cat still ok? Is he up for cuddles?
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
    • Alias_Omega
    • By Alias_Omega 12th Feb 18, 9:44 PM
    • 7,201 Posts
    • 3,912 Thanks
    Alias_Omega
    GrEaTiNgs
    Hiya all,

    I am still lurking about, i don't tend to login to MSE these days, its just told that my password was nearly 3000 days old and needed changing. I might never ever log back in, if i cant remember the password.

    I still have good and bad days, when i'm down..i am proper down and ruminate the hell out of things (possibly now into the realm of false memories), however when i am up everything is fine. I need to document things, but fail to do so. Maybe its the fear of looking back and seeing trending etc. When your down, you dont know how long before you will be back on your feet, and maybe documenting things is the way forward as its only 2-3 days in the "slump". I've read many an internet document about what i am feeling, and it definitely falls into OCD, which i think was clearly caused by the Stress from work (which also has affected my home life). Sadly AO partner returned the "wedding ring" earlier today, maybe this post is a bit of false positivity and i must, must, await/plan for the fall...

    ^the text is in white

    Just realised you can "right click" and correct spelling mistakes on here, how awesome is that....

    • Torry Quine
    • By Torry Quine 12th Feb 18, 9:44 PM
    • 17,086 Posts
    • 26,304 Thanks
    Torry Quine
    ((((((((((Torry))))))))))))

    That will take a lot of getting used to.
    Is your cat still ok? Is he up for cuddles?
    Originally posted by Pyxis
    She's not wandering around as much but still no cuddles. Has sat beside me so it's a start
    Life is like riding a bicycle, to keep your balance you must keep moving . Albert Einstein.

    I can bear pain myself, he said softly, but I couldna bear yours. That would take more strength than I have -
    Diana Gabaldon, Outlander
    • Pyxis
    • By Pyxis 12th Feb 18, 9:50 PM
    • 33,161 Posts
    • 122,212 Thanks
    Pyxis
    Hiya all,

    I am still lurking about, i don't tend to login to MSE these days, its just told that my password was nearly 3000 days old and needed changing. I might never ever log back in, if i cant remember the password.
    .
    Originally posted by Alias_Omega
    Don't worry about that; everyone has had to do it.
    Some people have said that they just 'changed' it to their normal password anyway, but I reckon that if there was a security breach, it's better to just change it and be done with it.

    She's not wandering around as much but still no cuddles. Has sat beside me so it's a start
    Originally posted by Torry Quine
    Yes, that is deffo a start. She'll come round eventually.
    (I just lurve spiders! )
    INFJ(Turbulent).

    Her Greenliness Baroness Pyxis of the Alphabetty, Pinnacle of Peadom
    Founder Member: WIMPS ANONYMOUS
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